@Frixion & Insert.

Thank you guys for your insights. I needed some. I guess I just don't know how to behave in casual relationships, I'm only used to the sentimental relationships. I will highlight the fact that I'm going home in one month and escalate sexually. Yet, I can't deny I like spending this type of time with her: we're laughing and enjoying each other. She's really cute with me.

I couldn't invite her to my place since I cannot invite people where I live... I'm renting a room from a couple, I don't think they would have appreciated that. Yet, it was bad calibration... She was basically sending a HUGE sexual IOI, and I replied with: let's eat something together... It's okay though. I'm seeing her tonight for a cinema (yeah I know...), I'll escalate and be sexual to reframe the whole thing.
Push/Pull applied to dates... I'll try that if she doesn't come to me as much as I want to.
Indeed Insert... I'm not in a good phase right now. I'm not sticking to the plan anymore (working out...) and I've been trying to understand what was happening to me. A post is coming about all that. Concerning my ex, I don't really know what to tell you. Saying I'm over would definitely be lying. Writing her brings some insecurities, and I found myself being even more needy. All this on-itis thing is clearly related to my ego.

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@Insert.

Managing expectations isn't easy indeed... The problem is I don't really know what I'm looking for when it comes to her. I also had a nice fuck buddy opportunity with a German girl but I don't even want to have sex with her now. I prefer Brazilian Brunette.

We are all needy, true. But this kind of neediness is bad. It's been a long time since I felt it. I should relax a little, approach more too. The fact is I like her... and in two dates, I'm already going the AFC road. Let's see this as a practice field for future relationships/pick-ups. But again, all this neediness is also related to my ego...

Thanks for the useful advice (as always).

Daniel..

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You can try to fclose her at the cinema. It happened to me, I got her really turned on inside then we just went to the toilets. Good thing about cinemas is even if it's day time, sex is acceptable because you think it's night time.
You can also suggest that she cooks for you, then you try to escalate at her place, it should be easy now as a third date.

A few pages ago, I'm pretty sure we agreed that "oneitis" has more to do with the guy than a specific girl. By the way, what's so wrong with 'liking a girl'?

You're trying to manage her expectations but you might consider managing yours first. You've offered ambiguous goals when asked to 'revisit' your goals: "I want to be a man". OK . . . so now what? What does that mean for the next month abroad? What does that mean for when you return? Concurrently dating 100 girls is not the opposite of having oneitis.

Is it:

*I don't want to date her exclusively because I want to game and F more girls?
*I don't want to date her exclusively because I don't want to hurt her when I leave?
*I don't want to date her exclusively because I don't want to hurt myself when I leave?

All above? None above? Add more things to the list? Be more specific with your goals so you can be more specific with your actions.

@kasabi.

My one-itis is all about me indeed. Yet, acknowledging that does not seem to be enough to get rid of it. In the end, I realized it's not about "me losing her"... it's more about "me losing". My ego did not like that. The fact that she dumped me (especially with an email) tricks my mind into thinking she is high-value.

There is nothing wrong about liking a girl. You're right I should have already managed my expectations in the first place. I don't want to be in a serious relationship with her since I'm afraid to hurt her when I'll leave. Although my goal is not to fuck or date 30 women concurrently, I would like to keep on approaching.

Concerning my goal, the post you're referring to was just a quick reflection. Another post is coming with a tangible goal (better definition of the man I want to be) and a better plan. I've been thinking about it for a long time but I'm struggling to find a right structure for my reflections and plan to make sense. It's not coming together at all and I'm having some hard times trying to be specific (yet it's a key to my success).

On another note, I've been thinking about the whole self-sabotage thing. How come I'm able to show an insane motivation one day, and totally lose my aggressiveness (positively speaking) the next day? I'd like to know what truly motivates me before opening a new "chapter" and coming up with a new plan.

Daniel..

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

This is good. So if you've figured this out, let's stop being a loser to her and let's stop being a loser from now on. You lingering around is a continuation of what you don't like. It's no different from angry drivers who honk endlessly and drive faster to catch up with you simply to show you a middle finger. This is nothing but a bad habit.
If you're sure about this and this is your 'final answer', then relax. She knows you're leaving soon. Sure, you're both going to feel a little sting when you leave. . . but you'll both feel that low level of disappointment for the rest of the time you're there if you withhold your instinctive feelings to be together. You're going to have similar feelings with EVERY GIRL you close. There is no right or wrong but there is also nothing particularly special about this situation. Make the decision you want to make now or you'll never make that decision with any other girl in the future. Make the right decision with your old ex girlfriend now or you'll never make the right decision with your future ex's. It's all nothing but a decision. . . and decisions become habits.
So if your goal isn't to F 30 women concurrently, what is it? 10? 2? 1? You want to continue to approach to prove to yourself you can? You want to make more 'friends'? Be more specific and just do it.
This is one of those few times you can and should be completely selfish. This is about what YOU WANT. Your dreams/goals need only to make sense to you. At least allow your uninhibited self to write your dreams down first. Then if your plans look as if it could hurt others or go against your values, you can revise. Trying to formulate your dreams while mentally revising them is a tough task.
Because self sabotage is also a habit. Specific plans supported by specific goals will often allow you to make a sense of it all and push through even during times you instinctively pull yourself back. A marathoner who 'feels' he needs to train one way or another could easily pull himself back on a training day and run 5 miles instead of 8. Without a plan, one distance seems just as good as another and there are plenty of excuses that can be applied. On the other hand, if a planned schedule is formed out of KNOWLEDGE (reading books, speaking with nutritionists, trainers, coaches, etc . . .) the marathoner will know that even on days he doesn't 'feel like it', he needs to follow the schedule that he KNOWS IS CORRECT.

WoW! This is great! Lot of Openers stuff!

Hmmm... Some of them is effective and some of them are not, I think it all depends in your country and especially the culture.

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Quick Update.

Here's a small update about Brazilian Brunette.

Last date.
I've only realized it Sunday... June 12th is the Valentine's day here in Brazil... and we were supposed to go to the cinema that very same day. She drove me to the usual mall but the cinema was packed so we went to another cinema which was packed also... We've finally chosen to stay at the last mall and have a coffee. I told her when I was leaving again, but this time I did not say I was leaving in July but I told her the exact date. She was a silent for a moment after that. Since the mall offers a nice view on the city, we sat next to the window to enjoy São Paulo's skyline by night. We stayed there for 45 minutes. I was holding her in my arms.

We finally left the mall. She wanted to do something else... Me too actually. I told her that it's too bad my landlord doesn't allow me to have visitors, we could have watched a movie together (lol). That was a clumsy way to escalate to the "let's go to a motel". She replied that she could not take me home either.

We ended up in the car, in front of the supermarket next to my house. We stayed there for a couple of hours speaking, making out, listening to music... She told me she's gonna miss me when I'll be gone. At some point, she started to sing a song on the radio. I asked her to sing for me. I was obviously joking but she started to sing "I don't know what to do" from Scarlett Johansson and Pete Yorn http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j94JioB ... re=related . I maintained strong eye-contact while she was singing "I'm so confused by you" and others "I don't know what to do"... I confess I was not insensitive to all that.

Later on, things started to get a bit hotter. I tried to escalate by putting my hand in her pants but she would not let me. She had to leave since she had to work the day after. We agreed on meeting Wednesday to go to the Sunset park to watch the eclipse.

Asking for a massage.
I received a text-message from her Monday. She told me she had a stressful day and that she could definitely use a massage. Told her that I could only give one to her on Wednesday but it would be better if we have a place. I spoke with her later through Facebook and we agreed on going to a motel Wednesday night after the eclipse.


The second mall offered a nice view over São Paulo's skyline.

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(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Thank god, if you don't fuck her I will come to brazil and slap you.

One of the things that you really need to fix, is frame control. You have to be more dominant, you have to be the Man, the choices you make are the best and the best place to be is where you are. Really, with the right frame you can get her wherever you want, she will be assuming that you are taking responsibility and leading her. It's all what they want: you could get her to a motel with the stupidest reason in the world with the right frame. If you've read the game, remember when mystery pulled that chick into his hotel because he needed a bath. That's it.

Hope it will be helpful. Take care.

YES. but you are looking at it one sided. It is practice for breaking up too. For knowing that casual is casual and losing doesn't matter. The thing to learn isnt that winning is easy, it is that losing is easy as well.

Right now you are reformulating your image of reality and finding that winning ina social situation isn't hard, it just takes persistance and dominance. You don't CARE about the outcome because you know if you fail at this attempt, you are still going to be able to generate more chances with women. You have noticed the more "control" you have, the more likely you are to get the girl. Apply that same logic to how YOU view spending "alone time" with these women. You don't feel in control of it at all. and as a result, you are not. You bounce around malls looking for something to help you avoid the issue of GETTING A HOTEL ROOM TO DO WHAT THE TWO OF YOU CAME TO DO.

you're not doing anything wrong in terms of getting this girl to like you or getting this girl to sleep with you. She is going to do it, and yes daniel, you are a sweetheart. Where you may be going wrong is by letting yourself lose rational control of the situation. It is more meaningless than you give it credit for. There will be many more oppourtunites for alone time as well. Like you say, relax.

@kasabi.

I couldn't say it better. Stop being a loser to her. Lingering while writing was stupid. I realized it. That's why I've stopped and sent her what I came up with.

Concerning Brazilian Brunette, I'm only concerned by one thing. Even though I don't want to be involved in a serious relationship, for some reasons I feel that it would be wrong to be with someone else while dating her.


Decisions become habits. I'll remember that.

Concerning my goals and plan, I'll (try to) be more specific in a coming post. I don't have a lot of time now. I have a lot to do since the semester is ending. I'll remember to think about what I want in the first place, and then adapting the plan to my values, etc...
Having a plan will prevent me from losing focus and allow all the pieces to come together and to make sense. This "make sense" part is actually really important when it comes to motivation. It's not that hard to set a goal, or in other words, to have an aspiration. What's hard is to get the motivation to go for it... and motivation seems to come when I'm inspired by what I'm doing. More simply, I'll achieve my aspiration (a = out) by being inspired (in = in)... and the best way to be inspired is to have a plan that brings all the pieces together, a plan that makes/creates sense for me, a plan that is correct.

Daniel..

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

@Frixion.

I've realized that I was too much of a nice guy with Brazilian Brunette. I can't help, I did some massage to her, asked her where she wanted to go... I was clearly not in control and should be leading more... be more dominant, be a man.

I'll work on that in our next date.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

@Insert.

Losing has to come easy for me indeed. I'll improve my life a lot if I react well to losing and failing.

I did realize that getting a girl was not that hard. Yet, I'm not sure I'm at the stage you're describing here. I still do care too much about the outcome!
Indeed. I'm not totally in control, I'm not dominating the frame. Truth is, I was not enough prepared, I should have taken some addresses of motels just in case.
I can't help being a "sweetheart" with her, and girls I date in general... but I just have no idea how I should behave with them... More dominant for sure. I'm still behaving like they are the princess accepting to sleep with me. Bullshit. It's a bad habit I need to drop.

Thanks for the insights Insert!

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hey Daniel! It's been a while. I see you've improved a lot altough I'm sorry I didn't have the time to read all the way back...I can see you've full closed a gurl. Very well done! Seems like this journal thing worked for you, I'm really happy about it and am very proud of you. I had to find other ways. This hitting on random chicks at daytime might be probably the most effective way to pickup but it's really not my style. It's just not congurent with me and even if I possibly could improve it I'm not sure if it's worth it. I can get chicks from my social circle which is quite huge. On every single party, or even almost every single day I meet someone new with my friends and mates the possibilites are almost infinite in the way it is now. On the other hand I'm just in the gates of a LTR. This girl I've known for quite a while and fclosed her on wednessday(btw there is a lay report about it if you're curious about the whole story(LR: Long story which lead to a quite crazy night) Also I'm seeing her tomorrow. She offered she would help me with Anatomy and mentioned that if I got there in time I could even have a meal. That one I couldn't resist but I was suspicious about how this would end. Then while we were chatting she mentioned some movie she was watching. I said :"Sounds cool, going to download it(err by download I mean buy of course )" But then she said:"No wait. We could watch it when we're bored of anatomy" Sounds like a "Fuck me even harder than last time" to me...These exams however seem neverending. I'm also very busy with those... 24 hours are just not enough for the day. Wish you very good luck on your way Daniel! I Might be checking this thread again when I have the time!

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

Ok, so i found one flaw (not a huge one) but on that i think could help you a **** load.

Facebook closing. If i were you and i lived in an area obsessed with Facebook i would just deactivate mine for awhile and if they say they dont have a number or dont have credit just say something like this ....''Well, too bad for you then.'' or ''Then how do you contact your parents little missy?'' (just off the top of my head you can improvise) But i think this would help with you contacting them and make it WAY less difficult for you.

Wish you the best of luck.


NaturaFC