Hello Fellows!

I've been in the community for more than a year, now.

I started getting results more often so Pick-Up is only getting more fun! My problem is... I've met some really nice girls during my journey! There is this one girl that I see more often than others, she even think we're exclusive! I seriously like her, and I like her more everytime I see her... but


But...

But... I am unable to settle down to one girl. I can't stop texting, seeing and meeting others girls. Am I addicted to Pick-Up?

I feel like I should stop but I can't!

How did you guys decide it was time to settle down to one girl?

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

I'm the same way buddy. I've never been able to live in an exclusive realtionship.

I solved this problem by dating multiple girls and I feel thnis may be the solution for you was well.

MLTR ftw!

But yeah, I know some guys in their 70s and 80s that still live the MLTR (multiple long term realtionships) and have been for a long, long time. Some people just arnt made to settle down with one girl.

No doubt some people will tell you; "when you find the right girl, you will setlle down with just one." That may be true, and then agan it may not be. Its different from person to person. I honestly dont ever see myself setting down with just one girl.

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Never get broken up with again: the-addiction-formula-never-get-broken- ... 88794.html

If you want to get exclusive with this girl then go for it, but if you want to see otherz then that's fine too. You should tell though, because she's gonna find out sooner or later and it might explode.

I agree that honesty is the best policy, but if you are honest, chances are u will fuck it up so be careful of telling her. I personally wouldn't. How does she think u r exclusive? Have u sat down n had the bf/gf talk type of sitch, or is it u have been seeing her n u know she assumes that? If its the latter, then its her assumption. There really is nothing wrong with having the best of both worlds, u just have to be careful. A good thing to do is get a prepaid phone for random girls. You just have to realize the one u care about could blow up because of it.

Thanks for the reply guys!

Warped Mindless, I am currently dating multiple girls and I love it! The only problem is the stress it occurs and the complexity of dealing with them!

For example, I've got invited by two of my girls at the same nightclub on the same night! I decided just to not go and avoid any possible unwanted situation !

How do you get the girl into a MLTR mindset? That's a problem I seem to have... Everytime they ask me if they're the only girl I'm seeing, I just say "yes...".



Kinorc, I also believe that If I tell them about the others girls, it will fuck me up so that's why I don't want them to know! As for the BF/GF situation, no... We haven't sat down and had the talk, but we've been seeing eachother about 3 times a week since I met her, she presented me to her family and sometimes she says things that make me realise she thinks we're exclusive!

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

This will be a long post but please read it thoroughly.

You bring up a couple issues that I went through back in my single days before meeting Mrs Here2play and getting married. I'd never heard of PUA and Mystery was still in diapers at the time so I guess I got through this stuff by being a "natural" LOL

First issue is not wanting an exclusive relationship. That is easy to deal with and you can be on the up-and-up with it where no one can point fingers.

Simply continue to date and don't get drawn into a serious relationship and don't let anyone manipulate you into exclusivity untill you are ready.

It's perfectly acceptable to date multiple people as long as you are not saying or implying that they are the only one you are seeing. DON'T shove it in their face or be an ass about it but don't pussyfoot either. If she tries to steer the conversation towards an exclusivity agreement or if she comes right out and asks if you are seeing other people, simply say, "I don't think our relationship is at the point of exclusivity yet?

That is saying that your RELATIONSHIP is not at a committed exclusive level yet. It is not blaming her or her inadaquacy that you are not exclusive and it is not implying that you are immature or are a player or a womanizer. It is simply saying that your relationship with her is not at a level involving exclusivity or committment yet.

As long as that is out in the open and on the table it is fair and is bulletproof. You are not a liar, manipulator, player or womanizer. You are simply not in a committed relationship.

The catch is you have to be willing to play hardball because women are experts in manipulating guys into either being committed or labeling as users and players.

The big guns they will use in their arsenal are they will say that they will not go out with you or fuck you if you are seeing other people. DO NOT FLINCH AND DO NOT BACK DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simply say that you like her and you like where things are going but you are simply not ready for committment yet, THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS. She may slink away appearing all hurt and distraught but as long as you are congruent and act as if you are cool with it and show that you are willing to let her go in order to maintain your freedom, SHE WILL COME BACK FOR MORE.

The next big gun she will pull out is she will say that she is going to date and fuck other people too. HANDLE THIS THE EXACT SAME WAY. DON'T FLINCH!!!

Simply say, "I guess you have that right but keep that to yourself, I don't want to know anything about it. The only guys arms I want to see you in in my mind are mine" and then show that you are willing to let her have her freedom in order to preserve yours.

Again, as long as you are congruent and don't flinch, she may flirt outrageously with other dudes in front of you but as long as you are OK with it, you are still in the ballgame.


Now then as far as how do you know when someone is "THE ONE" and you are ready to settle down?

You will know that when you know it and you no longer ask the question. You will know it when you no longer WANT to date and fuck other women. And you will know it when you simply can't live with knowing that she is still on the market and you don't want to lose her and you are freely willing to commit to her so she will be with you as a partner in life.

Yes you will always find other women attractive and you will always fantasize about fucking them but you no longer want to make that fantasy a reality. The reality that you want to make is a life with your special someone.

Again, this is not from any PUA manual or guru. This is from my real life and that of my real friends from back before there was PUA. This is how thousands of generations of men and women navigated the dating minefield for centuries.

It is complex and stressfull and it is not for pussys but people do get through it.

[quote="MrMatt"]

How do you get the girl into a MLTR mindset? That's a problem I seem to have... Everytime they ask me if they're the only girl I'm seeing, I just say "yes...".

You don't get them into that mindset. Women are programed to want to be committed relationships.

If presented with the right opportunities and the right sequence of events they will fuck outside of a committed relationship but they will always be programmed to strive for committment.

The key here is you just have to do it and be upfront with them that you are doing it and leave the ball in their court if they still want to see you or fuck you or not.

You can not discuss this with them and get them to buy off on it like a business agreement.

This would be like a woman going on to a women's forum and asking the other girls how she can get a guy's mindset into not wanting to have sex.

It's not something that you can talk people into to. You just have to do it and they will either accept it or they won't.

DO NOT DO THAT!!!! That was a big time fuck up!

You fell right into their trap! When you say yes to that, you will come off as a liar, manipulator, cheater, playa, etc etc etc when you do go out with someone else or when you try to assert your freedom.

You have a right to not be in a committed relationship and it is perfectly OK to date multiple people when you are single. It's when you say, "yes" to their shit tests like that and then go out with someone else or then try to come back and say that you don't want to be exclusive that you are cheating or are renegging on your agreement.

You have the right to nonexclusivity, stand up and maintain that right like a man and women will respect you for it. It may not be what they are wanting to hear and they may act all hurt and disappointed but they will maintain respect for you and you will still be in the ballgame.

They want you to believe that they will fuck you up if you date other people. They want you to believe that they will stop seeing you and that they will fuck every guy in town if you see someone else.

But the truth is everyone has an inherent right to nonexclusivity if they choose it. As long as you are open and upfront about it and deal with it in a matter-of-fact manner, THEY HAVE NO TEETH AND CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Here is the great paradox that separates the true "alpha male" from the true AFC.

The alpaha male chooses his path and makes no consessions or apologies about it. HE DOES IT FOR HIM AND NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE. Women respect and are attracted to that and will date and fuck men that posses that quality.

The AFC is manipulated and intimidated into doing things he doesn't really want to do. Women disrespect that and will lose attraction to men like that.

So here is the paradox, you are lead to believe by women that they will not be attracted to you, not date you and not fuck you unless you are exclusive with them. BUT ....big but here......BUT if they manipulate you and intimidate you into falsely or prematurely agreeing to exclusivity with then (AND THEY WILL KNOW IT!!!) then they will lose respect and attraction for you and they will eventually stop fucking you and will be fucking someone they respect.

If you stand up for yourself and your own self-interests and do what you believe is best for you, they will respect that and still have attraction for you, EVEN IF you aren't doing what they want you to do.

What will happen is they will lose respect and attraction and they will start fucking someone else. So the real paradox is they manipulate you into exclusivity but then THEY fuck around and cheat on YOU!!

Now if you get to a point where you truly and sincerely want the commitment and you take the committment freely and without being manipulated or intimated into it, then it is all good and they still have the respect and attraction because you are following your heart and doing what is best for you.

Join the club:


http://www.polyamory.com/forum/

If you're dead set on starting a family or, maybe, if you're over fifty, then it might be time to "settle down". Otherwise I really don't see the point.