| No I am a girl and I started reading some PUA stuff so I registered. This is SO HELPFUL you have no idea.
The truth is a lot of girls not only have no game but have been taught from bad childhoods and TV etc. the opposite of what attracts men. I.e. don't ever touch a man other than handshake, that's slutty. Wait for men to approach you, only losers sit by themselves. Give a man everything and go out of your way to buy them things and always do nice things for them, always answer their calls so they know you care about them and prove how reliable you are. They respect that and will like you more. Don't ever laugh at a guy, it will hurt his feelings and he won't be attracted to you anymore. A lot of these messages COME FROM MEN. How many men tell you they want to date a bitch who screws behind his back? Few. But what are men attracted to? Bitches! The unobtainable girl, who doesn't return calls, maybe even sleeps around. The hot girl who may not have liked you at all but you worked hard to 'win' over and now feel like you won some kind of prize, while the shy, silent girl desperately in love with you who would have been faithful and always returned calls, no, you didn't want her. Yawn. Boring. Creepy. Divorce stats prove this. People are dating and marrying for reasons that are not remotely rational or logical, and this goes both ways.
But men are also given false messages, often by women:
Women say they want nice guys. And this is no lie, when I think of myself in the future starting a family it is with a compassionate, successful man that I picture, not an asshole. But it is so sad yet true, that the nice, compassionate men are probably the ones I would never talk in public to because they're usually the ones sitting uncomfortably in a corner holding a beer awkwardly and giving off a vibe of "I'm busy" or "I'm totally in my groove don't ruin it" or "I'm well dressed and decent looking so I probably already have a girlfriend, if you come talk to me it will prove to everyone what a huge slut/dumbass you are." Whereas the ones who go out and approach me are most often, I guess, the kind of guys who go out of their way to learn games and skills to get laid 6 times a week. I had always heard of pick up artists but what surprised me was the depth of how skilled you guys really are, the strategies of building trust and scripted funny stories and kino, IOI, actually testing techniques that really would work in real life. Some of the things I have read here are so perceptive it shocks me.
Reading these techniques like kino and negs it has totally opened my eyes. There are times I have done these things without realizing it. And it worked! I just didn't realize how or what I had done that had been the trigger that engaged him.
TRUE STORY ------------
This guy, ex-military, very handsome, alpha type, we had been talking business for over an hour and I had always had a crush on him but as usual I got no read on him other than this conversation is strictly business. I didn't know what to do, all of these false messages in my head confusing me, messages like: "if he likes you he'll make the first move", "he's got 20-50 yr old women chasing him why the f would he ever like you anyway", "don't be a tramp and say something personal to him, keep it businesslike he'll respect you and like you for that".
Then all of a sudden the conversation drifted to problems in the merger we were discussing and I said "sure I trust you" (not sarcastically) he got all red-faced and yelled out angrily at me "I'M NOT LYING!!"
I was so stunned, I realized (he was divorced and his ex wife accused him of all kinds of bad things) I realized he was reacting to be called a liar by his ex and mistakenly assumed my comment "sure I trust you" was sarcastic.
I started looking side to side like WTF dude?? and covered my mouth and burst out laughing at him. It was a neg but I didn't realize it, his weird outburst was was too funny and unexpected.
'Oo -kayyyyy!' I said like I was dealing with a freak and laughed even harder at him. (neg #2 and #3)
Suddenly everything changed, he just stared at me for a long time incredulous (no one EVER laughs at this guy to his face, handsome, serious, ex-mil, lawyer etc most women around him kiss his ass ridiculously) anyway he goes quiet, just staring intently, then he smiles/ starts laughing at himself and says, "You know I always liked you" with the strangest deep expression. But I was so shy and taken by surprise I couldn't think of anything to say, just stared back and changed the subject back to the merger (did I tell you I had no game?)
Anyway so as I'm walking out he puts his hand on my shoulder and says "Please come and see me again" with that intent expression, even though we'd finalized the merger details and I had no reason to. Then holds his arms out for a hug. So I give him a hug and a kiss and he kisses me back, and I'm dying inside this is like the man of my dreams acting interested and I'm so shocked I can't even think how to respond.
What I SHOULD HAVE DONE at this point, man there are so many different ways this could have gone from here, all I had to do was say somehting like "Gee I'm starving, let's go get dinner!" or "You're a lot of fun, want to go see the (whatever) movie". And then played some kino games over dinner like palm reading or trust testing to break through his seriousness, mr. business shell. How easy would that have been?! Holy shit.
GOD it was right there, but like I said, no game, I only said "bye" and drove off and never went back, I rationalized that if he liked me he would come and see me, why should I go to him? Wouldn't that look desperate? Later I realized that since he was divorced with kids, maybe he was intimidated by the thought of going after girls and me (14 years younger, no kids, etc). Maybe my silence made him think I wasn't all that interested. I don't know. He's also, despite being handsome, very serious, pensive. He has very few close friends. I got the impression he might be scared of women, and there is a thick wall always around him.
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NOTE ON ABOVE: His ex wife was very pretty, gave off a vibe of I'm too good for all you, conceited, but also very touchy-feely and seductive to men around her (social proof: lots of guys after her), she also didn't just build a male entourage around herself to keep him engaged in chasing her but actually slept with them cheated on him relentlessly and left him for another man. Even after she moved in with this other guy, a drug addict, he KEPT chasing her and trying to get her to change her mind. Yet this lawyer is successful and surrounded by adoring, faithful women of all ages. Why did he pick her to marry in the first place? Now I know. The same reason women pick assholes, because they engage you, challenge you, laugh at you and make you qualify yourself. They make you feel like they are confident, on top and wouldn't you be lucky if they let you into their world? And they are seductive, not cold. She touches everyone, even women, all the time. I spent years studying and getting advanced degrees while she spent years in the gym perfecting her body. Women like his ex are super fit, sexual, fun and easy to approach (downside: also potentially slutty and will take your house and clean out your savings in the divorce). They don't sit there silent, uncomfortable, insecure, confused, flabby bodies and all business, like I was, like many of the good girls.
Anyway, it seems like most of the men on this forum are looking to bang lots and lots of girls. But as a girl, I just want the tools to be able to build a connection with a man I truly like and also just the knowledge of what it is that ACTUALLY attracts guys vs. what they think attracts them. Just a road map and a few tools. So far everything on here and the honesty of the people writing their experiences has been a real eye opener I am very thankful for it all.
For example, I've begun serious mountain biking and dropped 20 pounds in the last 2 months. I was never a 'fat girl', but imagine an average girl who orders pizza, writes theses and spends hours playing Elder Scrolls (size 8-10), just an average looking girl like you see everywhere. Now I realize that in addition to having a few kino games up my sleeve for when the conversation runs out and the importance of recognizing IOI and throwing in some gentle negs, the truth is looking tight and fit will make a huge difference in attracting a high quality guy, it apparently matters more than anything. Kind of sucks, I'd much rather be home playing video games, studying or reading than working out and cutting carbs but oh well, that's life. I guess its the same sucky situation for guys who'd rather be out lifting weights and going to clubs than spending weeks in the library, paying off student loans for an ambitious degree and writing papers. Life. Just glad I finally know what the rules are and where to go from here. Thanks PUA forum.
Good luck everyone in finding the one of your dreams.
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CHAT
