I can never get a girl to talk to me when I want to. I won't lie, I can get a couple chicks to get a conversation off with me but it's so discouraging getting nothing but one word answers. Most often I'll text a girl, she'll maybe sound like she's interested in the first response and then all I can get is one word answers. Everything I say can almost always be answered with lol, ok, or thanks until they give up and stop responding. I don't usually tease too much if that's the problem but sometimes I can't come up with anything.

I feel like a lot of the time I can always talk to a girl that I don't want to talk to so much and have a decent convo but when I try to initiate with girls I like it never works out and I talk to them both the same way... or atleast I used to. After a while getting rejected like this has made me stop wanting to talk to any girl. I'm tired of the ones I can get and the ones I want always cool off on me extra fast. I'm thinking I probably catch their eye, they might find one thing I say funny, but they figure I'm boring or annoying and find someone else to talk to.

Now all I ever do is over think every text I send and I don't even go on the phone anymore. Sometimes I'll fight my mind and go against it and end up having the same problem. It's like people like me were not made to talk to others. I've been trying to find out what I do wrong and all it's doing is making me bitter and angry. I used to be such a nice guy too

I thought I was boring and tried being more funny and just got boring responses. What do I do wrong? Is there a list of don'ts when it comes to conversation with a female that I missed or am I just lame and ugly? I want to get girls to open up or at least put in more effort with responses. Your input will be most appreciated and most definitely life changing so have a heart and change a life please.

P.S. I meet a lot of these girls through bbm. It's basically like meeting someone over twitter I'm guessing since all you see is a status, picture, and name but I know dudes who have had success. I'm trying to atleast get good at text game and expand to the streets because I know I'll end up with the same results possibly before I even get the number. All of them tend to do the same shit anyway on or off bbm.

_________________
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I wanna help you.
If there's something I'm good with, I'm good with raising the interest.
So I might wanna give some value here before I get my shit answered
Could you post some examples or pm them to me.
The more the better.

Most likely there always is a list of dos and donts, but I wouldnt bother with that.
A fun guy can turn even the definite donts like weather and politics into *fun*

When it all comes down to, no matter who she is and what is surrounding you, it's all about your state.
You'll always get lol, yeah, i know, idk, ok bye... almost always, or they will look the other way, completely ignore you, start talking to someone else, tease you, even insult you indirectly.... testing testing testing, all you need to do is stay there and lead or pause or move on

What's bbm?

next time if you talk to a woman .. ask what you did wrong in her perspective..

just tell her you are trying to get over your anxiety talking to strange people and ask her what she thinks you did wrong.

some guys dive in dozens of psychology books and whatever... just ask the woman.

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From a basic standpoint, are you asking open questions?

How are you...?
What would you do if...?
Where are you...?

These kind of q's dont allow for one word answers. Are you currently asking things like:

Are you having a good night?
Did you have a good weekend?
Do you like your job?
etc

These questions are only ever going to elicit yes or no answers.

Aside from questions, what else are you talking about?
Are you nervously fidgeting, not maintaining eye contact, slouching?
Are you speaking clearly and articulately?

Verbal communication only accounts for something like 7% of all interaction - if you can give me more (brutally honest) information on what you are like when you approach and after you've started talking that would be great!

***EDIT*** and yes I agree with Lodewijkp - just ask a woman!

Also.

Is this just strictly online/email/texting? - if so fuck what I said about verbal communication!

There's only so much you can get across in textspeak without being physically present...how much face to face interation are you doing?

It doesn't seem like much - and if you aren't building your confidence and inner game with face to face interactions you're gonna struggle with the texting side.

Inner game and confidence will bleed into your text game and you wont spend so much time invested in the perfect text - it doesnt exist - IMHO text game should be used as a support to maintain HBs you snared in the field!

Don't ask questions intially - hook them with statements and assumptions
When you do ask a question, make it OPEN rather than closed

Closed questions admit of one word answers "where are you from" "what do you do" "what's you favourite colour" etc. Try to AVOID them

Open questions can't be answered like that, BUT you need a certain amount of rapport first before a girl will bother to answer them. So, you hook them first with something random, funny or interesting, say a bit about yourself, maybe in the form of a story, and then hit them with some assumptions, get them talking, and then you can ask open questions and get proper responses.

OPEN question examples:

"How do you feel about..."
"Tell me about the last time you..."
"What's your experience of..."

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BBM is Blackberry Messenger. It's basically a better version of aim. People put their pins out there and broadcast them to their friends list so people can get new contacts to talk to. So when I message these girls there's no previous interaction to play off of. I usually comment on there pic or their status to get a convo going but usually I fail.

I'll post a convo in a little while after I start this one. I'm starting to wonder if these girls are just busy. I'm beginning to think the problem is bbm itself. In person I'm usually a little less dull depending on my mood which hasn't been great in a while. It's when I start texting where I start to overthink and try to be creative to not get back lame replies. If I make statements, I get an ok. If I ask an open question, somehow it's answered in one word. I find it almost impossible to get a convo rolling when this goes on.

Here's a made up example of what usually happens
Me: Hi how are you?
Her: Good
Me:
Her: Lol thanks
Me: You look like the type of girl I would like to get to kno
Her: Ok
Me: ....

As a matter of fact that's where I often get stuck. I can never work off of one word answers at all. I used to start asking name, location, and what they're about but then I never come up with more conversation. The best I can do is to make jokes but that always ends in lols or oks and I can't talk them up anymore.

_________________
Life sucks when ya get no buns

Totally agree about asking open questions. I myself have always had bad luck with the dreaded "How are you" also. Instead, say something like "Tell me about your day." It's impossible to answer that with one word AND it's also a command, which reinforces an alpha attitude. It's like saying "Entertain me" instead of "Could you entertain me?"

This I don't get. We keep saying that women THINK they know what they want, but they actually don't know. (they think they want the "nice guy" etc) so how asking a girl is going to help? She will probably say something like "you seem like a nice guy but not my type" when the truth is that it will have to do with subcom or the shape of your jaw or some other shit she would never be actually aware of.

Well what on earth do you expect? You're not providing anything in the way of a hook - an emotional impact, something interesting, unique, funny, engaging, exciting, anything. Why SHOULD she be interested in a guy she doesn't know, via text, saying "hi"?

This is why meeting women in REAL LIFE is much better - you don't have to say much but can use eye contact, tonality, body language, touch etc. to display your intent and create an emotional connection.

Via text, you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot more than that if you're gonna get her intrigued enough to answer back. Me personally, I would be really funny initially, say a bit about myself (a funny story probably) and then make some assumptions based on how she looks / who her mutual friends are to get her qualifying, and then go with open questions to get her to talk a bit more about herself.

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Yeah you're not gonna get chapter and verse in a tidy breakdown of why, but it would be useful to get another woman's perspective of why she FEELS it didn't work...

This will help with getting a (slight hahaha) handle on a woman's perspective, its less what she says, more the feeling behind it

I wouldnt think this was asking the girl who blew you out WHY? I think this is more asking another unrelated woman her opinion on it and then reading between the lines - shouldn't be drawing a 'you are not my type' repsonse cos for once you aint hitting on her - just asking a normal, everyday question!

Again - there's only so much you can do over text,bbm email whatever. So much more can be learned, achieved, improved by doing face to face interaction and this will feed into text game!....

if you ask many woman some will give you decent answers... don't approach 16 year old girls .. go after older woman because they are the one who are more honest with life experience.

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I would ask but I mean it's not really my style. I'll consider that option though

I'm still having problems though and here's an example when I tried talking to this chick who broadcasted a message. A broadcast is a message to everyone on your contact list in case you didn't know. Anyways it was a short and sad attempt but I tried

Her(Broadcast): Home Alone, Entertain Me (;
Me: Sleep is usually a good idea :p
Her: How?
Me: You're home alone, it's late at night/You;re gonna start seeing duppies
Her: Duppies?
Me: Bumps in the night/And you don't have nobody to jump on

Here is where she stopped messaging me. I still tried to continue conversation one last time though because she changed her picture to something a little too sexy.

Me: o: Pause I take that back/I see you on your grown and sexy
Her: Lol what?
Me:You lookin like a midnight snack you should be up keepin me company
Her: Lol corny
Me: Lml that's how you feel?/I'm just outspoken :p
Her: Midnight snack corny, let's not be that outspoken
Me: I don't know what to say I love food/Snack included

That's where it cut off again and I didn't bother to try again.

Would you say it's my fault? Part of me is convinced it's all in my head me thinking that I can't talk to people but the more this happens the more it proves it to me. Did I come on too strong or something? I'm gonna message her again and bring up the fact that she called me corny but at this point I still feel like I'm making errors that don't need to be made.

Another example before this message ends up too long was me trying to open off a girl's picture. I know I could have had it if I had the right frame of mind but I gave up quick because I didn't want to end up in another read message and no answer situation.

Me: o:/Your outfit looks nice in that pic/Everything swell up
Her: Oh' thank you (kissyface)
Me: Youre very welcome/Your boyfriend must love you
Her: /Lml all them things there/TeamSingle ju heard
Me: That's good to hear/I would cuff yu up fast tho
Her: Oh

I ended it there. I didn't know where to go from there anyways and I sensed the non responsiveness coming. I opened pretty decently too if I can say so myself.

I don't know if I just in general come on to strong and end up being too corny trying to come up with jokes. What's your take on this? Should I continue doing what I do and take more risks or am I doing something wrong?

_________________
Life sucks when ya get no buns

Someone should really be nice enough to post a response to this guy.
I already answered to this, posted above, but I really wanna hear the opinion of someone with more experience, as well.

That was a bad idea.

There are so many phrases and terms her which make you appear needy, corny and all that.

Curb your enthusiasm.

I've always spoken to women as if I am in a boardroom, or a meeting. Not overtly formal but respectful and short.

No one wants to hear bullshit. Make your point in as less words as possible.

And that guy is right. Ask women.

Not your style? I saw your style. It's nothing.

When you ask for advice, be respectful and take it.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "