im still dealing with a girl that used to be really into me. but one day admitted "i dont know why you talk to me...id never be able to keep a guy like you" ...sort of like a female version of AFC...putting me on the pedistal.

in the years after.... shes always been super flakey to me....its pretty much a 20% chance that shell actually follow through with plans. but when plans do go through...we pretty much always end up fucking. then shell have a brief week of being in love with me...followed by continuous flaking.

she told me once that she felt really burned by me in the past, and that i make her really anxious when im around her so it almost seems like shes kicking me like im a heroin habit, and shes fighting to keep away.

fact is, im into her. but even when i ask her to come through for friendly favors...she flakes out. the disrespect is starting to really piss me off.

do i need to play AFC here and kiss her ass directly to get this chick to open up to me??

im thinking of talking to her friends, so that they nonchelantly mention to her that im into her... seems like a happy medium, without sacrificing all of my dignity by being AFC.

what do you guys think?
have you been in a place where a girl doesnt think shes good enough?

You're dealing with something much more than just a girl being flaky.

It's her low self-esteem and low self-worth that is projecting clearly through these exchanges.

Now, I have no idea why anyone would want to be with a person who belittles themselves, but you can go ahead and try.

Personally, I'd cut myself out of this girl's life. I don't placate low self-esteem, it's as simple as that.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

id let her go too but shes cool as hell when we do chill, and shes into everything in bed and great at it.

most girls dont cause me to want to rip their clothes off at all times, but this chick does it for me...and ive been with hotter chicks that dont have that effect. blame it on the pheromones.

If you're looking to simply "get it in" then turn down your alpha a bit.. talking to her friends may actually scare her away. if she really has a low self esteem then she will force herself to believe that you don't really like her. There is no need to kiss her ass either, because girls turn into nasty bitches when they feel power. Just tone down the alpha.. Tell her sweet things (you have the most beautiful eyes ever, no one else feels as good as you). say those things the next time you are inside of her and look deep into her eyes.

no homo, but that works for me.

wood i like your points, but at this point shes on her flaking trip...so i cant even meet up with her to say things like that.

ill schedual to meet up with her days in advance and shell be all excited about it...then an hour before im ready to leave...shell be like "fuck!! i totally forgot blah blah blah...can we do thurday instead??"

an hour will pass and shell text again "i totally forgot im getting my brakes done after work thursday!! shit, im horrible sorry "

shes acted this way for years ever since she "spilled her heart" to me. but some days she doesnt act like this at all and i end up meeting and usually having great sex. i really dont understand her

i myself am good friends with one of her friends. so when i said i want to talk to her friend, i moreso want to just nonchalantly bring her up in a convo, find out why shes flakey, and just act interested without divulging many feelings.

Sad to admit, but I'm in a pretty much similar situation as well. Doesn't seem interested sometimes, shows all the signs of not wanting to be with me, but claims she's really into me, though she "doesn't know why I would want a girl like her". But I've only been seeing her for a month, and 'm fed up with it. I can't imagine going on for a whole year with someone like that, much less YEARS.

In fact, this happened 2 days ago:
We got together. When we start a date, she's always distracted texting and stuff, like the date isn't important to her. She claims she's just a texty person, which is bullshit because she often doesn't return my texts, sometimes for days. So two days ago, I called her out on this plus a couple other things that have showed her disinterest. And she got all upset, saying that she really likes me, but that that's just the way she is (in regards to my list of grievances). So I'm intent on just finishing the date, and then letting her go, but when we get to the next destination, she's cleaned up her act, apologized and ignores her phone to talk with me instead, showing many IOIs. We finish the night well, if you know what I mean, and part happily. Well, somewhat happily, for me, as I'm still kind of steaming. Now a few days later, she's back to ignoring texts and being a real bitch...

I think it's pretty similar to your situation. Do you feel like every time you're with her, you have to seduce her from level 0?

I'm going to disagree with Don in this case, though, about it just being her low self-respect. At least in my case, I know that that's not it, and I think we have the same issue here. I believe that the girls are simply using a guy to fill a void, fulfill a need (not saying in a sexual sense, but I think they want to feel as though they have some sort of interpersonal connection where they have power). It's not self-esteem, because they know they "have it", but at the same time, they don't think it's a good match couple wise. So why do they stay? I know when I leave this girl she's going to be upset about it and genuinely sad and disappointed. I don't think she's aware of how bad she's treating me. But she'll quickly start to leech off of someone else, I think. Perhaps they stay because they feel as though they have created this interpersonal connection, and don't want to abandon all the "work" they put into making it, when really there isn't a true connection at all.

I'm still thinking it through because I'm still trying to figure this girl out so I can avoid her kind in the future. But you've had years of experience with this, so what's your take?

fresh, i dont think we have the same situation here...in your case seems like the girl is gaming you, playing hard to get, hot and cold.

my case i know the girl fell for me hard years ago, weve had sex a lot already through the years and a decent friendship. ive called her out on her avoidant behavior before and she broke down and admitted shes very intimdated by me and that i make her anxious. Im very stoic...especially around girls...so i think they have trouble reading anything about me feeling wise.

i do think its a self-esteem issue on her part, and me toning down the alpha should help... but at this point i cant even get a meet up...but im just gonna be persistant even though thats an alpha trait so its tough situation to figure out for me

Alright, Jazzpur. Fair enough. I probably just projected my issue onto your problem... Lame...

When you do meet up, I would make it something extra special, then. Flowers, paying for dinner, romantic setting, etc. Show her that you care, and though not just giving her the validation she's looking for, that she's special and worth-while. All women need that to some degree. It just varies how much a girl needs from person to person.

well i finally got her to meet up,

i drove an hour to her place with plans to go to ikea with her. as soon as i got in her place i told her my neck was sore and put her hands there to give me a 5 minute massage. then i said "ok we gotta go" but i turned around and threw her down onto her bed. it was perfect she looked at me completely receptive with a smirk like i could do anything i wanted...so i climbed over her and pinned her arms down hard and started kissing her...she was smiling so i starting working on her neck which led to panting and dry humping.

but i figured i had her in the bag for later that night and i needed to make it to the store in time so i said we gotta get going...and just left her with that tease. **mistake**

so were being flirty in the store until her phone started blowing up and she started played text tag with somebody every 5 minutes...but i didnt let it bother me.

anyway we make it back to her place and she seems a lot less responsive to me but asks me to crash the night if i wanted. so i make eye contact with her at one point and she starts to moap which leads to her crying... so i hug her and let her cry on my shoulder and ask her whats wrong and she says she doesnt want to talk about it.

so, im there hugging her completely confused...thinking either this chick is really in love with me or she feels guilty and maybe i just made her "cheat" on some other guy which im not aware shes "dating".

either way, she wasnt receptive to me trying to bring back the passion a half hour after i calmed her down and made her feel better. i sorta lost my chance when i had it in front of me, i give her a chance to ponder the situation which sort of blew it.

save anticipation for girls youre already in a relationship with....get it while its hot < lesson learned

Dude I was going through the exact same thing!

My fuck my fuck buddy post is basically this one, slightly altered.

Solution: take her out somewhere. Make her feel she isn't some booty call. Bring her around your friends. Take her somewhere new.

I did this and she's been clinging onto me ever since