Why would she consider leaving though? I just need a course of ACTION to take that will save this. I love her and it hurts like hell to think of her slipping away because I was an idiot. I'm almost to the point of begging right now honestly. I have lots of girls I could get with ASAP, but I don't want them. This girl is special to me, and she's become part of my life now. I need your help guys... badly.

Oh man... I feel sorry for you. I read your original post and then wanted to quickly reply "I sense problems, something is off here, she is being manipulative" etc etc but then decided not to be a prick and read the entire thread and then got to the point of her "meeting another guy"....

If you want to save this relationship she needs to see you flirting with other women, she needs to see that you don't really need her, that you have better options, etc etc etc. The worse thing you can do is supplicate and lower your value.

However.... why would you want to do that? One day she wants to marry you, the other day she meets some random dude... this girl is TROUBLE. She is unfocused, confused, sounds like a typical princess. I would move on. In my opinion men shouldn't be in LTRs until their mid 30's. Life is short... why make it shorter by settling down early? How old are you guys anyway?

Move on, enjoy life... there are 3 billion other girls out there.

"The best you can do is tell her that you understood what she said before, and are willing to set sex aside to prove that her body is not the only thing you care about."

No no no. This is the worse you can do. You need to attack - to tell her you were thinking the same thing, that you met this model a few days ago who asked you out and you are all confused about it, that the sex between you wasn't that good anyway, that you are not sure she is the "marriage material" - basically - go back to A2 !!!!

(that is, if you want to stay with her - which IMO is a bad idea!)

Seriously? A2? After 8 months in a relationship? We know each other like the back of our hands, so idk how big of an effect negs will have. She'd probably just get offended by them, reinforcing her decision to "take a break."

One more question in addition to the "what do I do?" scenario... Is it a good idea to write her a letter like the one outlined in a book by John Alexander? This is along the lines of how it would look:

"Hi (girl's name),
I totally agree with your decision earlier. I think you’re an amazing girl, but I’ve realized you’re still really young and not yet ready for a relationship. It was my mistake for believing that you were ready. Something big and exciting just happened in my life… I’ll need to tell you about it sometime. For now, I’m giving you some time for yourself. Maybe we can at least be friends again at some point."

That method then recommends cutting off ALL contact with her for 21 days. Then meeting up with her on a "friendly hangout" and escalate it to sex (that may not be a good goal in this case, considering the name of this thread). Any thoughts on this?

Haha... no, I don't think you should neg her, and don't do magic tricks either. (but maybe a cube ... )

But something along the above letter, showing her that you too have other options, that you are not needy, etc. (all your posts show that you ARE needy and that you are also displaying this to her)

I broke up with my GF but she was actually the first one to bring it up months earlier (a "maybe we should have a break" convo) A few hours after discussing it we checked into a hotel and I was flirting a little with the receptionist, who really liked me.

Afterwards my GF told me that seeing me talking with another girl like that made her jealous and to "realize that she still loves me". From that point onwards she never brought the breaking up option again.

Make her see you with another girl... I don't know how, but find a way.

Oh man . . . NOT ignoring/being unfriendly was the point, remember? What's done is done.
This is going to be difficult. Whatever you do though, don't ignore her under any circumstances or break contact. Right now, it's not even about the whole sex thing anymore. She's seriously losing interest because the damage has already been dealt.

At this point, I really suggest you physically SIT down with her and talk about EVERYTHING.

Tell her how you feel, tell her you understand why she feels the way she does, and talk to her about where you guys are at, in this moment. How she feels about this and most importantly - WHY things are the way they are and what the future will bring.

Try resolving it verbally, because at the moment, there is no particular 'action' I can think of which can magically solve everything (make her drop the 'new guy' she likes, make her say 'all is forgiven' etc).

Not even the verbal part is a guarantee though. Shit looks really dark right now. But that's the move I would have gone for at this point.

Just . . . TALK.

Why is logic a bad idea during PU but a good idea during the "relationship" stage?

I know it sounds terrible and childish but they made up the rules, not us: you need to work on her EMOTIONS, not convince her logically. It's not like you are married for 18 years and have kids to think about etc.

You need to make her attracted to you again.

Just my 2 cents, won't post again about this....

^I think he's tried to push her 'emotions' too far by now.

For what it's worth, I talked to this "new guy" myself, and he actually wasn't a prick! He was super nice, and knew how I felt about this situation. He went through a similar heartbreak with his own ex. He said right off the bat that he doesn't even like my girl as more than a friend. And he wants to help me out. So I'm not exactly sure what her response is going to be when she finally finds that out. Will she end up running back to me? Or just move on altogether?

Also, in her reply to my long message, she told me that she's happy I can say sorry "but it's not that simple." That she thinks things have changed way too much. She said, "I used to not be able to go a few hours without thinking about you or talking to you. But it hasn't been that way lately. And I know I hurt you, for that I'm sorry." She told me that the things I did and said really hurt, and she concluded the message by saying "I miss how things were before. I hate feeling like this, but it feels like a break from eachother would be best. I'm really sorry, more than I ever have been. I'll talk to you whenever I can. I still love you, bye."

Then later she wrote me a 2nd message, because I wasn't around to reply to her first one at the time...
"And I will admit that I've been talking to (new guy's name) a little everyday. And he's single and made some comments. But they're jokes, and even tough I didn't reply to them the way you'd like me to, it's not real. I also will admit that I have a little crush on him. I'm sorry, it's just that he's been making me laugh when you've been making me wanna cry (I've held it in a lot, the crying) So I'm sorry AGAIN for fuckng up. Bye."

(That last part wasn't sarcasm. That's just how she talks. She's told me throughout the course of our relationship that she thinks she makes a horrible girlfriend.)

In addition, my friend tried talking to her, saying that "not talking for ONE day is no reason to dump your bf for a guy you've only known a week." Her reply was "It hasn't just been ONE day. I've been wanting out for weeks!" (not sure if that's a game changer or not)

Careful now. He will tell you anything to get you out of the suspicion-zone.
Back in my asshole-days, I did the same thing to take a girl from her boyfriend. You have no idea how simple it is to deceive someone to get what you want.

Not saying that he's a liar, just saying 'careful'.
Not that it has anything to do with the current situation - but THIS happened because she started taking you for granted. You were no challenge and she knew she had you under control because the SEX was your fuel of the relationship and she could use it to her advantage.

Not that she's ever done it, but she knows she could. And therefore, why keep you around when she can find someone ELSE that can provide her with sex, is a bit more of a challenge, and can make her LAUGH? Which brings to the final point . . .
Yeah . . . She event admits it. What a good girl. But then again, you can't really blame her.

What's slightly good news about this though, is that SHE told you with her own will that there still IS a chance for things to get 'fixed'.

It's really hard to explain what can be done next, but you need to implement that certain emotion that makes her want you again, like in the old days. I don't know how exactly you did it, but usually it can be done by for example giving her a moment of pleasure (NOT talking about sex now) and then take it away.

Not really sure how to explain the ^above, since it can easily be misunderstood . . .

But if you backtrack to WHY she couldn't spend a minute without you before and why the things were as awesome as they were - you might get an idea on how to go about doing things.

But it's still a very difficult situation you might be in.

Then I'll say it. He's a liar.

Let's say he hasn't fucked her yet or taken her out on a real date yet. So there for they are "just friends".

Does any of that really count when they a schmoozing up to each other and getting ready to go out and fuck?

Well I really gotta say that I owe it to you guys. Especially Little Panda. For that "a little piece of the past" advice. I basically wrote her a message saying how much I agree with her, and miss how things used to be as well. We're both gonna try and go back to who we were then: the original 2 people that fell in love So thanks again guys. And I'm not even worried about the guy she's been talking to. If she really loves me the way I think she does, nothing will happen. I'm not getting overconfident about this yet, but I'm definitely happy. I think that helped me out a lot too. I was so happy when I talked to her, that nothing could possibly bring me down. I guess it's even more attractive to women when guys have self-sustained happiness Thanks again everyone! I owe you a million.

Been through this same kind of bullshit with a same type of girl as described in a same type of situation. What I learned from it - she is playing you.

It doesn't seem like it, and it doesn't make much sense. But a girl like this deep down is very insecure, and needs constant reassurance or she goes into a panic mode that basically equates to a blaring voice in her head saying "FIND A WAY OUT". Then comes the scheming.

I really believe from reading all your posts and analyzing the situation that she is flirting with this other guy for 2 reasons. 1, you pissed her off and he is someone else to talk to, and more importantly 2, to make you jealous, therefore hoping to shock you into realization that her subtle hints weren't intended to be subtle.

If you seriously want to salvage, right now the best and only successful approach would be to ignore this other guy, ignore all your past issues, and just start being awesome to her. Don't over do it, and don't make it seem like a switch flipped. Just start going back to they way it was when you were first dating.

She wan'ts you to talk to her, listen to her bullshit and be interested, plan your day around her, take her out and pay her attention. Plain and simple.

If you don't she will push the jealousy act until she realizes it's not working, and then like every other insecure monkey she's already got a firm grasp on a new vine and has no reason to hold on to the old one any longer, back into the swing.

_________________
"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-

Wow that was a dead-on analysis. And luckily, I naturally did everything you advised before I read this. I ignored anything that had to do with the new guy, and I started being awesome to her. In fact, I took her out on a picnic with no seduction attempts, no frustration, and it felt GREAT! She was actually kinda crawling on me by the end of the date lol. I have a lot of hope that "going back to the past" is going to work out after all How long should I wait before I try seducing her again? Or should I wait for HER to try and seduce ME?