| Well just to follow up, I've watched this chick squirm for a day or two after I blocked all communication. Now she says on her profile she wants to move to Alaska. Yeah... good call on the crazy there guys.
Anyway though, I think there are some learning lessons in all of this, so I'm going to share and see what you guys think of my current hypothesis...
One of my ex-g/f's from years ago told me something profound that I really didn't internalize until now. It was that, "all women want a man who is flawed but not fundamentally flawed."
How much truth do you think there is to that? Here's where I'm going with this...
Ever wonder why women are always bitching about a man leaving the seat up?
Ever wonder why women stay with assholes who beat them?
Ever wonder why negs work?
You see, it's a flaw, not a fundamental flaw. Something that women think they can fix. The woman thinks she can fix the man leaving the seat up if she bitches enough. A woman thinks she can change a man into not beating her if she gives him whatever it is he wants (sick as that is). Same thing goes for negs you tell a woman a neg she'll start wanting to change to seek approval. Women are much more fragile and insecure than men by nature.
Anyway, so during this date this woman was so hard up to find any kind of fundamental flaw in me she could so she was shit-testing me about being gay left and right, now that I look at it in hindsight. Asking me if I picked out the furniture in my apartment, asking about my relationship with my mother, asking if I'd ever cheated on a woman. I mean, these are very personal questions they aren't good for a first date, and not very fair questions either.
I have a good relationship with both of my parents pretty equally, they have a healthy relationship. They've got their ups and downs but they're good people. She asked me specifically about my mom though and now I can see because there's a stereotype that gay men put their mothers on a pedestal.
It's easy to see about the apartment, I have decent style, I'm also an artist. Being artistically inclined doesn't necessarily make you gay though.
I did cheat on one girl once, after she'd admitted to cheating on me I slept with an ex-g/f, I was dumb/naive and thought I could make any relationship work. LOL
Here's the thing, dating in your 20's is one thing, but dating in your 30's is a whole different ball park. Many of these women I'm finding have been hurt before and are looking for a reason to hate all men.
Biggest shit-testing for me is going to be on me being "ambiguously gay" to some women.
Secondarily it'll be on anger, I have anger for people who treat me unfairly without good reason. I just try to learn to let go over time, find creative ways to come back at their criticisms or blow them off, and realize most of the time I'm dealing with stupid people who can't listen to reason. I have a very long fuse but if someone pushes me too much I push back, I don't think that's unreasonable. (I proactively study anger management btw because I feel it beneficial in learning how to deal with people on the whole.)
Third, it'll be if I'm over my ex-g/f's. Seems like every woman I encounter wants to ask me all these curious questions about my past dating life, and I don't pick it on them until it's too late, and they get this idea that I would go back to an ex-g/f just b/c they're asking about parts of my life that included a person. Then they get all pissed (again, trying to find the fundamental flaw).
So... that said, can you guys help me come up with a decent list of questions that might be asked or find good resources to help be in the know when I'm getting shit-tested on this stuff and how to respond appropriately? I think that would be the most helpful thing for me. If I was aware at the time that this girl was shit-testing, I would have responded very differently but I just didn't pick up on it all at the time.
Even better, what's a good "flaw but not fundamental flaw" that I could use to stir things away from them focusing on this kind of stuff? (I'm thinking I need to up my negs, I try and be a little sparing with those to not go overboard.)
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CHAT
