Hi Guys,

I’m from germany and I hope me englisch is understandable.

I need you help! Is regarding my coworker (she 32, I’m 28). I know most people would not recommend to start something with a coworker…but she is very important to me…I like her really (...I know also that is a problem...) …but that I feld that is very rare for me (last time 10 years ago with 18)… so I really need your help because I totally screwed it up!
Backround:
We are coworkers for 1 year now. We understand each other very well, we even shared dating tips for other flirts we are having…so for coworkers we know a lot of each other…
Last week we were texting and I told her that I like her.
She replied that that she likes me too and that see can be herself when she is with me…
Also the next texts were ok…everything went a good way…
But for the complete last week we had a festival in our town. I’m on holiday…so I was there every day and drunk!
And there I messed up!
We were texting regularly. And drunk and stupid as I was I showed too much interest!
1.I texted too often
2. I texted I’m looking forward to see her
3. (we saw each other sometimes for a short moment at the festival over the week but never alone or with the chance for isolation) I texted her that I would like to meet her alone…
4. also I made some stupid indications
I did everything wrong.

Yesterday I ask her if we should go for a cocktail next week (I owe her some cocktails due to a lost bet)
Her reply:
I thought long about it but I don’t want to go for a cocktail, due to what could happen if we are both under alcohol influence and I don’t want that. We are coworkers and that would not work in the long run. I’m sorry please don’t be angry.

What can I do? What strategy could you recommend? I know most would recommend to let her go, but letting her go without a fight is not an option!

I thought of maybe following txt:
Hi, I’m not angry! I’m a little bit disappointed that you don’t give us the chance to get to know each other better, we share a lot of time together but I think we still don’t know each good other. and I think that we been coworkers is not the real issue. Also nothing would happen if we are going for a cocktail…I myself want to make sure that this would be the right thing to do! Even if some of my previous txts implied something more…some time I go I little bit over the top if I see the chance to something which could become something real…
But it is your decision…I can only promise you fun, interesting conversations and true and loyal friend.

I translated the text into English so in German it sounds a little bit different because it’s difficult to translates the words but I hope the meaning is coming across.

I’m highly grateful for every idea, strategy or recommendation!!

Thanks in advance!
Cobald

God, No.

Do not EVER send that message.

Go for this,

"Listen to me. I understand your reservations. But, nothing is happening here. We are just sharing drinks. That's all. As for being under the influence, don't worry about that, I won't be as irresponsible this time."

Keep it direct, to the point and DO NOT address her concerns more than needed. That should hopefully get you her company for the drinks.

There on, you need to explain to her in a calm and clear voice about how work will remain work, you both are professionals and are mature enough to not let something like a romantic entanglement affect the workplace. You can separate your personal and professional lives and she can too.

Good Luck.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Thanks! That its the best advice I’ve become in any forum or chat.
But what should I do if she sends me a message were she is stating that she don’t want that?
Because last week I showed a lot of neediness… so she probably does not consider me attractive any longer.
Should I maybe just write; it’s ok, I understand…see you on Monday at work” and then start from the beginning and invite her later in a couple of weeks for a drink again?

Thanks in advance!!

If she still says 'No', just play the her guilt card..

"Why not? Can't we even not have drinks anymore? I guess I didn't realize that."

Play to women's guilt. It works most times.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Thanks man!
I have send her the txt and her reply was negative.
She: no I don’t want to do that and I don’t want to be persuade.
Andre: Can't we even not have drinks anymore? I guess I didn't realize that. No problem. I understand. See you on Monday at work.
She: You don’t need to be pissed. For sure we can go for a drink but not at this weekend or at the moment. You are asking me if we go out, I say no and you are telling me yes of course it’s not severe(I’m not sure how to translate that correctly…maybe it should be: …yes of courses it is ok…). This is coming across as educational and that you don’t respect my standpoint (maybe… proposition) and that got an my nerves (maybe… bugged me out). I don’t want to start a fight with you.

I guess I will just txt her tomorrow:
I don’t want to fight with you too. I didn’t want to lecture you and I want that my opinion is respected as well. I guess we both talked at cross-purposes.
Have a nice weekend.

And then over the next weeks I need to build up attraction and ask her out again in a couple of weeks or so.

If you have any suggestions, they would be highly appreciated!

And thank you very much for your support!!! It was very helpful for me.
I still have a LOT to learn!

I am very bad at gaming, but to me, the answer seems obvious. Drop the subject. dont say anything about this. forget it and just pretend everything is ok. and eventually she will start feeling guilty for refusing to have drinks with such a cool guy and she will ask you to go out for drinks.

I usually avoid being rude, but if you admit you are bad at gaming, your advice has to be given a looooong examination.

Dude the girl isn't interested. Now how much of that is due to the stigma of being coworkers I couldn't tell you. I can say that your energy would be better spent gaming other girls. Drop her.

I disagree. I think dude has a great chance. he needs to drop it and pretend everything is ok. not act weird, not act cold, just act normal. girl will see how cool he is and she will start wanting him.

I went with the following txt. I hope I have translated correctly.
I’m not pissed. I’m only a little bit irritated. I don’t wanted to educate you. And I want that my opinion is respected as well. What I don’t get is that in the one moment we get along well and the suddenly everything is different. I don’t want to inspire wrong expectations. I like your presents and I like to spend time with you. Not more and not less. For me you will stay a nice colleague somehow or other. Have a nice weekend.

I will act normal around her and try to build up attraction again. I will also date other women but I can’t give up on this one…