I'm in my early 40s, and still married though the sex dried up a long time ago. Not prepared to break it off though... lots of other things keeping us together...

So where do I start? what sort of game should I learn? on whom do I try it? and how do I go behind the missus's back?

hoping someone from a similar background could give me some pointers.

At the beginning...read the Game...then read it again

Trying to game behind the misses back is not cool. If however you have an agreement of an open relationship or some other similiar arrangement than go for it.

Otherwise you are always going to have an anchor attached to your leg thats says "liar" etched in iron. Also, it's going to make you come across as shady when you try to answer questions like "are you single?" or "are you free X night".

I'm all for PUA and I'm all for random hookups, but I'm also all for honesty.

I would recommend you try talking your wife into considering a swingers party or event as a way to re-kindle your sex life. If you can plead a sincere case its the best of both worlds - picking up new girls by appealing to couples for some NSA play, and still including your wife in something that "can" potentially strengthen your relationship.

However if she agrees, don't fuck it up by making it all about you and just dragging her along as your ticket to get into couples only events. You'll just end up with a messy divorce that much quicker.

Otherwise, just work on inner game and on making yourself a better "man", so that your wife can learn to look at you in a new light and make you feel supported again.

Just my humble opinion.

_________________
"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-

I'm an old dude too. here are your options -

Go to counseling and address the issues why you are dissatisfied at home. If she won't go, go without her. A competant counselor will help you come to terms with your feelings and your issues and will help you to prioritize things and help you to approach your wife in an effective manner to address your needs.

If that still doesn't work and she has no interest in you any more and won't lift a finger to try to meet your needs, that is perfectly valid reason to pack your shit and leave.

going outside your marriage will only put a bandaid on a gaping wound and will do one of two things. it will either -

A. delay the divorce a little bit. since you will have a little fun it may prolong the divorce process for a few months or maybe a year or so.

or

B. Speed up the divorce. It may make you realize what you are missing and make you more motivated to leave or what is more likely is you will get caught pretty promptly and she will leave you. In that case you will be the bad guy and she will be the scorned woman so you will have your name dragged through the mud and slandered in the community.

If you are dissatisfied and frustrated in your marriage, the only real solutions are to give it your all to try to fix it or to get out. Cheating will only delay or speed up the divorce process by a handfull of months either way.

My wife and I have been active swingers for several years. DO NOT DO THIS!!

To go into a swinging situation you need to go in with a rock-solid relationship and a mutually satisfying sex life. going into it with one person starving for sexual attention and the apathetic is the perfect storm for a disaster that will not only hurt the couple but potentially harm others as well.

She knows that you are dissatisfied and she doesn't care. She knows you are unhappy with your sexlife but her disinterest is sex with you outwieghs her desire to keep you happy and satisfied.

If you approach her about swinging it will nail the final nails in your coffin (remember that whole speed up or slow down thing)

The couples that try to get into swinging because someone is seriously dissatisfied with their relationship always end up being a drama bomb that goes off all over everyone.

She will know that you are just trying to manipulate her into agreeing to try it so you can get some poontang without it technically being cheating.

Make an honest, sincere, good faith effort to address the problem and if she refuses to address it and make any effort to work on it then you have just cause in packing your shit.

i have a bit of sympathy.....have a couple of married friends who have high sex drives,perfect home and family life,only thing wrong is that the wife has decided she is never going to have sex anymore..weird i know...and yet they dont allow their husbands to go elsewhere cause thatt would be cheating....so they have no choice but to play away from home on the quiet....in my country its called fridgit bridgit syndrome and its quite common

Wife will let me play I think, or at least she has said so in the past... Tbh, I think she's more likely to close her eyes to it if I do it discreetly, as she might still get hurt by it, despite what she says.

OK OK, so my marriage sucks sexually, but it's great in many other aspects and I'm reluctant to throw it all away...
Who knows, seeing me as a player might even rekindle some desire into her...

So where do I start?

Oh... have read the game btw...

now read selfish gene ,and, the red queen....browse around here for about an hour every day to get your bearings

If you have read any PUA material then you have heard of a shit-test. If she said that it is a shit test and it can only mean one of two things.

1. is it is a shit test to see how far you are willing to go. If you take her up on the offer then you will lose the shit-test big time and it will blow up in your face and she will use it as ammo against you in the divorce.

2. is that she is sincere and really doesn't care if you get it else where. This means that she no longer has any love, respect or admiration for you at all and is just staying because she wants to mooch off of your resources.

It is still a shit test and if you take her up on it she will lose even more respect for you and think of you as a pathetic, desparate, middle aged man who is willing to go out and chase tail and leave his wife at home.

This is a test that you can only lose.

If you are a man and the sex sucks then it negates all the other things. If the relationship has no romance/sexuality then you are roommates. Is she sharing half the rent, utilities and grocery bills????????????

You are reluctant to leave because part of you longs for the days when the relationship was good and hope it can be that again. Try the counseling, it may help.

You are also reluctant to leave because you are not ready to break the ties to the comfort and security you have. right now, you may only have a roommate but it is at least a female voice to talk to at the end of the day. You are afraid of losing that and going out to find love but failing and having noone. That is a risk and it is scary.

But here again, getting poontang on the side will only speed up or delay the separation process. You will either find that can pull other women so that will give you the confidence to leave or it will provide some cheap entertainment and cause you to stick around a little longer.

You are reluctant to leave because it will cost you half your stuff, alimony, child care etc etc. Yeah that truly does suck but how much of your humanity and masculinity is slipping away now by being some gals roommate girlfriend????

Where is the break-even point between the dollar cost of a divorce vs watching your life slip away day by day while you still have some vitality and virility left????

Are there children involved ? what ages?

Ok, here is where some of this PUA stuff may come in handy but not in the way that you think.

The chances are that she hasn't actually lost her sexdrive or her interest in romance/passion/sexuality etc. She probably has just lost her attraction and respect in you.

Now if you go out and start hustling other chicks she will probably just lose whatever few grains of respect for you that she has now and it will all be over.

BUT, if you can learn about what actually attracts women and start to change a lot of things in your life (ie, start hitting the gym hard, toning up, losing wieght, new wardrobe, new hairstyle, better grooming, start getting some new fun hobbies, start hanging out with fun active people etc etc) she may start to take notice.

So where to start????????

Start by freezing her out. Don't give her the cold shoulder or start blowing her off or anything. Just get busy with getting a life that you enjoy and that is active, fun and healthy.

Join the gym and start working out. start a new or get back into an old hobby that you enjoy and that is healthy and fun. Get a social life and start doing activities with friends. The key word here is BUSY. Just be busy.

Don't bug her for anything. don't ask her for permission for anything. Just get out and do it. Dont' run it by her, don't tell her where you are going unless she specifically asks.

IF she asks just tell her matter of factly as you are walking out the door.

Don't rely on her for fun. Dont ask her to do anything or invite her for anything, just get out and have your own fun life.

Above all DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ASK HER OR BUG HER FOR SEX! Spank to porn in the middle of the night if you have to.

What you are doing is moving on with your life and getting a fun and healthy lifestyle WITHOUT hustling any new chicks. Keep it clean. Keep your nose clean and have no skeletons in your closet.

In a few months she will wonder what is up. you will be looking better, more healthy, having fun and engaged with a new social circle.

She may want to get back into your life. If that happens then you can start flirting her up and employing some of the pick up and seduction techniques described in the PUA community.

Or she may realize that you really are living two completely different lives and move forward with the divorce.

If she (or you) decide to move on the divorce you will be a MUCH better position of finding someone new as you will be looking better, having a fun and active lifestyle and enjoying life.

You will also be much more effective at attracting someone new because you will be coming from a position of having a fun lifestyle and being active as opposed to coming from a position of sexual frustration and desparation.

Posts like this make me happy that I've avoided marriage my whole life. Personally I'd rather be alone and free than in a passionless relationship.

That is, unless you are raising kids together or something,

But yea, I would definitely wait until the relationship was officially over until you started playing around. Who knows? You may be able to keep her as a friend as that seems like where she belongs.

Learn how to flirt with your wife again and bring some of the mystery back to yourself. Pretend that you are in the early dating stages again. Act alpha male and act like other girls want you. Do this stuff to get your wife attracted to you again. Then, she will probably start being sexually interested in you again. Problem solved.

I'm highly confused. You say your marriage has fizzled, yet you describe taking your wife to swingers parties and making it a one-sided thing.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it just seems like a lot of the issues in your marriage may stem from your approach to it. Again not attacking, just observing.

I've been to several swingers events with my girl and we've never had a problem. We discuss, set boundaries, stick to them as best we can, and relax and enjoy.

My girl has plainly stated that it's not really an exciting thing for her, but she is happy to do it because it's something I enjoy. That is the best that can really be expected from a devoted partner who isn't herself searching for something to fill a gap in their happiness.

I'm not going to go all Sigmund Freud on you, but I have to wonder if all this isn't symptom of the fact that you are missing something in your life and expecting your wife to fill it for you, and when she doesnt your solution arrived is to hunt for more tail hoping it will instead.

Just some thoughts to consider. Maybe the solution to all your issues will come from work on inner game, and not outter game?

_________________
"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-