pickle

no offense at all man, but you have sure talked a whole lot about what you do at your job. I mean re-read your responses man you talk about how everyone goes to you with questions at work even though your not where you want to be etc. Its to much info. The Q was what do you do? Not how do you feel there, and whats your passions in the career etc. short and basic or pull the funny method. Dont let her get to know too much just yet

I tend to agree with you in some aspects. If a girl asks me within a couple of minutes of talking what I do that instinctively throws up a red flag of "gold digger" to me, but I try and move beyond that and just realize that not everyone has good question to ask at first when getting to know a person, so I just try and keep the conversation going as normal and not jump to conclusions.

Let's see, do I feel ashamed to be a programmer? I have kind of mixed feelings on this subject. I love what I do first of all or else I wouldn't be doing it (and you know as I know as a programmer that there are plenty of people who are just simply "job coders" who do it for the paycheck I do it because I get a rush out of solving complicated problems and being able to create). However, I find myself in a lot of situations (I was a frat boy in college) where the people I'm around want to drink beer all day and talk sports and that's really not my cup of tea. People have written me off a lot of times as a nerd for having creative passions. I don't think it's a bad thing to be a nerd at all personally, but there are a lot of negative stereotypes because that's unfortunately the way that western society works. Perhaps I do fear the stereotype and intolerance because I've received some negative backlash from people about it, which I think is very petty on the part of the people who've been so intolerant, and maybe even more petty on my part to get offended by jerks LOL.

So anyways, let me give you an example of a rather brutal situation I encountered one night at a bar to hopefully answer your question. So one night I had finished up a 3D sculpt in ZBrush (if you're not familiar go google it now and check out the user galleries you'll see some amazing stuff people do) that I'd spent a good week on and wanted to celebrate so I headed down to a local bar for a few drinks. So I'm chilling in a booth and along comes this blonde HB8, sits down next to me, asks me for a cig, we start talking. She asks me what I do so I tell her I'm a programmer/artist, she then tells me oh artist that's cool she works as a bartender and has been wanting to get into interior design on the side. Well I thought in my head hey she might be interested in some of the architecture stuff I do since she's into interior design, and asked her if she wants to see this 3D model I did of my apartment and kind of my plan for using it to do some experimenting with interior design, so she's like sure that sounds cool so I show her and she's all like OMFG that's awesome you're so talented.

So anyways, right afterward I kid you not, she pulls an "I'll be right back" and goes and grabs her friend, comes back and tells me her friend has an "emergency". They proceed to go sit at the bar and pretend like they're crying every time they think I'm looking and then proceeded to laugh heavily every time they thought I wasn't looking. To make it even worst I had to walk past them every time I wanted to get a drink from the bar, and this girl would look at me like she was expecting confrontation and I just tried to blow her off.

Should I just chalk that one up to "jealous chick" or what? This is just one example though, I got a little wary about showing the artwork to people after that btw.

let's just say my passions are creative ones

You just have to present it in a way she can relate to and finds interesting. She won't care about the time or the quality of a boring model. Modeling your apartment I would think ranks right up there with watching paint dry.

Don't use lingo and if you do explain it first.

My guess is you weren't keeping her interested enough so she tried to keep things going by asking you what you do and you just geeked out with modeling speak. Where you started to loose her and then once she saw the boring modeling that was the death knell.

Then again she could have just been after a cig and thought you looked like a good mark.

I suggest maybe trying to set the frame at first with the sub-communication of I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT I AM FUCKING WITH YOU have that in your head as you are talking to her, she says what do you do for a living you say, I TRAVEL THE 7 SEAS IN SEARCH OF TREASURE, what do you do, something boreing? then stick out your tounge and make a fart noise at her, if she trys to give you shit, just say something like ARR IM JUST A PIRATE AND I WANT YAR BOOTY, and it is not what you say it is what you are thinking and your emotional state as you say it, think happy thoughts or something, I like to think of this guy in a wheel chair one time I saw who was wearing a leather football helmet and smiling, for some reason girls really open up when you do this after they open up you can get serious and kill the energy down a bit and try to just get them to talk instead of having them asking you questions and you talking

Hi man,

first, thanks for you answer, i feels kinda honest to me, i respect that.

Secondly: Golddigger etc, or even just fake, lying people are quite easy to unmask.
Saying things and acting accordinly can be seen as honest. But people tend to say things but arent quite anxious to do what they said they do. If they say it aint for your money, but they arent willing to pay when you say you are short for the moment... (ok, many other reasons my apply here, but i am just trying to make a point with an easy example.)


On the programming thing: i am not a code monkey either. i take pride in my job. coding is an art and i am a freaking artist. I dont have double feelings about my job, i am proud of what i am and what i do. You honestly admit that you might be afraid of the stereotype. Dont be.

Together with that (building on another point here ), to be a good PUA, you must be able to turn your weaknesses into strengths. Now here comes the point: dont be afraid of the stereotype, USE the stereotypes.

Dont be creative with your own job explanation just to show off your own creativity (sorry anthonypham, i just dont like your answer). Be creative with your weaknesses, like stereotypes. Even more, a true master of creativity and a true PUA gives the other person a chance to be creative. What do they do? Get creative with the sort of questions you ask, like: you are a cleaning lady and you like your job? ok, convince this nerd to become a cleaning nerd and tell me why you like it (as example).

Be creative with stereotypes based on reality and truth. For example, lately its been quite hot where i live. And at the office, it gets hot as well. there is no airco, but opening the windows even makes it hotter. So the effect is that it really stinks in my office, due to nerds who dont wash up, start sweating, drinking coffee, the smell of hot computers mixed with that, really, its a rancid smell and a rancid air. this is actually stereotypical for nerds, so you might hear me saying: hell yeah, i am a nerd and tomorrow ii am starting again in my stinkbox. they ask wtf is that? and i say: its a room filled with other nerds, sweating, stinking, smoking, drinking coffee. Then i might smell myself and say: hmmm, seems like i am still fine, i need to blend in better.

This kinda stuff. Be creative, but stick to realism while you do it so people can connect to the idea. While you say stuff like that, make an exaggerated serious face, like you really mean it, but it shows that you are trying to really mean it. Be creative.


On the brutal story (or one of the many brutal stories): No sweat. Remember, you are who you are. Self esteem is what you think of yourself. If you think u are a great guy, you are a great guy. Ego is you thinking that other people think you are a great guy. Dont let your ego bust your self esteem. She hardly had a conversation with you, just sucking up and then go away and laugh? Pathetic. I you wish, you can bust them on it. Depending on the situation i might or i might not.

PS: the 3D models look very good!

hope i helped out a bit,

cheers

Do not participate in serious conversations too early in the relationship. Always break the tension with banter or some silly shit. Tease her, say somethig stupidnmake her laugh, play with her, then get serious for a few minutes then go crazy again.

This is more like cat string theory, you only reveal so much but still leave mystery. Otherwise your too easy to get and they would lose interest before you could escalate any further.

F***ing classic bro LOL!

If that's your style. I've always found the avoidance-hopefully-you-will-find-me-funny crap to be weak game, but if it works for you go for it.

Why do you consider that weak game? (not saying I disagree with you here, I just thought what he said was pretty funny, but I could see where a woman would think you're just trying too hard with the humor) What do you feel works better?

Why do you consider that weak game?