This is more for the new guys and/or guys that have trouble getting sexual.

This post will be short as I gotta go soon but I'll come back to it when I have more time. In the meantime, leave your questions below.

Anyways, forget attraction. Pretend it doesn't exist and put it in the back of your mind.

Now, next time your interacting with woman, don't be trying to create attraction (something you should neevr do anyways... just assume attraction) and insted focus on AROUSAL.

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do you not build up attraction at all? like skip that phase?
how do you transition straight into arousal without weirding the target out?
can you post some techniques, stories, etc that you have field tested that build arousal effectively and can be used in general.

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Thinking in 'phases' is a stupid idea anyway since it's all spread out over the time you are with a girl. You could be building attraction and comfort at the same time.

Anyway, I approve of this message. I always found 'building attraction' a hella vague description of what I was supposed to do.

AROUSAL, this in contrary gave me a very clear idea.

What's arousal?

Any emotion you can spark within a girl. A simple emotional reaction to what you're saying=arousal

Now, you've got arousal AND value.

As we know, giving value=attractive.

So for me arousal+giving value=attraction



Simple.

i understand what you guys are saying. phases are just guidelines and dont have to be fixed. i still want to know the answer to the questions though.

how do you transition straight into arousal? how do you guys work with your pick ups? would you isolate her and then start escalating arousal straight away, or what? what kind of game plan do you follow when the main focus is arousal?

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Be creative in your wording. I'm talking about sexual arousal here; you can spark other emotions in a more straightforward manner.

Today, I was talking to someone and she used the analogy of eating a big meal. She said,
It made me think of altering it in the following way:
See that? All I had to do was describe something absolutely normal, take out all references of biting, do some strategic gesturing, and we're talking about her blowing me! You can leave in all the references to biting if you like teeth, of course

I like what I wrote there, so I'll add in the gestures. Underline is pointing at your dick! Star is sliding the gesture downward. For "entire meal," I'm thinking of a grand circular gesture ending at the navel.

I know what you had in mind was kino, though. After saying something like this, your kino isn't just you touching her for the hell of it! It's a test to see if she's responding well, and when she lets you touch her, it's an anchor for what she's thinking and feeling.

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arousal .. i think you are referring to the same feeling when you have approach anxiety ? i don't mean the fear - that is just a label ... i mean the butterfly like feeling ?

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First of all to OP - great post and very true.

@Guesss - Right now you're thinking in this linear paradigm where you assume you have to run "attraction building" material before it's ok to express interest in a girl. You actually don't! If you walk up to a girl and tell her, in an upfront and honest way, that you find her attractive / sexy and you want to get to know her, then the refreshing honesty and confidence of that approach will immediately trigger all the attraction you need, in any girl who would be interested in you to begin with. From there, you create and build up the arousal through the use of touch, eye contact, voice tonality, and words.

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thanks guys. yeah, Ryan is right. my approach is kind of linear and based on the assumption that attraction has to be built up. i know what you guys are saying now.

i want to try this but i want to better my inner game first. Is there any particular body language i should look for or the type of target that this approach would be more successful on. which type of girl would this work on. I know eye contact is the main one, like if she maintains it for a while.

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You're still worrying about whether or not she'll be receptive to your approach before you do it. That puts you in your head instead of in the moment. There is nothing to look for except whether or not you think she looks hot. If she's hot to you, approach her and tell her so! If she's interested, she'll stay, if she's not, you've wasted 1 minute and can move on to the next one. That's it!

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Simple as that. I like it [thumbs up]

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Creating arousal is easy! I agree with WM, forget attraction and shoot for arousal... arousal is attractive.

Here, let me break it down for you.

Lets look at a man who ladies are crazy for... who ladies can't help but find sexy. Trey Songz. Now we all know Trey is pretty damn good looking, #NoHomo. But his personality is very sexy.

Nicki Minaj and Trey Songz were doing a webcam, and Nicki said something like, "Trey, what are you doing to these ladies. They are throwing there panties at you on stage. I have girls running up to me asking about you You have something about you.. Some rico suave swag. You're never hyper, and the ladies find you sexy."

That's when it hit me, low energy > high energy. So I thought I put it to the test.

A bit ago I was at Walmart, and I wanted some moose for my hair. I gotta stay fresh for the chicks right? Anyways, I stop a cute employee and I figure I might as well test it on her.. I was really calm n cool, laid back, and said...

"Scuse me. I'm looking for a mousse that doesn't make your hair..... poofy."

Naturally, I just paused between hair and poofy. When I did that and delivered the poofy, a big smile went on her face and she tried to find some mousse for me. I could tell there was something there.

On top of this, low energy KILLS nervousness. It's body over mind, so whenever you are in a nervous situation, slow ya roll playa. Be more smooth with your movements, etc.

All in all, low energy is sexy. Don't be that hyper child, "HEY GUYS! WHO LIE MORE MEN OR WOMEN?!?!?!" You're rico suave. You got swag. You're calm, cool, and collective. Do you see high status people all hyper n shit when talking to some people... probably not. I feel like the high energy person is trying to get the low energy person to accept them... (eg - the high energy person is qualifying)

Side Note: When you're doing the low energy technique, don't give seductive smiling... let alone any smiling, AT FIRST. (Once she starts smiling, do it back) If you approach being Mr. Smiley Pants with low energy, be warned, you can very well come off as a creeper.

I still see a lot of people asking how to "create attraction" so - BUMP

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yes, mainly eye contact, getting in her personal space, and escalating physically and voice tonality etc..

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Just a word on ASSUMING ATTRACTION and using that assumption to let yourself focusing on arousal...

Experienced guys like you and me assume attraction because we've worked on developing ourselves, our inner game, our charm, etc. and we KNOW that we're "high value" and shit internally. Since we're not worried about eliciting attraction with strategies based on value or consciously demonstrating masculine polarity or anything like that, we have room to focus on creating arousal, making for a fantastic combination (the assumed attraction + conscious arousal).

Inexperienced guys want to focus on "creating" attraction because they don't yet have the means to assume attraction. They don't KNOW that they're attractive yet.

This means that the inexperienced guys must work on themselves until they actually develop an irresistible personality, vibe, etc. Style (yes, Neil Strauss) called this attribute-based game or something like that.

You gotta keep in mind that some guys aren't yet ready to just be told to "assume attraction" because they're still in the steps before they can do that. You can tell a guy like you and me to "just be yourself" and that advice would be easy to follow, but not for the AFC.

agreed.