Fail.

Back in Starbucks right now. Went to Rittenhouse. Wasn't forcing it, just decided if I saw a girl who caught my eye, I'd approach. Saw one. Didn't approach.

What were my excuses? Well, she was sitting on the opposite side from me. There were two paths, and a middle area with a statue, she was on the opposite side of the statue. Couldn't tell what she was doing...either reading or drawing. I say drawing because she kept looking up periodically and then back down to what she was focusing on in her lap. It was too far away to tell if we actually made eye contact but we definitely exchanged glances...and I told myself,

"It would be weird to walk all the way over there and say something, especially since I've already waited so long. I blew my window."

Then 5 minutes later..."Fuck it, who cares I still should just go approach."

Then just go back to reading my book.

Fuck.

Then a cute HB7.5 Asian girl came up to me, said "Hi." I look up, smile say "Hi" back...she asks me to take a survey...says it'll only take a couple minutes and I get a lotto ticket and candy bar out of it? I'm like "Sure"...she points me in the direction of another (bland) Asian girl...like UG4 I guess. I go take the survey and that's it. Blah. I'm lost when it comes to banter. Nothing came into my head but right after the HB7.5 left I realized this could've been an opportunity for something.

Went to Barnes and Noble to take a piss...saw the girl from across the path waiting for the bus. "I already waited too long"...walked past her and into Barnes and Noble. FAAAAAAIL. Oh also, she was just finishing the same survey when I went over there to take mine. But by the time the UG4 Asian girl handed me the paper, she was gone.

Went back to Rittenhouse, saw cute Asian girl still walking around. Didn't go talk to her. Easily could have too, I just thought of stuff here at Starbucks. It was a survey about gambling. I've played like 300 hours of poker in Atlantic City. Totally could've talked about that, cultural differences in gambling between Americans and Asians (there definitely are some)...but nope. Nothing. FUCK.

I've got nothing to do tomorrow. I'm coming back downtown. I'm reading some material tonight. I'm going to take notes as I read on things to focus on. I'm going to review before I go downtown and focus on these things.

Give me shit for being a pussy, if you read this.

Here's the FR from Tuesday night...

Alright so same bar the next night. Went mainly because my friend was DJ'ing. The scene fucking sucked. The theme was shitty pop/punk and emo...which is cool to me for nostalgia purposes I guess but that's about it. Monday nights there are plenty of cute hipster-ish chicks but this night it was just SCENE...all black, tattoos, septum piercings...you get the idea.

I still fucked up though cause I got there early and just sat at the bar cause I wasn't feeling social. I actually did see a couple of cute "normal" chicks sitting along the wall-couch thing and wanted to approach but didn't. The one blonde HB7 even came up right next to me to order a beer and I didn't say anything. I didn't even have approach anxiety/excitement, I just didn't feel anything. Even though I knew she was cute and I wanted to talk to her. So fail there.

I texted HB6 about an hour after I got there, just saying [Bar name]? Didn't get a response but I ran into her like 20 minutes later outside smoking. I smoked one with her and her sister. Her sister asked my name...wouldn't tell me her's, just the first and last letters? Whatever. Then she walked away and left us. We just talked about the bar. I told her I wasn't feeling the scene tonight. She bitched about how the bar's changed the past few years (typical hipster shit..."too mainstream"). Talked a little about the night before. Blah blah...she finishes her cig and goes in. I go back with my friends upstairs. Friends start talking about going to a dive down the street. I tell them I want to talk to this chick a little more first. Go back downstairs, she's sitting at a booth with her sister. I sit next to her. Her sister leaves us alone again. Tell her we're thinking of going to [other bar]...she seems a little disappointed. Says that bar is "okay"...I didn't ask her to come with for whatever reason. Not sure if I should have?

She was wearing a white western-ish shirt with gold trimming, I touched the pattern on her shoulder and told her I liked it, asked where she got it. "[Thrift store]", I tell her I went to the same one earlier this week. Her sister comes back and starts asking her to come outside...like 2-3 different times. My friend comes over and asks if I "need more time" or something like that, discreet though. I tell him I'm about ready to go. She and her sister go out and smoke. I go back with friends, finish our beers and decide to leave.

She's outside smoking, I go up and tell her we're leaving...she says something like "You're leaving?" (slight disappointment). I don't even think to invite her. I'm not sure why. Tell her she's fun and we should hang again. She says "I'm not fun when I'm not drunk." I say "Don't say that...have some confidence!" She laughs...says "I still owe you that cupcake." I say bye. Friend tells me I should have invited her...I say I don't want to look too eager/into her and it would be weird since I already said bye. Overthinking shit, prob.

The rest of the night was beat. I let my friend lead the way cause he was buying me and our other friend drinks. [Other bar] was actually cool. I saw a HB5.5ish I've seen at college parties before but never formally met. She was playing pool with a HB7.5 brunette who was just my type...I decided to talk to her in hopes of meeting the HB7.5. Told them I wanted to play, put my name on a list. Then Friend was trying to leave and go to an Irish pub. I was hesitant at first but went because he was a free ride home and I didn't have tokens for the trolley. Dumb. Should have stayed. I woke up the next day and had a FB friend request from HB5.5. Weird. I guess she just searched my first name and I came up cause we have like 20 mutual friends.

I texted HB6 as we were leaving the Irish pub. "[Other bar] was lame. Are your cupcakes fresh?" (referring to night before). Stupid. Didn't get a reply. I haven't talked to her since...not really sure where to take it from here? There's a huge block party in the same neighborhood on Sunday and I'm pretty sure she'll be there, but there will be literally 3000+ people so odds are I won't run into her. I'm thinking of texting and asking if she's going but meh.

One thing I need to be doing right now is talking to other chicks. I can't let my focus be on just one.

TL;DR Went to lame bar night, talked to HB6 a little, moved around too much and blew opportunities...overall a fail.

You're a fucking pussy. The other day you couldn't approach a girl and then you say this shit? Theres a site that helps with that: http://www.mtfu.org/
That probably came off as a booty call to her, bad idea. I assume you had some drinks in you though, so I'm not blaming you too much.

EDIT: As for the block party or whatever, don't text her. You've texted her twice in a row without a response. Balls in her court. If she doesn't (she prob won't don't get downtrodden), you'll see her there if its meant to be.

_________________
Take notes.

Yuuuup...I pretty much agree with all of this. Regretted that text like right after I sent it. And decided not to text...there are going to be a ton of people I know there so I'll be in that super-social mood and approaching will be easier than ever. No reason to get tunnel-vision...

What about "have some confidence" was bad though?

Not much really, I just wanted to call you a pussy because you said to if I read your post 2-3 posts ago

_________________
Take notes.

So...change of setting for the next week. I'm in my podunk-ass hometown (it's not actually that podunk...stilll though, population ~40,000 compared to 2 million, plus I'm in the burrrrbs.)

Not sure how to address the early part of the week just yet. I'd like to do daygame but can't even think of where I'd do it, plus I don't even have access to a car during the day. One thing I'm definitely going to do is brush up on theory, BUT not in a keyboard jockey way. I've started taking notes and I'm going to continue doing that. In the past I've shied away from writing "scripts" or things of that nature, but I think I'm just going to give it a try. Write up some general outlines/my own routines I think...so I can be more prepared when I'm out in the field.

This weekend is going to be bonkers. This town's bar scene is kind of beat...in the sense that the kind of chicks I'm interested in are harder to find (since I'm into the cultured artsy jawns). BUT the friends I have here are some of my best ones, and when we go out to bars I'm usually in peak state without even having to try that hard. Plus, one of my best friends just broke up with his GF and I've been telling him he's going to be my wingman, we're going to holler at some bitties, etc.

So for now, I'm going to work on studying/drawing up "gameplans" for when I'm out. If in the course of my time here I do happen to stumble upon some cute chicks during the day I'll be opening but I'm not putting too much stock into that. This week is about seeing friends/family and preparing for the weekend, for the most part. I'm going to be 100% FEARLESS when it comes, if for nothing else than the simple fact that I'm only in this place for a total of 1-2 months out of the year so even if I fall flat on my face and embarrass myself it seriously doesn't matter (not that it would in Philly either, but yeah...I truly have no excuse this time.) I'm going to tell my friends before we go out to give me shit if I'm not approaching. These dudes will be good with it too.

Amusement park game?

Think I'm going to Hersheypark tomorrow. Just occurred to me that this could be a good opportunity to make approaches. I don't go to parks nearly as much as I did when I was a kid, but I can remember seeing hoards of cuties at them when I was younger. I'm going to keep this in mind and mention it to my newly single friend who I'm going with... (our other friend is engaged). I'll update afterwards assuming I do end up going.

I seriously need to cut back on the booze. Last night wasn't typical but still, went way overboard. The group I was with just kinda made it happen. I'm back home so it was a group of 10-15 dudes I went to high school with and hadn't seen forever, and everyone was just throwing back drinks. I drank a decent bit before we went there though so that probably had a lot to do with it. Anyway, I was too drunk to think about what I was doing/apply concepts or anything, so I failed. I'm not going to go into a long FR cause it would be pretty futile since I can't remember any details. I made 3 approaches though and only one of them really went bad, I know that.

There's a 100-set challenge on Seddit (reddit.com/seduction), where you approach 100 sets with the intention of improving on one area of your game. I'm doing it and mainly just focusing on approaching, and transitioning to a lesser extent. So I have 3 down, 97 more to go.

I'm seriously going to limit my alcohol intake though. I do have a sweet spot with it, where I can just flow freely without it holding me back, but I clearly went over that line last night. Blah.

I feel like blogging cause I'm bored. Let's go into more detail about this weekend...

My engaged friend and his girlfriend are all about setting his friends up, so they invited 3 of her friends out to a bar with us. Us 3 got there around 10:15...they showed up around 11. Got into a good mood with my friends/his GF before they came though. Engaged Friend was kind of pissing me off though, cause he showed me a text conversation with the one girl where he was obviously pushing to "set us up"...and I hate that shit. I'm not trying to be forced to focus on one girl. I feel like this sets the frame for them that I'm for the one girl and my friend is for the other, like I couldn't go for the other one if I wanted.

We went out on the dance floor after they got there...it's a blonde HB7, brunette HB6 and her twin sister who's bigger so like HB5. For the first like 10-15 minutes I was kind of just doing my own thing cause that's what I like to do. People don't grind at the bar I go to in Philly, they actually dance so yeah that's what I started doing. Eventually got to grinding with the HB6 (the one my damn friend was "setting me up" with)...my friend was with HB7. I'm writing this FR on a Monday and it was Friday so the exact details of the night are fuzzy. But at some point later in the night ended up grinding with HB7. She has a great ass and was kind of aggressive with it, like really rubbing it on my crotch. I got hard. Then not long after she walked away and went to the bar without saying anything...ha. Not sure if it was cause of my boner or cause this was breaking the frame, since I was her friend's "set-up". BTW, in the text conversation HB6 told my friend she was "trying to be set up"...blah. Fuck you dude.

At some point in the night we kind of broke off from them. Me and my (single) friend definitely got too drunk. I dropped a beer bottle on the floor and it smashed. Then the group we were with pointing at me and did the "awwwwwwww" thing like we were in school. I just smiled and shook my head. Then, not long after that...security kicks my friend out. WTF? Says he's "visibly intoxicated" but won't elaborate any further. So we leave but before we do I say bye to the chicks...say to HB7 "you're really cute by the way"...then it's awkward cause HB6 is standing there so I do the "you are too but i like blondes" bit. Can't remember what they said. I ask their names again cause I forgot haha. We get a ride home with my friend's girlfriend cause she didn't drink. HB7 facebook friends us both the next day.

Saturday

Me and Single Friend go to the same bar again...there's like 10-15 dudes from high school and we get trashed again cause it's too easy to get swept into that mode when everyone else is doing it. The HB6/HB7 are there again. We spot them while we're on the dance floor with our friends and I go up and talk to them...HB7 asks if I remember her name this time, I say I do "cause you facebook friended me"...she laughs. Can't remember the conversation now. We go back with our friends. I end up dancing with HB6 again...she's dancing by herself while HB7 is grinding with another dude. I get bored and leave to go get a beer, saying I'll BRB but then forgetting and going off with my friends. Later in the night see them at a booth and I get my friend to come with me and sit with them. This was so weird. I go in to sit next to HB7 and instead of just moving in, she gets out and lets me slide into the middle...so it was like, Friend, HB6, Me, HB7. I guess she did this either so I could be next to HB6. Seriously, fuck you Engaged Friend for limiting my options. I'm also a dick though for being picky and only trying to get with HB7.

I try to initiate small talk by asking if she knows Engaged Friend's GF through school, she says she does, I ask what she's going for, "Psychology"...blah blah, this goes nowhere. Then she says she wants to get up and get drinks...at this point I'm realizing I'm WAY too drunk...like worrying about getting sick. My friend gets up and goes with them to the bar, I ask him to get me a water. Then it's like 5 minutes later and they haven't come back...so I go to the bathroom, try and get my head together. Go back to the dancefloor and Friend is dancing with HB7, haha. Then they break off. HB7 ends up dancing with another dude for the rest of the night. I don't remember seeing HB6 again.

I grind with an Asian HB7 for a little, then she starts telling me she's engaged? Whatever. I talked to another HB6 while I was standing at the bar trying to get a water and she was closing her tab, but since I was too drunk I have no idea what was said. I do know I was making her laugh a lot...but being that I was a drunk ass, I didn't think of trying to push the interaction. Seriously, never get this drunk again, JBlaze.

And I got blown out of a set of like 4-5 chicks and one dude who were dancing. I already wrote about this shit though in my quick post a couple posts up.

So that's about it...yeah. I'm going to start setting limits for my number of drinks. I just go to a bar and keeeeep fucking drinking. I have some kind of fixation with just having a drink in a bar. If I need to have one I can just get a water or soda or something.

Oh...another thing. Got a weird sitch going with HB Cupcakes...

So I was thinking of friend-zoning her so I could take that cheap room in her house. Well I FB friended her this week cause my Natural friend who DJ's invited us both to the same event...I saw her on the Attending list so I just added her. Then messaged her about that room...I did it trying to set the "friend" frame since if it looks like I'm trying to get with her she obviously wouldn't want to room with me, I'll post the message her just because:

yo cupcakes! haven't seen you since the last time i was at [bar], BUT...just wondering, is that room at your place still open? if so, i think i'd be trying to take it. i've only hung out with you a few times but i feel like we'd get along...since we're both introverted/shy types...and trying to get over it, you know? i think we could be good friends. anyway...just let me know, even if it's not open anymore, we can still be friends. peace.

She messaged me back...saying there's a new leak problem in the room anyway so she doesn't want to pawn the room off until that's fixed. What's weird though is this was a couple of days later...I saw her on FB chat so I went to IM her, then it says that she's typing. So I delete my text...she goes back and forth between typing and not typing like 5 times...before I finally just send "hey, did you read my message?" Anyway...she tells me that sitch then right after says "me and my sister are going to [event] tomorrow if ya wanna come"...I tell her I'm visiting home. We talk a little bit after this but I try to limit it cause I feel like online conversation is bad for attraction. Anyway...I tell her I'll hit her up when I'm back in Philly and we can get "drinks...maybe even that cupcake one of these days" then just sign off.

So I'm gonna hit her up when I'm back. Thoughts on whether I might have blown this by doing the whole "friend" frame?

I feel like cupcakes is in the same boat you're in. She wants to hook up withcha but she wants to get the room rented out so she can make some money.

I say you should friend her and move in. You could become FWB that way.

_________________
Take notes.

FR Reposted from Reddit...

Monday night dance party again. Went early by myself cause there was an open bar. As soon as I walk in I see HB8.5 and Asian HB7 I sorta got blown out of a few weeks ago (not really though...just forced an attempt for a #-close on HB8.5 when she left and got denied). I avoid them and go to the upstairs bar. See a few dudes I know, plus some girls that are with them. Get my beer and sit with them. Some people go downstairs, I sit at another booth with a male acquaintance and some girls I'd seen around before. Not really being that social though. HB6 from other reports at this place shows up, walks past my booth...I point at her. She just says "how are you?" I say pretty good you...she says fine, blah blah. Keeps walking. Whatever. I let this cool off kind of...haven't seen her in 3 weeks cause I haven't been out to this bar, and I was visiting home for a couple weeks.

A little later I go downstairs, sit at the bar with the two dudes I saw upstairs...we'll call them S and C for simplicity's sake. S goes to bathroom...C goes and sits on the wall couches with some girls he knows, I go with him. Soon after S comes back. Then, HB7 and HB8.5 come in...apparently we took their table. They just get their drinks and sit at the one next to ours. HB8.5 is looking for her phone. I look and see it sitting on the ground by my foot. Pick it up and hand it to her, pretending like I don't recognize her. She says "thanks" then her face lights up and she goes "Hey how are you!"...this kinda surprised. I bluffed and acted like I didn't remember her..."Wait, have we met?" then I pretended like I remembered on the spot..."Oh yeah, we smoked cigs outside here that one night."

She starts introducing herself to our group...she's really bubbly/friendly. Soon I start talking about how no one's dancing yet, cause nobody wants to be the first. Then I go up to her and touch her on the arm and say "let's start the dance party...get up." She gets up...says "I'm up". The rest of our group follows...prob like 8-10 people. We dance for a while but eventually people start going off on their own, and the place is kinda empty at this point so it doesn't really start. I was just dancing next to her most of the time though. She was wearing a shirt with some cartoonish face on it, talked about that. Talked about her watch cause it was also cartoonish and hard to read. She told me about a show her friends have at the same place in like 3 weeks, said she's been helping promote it, tells me it's going to be a good time. I don't get that enthusiastic about it though...since she's just promoting it/trying to help her friends.

I go to the bathroom, come back and when I'm walking trip over one of these square black chairs, cause they're impossible to see, and eat shit. Drop my beer and fall hard on my tail bone. I just laughed it off, got up said "I'm not even that drunk either"...then just start dancing next to HB8.5 again and say "no one noticed anyway" she's like "exactly".

I eventually go back upstairs, since my friends leave and it's just me and a group of like 6 girls, and I feel like I'm in danger being "that guy" and lingering around HB8.5. Soon 3 more of my friends show up. We drink upstairs for a while, just talking...lots of people I know here...the mostly acquaintances. My Natural friend shows up too but I don't talk with him that much...he seems to be going hard at one specific chick. I eventually convince everyone to come downstairs and dance. We do that for a while. Nothing really noteworthy here.

HB6 is wasted. I go up to her at one point and elbow her and she doesn't notice/turn around...so I leave. Lame. But then later on I see her and convince her to come downstairs with me. Start laying on the kino right away. Take her hand, pull her through the crowd. Then she says she doesn't want to dance cause she's too drunk. Starts leaning on the bar. I talk to her and keep putting my hand on her back or waist. pulling her in. Faces really close. At one point she's talking and her lips are grazing my cheek. I grab her hand and hold it for a little too. Here is where I'm a retard...I don't even go for the k-close. WTF? I think it was me being a moralist pussy and thinking she was too wasted, like I'd be taking advantage. But I was drunk too. She breaks off soon after the hand holding though and goes to the bathroom...feel like that was an excuse. I go off and mingle with everyone else. Nothing that noteworthy the rest of the time there. Talk to the Asian HB7 outside for a little, she's bitching cause she's calling her FB and it goes straight to voicemail. Find out she and HB8.5 are professional hoop dancers? Interesting. HB8.5 goes up to some dude outside, presses up to him, and they leave soon after. No surprises here...chicks that hot always have some kind of dude in their life. I'm thinking I should just delegate her to a pivot, cause she would be lethal...I'm sure she has ridiculously hot friends too. HB7 tells me that she dances in Atlantic City on the weekends.

At the end of the night some girl who'd been in our group but I hadn't talked to came up to me at the bar. Asked my name, did some small talk and then asked me to buy her a drink. It was obvious she was just trying to use me. I just said "No, I don't buy girls drinks." She said "I can respect that."...then her friend came and took her away, and apologized to me? Whatev.

I went to an afterparty after this, but I'm going to make that into a Part II

Sheeeeit, not having internet at home sucks. I'll have it back soon though. Anyway, that part 2...

Same afterparty as where I got made out with randomly. Cupcakes isn't there this time...prob went home with some dude. Number of fucks given: 0. Prob could've been me though. Has 2 interactions. I got high with some dudes upstairs and then came back down, sat on a couch and was just zoning out looking at a candle in this dark room. Then a friend of my friend Natural calls me over. He's talking to HB7.5 I noticed at the bar but didn't approach (seriously...WTF). Go over and say what's up to him, she looks at me, smiles, says "Hi, I'm [HB7.5] and holds out her hand. I shake and introduce. She tells me I have "really nice eyebrows". I laugh and say I was self-conscious about them when I was a kid (maybe shouldn't have said that...it's just what came out). She said something about things we're self-conscious about being good qualities or something. I didn't really talk to her much after this...kinda fuzzy cause I was drunk/high and I'm writing this report a week later. It seemed like Natural's friend was trying to hook up with her though, but who knows.

Not long after I start talking to them I notice an HB6 standing in the corner on the outside of a group of 3 dudes. I look over at her and make eye contact and give a slight upward head nod. She looks at me...rolls her eyes at the set of 3 dudes and smiles. I go over...and prob 10 seconds after she opened her mouth wanted to shoot myself in the face. She just started bitching about social etiquette, how when you introduce someone to a group you make an effort to include that person, blah blah. If she just made one comment it would be one thing but she went into this huge bitching monologue about it. So negative man, it was a ridiculous turn-off. I made some comment about them just being drunk so you can't really blame them, blah blah. Then she tells me she has beer and pulls one out of her purse and hands it to me. Seemed odd. Then says she needs to find her friend and asks me to help look. I go upstairs with her...there's an outside area she goes into. I decide helping her look for her friend would be stupid so I ditch her and drink her beer.

And yeah that was it for approaches. What I learned from this night is that I am not even close to adequately prepared when I go out. I don't keep in mind things I need to focus on or anything. I just wing it. Not the way to go about it, at all. Getting over AA is just the very beginning. It felt great to make such progress in that area but I have a hell of a journey ahead of me, still.

Now I'm going to post another FR from this past weekend.[/u]

Friday night...the house show venue where I went to the Hotel afterparty is back. Some interesting background leading up to this...

One of the Hotel Party girls went back to our hometown cause she goes to school there and was only in the city for the summer. I've gotten along much better with the one who lives in Philly anyway. Last time I saw them before this night was at a mutual acquaintances apartment...HB8 come in first, sees me, smiles/lights up "how are you??" and hugs me. HB7 is just standing behind her looking ahead with a blank look on her face. WTF? I punch her in the arm and she just gives me an unenthusiastic "how are you"...that's the extent of our interaction. We break off at that point...later on I start talking with HB8. Like 2 minutes later HB7 comes over to her and says she wants to leave...HB8 says "bye, it was nice seeing you". HB7 says nothing...don't get it. This was like a month ago, btw.

Anyway...fast forward to now. So HB7 went back to our hometown last weekend. On Monday, I get on Facebook and HB8 liked one of my profile pics from 4 years ago (I only have like 8 or 9 pics, still...random). I'm careful not to put too much stock into something like this cause that would be stupid. Just interesting that she was looking through my pics. But I'm pretty sure she does that kind of shit with a lot of people. I write on her wall though...."creepin' on my profile pics". She likes that comment. So I decide to like one of her pictures (as I'm typing this I'm realizing how fucking stupid facebook/all this "like"ing shit is). There was a beach themed party at this venue in the summer...the second time I saw these two, and she was wearing a gold bikini top. I made some Princess Leia comment and she called me a facebook stalker, cause that's one of her profile pics. I gave her shit for it ("yeah cause when I think gold bikini I think [her name], not Princess Leia, I guess you're bigger than Princess Leia"...something like that). So I liked that pic. Then she writes on my wall "creepin' on my profile pics!"...I commented on that, "You gotta return the creep." That's the end of the exchange.

So I go there by myself, see her standing right behind the table where they're taking the covers. Her friend just walked away so she's standing by herself. I walk up and punch her in the arm. Face lights up, "Hey! how are you??", hugs me. Some quick small talk and then she says "You should get a beer before they run out" and tells me where they are. I say "Yeah I was just about to" and start walking in...she smiles.

My friend's band is just starting when I go in so I just chill there and watch...see people I know and go say what's up/shake hands. After they're done I talk with them, we go outside and I talk with more people I see that I already know. Not really opening up beyond friends/acquaintances though (MISTAKE...I'm seriously being way too lazy when I go out now). Then my other friend's band (the "headliner", I guess) goes on...I go in with my friend from the first band. We go up near the front. Not long after I feel someone bump my arm...it's HB8 next to me, I look at her, get another big smile. She starts singing along. I look at her and say "you know all the words?" she's like "what?" So I lean in and say it in her ear...our faces touch. I fucked this up though...I should've pulled her in. Whatever. I was feeling really lame at this point because I wasn't drunk....which sucks (not that I wasn't drunk, that I felt lame because I wasn't drunk). I just can't dance if I'm not man. I dunno what it is. So I was just moving around a little bit but felt unnatural. After a couple of songs she went across the room to see her other friends. When she's moving over there, she tickles my stomach...which I guess was like an "excuse me" but I thought she was trying to say something and pulled her in to hear, and she just told me she was trying to get through.

Rest of the night was okay, but a failure as far as improving my skills or whatever. I had some good conversations with acquaintances and felt like I got closer to a friendship level with them, which is definitely a good thing, but I made NO approaches...and I fucked up by hardly paying attention to HB8 the rest of the night. For a while she was sitting on the roof outside with a bunch of her friends and there wasn't any more room up there...plus I didn't notice her there til she was coming down. Then an acquaintance of mine was talking about going on a beer run, I came up to him and patted him on the back, saying I'd want something if he does (didn't really need it...LAME). She was standing there when I was talking to him. She says "[JBlaze] do you know where [place] on campus is?" I say "What?" and she says "Nevermind" then leaves...Hm? I think she just realized I don't go to the same school as her or something.

So acquaintance leaves...HB8 goes somewhere with her friends (to get food I think?) I go on talking with people I already know. Acquaintance comes back with some liquor. I climb on the roof with him and a few other acquaintances/friends and we sit up there and drink/talk. This is what I was talking about with making acquaintances into friends. Then I notice HB8 down below us, she's being flirty with one particular dude...touching his arms/legs/chest, etc. She's flirty in general though so it's hard to read. I start talking to Acquaintance about her, tell her about the Facebook shit and he takes it to be encouraging signs, tells me "go down there right now and talk to her"...I decide to go down and inside to take a piss, then come back out and talk to her since she's standing right in the door and I figure this is smoother than jumping down and running right over to her...I can make it look like I just ran into her. So I do that...

I just go up to her and say "I never knew you were such a creep" or something...and she teases back, saying how I just "made it weird" when I liked her pic...I'm like "whatever man, if I get creeped I creep back" she says something about not creeping, just looking at pics. I tell her I liked the specific one for a reason and then explain it, she says she was blacked out and doesn't even remember that Princess Leia exchange. Annoying. I notice her friend is one of the homelier girls from the Hotel Party night and say "hey didn't we meet?" she says yeah, HB8 says "yeah apparently we met him at the Sheraton but I was blacked out and don't remember"...this shit is annoying. Who gets blacked out that often? I can count the number of times I've been blacked out on my fingers. And I know she's full of shit cause she said the same thing the second time I saw her, then later in the night made references to stuff from that night.

While we're talking the dude who runs this place starts trying to get people to go get pizza, asks me specifically and I'm hungry so I go with him and 2 HB7's. Find out they're just now freshman in college. They're my little sister's age so yeah fuck that. By the time we get back almost everyone is gone. High School Girl and HB7 photographer are still there. I ask them if I can get a ride since they live on my side of town. They're cool with it. We leave...don't talk on the way home cause they just put the music on loud. HB7 photographer gives me a hug before I leave...High School Girl is kinda stand-offish? Just starts walking home without saying anything. Whatev.

I texted HB8 in the car, just said "You are the biggest creep". She replied "Love you too :p" I said "Other people distracted me and I forgot about you, we'll actually hang and shit next time. You cool even if you are a facebook creep" she said "I know:)see you soon". Not sure how to read this girl. I think my only play at this point is to wait til I run into her again (shouldn't be too long) and handle things more smoothly (i.e. lay off on the teasing) next time.

Gonna have to try and work on getting some kind of date with Cupcakes, cause I can't go to that Monday night dance party anymore on account of class being back in session. So we'll see what happens there.

Met another girl through mutual friends last night who is cute/seems interesting but I've heard some less-than-desirable things about her. I'm interested though so I plan on talking to her more next time I run into her.

I could write more but I have class in a few minutes so I'll cut it here.

Oh and one more noteworthy night...I ran into an old oneitis.

The girl I met her through (my old roommate) was having her going away party Wednesday. I get a text from Oneitis about an hour before I was planning to leave, asking me if I'm going. I hadn't seen this girl in a year and a half. We'd had some correspondence online and via text here and there but that was it. She's had a boyfriend since we stopped talking and they've been living together for a little over a year I think.

So I go there and right away see her, sitting in the back on the couch with her boyfriend. My friends greet me, one of them says they were just talking about me and how I'm the life of the party now or something...so basically talking about how I've changed recently. I'm definitely glad if they were talking about this with Oneitis. A lot of the time I spent with her two summers ago I just felt painfully awkward because it would be me at parties at her house where I didn't know many people. I was so shy...I even did lame shit like writing her long-winded facebook messages about it. Yeah.

I greet a few other people there before going to the fridge to put my beers in, she's sitting on the couch right by the fridge. Starts talking to me, I'm like "Just one sec" while I try to find somewhere to get my beers, then turn to face her, she gets up, smiles, says "years man! it's been years" I'm like "I know...like a year and a half" and we hug. She says "this is [name]" and introduces me to her boyfriend, I just say nice to meet you and say my name and shake his hand. He doesn't say anything. I can't help but wonder if she's told him anything about me? The fact that I used to be infatuated with her? Anyway...

I go off after this, talk with other people because I know almost everyone there really well. Go and smoke weed in a back room, come out. See an HB7.5 who's friends with the girl having the party. She just comes up to me and hugs me before I even see her coming. This girl is THE most flirty/bubbly/ridiculously social girl I've ever met. Like...it's annoying. She probably leads on 10 new dudes every week. I'd still love to bang her though. She says "I've never seen you drunk!" I say "that's definitely not true"...I don't know how this happened but she grabbed my hand, just held it between her two hands, looked me in the eye and started telling me not to "be 32 and not be married", I say I think marriage is stupid and it's going to die out in our generation...she says she agrees, then compromises and says well don't be 32 and not have a real long-term relationship. This was a really weird exchange. She's a strange, strange girl.

I go back out into the living room area after this (it's like a combined kitchen/living room apartment setup)...Oneitis gets up from the couch and comes over to me. Says "You just smoked...I'm jealous". We're about to go smoke more because in the other room we just had res, and another girl offered to pack up actual weed. I tell her she can come if she wants, but that it's someone else's bowl. She doesn't want to intrude. I tell her the girl is really friendly and wouldn't mind. She says "Yeah but it wouldn't just be me, it'd be me and [boyfriend]"...I say "Hm...that's true. I guess that's plus 2 instead of plus 1...that might be pushing it." She says "Yeah I guess we're a package deal." I say, "Joined at the hip, huh?" She rolls her eyes and looks down with a slight smile, "Unfortunately..." Interesting. Feel like she's not happy but trapped because she signed a lease with the dude. Stupid...they weren't even together that long before they moved in. I would never want to live with a SO at this age.

I break away from her at this point and just talk with other people...including the girls I already knew there and one I didn't (who was really fucking annoying, so I avoided her after our first interaction). Most of my closest friends were there too so I was just completely comfortable socially. Ideal circumstances for me to show off my new identity for the old Oneitis. I'm not dedicating any mental energy towards having a second chance with her but I can't lie...it's something that's been on my mind since that night. I'm sure she noticed how I'd changed socially, not to mention how I dress and groom myself, etc.

Later in the night I was talking with someone and she just came up, I turned to her and left the other person. Her boyfriend is in the background talking with other people. She starts doing small talk shit, asks where I'm working and stuff...we talk about that, I talk about hers. Then I show her a burn I got on my finger at work that day. Say how I just now noticed it and it stings. She takes my hand and rubs my two fingers, then pulls them up and kisses the burn. Looks at me and smiles and asks "Feel better now?" I shrug and smile, "maybe a little bit". Weird...

I can't remember much of our other interactions (I don't think there were many). At one point she and her BF go outside and smoke with other people. Not long after that she comes up to me to say goodbye. We hug and I say in her ear "Til the next year and a half?" She says "we should see each other more often"...I give a general non-commital agreement. I plan on seeing her again when she's single...it should be interesting. I had total scarcity when I knew her before, I was doomed from the start. I feel like she'd be open to seeing me again, maybe even open to seeing me in a different light? Who knows...it's not something I'm going to concern myself with but it'll be in the back of my mind. I've been thinking about her since that night though, nothing extreme...just a couple of times in the past 5 days. I just gotta keep doing what I'm doing...out of sight out of mind.