Quote:
Emotional competencies are not innate talents, but rather learned capabilities that must be worked on and developed to achieve inner game. It is this type of intelligence rather than IQ that is correlated with effective communication skills and leadership of others. IQ is about cognitive ability and changes little over a lifetime but EI develops.
"The one thing that runs through everything in the really strong leaders is learning agility. Out of 67 competencies that have been identified in great leaders there are two that most strongly predict performance and potential….. One is drive for results. Then it's about learning, your willingness and ability to develop new competencies in order to deal with novel tussles. People who are really good at this learning agility stuff are willing to look and feel stupid. They're willing to experiment, which often involves looking and feeling stupid, because when you experiment you sometimes get it wrong.”
EI is a prerequisite for effective leaders and PUAs across borders. It requires a high level of self-mastery and people skills; ability to put yourself into the positions of others. The most important element in a PUA is not the IQ, but emotional intelligence. The further you go, the more EI matters--the more SOCIAL COMPETENCE matters.
A PUA needs to develop:
Self Awareness
Self Management
Social Awareness (Empathy)
Social Skills
Team Leadership
Self Awareness
- Emotional awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects (use of journals, identify emotional red flags)
- Undertake Accurate self-assessment: Knowing one’s strengths and limits (self reflection)
- Develop Self-confidence: Sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities (monitor your self talk)
Until we understand how we feel and can accurately assess our emotional state, we will understand emotions from only an intellectual point of view. We need to be able to understand emotions at a gut level—what is going on with us. Accurate self-assessment includes understanding our own strengths and weaknesses and being willing to explore them both on our own and with others.
Self management
Building on the emotional understanding we gain with self-awareness, we use self-management to manage and guide our emotional state. Self-management is the ability to control our emotions so they don’t control us.
- Avoid sarcasm, angry tirades, door slamming, immaturity.... Look for the triggers. Reflect on: Who is it? Why is it? Desensitize yourself from others moods. Don’t take things personally.
Social Awareness
- Empathy is a critical skill for PUAs of all types and is the ability to understand and relate to the feelings of others; to put ourselves in their shoes.
- Situational awareness is the ability to interpret the context for emotions in a given situation.
- Seeing others clearly is the ability to accurately assess and understand others. As PUAs, it is important that we are able to understand and interpret the emotions, desires, wants and needs of women.
- Emotional boundaries help us to understand where we end and where others begin, we are more likely to speak up and say no when we should, and take responsibility for our emotions.
- Understanding the verbal and nonverbal communications of different women.
Leadership
- leadership is focused on the emotional skills needed to effectively show leadership when necessary. This includes communications, conflict management, decision making and inspiration.
--------------PUAs need to be great communicators--------------------------------
- determine your goals
- understand your own emotions
- approach others
- listen and respond to the emotions of others, and not only to the content of what they say
- share your own emotions when appropriate, being as open and honest as possible
- check for understanding and reactions
- Naturally (be yourself)
- Make sure you can be heard
- Enunciate clearly
- Vary the pitch and pace (sometimes pausing is more powerful than speaking)
- Be aware of your personal appearance, your posture, facial expressions and gestures. Audiences are generally impressed with:
- Enthusiasm
- Energy
- Sincerity
-You can display these qualities by:
- Standing tall
- Smiling
- Being confident
- Establishing eye contact
- Gesturing appropriately
- Enjoying the experience
- The most common complaints from women which cause misunderstanding (and/or boredom) can be summarised as follows:
- Distracting and not direct
- Blabbering on
- Vocal pitched too high or too low
- Vocal pace
- Failure to captivate their attention
- Information overload
- Lack of enthusiasm
- Lack of rapport with woman
---------------------------------------------------------------
Overall
Emotional Intelligence will help you:
- Develop REAL and meaningful relationships
- Anticipate and avoid emotional breakdowns
- Deal with difficult situations and manage conflict/drama
- Leverage emotional information to make better decisions
- Communicate more effectively
- Create a positive vibe
- Cast a vision that will attract women into your life
I take it you've been reading Daniel Goleman?
CHAT
