Hey guys,

Okay, so I just moved to a bigger city to take a better job (and for better girl prospects!) and it's a far cry from what I was used to. Where I was, it was driving to strip malls, walking through big malls you had to drive way the hell outta town to even get to. And if you're lucky, getting to hang out in the small strip of bars downtown, packed with high school cliques from the area.

Now it's walking down sidewalks with high-rises all the way down, crossing six-lane roads to get to work, subways (metros) PACKED with people, including tons of HOT girls.

But the thing is, everybody's dead-quiet on the trains, and on the streets, and EVERYWHERE! --including the girls. My 5th day in my new town, I was getting on the subway and my card didn't let me in (error) so I had to go to the little booth and talk to the station manager. When I was there, there was this hot ass girl standing holding her card out; she obviously had the same problem I did. The closest description I can give you is she looked like Mila Kunis. So I said, "So it won't let you in either..?" she looked up and away from me saying "No."

I relayed this experience along with my perceptions of this coldness I seem to see in the city to people more familiar with it than me and they've said:

"Well, you see, women have their guard up in public like that. They're taught not to judge whether someone looks like a decent guy, if it pertains to their safety. You could all be scumbags! How do they know?

- You're not quite a city-guy yet, you need to get used to that.

- STOP WASTING YOUR TIME TRYING TO TALK TO PEOPLE IN THE ELEVATOR AND ON THE SUBWAY!!!!

I've got to say, this is really fucking with my sense of self-presentation, and how much of myself I'm allowed to show of myself in public.

The vibe I feel is, yeah, sure, you can act like this cool dude who "doesn't give a fuck what other people think", be that ONE guy trying to open a girl on the subway, and be the only one TALKING, but I've got to say, that just seems like I'd be a real dumbass or a creep/crazy person.

Is the big city different?

Do I just need to "let those ones go"'and hang out only at clubs and bars to meet girls/people....still???!!!

You see, DC, is a highly professional, high-end city. More than half the girls you see walking around are dressed in designer outfits and they make six-figures.

Does anyone have any experience sarging in big cities?

I'd really appreciate anything anyone could tell me about how to handle girls in public/in the cities.

Thanks guys,

- Phil

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Http://Dating-Musings.com

Hey dude...i'm super new to PUA but i've spent a bunch of time in DC and with DC people....

1) it is a town built on game....so maybe try to add a little AFC back into the mix, just to make your game a little less smooth, a little more genuine, for her...and then...

2) politicians and lobbyists never shut the fuck up. they are always talking....chances are, if she lives in DC, she works with people who never shut up....I was just reading the Anti-Manifesto thread and I think this shit might be right up your alley....cause it's like anti-game. you could do a cheesy afc opener....the girl thinks, "great, as if i don't get enough game from my boss/coworkers/new account/new client" and then you do the unexpected and just reject social re-adjustment she is now expecting. You just let the tension sit there, on the train, ect.....

3) also, it sounds like you've been rocking these girls as if they are just normal but DC is like the finance world, many, if not all of those smoking hot babes are hired guns....sure they may have their JD/MBA from Columbia. but they are also there as hot chicks, to fuck with men......so they should be approached accordingly. and before you say, "No way is that HB5 a hired gun" i urge you to recall monica lewinsky...

4) try activity suggestion openers, "hi, I noticed you've got a great body, do you know of a yoga studio around here where I won't get hit on all the time..."

Or "I heard DC can be dangerous, so when you go jogging on the bike path, would you recommend i bring mace with me or just my hand gun...."

"I'm dying to find a good farmer's market and you look like one of those organic nazi girls..."

just some thoughts....

This is by far the most useful reply I've ever gotten on any discussion forum. Hands down.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

I just moved to a new city myself. Pretty what I have been doing is getitng a smile from a girl walking around the street/park, and say what's up, she says hi, then ask a quick question anything. Like do you know where a good thai food restraunt I just moved here from out of state and love thai food?

Take it from there. She will usually ask you where you are from, and what brought you here and this opens up many doors. That's why I never say where i moved from. Then we talk about anything from careers, school, college, food, yadig and then number close. The first girl I met here offerd to show me around, and gave me her number.

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"Losers live in the past. Winner learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future"
-Denis Waitley-

Thanks guys, if I could ask a follow-up question...when is it okay to approach girls in public?

When you're walking down the sidewalk or down a subway platform, and this hot girl walks quickly past you not even returning your glance, do
you stop her and launch into an "excuse me, but..."?

What if you see her crossing the street, but you're still a good 30-40 ft off?

What about on the subway, when you're on a train with 20 other people being deathly quiet? That wouldn't be wierd/creepy?

One last one... you're at a cafe getting something to eat, and you see a hot girl standing up at the sandwich/made to order counter (where you are NOT ordering from) and she's standing with like 3 other girls she obviously works with....again, everyone is deathly quiet.

These are the four top places I see girls and I'm kicking myself each and every time I let them go by, but then again I don't know what else would really be okay to do....

HELP!!!!!

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Http://Dating-Musings.com

I dont live in the city but a girl once said to me (who did and has moved down to my small town)

"Hmm this town's cool but in the city you get asked out all the time on the streets, its much better. Every girl i know prefers the city blah blah blah". She was very hot too.

Ive sarged in the city once and i'll say one thing: its SOO much easier! Its so big and busy you dont care or wonder if people you know are seeing you wondering the streets all day.

So much puuuusssssssaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. I think that whole "in the city everybody is mean and breaks down becoming cold." Its just Hollywood and tabloid bullshit.

Everybody craves human interaction and at the very least you validated her and maybe made her day.

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

[quote="shahanshah"]I dont live in the city but a girl once said to me (who did and has moved down to my small town)

"Hmm this town's cool but in the city you get asked out all the time on the streets, its much better. Every girl i know prefers the city blah blah blah". She was very hot too.

Ive sarged in the city once and i'll say one thing: its SOO much easier! Its so big and busy you dont care or wonder if people you know are seeing you wondering the streets all day.

So much puuuusssssssaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. I think that whole "in the city everybody is mean and breaks down becoming cold." Its just Hollywood and tabloid bullshit.

Everybody craves human interaction and at the very least you validated her and maybe made her day.[/quote]

Rudeness is not a problem I seem to have. But honestly, I don't know what to say except my experiences have been totally opposite: they walk past me, tight-lipped without saying a word. When I say "hi how's it goin'? or opening some other way..I get one-word answers, and they bolt. I'm not quite that lower than what they see in a man's looks even is valid.

Oh and I never said I think the city is rude. They're more reserved, 8 rows down from you on the subway, where it's deathly quiet, you see a hot girl. Admittedly I've approached a couple to get one word answers. ALL GIRLS on the dc subway stare into their smartphones. They hurry past you. Oh and RE: the girl who says she would love to be back in the city so she could get hit on more.... good for
her.

That one girl you know? That "monument to dating credibility."..hasn't d

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Http://Dating-Musings.com

Wait, i re-read your post. Although myself would have trouble too talking loud in a quiet place, its not weird.

And i still find it highly unlikely and also socially improbable to state that city people are less friendly. Or pouty and just walking passed etc, unless you're not speaking loud enough or using BL to get attention.

Try going direct if you can.

And OF COURSE you can stop girls in the street, I always do, its the best way to do daygame. You can open a girl anywhere. Youve been here since 2007, one thing you must know if you can open a girl anywhere!!

What kind of openers do you use?

Mine are:

"hey do you know the nearest coffee shop around here? Im trying to avoid your regular starbucks"

"hey do you know a great place to grab a bite to eat? Looking for somewhere a bit out the way"

I like these as it means they have to think a little and a conversation can come about. Also I'll restructure them into a statement:

"hey, maybe you could help me, im looking for the nearest coffee shop around here, only im avoiding your regular starbucks."

Also the "excuse me" or "Sorry to bother you", are best said if you are either really nervous on the open and you think it'll help, If you're going direct so it sorta takes the 'hit' off a bit OR if you're going for the a sexualised but non-direct opener, as it comes across as a little charming and sexy.


Anything i missed?

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

Nah, I wouldn't say so. This has given me some stuff I feel I can really work with.

I guess the last remaining thing i had was this getting it drilled into my head that it's okay to engage in public. Easier said than done, if you ask almost any PUA enthusiast flung into such a different environment.

Thanks again!

- Phil

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

yeah took me a long time to get that in my head too. I almost gave up plenty of times thinking its weird etc. Literally thinking "No this is weird, go get a real hobby" to myself which made it worse!

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

Alright guys, I put your advice to use and it's working! I'm getting results!

This reply is a little long, but it's good news all the way through!

Okay, the thing about the quiet subways, haven't quite gotten completely over that hurdle, but the weekends are a totally different crowd! These are people OUT TO SOCIALIZE!

And guys, the "I just moved here three weeks ago" is GOLDEN!!! It's gotten me into a conv everytime.

I went out Saturday night to one place I remembered was pretty cool from when I was up here for college. (over-abundance of girls to guys and got opened by two sets of hot girls within an hour window.)

Well, the vibe wasn't quite there and I wasn't sure about it, also louder music than I remember. So I went up to the rooftop bar and ended up chatting up this one girl. It came up in the conversation that I was there alone? And she said, "you came here by yourself?" with kinda a disappointed look, *not* you're a creep and a dork for going out alone, but more like "why would you punish yourself like that?"

Got on the metro to go home and as I glanced up at the "next train in X minutes" I caught this hot middle eastern girl looking at me briefly, then looking away when I noticed, and I said casually, to her "15 minutes??!!! Come on!". Then I used the "3 weeks" thing, great discussion, talked about her ethnicity and she's Iranian. I said I knew an Iranian girl in Richmond named ".....let's see, aaah, I doesnt matter I forgot her name.". And she said, "yeah, Iranian is so generic for northern Virginia anyway.

Asked for number, "can I hit you up/txt you sometime?". "Yeah!" she said, I got her number, a lot of cells don't work to make calls in the underground stations, so next thing I knew, she was handing me her blackberry with a "new contact" created. I asked her "how do you wheel down to hit okay?" -- doesn't matter. We were taking the same train/stop and I did shake her hand and said nice meeting you when I prob should've hugged her and said, "come on gimme a hug, handshaking is gay." (that works!)

Later at a different station these black dudes asked me if I liked white girls, what kindsa quality, etc b/c they were setting up a party. I said "probably that girl over there in the grey dress, but a couple points up" and they were like "hell yeah man" they wanted me to take their number for the party. No prob there, but might not go on w that.

Later, I ended up talking to said girl in the grey dress. Somehow we ended up in this ok conv., she def wasn't cold. I asked her if I could hit her up sometime, she said, "I don't do that.". I said "okay, do u wanna take my number?". She said "No." I suspect it might've had something to do with overhearing me using her as a frame of referenc for *prettier* girls I like going for. Don't know if she heard me, but I said, "well, have a good night.". She said "you too". Sounds cold but if you'd been there, you'd see it was more of just a matter-of-factly kinda deal.

So hell, I'm producing a 50% conversion rate just on my first night out!

Middle eastern girl txted me Sunday saying "Hey Phil, what's up? Sorry for getting back to you so late". I had left her a vm earlier saying I enjoyed talking to her and was wondering if she wanted to catch up sometime. Then I deleted the contact thinking "this shit comes and goes"

We've txted on and off through the week, usually her initiating. But the first time she txted me I had asked her about hanging out, and she said she'd just have to let me know when was good. That was obv. she's skiddish and not sure yet. I shook it off w/ some thread about, "yeah schedules are crazy etc etc.". So I played it cool, and let her off, as I feel she earned.

Today she txted me, "Happy Friday!". Again, this shit comes and goes, hell, I've gotten "Happy thanksgiving!" txts from girls who obv wanted nothing to do with me, obv mass-txts.

But no, looks like it was intended for me. We chatted some today via txt. I asked her what she was up to this wknd. She said "Yoga! You?". I ran the yoga line above, although not as an opener. Got a laugh out of it.

Then I said, "Alright pen-pal are you ready to catch up yet?" she asked me when's good? I told her Sunday during the day, may storm later but is supposed to be cooler. No response. I told her I wouldn't have any prob moving some stuff around if nec. I hope I didn't kill it. That she knows I'd make an effort to see her in person can't absolutely be bad can it? I mean fuck! Sometimes I think this "unreactive"/"uninterested" stuff can totally fuck a guy's chances when he takes it too far.

Having trouble transitioning day game into an actual close. I take the bus to work sometimes, b/c damn, I mean it's $1.50 each way, save on gas, and my work pays for mass transit anyway. The other day there was this hot ass girl a seat or two back, across the aisle.

We ended up getting off an the same stop. I opened her but used no "Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry but...". I simply turned back to her and said, "Do you know where the chick fil-a is? She went right into tellin ms where, "not even a block etc etc". I said, "because I just know I have to be at the lockheed Martin office across the St from it" and she knew where that was too, told me how close it was.

I thanked her. Waited exactly one second, then turned back to her and said, "I like your outfit by the way." she launched into this really bubbly, cheerful laugh, and said "thanks!" I said, "it looks really good on you." have a nice day. And walked off. I think she was still walking too.

See what I mean? Day game is fucking tough!! I mean, she I was interested, was probably flattered, hell, as has been mentioned above, maybe I made her day. But where do you go from there? "so can I call you sometime?". See what I mean?

Anyway, all in all, it's faring nicely. The online dates (just part of the mix) are actually not going as well. One girl I actually asked to leave the table because she was being so difficult. I think I'm gonna make a separate post of that.

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Http://Dating-Musings.com

black guys in the subway asking what kind of white girls you like cuz they are setting up a party - they are offering you a prostitute. a black guy on the st will ask if you want a date with his white female friend. you have to read between the lines and just dont get involved in a conversation with them and stay away.

i like how you talk in a very relaxed way. "hey can i hit you up or text you sometime?" i wish i talked like that.

if you are good at casual conversation and you can end with "can i hit you up sometime" you might not need any canned game at all!

this happens to me too and i only smile and say how are you?" also in coffeeshops like Starbucks NOBODY is talking to strangers and it feels very obvious that i am TRYING to talk to a girl and often they get tense and dont know where i am coming from or they politely answer me but cannot wait until the conversation is done and then afterward, even if i just said hi and nothing else, they seem to feel self conscious once they are sitting down and often they leave right away very soon.

the only success ive had with talking to women in coffeeshops or on the train is when i said something i was feeling at the moment like "i feel nervous" "why?" "because i never talk to ppl at starbucks" "oh i never talk to ppl at starbucks too" or talking to girls who speak my language or we have something in common like going to the same school or being from same town.