Man... so basically she is a princess and you will have to jump and roll and act nice every-time she goes on an emotional blackmail push / pull routine... And how many years are you planning on doing this?

But I hope that I'm wrong man....

Go read "blink" or any other popular science book and then give it to her, tell her you liked it and you want her to read it too so you can discuss it. Then after she reads it, have a 30 minute discussion about it. Then suggest making your own little book club and start reading with her books, so there is a "deeper side" to your relationship ... go to a museum once a month. Take her to the zoo.

Relationship is work man... I just hope she is worth it and won't escalate her demands from you. Keep an eye for manipulation / self victimization. Make sure she doesn't cross borders or steps over you.

And then.... create some drama. Once in awhile let her see you with a female friend, remind her that you do have options. Once a month don't answer your phone for a few hours and then tell her you were with friends and didn't hear your phone ring. Make her wonder. They need this shit. Women need drama, if she doesn't get it from you, she will look for it somewhere else. At least "this" type of women.

Looking back at my relationship, my GF would QUALIFY me... after YEARS of being together. "I need a man that's X" "I need a man that's Y". She would make me wait for her, demand that we "talk" about our emotions ("talk" = she talks and I listen, and whatever I say she would get mad for me "not being understanding") etc etc.

God I hate this, the power plays never end... I'm never going back there. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe not all women are like my ex. Maybe yours is good inside. Good luck brother.

Ok well now, a couple weeks after we made up again, she started up the flirting with the same guy again. This time it’s worse. They played a game of “20 Questions” on Facebook, and it wandered into the EXTREME flirting category. Among the questions asked were “How far would you go with me?” To which she responded “All the way.” And she told him that her 1st impression of him was “OMG he’s SO CUTE! But of course, I’m taken, UGHH!” So I’m screwed… again. By the way, this whole conversation with the other guy took place while she was writing me a sweet, gushy “I love you” letter at the same time. I sent her a message today, basically busting her for the whole conversation. And she responded with:

“OK. Then we can brake up. Bye”

Then a 2nd message 15 minutes later.

“OK, I can't just say "Bye" so I'll try to some up what I wanna say. I told you before we even stated dating that I was wild and flirty and shit. And I've told you over and ever the past 8 months how bd of a girlfriend I am and that you're too good for me. Finally see it? I know I fuck up and that I'm just a untrustable sluty bitch, and I'm sorry you wasted your time on me. I wish I could change, liike how you changed from "I used to be a player" to “it eventually sickened me." but I guess I can't and never will be able to. I do love you, and I always have. I'm sorry I ruined everything. And that you wasted nearly a year of your life being with me. Bye”

All of this is because she has insecurity issues. She can’t stand ever being alone, so she always makes sure there’s a “backup guy” around just in case. Even though she loves me, she has this abandonment problem that doesn’t seem to go away. I know I can’t change her, but I really wish I could fix her problem somehow. Any advice guys? … Besides just dumping her. I really love this girl.

[/quote]

All of this is because she has insecurity issues. She can’t stand ever being alone, so she always makes sure there’s a “backup guy” around just in case. Even though she loves me, she has this abandonment problem that doesn’t seem to go away. I know I can’t change her, but I really wish I could fix her problem somehow. Any advice guys? … Besides just dumping her. I really love this girl.[/quote]

you are trying to attribute this to the fact that she is somehow defective or dysfunctional because she isn't madly in love with you and at your feet. You are trying to make it so that the reason she is putting you through this torment is because there is something wrong with her and that if you "fix" it she would be the perfect GF and life would be wonderfull.

That is flawed, delusional thinking. You can't "fix" her because she isn't broken or defective. She is what and who she is. You either accept her as she is or move on. (or what is actually healthier is accept her as she is AND move on anyway)

We all have our insecurities and dysfunctions and problems, that makes us who we are. She wants to flirt and fool around and play the field. She doesn't want to be bogged down in an exclusive relationship with you. That is her right and that is her choice. That doesn't mean you are a bad guy and that doesn't even mean that she doesn't like and appreciate you on certain levels. It just means that she doesn't believe you are "the one."

You have a choice too. You can either stew and lay around in a depression and agonize over the loss and spend your time and energy trying to win her back or wishing she was different or that you were different or that things can be the way they were.

OR you can view this as a new found freedom and you too can flirt and fool around and play the field and get out and do things that you want to do and live your life to the fullest.

I'm not trying to sound heartless because THIS IS PAINFULL. I'm over 40 years old and have endured it many times over the years and it always hurts. BUT it always heals too and the faster you get off your duff and get out and start doing fun things and enjoying yourself the faster it heals.

You can wallow in greif and torment or you can get out and do fun things. Which of those choices do you think puts you in more contact with other hotties and pays off the most in the end?

...

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Hate to say this but you only love what your mind wants to think this girl is.

She said it herself at the very beginning, she's flirty and a bad g/f and blah blah blah, and you set out to change her, and I'd bet you still think you can because you're saying "I love you" about someone who doesn't return the same. Get that out of your mind. Put your mind at ease, she's a done deal, and be thankful she at least gave you closure.

When I've gone through this same thing with crazy women in the past there's just a breakup, and then them trashing me to mutual friends and stirring drama, and then them calling me a week later trying to get me back in their vaginal spider web of masterfully orchestrated deceit. Screw that noise, once the trust is broken it should be over if you've got any self-respect, simple as that.

That said, run like hell dude, and don't stick your dick in crazy anymore unless you double bag it, and use *67 on your phone. Be well, GFTOW.

You don't love her . . . this is scarcity to the MAX.

There is absolutely no way in hell that the two of you are EVER going to have a healthy relationship. Her insecurities are so deeply rooted that it will take years and years (if ever) for her to get over them.

She will do the same thing to the next guy. And the guy after that.

Leave it. Don't waste your time . . .

"All of this is because she has insecurity issues. She can’t stand ever being alone, so she always makes sure there’s a “backup guy” around just in case."

When you say "insecurities" it's like giving her a free pass. "she is insecure... poor girl.... wow.... ahhh... that's so sweet..... insecure.....ahhhhh.."

FUCK THAT.

It has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with being a player / princess / drama junkie / a fucking typical girl.

This is NOT a girl you want in your life.

OR, if you would want to keep her (I have NO IDEA WHY you would want to do that) then YOU need to give her the drama that she is looking for / make her jealous / flirt with other girls / push her away / pull her back etc etc LIKE I SAID BEFORE. Look what she is telling you:

"And I've told you over and ever the past 8 months how bd of a girlfriend I am and that you're too good for me. "

YOU ARE TOO GOOD. You are a NICE GUY. They CAN'T STAND NICE GUYS.

FUCK THAT.


And when I say "they" I mean all women - but there are girls that need the occasional push/pull/drama once a month and there are those who need it every fucking 5 minutes.

Move on and learn your lesson - never be "too good", and always look for signs of manipulation / confrontation seeking behavior / drama queen syndrome behavior - those are the worse, it's this same behavior but on the extreme side of the spectrum.

(or go to the next level - understand that monogamy is unnatural bla bla bla and give up LTRs all together)

haha, you fell for that??

Ok seriously, read what you wrote. Then read what she said again. It's like emotional manipulation 101.

"I LOVE YOU, BUT I'M BROKEN, IT'S NOT MY FAULT. SORRY I FUCKED IT ALL UP!"

Let me translate that for you:

I LOVE YOU, = please god damnit be sucker enough to believe what I'm about to say.

BUT I'M BROKEN = I don't give a shit if you don't like the way I am. I'm perfect and you need to accept me this way.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT = It's YOUR fault dumbass

SORRY I FUCKED IT UP = I want you to think really hard about how much you love me, then feel guilty and tell me "it's OK! Feel free to do it again!!". Oh by the way, I'm already fucking that new guy and feeling guilty about it.

At this point there are only two options.

1) walk away and forget about her manipulative, immature and lying ass. (the mature and appropriate thing to do)

2) Step 1 - fuck her one last time in the most brutal, embarassing, degrading and demeaning way possible (I'm talking like make her suck her own shit off your dick while calling her a total whore and makeing her beg you for more) and get it on tape. Step 2 - youtube, and link it to all your friends + the new guy. (the less mature but more satisfying thing to do).


Just remember, SORRY always means "I knew it was wrong when I did it, but did it anyway".

_________________
"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-

i was just saying this to a friend of mine the other day. i feel like whenever a girl tells you something like "i think we might need some time apart" or something similar the answer should always be "you're probably right, i was just thinking that, too" followed by a freezeout.

this allows you to save face, retain some power in the relationship if it ever does resume, show her you're not too needy/insecure and, of course, fuck other girls for a while.

and here's the thing. if she never comes back, well, you were probably gonna lose her anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

i mean, think about it. when was the last time you or one of your guy friends ever got that from a girl, talked her into staying together, and then it worked out? i cant think of any time, either...



this thread is particularly sad because about halfway through it looked as if arandomdude6 would, for the first time in the history of internet forums, heed the good advice he was given, apply it, and everything would be ok. but then he started falling for her (and her new bf's) manipulative b.s. and it all went to hell. very sad. i really do feel for him. especially if he really was in love with her (although, i think 'scarcity mentality' would be a more accurate description, as someone else already suggested).


btw, mad props to nifty pickle for the phrase "vaginal spider web of masterfully orchestrated deceit". well said!

could NOT have sad it better.

repped

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

"this thread is particularly sad because about halfway through it looked as if arandomdude6 would, for the first time in the history of internet forums, heed the good advice he was given, apply it, and everything would be ok."

What was the good advice?? That he should "talk it over" with her? That he should start to be nice to her? It was obviously bad advice, he should have start playing her own game and turn into a jerk.

Romantic Love as you see it in Hollywood movies is an INVENTED emotion, it is actually a bunch of other emotions / needs put together, mainly sexual attraction + fear of abandonment and neediness and validation seeking. What can be better than two people giving EACH OTHER all of these things????

Become a PUA. Eliminate any neediness, validation seeking. Become sexually free. THEN look for a relationship.... out of a position of power, freedom, wholeness.

umm...did you actually read the thread? in just the first 2 pages alone there's tons of posts telling him to leave her, to cut off sex, that she's being manipulative, etc.

i mean, even if you didn't read the whole thread, surely you looked at the first 3 responses. the first one said to bail, the third one said she's lying, and the second one said pretty much both of those things.

Holy crap I'm laughing so hard from all the funny things you guys think of! I'm still considering that youtube idea lol. But in the meantime, here's my battle plan:

As of right now, we're in an open relationship. I talked to her once since she wrote that reply above. She's definitely trying to make herself the "victim." Because part of the agreement in this open relationship was, she can't have sex with anyone other than me. Her response was "Ok I promise, but I don't even want to have sex anymore. I only want to have sex with 'that one special person' and since your trust for me is now 0 and we're in an OPEN relationship, it's making me wonder if you're really the one. Just being honest." Ironically, the open relationship was HER choice, since I gave her 2 options: We could either be in an exclusive relationship, which required that she give me the common respect of not flirting around and telling guys "all the way"... OR... We could be in an open relationship and allow dating other people at the same time. I was tired when she decided what she wanted, so I didn't realize that it was a bad idea until the next day.

She's gone on a weekend vacation with family, so she's probably expecting me to be home moping about her. But I'm probably going to end up seeing a girl who REALLY likes me tomorrow. I already know this girl wants me to bang her... sexting and nude pics of her are pretty good indicators lol. So here's my question: If we have the chance to have sex, should I go for it? It would certainly be the ULTIMATE "fuck you!" to my gf, but I'm not looking to make her hate me forever... just something to make her EXTREMELY jealous and think "I WANT THAT BACK! HE'S MINE!" But it might be hypocritical, considering I made her promise to not have sex. Thoughts guys?

He asked for advice on how to fix the situation, "dump her" doesn't count as advice. The advice that he DID get was to talk logically about the situation, to "listen to her", to please her, etc... obviously that didn't work.

People think that "shit tests" end after you have sex with a girl... false. They keep testing you forever. What she did was a "in relationship" shit test and he bought into her frame of him only wanting sex from her and started to apologize for it.

What she needed was to see him getting text messages from other girls wanting to bang him, then her automatic jealousy mechanism would kick in, and she would be coming back to him on her knees. Pleasing never works. Or, he should have flipped the whole frame and not get sucked into it:

"No, I don't only want sex.... is that how you see me? As such a shallow person? I'm not sure we can stay together if this is how you see me, coming from a girl that's X Y Z (pointing to her bad habits)" - and flip the frame onto her and go into attack.

arandomdude6- I don't understand what you're talking about. An open relationship but she CANNOT have sex with other people? That's not an open relationship... anyway it's clear that its all over between you two, now you want to bang another girl... just move on.

Glad you liked the joke, I've actually considered many times making a funny comic strip take on my life where I introduce the women as black widows. Boy have I got some stories that would make you laugh!

Anyway that's actually an outstanding idea and probably the best thing to do in that situation. If a woman is that flighty I don't really see any use for her anymore. Then again that more so comes of my realization that I've never and maybe will never find a woman who would willingly give herself to me and myself to her on a long term scale without the need for these drama games. It's kind of a sad commentary on the biology of the human being. We all desire a challenge of sorts.