Hello everybody, this is my first post, so I'm not too on how to set this up but I'll give it a go.

Okay, so basically there's this girl who goes to my college/sixth form and she's in my geography and history classes, I've known her since this September, but slowly over the year, I've kinda grown to like her a bit, though I know I'm pretty shy so things are pretty limited, such as I text her occasionally but she'll be the one who ends it, or she takes hours to reply back, i.e. if I take 30minutes to reply, she'll take an hour, if I take an hour she'll take three or something along those lines.

Basically, had a trip to Italy this week and on the first night, we went out for drinks on the first night and we were sitting in a group of about 8 of us? Though I saw a group of american girls on another table and I initiated conversation and actually spent the whole night speaking to them, Rachel even was telling me which one out of the four I should go for but anyways I'd say that went well but thats a different story.

Anyway, I got paired up with 3 other guys and we were chatting that night and one of them says " Oh yeah you know that Rachel, she's so freaking hot and buff, you were fucking amazing with those other girls tonight, since your so good with girls and I'm really unsociable, can you give me some tips on how to get Rachel"

Just my luck, he had to go for the same girl I liked for months, he'd only seen her for under 24 hours and he was asking ME, for advice, this is kind of funny as the way he thought I was is completely different than how I actually am(I'm really a shy, insecure and terrible with woman) of course I hid the fact that I also liked her and said the truth, which was, I didn't actually have any tips..

This brings me onto the second night, we all went out for drinks again, though my roomate got stupidly pissed and we went back to the pool and were playing a game of "have you ever" and Rachel said something about having tried weed before and he starts bs'ing and shouting saying "oh, I smoked a whole bag before" and some other obnoxious stuff, I don't know why because Rachel wasn't as drunk as him but she obviously liked it..

Finally, the last night, we all went out again and basically she got super drunk and he wasn't as bad but they were both over each other so badly and they got off with each other right infront of me, I swear I never felt anger so huge in my life before, as a result I just drunk the rest of the night away...

The next day, I found out that they had a talk about it and I saw her in college the next day and subtely brought it up and she said it was still awkward and I'm pretty good mates with her best friend and asked her about it as well and she said that she thought it was unusual she went for a guy like him.

I just don't get it? A girl like her, who is normally so reserved and shy and sensible with everything suddenly gets shitfaced and gets off with a total scrub whom is totally not compatible with her and has only known her for a matter of days and they only spoke when they were drunk ,never face to face throughout the mornings and afternoons. I don't feel it's fair, how he can get that intimate with her, whilst myself, whose bided his time, trying to carefully think over every move ends up back at square one.

Crazy thing is, I think I know I have one itis, as even after all of this I still like her. I just don't know what to do, I don't know whether to blame her, him or myself.
Sorry this is a long post but thank you for your time, if you want extra information, I can provide it for you but thank you again.

Hey mate,

Your (or anyone's) case of oneitis comes down to hormones.

You spend time thinking about a girl you like, you spend time around her, you spend time looking at her and getting those heart palpitations, your body releases a host of 'bonding' hormones designed up make you feel 'bonded' to her.

Essentially no man is immune under the right conditions, and those men who have suffered women getting attached easily know that no woman is immune.

The trick to defying natures natural instincts (to pair bond) is to have more than one woman you're interested in at any time. Down the line, the trick will be to sleep wtih more than one woman at a time (not the same night, I mean have multiple casual sex partners).

Once you limit yourself to one woman for anything, you will get attached. It's what your body is designed to do.

So the only solution is to get out there and find other women to be interested in, then your care factor over your crush will reduce.

BTW if you want to research it, the two of the best understood hormones in question are Vasopressin and Oxytocin

TLDR (too long didnt read)

GFTOW (go fuck ten other women?)

"The trick to defying natures natural instincts (to pair bond) is to have more than one woman you're interested in at any time. Down the line, the trick will be to sleep wtih more than one woman at a time (not the same night, I mean have multiple casual sex partners)."


Very good and accurate post. Oneititis is so hardwired into your brain at such a deep level you can't really fight it head on you need to trick it into a "standby" mode and the only way I have found is by having MCSP.

Yes it's hard but in the end you don't really have a choice in the matter, you just need to say to yourself "I'm going to do it (MCSP) and see how it goes."
You will hear from some posters that they are immune to oneitis and I myself made that claim at one time , then of course I hooked up with my first HB10 and what do you know....
it came back like a monster from the deep which was a big surprise I can tell you.