Sorry if this is the wrong forum to post this... I've recently come to the realization that I am terrible at talking to people. I want to be more outgoing, but at the same time when I decide I want to talk to someone I spend an immense about of time trying to think of something clever or interesting to say. Can anyone give me any tips on how to stop over thinking everything? Maybe it's just something I've got to learn to do on my own, but I figured I'd ask anyways.

just be yourself, you dont have to think of something "interesting" to say... and if you cant think of anything about yourself thats interesting... just ask the girls questions about themselves... you will find people love talking about themselves.

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i failed the simple math question to sign up for this forum... 4 + 2 = ??? wtf as if im meant to know that shit..

Hey ability,

You are correct. You DO think too much. I find myself doing this all the time and then I remind myself that I just DON’T care and I carry that mentality.

Think of it this way. If I throw a baseball at your face WILL you stand there and think about catching it or blocking it?.... NO you probably won’t, you will probably catch it. Same holds true with this problem you have. Just say to yourself. “Dam a baseball and approach or talk.” Say anything…if you’re outside say “look the moon.” People do not care and it is rare when they are rude. But remember you don’t care anyways if they are.

It’s all practice….

You know what helps builds confidence and defeat approach anxiety?

Think about your own mortality. Why are we so afraid to be ourselves and say what's on our mind in a world that we know will own end for us on one day?

Life doesn't have rules. Of course, you can't go around raping, murdering, and stealing because it's stupid on its face.


But why are people so afraid to talk to others?

The reason is because we really don't know what to say. We're afraid of being judged and have a negative view cast upon us, so we protect our ego by keeping to ourselves.


However, in reality it doesn't matter! Nothing changes. A conversation is only as awkward as you make it.

Relax, have fun making social interactions. Think about how our time hear is short. Most of all practice... make eye contact with everyone you see. Try to intiate small talk with as many people as you see.

Practice man. People will eventually notice your at ease mentality. They will admire it and CONFIDENCE is the number 1 factor in attracting a female.

You can do it. Own it

Im not being sarcastic because I TOTALLY understand how it can be hard. But truthfully, just introducing yourself, hey im blank, whats your name? And then just conversing on life that other people generally can relate to (pro sports teams, where you live, professions etc.) Now, thats different than "gaming" girls but in retrospect it actually helps because you learn how easy it is to start a conversation.

I agree, emphatically.
In fact, my AA mantra is "Fuck my comfort zone Fuck my comfort zone" repeated.

No matter what happens, I enjoy feeling something outside of the normal, complacent, blah feeling of living. I want to be LIVING.
Even if I get rejected, I get the giddy feeling of "Wow, that was fucked up."
If shit goes well, then I just want another hit!

There's two kinds of stress.
Positive and Negative, it's all how you decide to take in your new experience.
It's all your mental Frame!

In fact, that's why my signature is what it is
"Life is too important to be taken seriously"
Living is pointless, the question "What's the meaning of life" makes no literal sense.
So, fuck it, time to go have fun!
If you need something to say, say something that interests and amuses you while you can be interested and amused!

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Life is too important to be taken seriously. (Church of FSM)

Well these guys actually hit the mail on the head, but one thing I'd like to add is a quote I heard in a song, "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives." That is one of my favorite quotes, so whenever I am taking a small risk (in your case the minuscule risk of being embarrassed) that could end up being beneficial (making new friends, getting girls, bets lol, etc.) I tell myself that centuries from now no one will remember me so I want to live before I die. In summary, just risk it, there isn't much you can loose, but so much to win.

Sit down, write out a bunch of stories about your life, embelish a little if you need too (don't memorize word for word, just get the jist of it, this will keep the stories sounding spontaneous), then write out a list of good questions to ask girls.

If you have enough material, most girls will get talking about their own things, then you can just riff off of whatever they're talking about, and if there is a silence, then you have plenty of questions and stories in your back pocket to fill in the gaps and keep the convo rolling.

Don't RELY on your written material, but just having it and knowing it's there to fall back on as a saftey net, takes some of the edge off, and you can relax and just enjoy interacting with a person, not worrying if you're going to run out of things to say.

Everyone has canned stories, weather they know it or not. You've got stories in the can right now that you've probably told a million times. If you've ever told a story more than once, it's canned material. You just have to DELIVER it in a spontaneous manner.

you just have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. when you're talking to a friend, i'm sure it's natural and you have a lot of stuff you talk about that can also be talked with a random stranger. i suggest before you go out there and try to pick up women, just talk to random people, smile, hold a conversation...gotta learn how to crawl before you walk. gl