I've committed to go infield for 26 weeks non stop. basically july-december end 2011.
I'll post my daily journals here.

Day1 : (this was yesterday)

okay so went out today. opened 4 sets. 2 approaches i intended to know the girls and 2 approaches i just gave them a complement and walked off.

then i wavered from my path and purpose, hung out with chodes smoked weed and shit.

now its 4 15 am im talkin’ to a chick on SPAM and i have boundary function issues. i had to be up by 5 15 or some shit to practice kungfu.



anyway the fr.

went out today, got late but went anyway, around 8 pm. nightlife in city is lame. 0 nightlife on monday, and i don’t plan to do nightgame for 4-5 weeks anyway



so i saw this chick inside a restaurant, got ec as i walked past her window, i went back and opened her. stammered on the opener and shit.

1.approached applogetically

2.assumed rejection

I have feeling that I’m not clear in intent when I go to sarge, I’m like still lacking clarity of what the fuck it is I’m doing.

so that’s how it turned out to be. i fucked my shit up.

2nd set i opened was a 2 set on the street, i jogged up to them and went direct on 1 girl and asked her name. after she said 'why should i tell you my name?' i bailed. just little bit resistance and i ejected . wtf.
she was like wtf happened why did he eject. she wasn't expecting me to eject.

man, that' sucks. lol


and after that didn’t approach sets and rationalized weird reasons for not going in set. i need to get my shit straight and stop self deceiving .




tomorrow i’m going to write down a list of my excuses before going infield about :

1. not approaching

2.ejecting from the set.



and i’ll work on my shit. i see bright future even though i fuck up.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

I went out late. was practicing qi gong for an hour or so and then I went out and met my shifu(master of kung-fu). after a little chat and smokin’ a cigarette, it wasn’t a little chat it was like 20-25 minutes.
I had specificially picked that location of the city where i was in right now, because I have fetish for asian chicks.



1. first approach:

chick gave me ec as I was walking by, she was sitting with her friend, in a marketplace. I contemplated whether to open or not and then I walked back and opened. I opened in a very beta way. blew myself out.

2. second approach

hoverchoded for 10 minutes and then, appraoched, blown out.



things to work on : bl when i approach direct.

I am not giving myself the permission, was stifled and not in state. that is no excuse though.

there is a sense of ‘uncertainty’ in general in my life which creates insecurity and disturbs the stillness and calmness of my life. the same uncertainty when I’m in field, or a worry of some sort.

I think clarity will be there as I progress in life, the important thing is to keep working in the right direction.





I was rationalizing that asian chicks are so cold. but guess what the fuck. I was overflowing with AA and I was projecting that.



I need to be mindful of how I’m approaching. I approach in a wrong way when I approach direct because I fear something. I don’t know what it is that I fear. but I will overcome the fear.

Though the fear may come over you, never let it overcome you. (from the quote : Though the pain may come over you, never let it overcome you – frank mcgrath, animalpak )

then I went back home and overall this shit was so lame.



The bare minimum I can do is atleast approach a lot. so what if i don’t know how the fuck to do it. In order to learn how to do it, I have to do it. I’ll be aware of this when I’m infield.

I know there are better days ahead. I’m going to work on this shit.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

(yesterday)

Mom’s friend dropped me to this location called Sector 15. Its kinda like a chinatown in my city. So asian chicks, and my kung-fu master. what a combo.



Anyway, had to shoot some videos and photos of my master so that I can get him started with running a kung-fu school here.

After we were finished I saw a beautiful girl with beautiful hair. ‘Nice hair’ was all I said.

Analyzing this, I’m ‘afraid’ to approach. Don’t know what I’m afraid of. Sometimes I will just complement women and move on. I’m afraid to put myself on the line. I think its called fear of rejection. Will work a way around that.

Then I saw a cute girl, I willed myself to go and talk to her, I approached but asked an opinion opener instead. damn. and then i left.

After that I approached maybe 2-3 sets more, 1 directly asking her to go to the club with me, and another, approached MM style, but ejected after 2-3 minutes of conversation.



overall pretty chode. I’m going out in an hour. lets see whats up.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

I’m trying to figure myself out. I have approach anxiety, but my criteria for approaching girls is rediculously high. I’m trying to get that sorted maybe its just self deception.

‘She’s not hot enough’ is always an excuse which I have man. Maybe that is true. But I always find it easier to approach hotter girls in comparison. They just turn me on. Also, I approach only direct 99% of the times. Rarely I approach indirect.
I don’t know about this whole direct/indirect thing man. I’m fucking confuses. I’ve been sarging on and off since 2 years + but there is no consistency.

This time I’m consistent and lets see what happens man.



I went out today to only open 1 set. As soon as I approached I ejected. I have an insane fear of rejection of some sorts.

I don’t know whats up. I also went out pretty late and went to a new location to sarge. I didn’t see any hot girl really. I’ll go to a proper location tomorrow.

Also a problem I have is that i can only converse in english. I open in english, talk in english. I don’t really speak the local language too much, even if I do i never open in that language. I don’;t know. Besides my english is accent-less so girls don’t understand me anyway.

I have to slow down my delivery, and emphasize on inflection and emotion when I speak. Thats a big mistake I’m making. I’ll get it fixed.

In a state of confusion when I go out to sarge, but hey, these are newbie days. I’m always for the positive man, and this isn’t any empty hope that tomorrow will be better, I’ll work to make it better.



So today only 1 approach, and that was lame. I have to work on approaching without hesitation and also learn to ignore the fear.

Once I’m in field and not approaching, then I’m wasting my time and resources. In field, you’re there, then approach anyway. who gives a fuck. The least i can do to help myself is approach crazy. I’m trying to internalize this realization.

Until tomorrow, peace.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

Day5/182

Okay today I went out with high hopes.

I told myself I won’t be sarging in a location called ‘sector 35′ . I’ve been going out there for about 3 years, and I never really sarge there, I just hangout with chodes.

So anyway, I wasn’t focused enough and that’s where I ended up going. Big mistake.



The whole evening i hungout with chodes and choded around.

I was trying to approach this 1 set for about half an hour, but AA stopped me.

Then i finally approached. LOL. it was so damn whack, it makes me sad.

I started walking towards the set, got ec with the chick, I dropped ec, because I was in fear. Started of with a lame complement with really fear-projecting BL, stopped 4 feet away from her. and then turned around and left. Man, that was lame.

Then I found a 2 set later. I approached her with a complement, but couldn’t even turn my BL towards her because I was again in fear because of approaching.

So i left. I later forced myself to reengage the set. I did, with something like ‘i’m looking for a fashion store here I wanna buy something for my friend’.

hb : you’re girlfriend?

me : no, just a friend.

She gave me too much of a positive response but I still ejected. I don’t know man.

That was it for day5.



I lack discipline a lot. I just don’t have the behaviors of being successful. I had to read a list of books and blogs this week to kickstart my inner game, but i haven’t done anything as of now. That sucks too.

I’m on the brink of giving up and going back to a normal life of mediocrity.But i wont’ let that happen. I’ll make it work.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

I like your post. There's some great honest talk about anxiety and what's holds us back sometimes. It is somthing that we can overcome though.

I am just wondering why the language barrier exists. Where are you living? And what are you using for your opener when going indirect?

I think if you had an opener that you felt comfortable with and a good routine stack leading up to a kiss close or a number close you might have better luck...

Lovecraft

day 6/182
It was better than I expected to be honest.

I opened the first girl without any AA at all. I complemented her. That’s all I wanted to do. It was fucking spontaneous.

Then I opened some other sets, pure spontaneity. I loved it.

But I’m stuck on opening. I don’t know how to carry this shit forward. I actually saw a cute girl and I approached, but I stammered, she was really sexy. But i fucked the set up.

Then i hopped around town lookin’ for some asian chicks.

I had this dude with me who wanted to go out too, he was dead nervous but then he calmed down after a few approaches. cool.

but about me. I pushed him more than i pushed myself. this is a sign of being weak and being beta.

I think I’ll stick to going out alone.

Overall, I wasn’t really in my head and I opened up a little bit. Awesome.

Today things will be better. btw i had a dream of having a threesome today i so wanna get motherfuckin’ laid.

set 1 :

me : hey that’s a really nice necklace. (totally spontaneous microsecond response)

her : hey thankyou !

me : have a nice day





set 2 , direct approach

saw this cute girl standing with some dude. i was going to approach direct while she was with some dude but then she walked off, i changed my path and came infront of her again, was approaching from the side but i stopped her and stood in front. GOOD BL CORRECTION. something i would have never done before.

after my direct opener, she said thanks but added that her brother was somewhere around and she doesn’t want to get into trouble. so she bailed.

but what happened in reality was i fucked up somewhere. lol



set 3 : direct approach

me : hey i saw you from there and i think you’re cute, had to come over and talk to you

her : i don’t wanna talk.

LOL



set 4 :

me : Question! where did you get this shirt

okay so this set hit it off really well she started qualifying herself and i could have gotten her # and probably closed her later, but i had to go and was on the phone.

should have persued this set regardless.



then i changed venue.

i think i opened a couple sets including 1 blowout. that was kind of lame though. LOL



then bounced location again.

in this venue i started off by complementing a chick who was standing with some dude.

then i had some AA and shit went downhill. Didn’t approach 2-3 really cute girls. fuck.

And then we went back home. so that’s about it. there was progress but nothing to be proud of really. I’m excited about today. can’t wait to go out. :p

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

I'm not using any specific opener to be honest.
About the language barrier, that's a bullshit self deceiving rationalization i came up with. Its just that I haven't sarged too much.

Besides I'm doing daygame. If i start nightgame I'll mention it in my FR. I'm not too worried about the outcomes, I do wanna get laid, I'm one horny motherfucker.
I'm kind of going uncanned and no theory for a while right now, I'm trying to work on my basic fundamentals :

approaching without hesitation
staying in set and pushing it as much as I can (though i've never done this till yet lol)
ignoring resistance/shit tests(which i always fail to do).

but anyway, I'm progressing.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

day 7/182
today was lame as fuck. i approached 0 sets. i went out pretty late , around 9 30 pm.although this place shuts down at around 9, like the town i’m living in, there were still plenty of sets man.

i just didn’t approach out of ‘fear’. i could have approached like 5 sets, didn’t approach any. lame as fuck.

and then what made yesterday really bad was that after qutting smoking for 4 days, i smoked a couple cigarettes

that sucked. then i came home and was online with this chick from 2008. boundary function issues, wavered from my path and purpose in life, tried to impress people and i was seeking validation on facebook, and i was behaving lame as fuck.



i dunno man. I’m gunna fucking fix myself. this needs to get handled.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

day 8/182
I woke up all fucked up, i had smoked yesterday again and I wasn't liking it.wow that sucked.
so anyway, was drowsy all day and then I practiced some qi gong to kick back the energy in me.

Went out, and didn’t approach anything, was choding in my comfort zone. Then i saw a 2 set, 2 ukrainian girls.
I opened with ‘you’re from eastern europe, are you?’ .
set didn’t hook then i ejected.

I then reopened the same set 30 minutes later. it sucked, had whack bl, stammered, was taking value instead of giving value.

but I opened anyway, and that was good.

I still have immobilizing aa.

I did another approach, this was direct. but the girl smiled for like 30 seconds and then ran away.

the last set i did was hijacking a set my friend had opened. this went really well, i was more natural and it just showed, and it was just beautiful.

i went for the #close after 5 minutes, i was communicating that i want her in a sexual way. but she told me she has a finance and ‘i don’t think he will like it’ .

i ejected after that, i should have plowed and ignored the fiance part.

well,lessons learnt.

that’s it for now.
peace

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

I like that you're posting about both your successes and your failures... I often go out during the day telling myself I'm going to do approaches and then I let oppotunity after opportunity slip past me...

I have been telling myself for a while now that I'm going to go out at night and at least visit the clubs if nothing else, just to familiarize myself with the environment... and after reading your posts I belive that just going out... whether I succeed or not is the important thing...

I feel I need to get comfortable just being in a night time environment... Thanks for the posts... and keep fighting the good fight... ur doing good things...

Lovecraft...

_________________
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. - Oscar Wilde

You have great initiative man, keep working at it! Make sure to set specific goals, don't leave any room to psyche yourself out. It seems like you have pretty bad anxiety still. Its probably because you're approaching "targets". That's a tough place to start. Try approaching men and women of all kinds and just start conversations; you'll get comfortable with approach quickly. Once you're comfortable having conversations with strangers, move back to eligible women and see how easy it is to talk with them.

I remember very vaguely whatever happened.

I think i opened maybe 2-3 sets. some aa was there, and then i wavered from my path and purpose. smoked some weed and had some beer.

it sucked.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

day 10/182

So after i smoked so much shit and drank a lot, i didn’t sleep till like 9am when i was at my place. earlier i was at my friends place and i didn’t sleep.



so woke up pretty late, around 2:30 or some shit. i was drowsy as fuck.

this was the first day i went infield ‘on time’. but i missed a whole lot of other shit i had to do.

anyway, going infield, i wasn’t even feeling like sarging.

however i saw this 1 chick and boom. open.

wow the aa wasn’t there.



over the course of the evening i opened a lot of sets but there’s still a whole lot aa, but 10 days deep in this shit, boy I’m a whole lot better at having conversations or starting them.

I know i have improved somewhat. I keep pushing myself and I know this shit will be great.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com

day 11/182

Today i regained focus after I don’t know, weeks of being devoid of awareness.
I was broken, living in other peoples reality, way off my path purpose and values in life.

So after I got back up and collected myself, I made some commitments.

After practicing Qi-Gong for some time I went infield, for 1.5 hours.

I didn’t approach for 15-20 minutes, I saw a lot of girls. I even avoided places where there were the most sets. That was lame.

Anyway, I thought well some days are just like this.(to be self-noted : this is an excuse) I finally thought that okay, I have to fucking approach.

However the first approach I made was when someone called me.
I went direct on a chick.

Me : ‘ Hey i think you’re really beautiful and wanted to say Hi. ‘
Hb : (in a very low voice kinda stunned) Hello.
after 2 seconds of silence.
Me : i was just complementing you.
Hb : oh?
I walk away.

Man, wtf. I couldn’t handle the tension/pressure in the moment. that is lame.

After that I opened 2 more sets.

1 indirect appraoch, even though my opener was taking value :

(over the shoulder as I walked past them)

Hey guys I need a quick opinion.(pause, but not waiting for there reaction)
I’m looking for some indian designer stores. Not the international ones, i went to esprit etc but I want some local designer stores, my girlfriend(seeking approval/validation) is a fashion student so I want to gift her something, her birthday is coming up.

[ i have no girlfriend and my imaginary girlfriend has no birthday. fucking hell]

HB’s : (even though they couldn’t suggest anything, I had attraction and the set hooked, and they were smiling purposelessly, wide eyed).

Then i fucking ejected. That was lame. The chicks were into me.

Set 3 :

I saw these 3 rich-ass married girls (must be in late 20′s, all of them) caught my eye. boy they had shopped a lot.

I kinda have a inclination/fantasy to have rich-married-young hb’s who can provide for me until I’m self-dependent. I know this projects an agenda but I don’t care.

So i went over to open them. Ended up ordering popcorn instead. what the fuck. that wasn’t on my plan. and I had to follow a diet. well fuck that.

I felt real lame homie. It was like I’m ‘sorry for being attracted towards you.’ or ‘i feel bad that i want to talk to you’ or some shit because it was such a frame of apology.

My fucking inner game sucks.

So I approach. My sub-comm’s were fucking off the hook, I complemented(that’s all i authentically wanted to do. okay no self deception, i wanted to lay those chicks man. their richness turned me on. lol) and then I left. But i did complement in ‘i do not give a fuck’ fashion, where as earlier i was giving too much of a fuck before i approached.



anyway that was it. I think I lack clarity of what the fuck it is that I want to do when I’m out in the field maybe because I’m a newbie.

But if 100′s of dudes in the community could do it, so will I figure this shit out.

out till tomorrow, peace.

_________________
http://www.dollofcuty.com