ok so I've know this girl for a couple of months and we would always flirt a lot together, we finally hooked up for the first time a few weeks ago and since then have been on 2 dates. When I first hooked up with her I knew she had a bf however it was a dying relationship from what I've heard (from her and others). We've been getting along really well on the dates and she always seems really into it, (f closed, she said she's liked me for a while, introduced me to her mum and sister etc).

So it sounds like all is going well, however, the issue I'm having is she hasn't officially broken it off with her bf yet. She said she will do it soon though she is scared he will go nuts on her, and to be honest I wouldn't be surprised, this guy seems retarded (always looking to get into fights when out clubbing and as a result getting arrested, smashing glasses at clubs etc). And this is part of the problem, she has told me she is attracted to bad boys. Whilst I am no angel by any means I don't go out clubbing acting like a neanderthal looking for fights. He also treats her like shit, only calling her when he's lonely or drunk. On one of our dates he called her while drunk early in the morning, and whilst she ignored the first few calls she answered eventually saying he wouldn't stop calling till she answered. I can tell she still cares for him.

Basically what I'm asking is what would you do in this situation? So far I've sort of ignored the fact that the other guy exists and not acted bothered at all when she mentions it. When she asked me about it, I told her I don't care about him and she could do what she wanted, then she pressed me and asked "but you'd care if I saw him in a few days wouldn't you?" I just said it wouldn't be a big deal but I wouldn't see her again. Was this a mistake? maybe... but I didn't really know what to say, if i said she could see him I'd just feel like a pushover.

What would your move be if you know she's attracted to bad boys but you're not as badass as her bf? No, i'm not going to go out and fight everyone What sort of bf destroying routine would you use?

Maybe I'll give it a week and if she hasn't cut ties with him then I'll just freeze her out? I don't want to do the whole "choose me or him" cause that seems needy and desperate.

Sorry for the long rant, it's just a complicated situation.

All advice appreciated

Plan A/ A lot of girls leave their options open like that. I'd just ignore her bf talk and keep having fun with her. you know what I mean ; )

Plan B/ Sounds like a handful.. I would move on tbh, there are SO many more girls out there waiting for you!

thanks for the reply mate I appreciate the advice.

Yeah SPAM I think I'll follow your plan A and just enjoy it casually, ride it out for a bit and see what happens. Any thoughts on how to counter a bad bf? bf destroyers? I want to get an edge on him.

cheers

Hey all, I know I'm new here but I really want to contribute. I have been in this situation and countless times so hopefully my advice helps.


My view is that you should just tell her to hit the bricks (fulling expecting her to not hit the bricks).. You're letting her run the relationship. She likes bad boys but what's the reason behind that? She likes them because she obviously likes the ride, the excitement. What you have to do to pry her away is not let her have her cake and eat it too and showing her that you're the man in the relationship. By you allowing her to still be with that guy you're probably always just going to be the guy she comes off the bench with. If you want that then just do what your doing but if not lay it on the line with her and if she tries some BS excuse you just tell her to lose your number. She'll be back with vengeance man--count on it!

thanks for the input stealth. I really like the idea of that and in this case I'm almost positive it will work because I know she prefers me over him, I think she just needs a wake up call to force her into action.

And I think you're spot on with her only liking bad boys for the excitement, now that you say that I realize how obvious it is. I remember talking to her when she first met her bf and she was worried he wouldn't be fun enough for her. So now I see the real reason behind her attraction to bad boys.

Really helpful post mate, next time I see her if she hasn't cut ties with this bloke I'll tell her to beat it

First off play the game or be played, I am in the exact same situation all the post were great but me and you both know the fact are emotions are at times getting the best of us they must be suppressed, have a good time with her because if we do get serious with these girls they will do us just like she did him once a cheater always a cheater.

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Live and let live...

yeah you're right, I do actually care for this chick and now I can see how it is affecting the way I analyse the situation. I think I need to roll the dice and do as stealth said, and if that doesn't work then so be it, no big loss, plenty of other fish in the sea.

Do you really think once a cheater always a cheater? That's not a very nice thought Just before I came out of my last LTR I hooked up with another chick just before ending it, it's not something I'm proud of, however I knew the relationship was soon going to end. I think it depends a lot on the person and how much they care (or don't care) for the other person.

thanks for the input mate!

Hey im not saying to drop her just have fun and yes i do think once a cheater always a cheater but hey mabey i could be wrong. Keep me updated with this situation status and i will let you know about mine we are in the exact same shoes just with too different perspectives.

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Live and let live...

Once a cheater always a cheater can be true unless u are at the top of ur game at all times. Always keep her real and she wont cheat guaranteed. Ur doing good man just keep ur objectivity of the situation if nothing else. Like u said plenty of fish in the sea.

hey guys,
Just thought I'd give a quick update on this situation, as requested by 100%. The next time I saw her on the date she had ditched him. So was pretty happy with that I didn't have to tell her to 'hit the bricks' as she'd already got rid of the problem.

I think the key points to take away from this situation is that if you're in this position where another guy is sort of on the scene; act carefree as to whether she sticks around, make sure your time together is more fun than the times she has spent with him, and do not show emotion when she mentions him (act like he doesn't exist to you).

I will also admit that I know all her friends were telling her she should choose me over him, so that probably helped too

100% how did you end up going with your girl?