There are some good stories in here. I am not going to try and rush into anything with mine. There really is no need to and I feel like I know how fast things need to move in order to make this work.

But I feel like even if this ends with her and even if I DO get my heart broken by her, I would still be much happier knowing that I tried to get her but we simply werent compatible rather than giving up on her and always wondering "what if."

Maybe finding/fucking ten other girls will cure oneitis(although most of the time it will probably just mask it until you see her again). But if I am that attracted to a girl and get those intense nerves even when I just hear her name, there is no way I am going to just give up on her. To me, that is the most beta thing ever!

You ARE putting her at a higher value. Just because you really like her does not mean that she is better than you, so why give up without trying?

If I fail, oh well thats experience. If I succeed, HELL YEA FOR ME! Either way, it seems like a win-win. Just my .02

good post...

i personally get tired of seeing threads on here about "oneitis" when its a girl they dont have the balls to approach for like 3 years + or something. That version of oneitis is you not having balls.... not to offend anyone.

I personally feel like REAL oneitis can only come from when you fall in love, not with staring at a girl forever and having a "crush", thats just stupid. Know a girl for at least a decent amount of time, fuck her, open your heart too her and have it stepped on and than when you want her back after that, is what a true oneitis is...

When I really wanted 1 girl and only 1 girl I won her back over a few times but it never worked out... we had alot of short flings and one nite stands after we broke up but thats about it... if you want a relationship Id just move on

Jer- Why didnt it work out? Im just wondering because you saying to move on shows that you think a ltr would be impossible or at least extremely hard to control...

i was feeling it.

but...

lately you've been a little clingy.

i want to live, y'know, do things and live life.

i need to breathe.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

if you really love him you'll let him go

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I had a pretty bad one-itis. We were really good friends and liked each other on and off throughout high school (and a couple years after lol) but the timing was never right. If I liked her, she had someone else on the mind, and vice versa.

Had a few chances to k-close, but I chickened out because I could never read her right.. she's a nice girl but extremely flirtatious.

I'm pretty much over her now, she still crosses my mind once in awhile. At the same time though, I know that I'm better off without her. She can be pretty complicating.

She's dating one of my good buddies now actually.. that was loads of fun when he told me about them a few months back. I still talk to him- why, I'm not sure because he's never treated me like bros should treat each other. I only talk to her once every couple months. They've already had some shaky times, and he's given me the details and it's made me realize even more that I'm better off without her.

Ok quick question guys. This girl got really sick and was in the hospital for 6 days for an infection after she got her tonsils out.

So I went and visted her in hospital on day 4, met her mom and gave her a teddy bear and an awesome funny card with a note in it. I stayed for like 45 minutes until her drugs started wearing, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and was on my way.

She txted me later that day saying she was so excited i came and stuff. I kept convo brief and ended it first. She txted me two days later saying that the docs were letting her go home because "she had a bear to take care of her. Guess I owe you "

Now she is taking me out to breakfast once she can eat which wont be for at least another week. Her goal is one week, apparently just for me . So heres the question:

How much should I contact her over this week before we go out? I dont want to seem needy or super involved. But I dont want her to think I dont care either.

Should I send her a check up txt tomorrow just to see how shes recovering? I didnt talk to her at all yesterday. Thanks

is that considered a direct opener? lol

let assume she can eat and therefore take you out this coming saturday so about 6 days, you should text her around tuesday or wednesday and just check up i'd use something along the lines of "just checking your ok, dont forget you're my meal ticket so i gotta make sure you get better " something like that but thats me
these other guys might give you some other advice see what they have to say

Good luck

Sheps

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I love the topic of this post and Mack's reply about calling them up later I find interesting.

I recently had a horrible case of oneitits that lasted a year. With the help of this forum, I ended it a month ago after she told me she was going to see some guy. If I hadn't ended it she would have kept calling me 2 or 3 times a week and wanting to hang out. I would have been her go to guy for talking and he would have gotten to screw her. Again, with the help of the forum, I didn't get mad. I just told her I had put stock in the possibility of having a relationship with her, and it hurt that she didn't reciprocate...and therefor I had to end out friendship so I could emotionally separate myself from her and move on to someone else. Since then she hasn't contacted me and I assume she is seeing that guy.

Yes...it drives me crazy to think she will never know the guy I am going to be. It also makes me mad I didn't know more of this stuff in my 20's when I was in a horrible marriage and didn't know what to do. I think back to all the oneitits I had in university and high school without getting any sex...it's hard not to hate myself. I read on here that I have to look to the future, and just not think about the past as much. I suppose that's my only hope.

My biggest fear is finding another situation, but dwelling on this oneitits that got away and never being truly happy with what I have. I have definitely idealized the girl and I know that, but it's very difficult to focus on that thought. I am going through a bad dry spell again with no dates...and I'm definitely thinking about it more than usual.

Overall I have a big problem thinking about the past and beating myself up about it rather than living in the moment and thinking of the future.

Hefty,

I understand exactly what you mean about thinking about the past. It used to happen to me ALL the time...and it was ugly!

But here's the deal.. If you constantly think about the past, you are ruining your future.

You are letting something that you no longer have control over still control your life. So now instead of going out and finding new girls, you find yourself staying in because you think the new girls wont be as good.

You are WRONG!

I am still dealing with oneitis on this girl but not nearly as bad as I was. I started realizing how many girls are out there and how awesome some of them are.

Here's what i'd like you to do. Everytime you start thinking about that girl or about the past situation, start only thinking about the good things that it brought. It gave you a friend(for the year), it gave you a lot of experience for next time.

Think of all the things you did RIGHT with that girl and with the other girls of your past!

The only way you can truly stop negatively thinking about your past is to realize how amazing and enriching the present and the future can be. Start interacting with more girls, maybe even if you just say hi. Walk up to the next beautiful girl you see and introduce yourself. Honestly, what do you have to lose?

If you aren't living life to the fullest then you aren't really living at all...The past will only bring you down and nobody wants to feel that way.

Good luck man! Just keep a positive mindset. Everything happens for a reason!!

i went out with my one-itis for about a year, then we broke up and we hooked up a couple of times after that but now she's dating a new guy.

i hate that some of you guys think your one-itis is just a girl that you know or think is cute. not true. it's a girl you once loved, that you probably still love, but they don't love you ANYMORE. if they never loved you back, i don't believe you know what true love is.

anyway i was just really immature with this girl once we broke up. idk i was just stupid and always tried calling her until she started to ignore me. she's just over me, even though we used to be so in love, and it's hard for me to get over her although i try hard.

i know it's wrong to think like this, but i feel like me and her are still not over, even though i currently don't talk to her. but that's why she's my one-itis, and the reason i am part of this forum.

I had a motherfucker of a oneitis early this year. I have to give props to Mack 2.0 here for responding to my thread about it and making me see oneitis in an entirely new way. In my case, this girl was legally separated, making for an awful mindfuck for me.

I cured my oneitis this way:

I stopped contacting her.
I stopped seeing her.
I re opened my online dating profiles and hooked up with some other girls.

She never contacted me again. It was always me making the arrangements. She was the classic low energy cute depressed girl. It feels great knowing I didn't waste another second on this.