| So with respect to Kabi, I don't agree with his approach. Think of me as the little devil on your shoulder lol.
I hate to say this buddy but you're the official mayor of "Friends-Only"-ville. You've got some serious oneitis and this chic is looking at you as just a friend. How can we know for sure? Well you've been friends for a loooong time and nothing has materialized. Either way, if she starts talking about her ex (good or bad) you're kinda screwed.
If she says positive things about him, you know she wants to get with him, or at the very least, is thinking of forgiving him.
If she bitches about him, she's using you as a pressure valve and sees you as a friend to vent to.
I have a distinct feeling that she's going to LJBF (Let's just be friends) you.
Trying to make her realize that you're the opposite guy from her ex is not going to help you at all because 1.) if you try to badmouth him, she'll find ways to defend him and 2.) If she's attracted to HIM and you establish that you're NOT like him.... then what can we deduce from that?
Women are interesting characters. I have a friend who bitches about her boyfriend to me, saying he plays video games too much and ignores her. When I try to support her and agree with her, she immediately turns around and starts defending him. It would almost make you think that you should compliment the guy so that she starts to tear him down. This is the basis of the Straw Man Technique. You build up this larger-than life perfect "Straw Man" (to represent her ex) and then she will naturally seek out all of his shortcomings, and will tear him down herself.
But is that enough? Not really. All you've done is show her why she should NOT be with him. You've done nothing to show why she SHOULD be with you. Attraction doesn't "just happen with time". You actually have to be moving things forward. The problem for you is that you have years of "Friend" momentum driving you forward. Which means that switching from that into something more is not going to be easy.
From my experience, to get with the friend, you need to change the rules of the game. Keep her hopping from one foot to the other. What does this mean? You need two things - distance and change.
Generate distance by pulling away for a while. When at last you return, you've changed. How did you change? By going out, dating other girls, figuring out how to get any woman you want, and not making any apology for it. Change enough that she starts looking at you slightly differently when you're back in her life. If before you had treated her like a lady, now you're treating her like a tramp, and vice versa.
Unfortunately in my experience you need a LOT of time to do this. A year at least, maybe more. Why? Because that gives you time to clear your head of her, and gives her time to clear her head of you. So that when you DO come back, and you're different, it doesn't seem all creepy and inconsistent. Think about it, if one day you were buying her flowers and then the next you're suddenly calling her a hoe - wouldn't that freak her out a bit? You need that time in between to buffer.
You can't make your sole goal of this distance to be eventually getting the original girl, because if you do, you'll attach far too much importance and screw yourself. You should genuinely want to break away.
Remind yourself - is there anything overly special about this girl? What makes her so much more important than any other woman in the world? Is it the long friendship you guys have? Trust me, friendship and time are not so entwined as you might think. You can become better friends with someone in five months than you have ever been with someone over five years. The only benefit that long friendships bring with them are loyalty, camaraderie, and trust. These three things take years to build between brothers and men. Fortunately, in relationships, loyalty and trust are expected at the very beginning, and basically come for free.
Remember there are many women out there. Gorgeous. Charming and charismatic, from all different colours and flavours and corners of the world. There is nothing so special about this ONE that you can't find in another.
Q.
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CHAT
about her online, however later on her boyfriend started texting her wanting to get back together. She however did not want to get back together with him because of what he did. When hanging out with her. I noticed that she was thinking about her boyfriend because when I mentioned something he was brought up in our conversation by her in a positive way that shows she is still thinking about him. Also, I saw her texting him when we were hanging out. Mainly what I need to know is how can I get with her when she keeps thinking about him. Personally I think that the "straw man technique" here would not be as effective seeing as she recognizes her boyfriends flaws yet still likes him. As for me during the time I have known her I have seen a few IOIs from her but the IOIs are very clear.
fucking hard and difficult to understand. I know there are a lot of other hot women around, but for some reason I don't see any of them at the city Im in. One HB9 or HB8 is incredibly rare lol.