Quote:
This might be a bit over the top sorry if it is,
I met a girl at speed dating and we got on really well and I have a nick name the lady in lace (she wear a lace dress). The speeddate was on Wednesday and we got the numbers on Thursday night, she ticket she would like to go on a date. I gave a call on Friday and got no answer so I txt,
Me “how is ur day going, lady in lace? U free on Sunday?”
(don't start with invite until you have an idea of her BT and interest level, and not only that it is good to not use an obvious lead in, or seek approval, on a meet up, just tell her you are doing something and you want her to come)
G “Hey my day is going well thanks, sorry I have a family gathering.
(she flaked on you, if you try again need to raise BT before you do, that way if she is genuinely busy, then that is your most likely chance)
Me “family is important , ok how abt nxt Saturday I have tickets to a show, which i think u will really enjoy.”
(you passively bought into her frame, passively saying your fine with her flaking on you (you are breaking tension instead of createing it) then you seek approval on a meet up, and qualify yourself to her)
G “ I’m away with a friend that wkend, but thanks for the offer”
(she flakes again, 2 flakes is more then enough to see she is not interested, anything past this is no longer persistant but just needy)
Me “so ur a busy lady, how ant tomorrow”
(this is just needy and you are, setting the frame that she has limited time to do things im sure she will gladly jump into this frame)
G “I’, sorry I have a housewarming, I know that’s why i go on speed sataing coz i never have time to actually c any1, very sorry”
(re-iterates your frame and gladly jumps into it, at least she is being nice and qualifieing herself on the flake, as opposed to just going non responsive)
This is where I think I went wrong,
(nope you went wrong from start)
Me “I understand, ok let me try another approach, tell me the day’s ur free & I will try to work to ur busy schedule.”
(accept the frame that she has no time for you, at least this time when you requested her time it was less approval seeking,you qualify yourself to her, then re-iterate this counter productive frame again, now that is twice in one text)
G “I’ve got to be honest, at the moment i’m just too busy at wrk to start anything new. But it was lovely meeting u the other night. Have a good wkend.
(she is now attempting to break report, i sense if this carried on any longer she would just stop responding all together)
Me “I complete understand, i’m the same, i was not going to propose marriage on our first meeting, i like meeting new people & we will just b having a 20min coffee meeting as friends. Then we c how things go from there how does that sound?”
(super needy is how that sounds, stop accepting negative frames, that don't work for you)
G “Really thanks for the offer, but I will have to say no at this point sorry, I’m fresh out of a 5 year relationship & got a few issues 2 wrk out, i know that sounds very cliché but it’s true. Thanks for the chat the other night though”
(flake)
This is where i think I went wrong again,
Me “Snap I’m in the same boat I have just come out off a 5 year marriage so i have some idea of what u might b going through. Look it is sometime good to talk to a s stranger but I complete understand. Whenever u ready for a no obligation coffee meeting give me a call.
(qualify yourself to her,your frame looks like, ''look it is ok to blow me off, im very needy, you're too important for me, if your ever bored please come meet me, we can be friends instead of hooking up'')
G” Will do thanks for being so understanding”
(girl translation: I won't ever meet you, you don't understand social cues)
I know I F*** up how do I approach it now?
you are completely fucked, nothing is impossible, but with a convo like this i would freeze out for a fucking year, if you are going to be persistant at getting a day2 you need to not come off as needy, use a phone call to pressure her if that is your goal, and pressure her, don't seek approval over and over, on a txt, 2 flakes = freeze out, there is less tension involved for her to flake on you useing text, the flakes will only gain momentum as will your status as a needy guy,
either way this girl was clearly disinterested from the start, if she wont isolate that is freeze out zone right there, then you can try again later, but for this girl, i would say game over you lose, try again with a different girl