I've been posting this on another site, but I figure I might as well do it here too. The more feedback the better, right?

So here's the first post:

Yeah so, I'm 22 and have practically zero experience. Had a oneitis all through high school which I'm pretty sure f'ed me up something awful, as far as confidence is concerned. I don't even understand it looking back...it's like I was in a trance. I had another one for a little in college but on a much smaller scale. Anyway, I'm pretty much starting from square one. I have pretty bad social anxiety...it's something that I've been working on, and I've gotten a little better, as far as talking to people I don't know well at parties, etc...but approaching women is another story.

So, I live in Philly and I figure I just need to get out there and try stuff out. This is seriously really intimidating to me...I know that's probably common, but yeah. That whole oneitis thing kind of got me labeled a creep in high school I think, plus I have a bit of an intimidating appearance. So it's hard to overcome the fear that anyone I approach is going to be freaked out.

I'm posting this hoping I can find some kind of support system here. I've seen other guys start these threads where they document their approaches and it seems like a good idea. I've almost never approached a girl, outside of social situations where we met through mutual friends. I'm planning on going into center city tomorrow to look for jobs, and I think for approaching/socializing I'll start out slow...try to make eye contact when I'm walking, smile, if I get eye contact and a smile back, say hi. That's step one. Then try it in a store or something, and if I get it back, say hi and try to start a conversation.

I'm going to combine the next two days, since I didn't accomplish much:

Went out today but didn't really change much. There actually weren't all that many people out, maybe cause it was too early. Tried to make some eye contact but almost everyone I saw was in groups in the middle of their own conversations. Saw less than 5 people by themselves and succeeded with that but yeah not much else. Still a good thing I went out though. I'm sure if I keep it up I'll get more comfortable.

***

Just got back home after taking another walk...not much better this time around. But also not that many people out...I guess 5PM on a Tuesday isn't exactly going to be bustling. Again, most of the people I saw were in groups and in their own conversations so I didn't bother saying hi. Is this exercise more suited towards saying it to people by themselves? It just feels especially awkward to say hi and interrupt someone's conversation.

But yeah, I didn't realize how hard this would be. I guess it just shows how much work I have to do. There were a couple times where I made eye contact but I never said hi. I think a big part of my anxiety is that it seems like NO ONE else does this. I've heard this is kind of characteristic of northeastern cities in the US. I'm not using that as an excuse but the natural inclination of most people when they make eye contact with someone on the street is to immediately glance away.

I'm going into center city later this week to look into a job, and I'm sure it will be a lot busier there. There should be a decent amount of people walking by themselves too, so that should give me a good chance to get over this hump. No more excuses! I walked by a couple of shops today closing up, made eye contact with the workers, and didn't say anything. It really makes no sense.

I just got Daytime Dating by Soul today, and have already read almost half of it. His approach is really sinking in. I hadn't read much Day Game stuff before this so I'm looking forward to applying some of his ideas in field.

Hey man I feel your pain dealing with northeast cities. So many people tend to seem as if they are super closed off, but I think that's more the culture of the city than anything else. Once you stop em, I bet they are just as open to conversation as the next person.
Good luck with all of this and remember to push yourself out of your comfort zone

Hey JBlaze88,

Glad to see you're starting a journal... It will help you A LOT in the learning process.
As you might know, I'm still far from being a PUA, and actually it's not even my goal. Yet, what you describe here reminds me of my first reports.

Don't go out to approach but approach when you go out. If you just go out to approach people, you'll kill your motivation and go back home frustrated... because there were nobody in the streets, because you missed an opportunity, ...

So go out when you have a reason to go out, and when you do so, speak to everybody, get the momentum. Ask the time to this old lady, ask for direction to the dude waiting his bus... whatever. Just do it. You'll quickly notice how easy it is to actually open people and get a conversation going. That will give you the confidence and the right mindset to approach the first cute girl you'll see, and the second one... Not only your social anxiety will disappear, but you'll get better at opening girls.

You don't go out enough? Then find more reasons to go out. Find a job, a new hobby, walk the dog... whatever.

Oh and please, I'm sure it's not that hard to open people in Philly... Come on! You should come to Paris and try to open there... you won't be scared of anything after that! lol.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Thanks for the feedback, Daniel. That's good advice. I actually just started reading your journal and it's been inspiring so far. During these first two reports, I actually did have other purposes to be out. The first I was looking for jobs, and the second time I was going to the grocery store. I have an interview for a job at a pretzel stand in the zoo on Monday, so if I can get that I'm looking forward to using it as a means to become more social, since I'll be interacting with a ton of new people.

I'll update this with another report soon.

Went to a party last night. Had a lot of friends and acquaintances there so I was feeling pretty social. I ended up getting pretty drunk, and started talking to a friend about approaching. I ended up going for one of the most attractive ones there, but I'm pretty sure I made an ass of myself haha. I've been trying to assemble the pieces of last night in my head all day but it's kinda foggy. I just remember being really direct, think I complimented her outfit. Got shut down for a number though, prob cause I went about it in a really bad way. I'd been talking to her friend about getting it for some reason (prob really stupid), then went up to her and was like "i'm asking your friend for her number now" as I was leaving, and she just said out loud "he's asking you for your number." not my intention at all but yeah, and there were other people standing around too. pretty bad, i wasn't even thinking about the stuff i've read when i did it. guess it will get easier with time to apply it in field though, I just need to keep approaching!

This is a big step though, first time I've asked for a number in like 3 years, and prob the first time I've ever gone direct, although maybe that was a bad idea. This morning I felt kind of embarrassed about it at first but now I'm just being positive about it, looking at it as feedback for how to improve.

My advice to you is stay sober.

Ive seen so many guys who could be talented PUA's mess up because they are drunk. When you go party have one beer and then only soft drinks for the rest of the night. This will keep you in the right state of mind. Also try find a wingman that can help you. Chat to your friends, they also want girls and a lot of people dont know about the PU lifestyle.

_________________
I am what I am today, but tomorrow Ill be something different!

Was | | this close to finally doing my first daytime cold approach. Had to stop by campus and was sitting on a bench on the subway platform when an HB8 walked on and stood in front of me. She had headphones on. Very exotic look to her, I couldn't figure out what her ethnicity was. Olive skin and dark hair with light eyes. My anxiety set in right after I considered approaching, mostly because it was so crowded. Plus the headphones thing seems a little more intimidating. She seemed to glance back a couple times, although it was more looking to the side than direct. We got on the same car, she sat down next to an old couple, I just stood and held onto a bar, like 6-8 feet away, cause there weren't really any open seats. Made eye contact a couple times but never really held it, she seemed to just be glancing around like most people do on the subway. She was kinda fidgety though, touching her hair and dangling her shoes from her feet.

At this point I decided that if the old couple got up I'd sit next to her and open. Usually in this spot I get nervous at the thought and just put it out of my mind, convincing myself "no one does that." But this time I actually made the decision that if the opportunity opened up, I'd take it. Was having a hard time thinking what to say. all I could come up with was to sit down, tap her on the arm, point to my ear, and then just ask her about her ethnicity. Wasn't sure how to phrase it though. Would it be strange to ask, "What's your ethnicity?" or am I overthinking it? I figured I'd follow up with something like, "you just have a really striking appearance" or something along those lines, and then take it from there. she's most likely a student at the same university as me, so I could have taken the conversation there afterwards.

I should've just opened on the platform though. The subway is especially intimidating to me though, just because almost everyone is in their own world. But if I'm going to do it I need to just dive right in. Next time I find myself in a spot like this I won't hesitate.

OK, guys, really hoping someone reads this.

I'm issuing a challenge to myself. I got this idea because I play a ton of poker. Big part of my identity. I watched part of Blueprint Decoded, and he mentioned not being results oriented, which immediately reminded me of poker, so I started getting into that whole mindset, drawing parallels between that and this "game". It reminded me of poker forums, where you post reports of your hands daily so that people can evaluate, suggest ways to improve, etc.

I'm shy, though based on what I've read lately, I'm not nearly as bad as some people with social anxiety. I had no idea some people out there have trouble even interacting with store employees, etc. It's not like that for me. That stuff usually only comes into play when I'm with a girl I'm attracted to.

Anyway, I got something called Demonic Confidence. Have no idea what it's all about exactly just yet, but I listened to part one, which basically says to ask 30 people what time it is. So here's the plan, at this point: Saturday - I will go out in my neighborhood and ask 30 people what time it is.

Later on, I know of a party. I'll go there, after doing the first part of the plan, and hopefully be in a social enough mood to talk to girls and put into practice some of what I've read.

My anxiety has taken the reigns for too long. No more. I will take action tomorrow!

And yes, I was a bit drunk when I wrote this. Seriously guys, please respond and give me encouragement and feedback. So when I'm sober tomorrow, I don't make excuses to get out of this.

I've read some other blogs on this site (AFC Daniel's comes to mind immediately) and the support from the community seemed to be a big part of the progress! So I'm looking for that. At the same time I realize it's up to me to put the effort into improving.

So here we go, no more pussyfooting around. It's on!

Nice Journal. My pedigree is night game, but I notice that since I've got results I walk through the day as a much more wholly confident person and find myself 'opening' all by myself situationally in lifts, shops and restaurants, not particularly 'running game' and getting strong vibes from girls all the same.

This leads me to believe that the most important thing game-wise is the vibe you give off based on your current thoughts and feelings, if your brain is scrambled, tremulous or otherwise chaotic, I think this contributes to emit an overall negative vibe, with deeper insecurities gushing out to everyone in your vicinity.

What I'd suggest as pointed out by Daniel, you should certainly not be going out with the expectation to talk to girls. If you never expect anything you can never be disappointed but with that in mind, realise that your thoughts daily build up your present character, and that, with an improved life as a whole you can certainly expect to have a lot of fun day-by-day.

Trying to be happy with forced smiles isn't going to work either, nor would I endorse it.

The power of a genuine smile, real happiness and a positive mindset, approaching a girl and saying 'hi', far outweighs any canned material run with a fake smile, a technique ultimately known as 'fake it until you make it', which may ultimately break your confidence further if you fail to attain desired results.

_________________
My PUA Journey from AFC to PUA

You say you don't have any problems when it comes to interact with employee? I think you could try something more difficult than asking time to random people. Why not going to a mall to buy a shirt or something and ask some advice to the girls from the stores? One of the thing that helped me the most was going to malls trying to find a gift for my sister. I opened more than 20 girls in 20 different stores. The first openings, I was pretty bad... I asked the information... and ejected. The second one was way better, I made her laugh and we has a small discussion, the third one was not that good... the fourth... I mean you'll see, by repeating something, you become good at it. I'm a boss when it comes to ask direction or some information about a gift for my sister now. Report here: 12-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=169
I was not comfortable at parties either but here's some basic tricks: momentum, first 30 minutes and AFC first-aid kit.
1) Momentum: do your job to be socially warmed-up when you'll arrive at the party. Ask people for directions, time whatever but interact with people while going there. If you did the openings during the day, you'll be ready.
2) First 30 minutes: they are the most important. Be social the first 30 minutes, meet people, have fun, smile, laugh... and you'll be good for the night.
3) AFC first-aid kit: in case of AFCness during the party, stop what you're doing and go speak to someone you know (or not). Join a conversation, ... don't let any negative thoughts ruin your night.

I can't wait to read your next entry.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Thanks for the feedback so far guys. Already really helpful.

As far as the Demonic Confidence exercise goes, that first one does seem to be really easy. But the structure of the program is an exercise every day, for 21 days, and I assume they build up in difficulty. I haven't read too much about it because apparently if you look ahead to the future tasks, it ruins the program.

But...I like the idea of just integrating this stuff into my daily routine, a lot more than actually going out and doing specific exercises. The more I think about it, I realize I'm not nearly as bad off as I might have previously believed. I have plenty of friends (both male and female) and can interact with them fine for the most part. I'm an introvert but I've already made great progress in handling that better in social situations.

I've been making an effort to stray from my groups of friends at the last couple of parties I attended. Previously, I'd leave a party when all my good friends had left, but lately, I've just been staying and talking to acquaintances and strangers. These interactions have felt pretty smooth for the most part, aside from last weekend when I acted like a creep toward that girl. I need to just be social from the beginning, like Daniel suggested, instead of pounding beers with my friends until I muster up the courage to talk to a girl.

So I think I'm going to abandon the Demonic Confidence exercise today. The Blueprint Decoded has already done wonders for improving my inner game, so I'm thinking I should just focus on that for now. Plus, some friends just invited me to come hang out, and I would feel stupid saying no so that I could go ask 30 strangers what time it is. Hopefully I can get into a good, confident and social mood with them before the party. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Okay, so here's my report...

Had a great time last night. Met up with two of my friends around 4PM. Drank at my friend's place until about 10:30 PM, when me and my one friend (who happens to be an HB8) headed to the party. It was a really small venue, basically just one room where the bands were playing and a backyard area where a lot of people were hanging out and smoking cigarettes. We went out there cause inside was packed, and one of my friends yelled my name. I went over and said hi to two of my best friends, sat down and talked with them for a while. Was in a great social mood since so many people I knew were there.

Not long after, I looked around and noticed a girl I went to high school with (but who I didn't know at all back then), a seat opened up next to her so I went and sat down. Before I even said anything she said my (full) name. We got into a discussion about gambling, since she knew I play poker. Told me how she and her friend (who was sitting across from us - a girl I've seen at parties before and been interested in but never talked to for some reason) were near the casino and wanted to go in but don't know anything about gambling, so they need to find someone to teach them...something like that. Talked with her for a little while longer, about drugs, school, people we know, etc. It was a good conversation. She's a cool girl, I should make friends.

After she left I talked to the girl across from us (HB 7), introduced myself, we shook hands, talked about school, etc. She's a photography major, I'm English, we had a conversation about that. She was really friendly, smiling a lot. At some point I moved away from there though, went back and was talking to my friends. Saw one of my best friends from high school's girlfriend, she came up to me, "JBlaze!", I said her name. She's also cute (HB 7.5), so I guess that helps for social proof. We started talking about music, school, people we know, etc. I asked "can you keep a secret?" and she said yeah and I told her her friend (HB7) seemed interesting. She talked her up a lot, but I never found my way back to her. I'll definitely see her again though.

At some point took a walk to pick up beer with another kid I went to high school with, whose older brother I graduated with, as well as two girls I hadn't met (both HB5). Before we left I saw an HB7.5 and complimented her on the pattern of her dress, asked where she got it, we had a quick convo about fashion. By the time we got back though, the party was getting shut down, since if they didn't stop by 1 the cops would come. Before I left I saw the same girl, went up to her and said "cool dress girl!" or something to that effect, ended up asking her for her number and then the girl next to her (HB5) was like "she's spoken for." Went outside and bummed a cigarette from someone, talked with the HB5, found out we're from the same hometown. Ended up talking to another friend of their's (HB8.5), and that conversation was going really well. Found out she's also from my hometown. Soon, I find out that she and cool dress girl are together! Haha pretty funny.

A dude from one of the bands comes outside and tells us there's a hotel party somewhat close to there, points to me and says "you're invited too man." So I end up walking with these 5 girls there (the HB5's from the beer run, cool dress girl, "she's spoken for" HB5, and HB8.5). Have a great time there, talk to a HB7 there for a little but I'm pretty sure she was with someone, so dropped that. The girls I came with leave, but I get numbers from HB8.5 and HB Cool Dress, telling them that cute female friends come in handy and they'll have to wing for me. HB8.5 kisses me on the cheek, tells me to text her my name so she can add me on facebook. I end up having to leave not long after, when cops come up to the room cause of noise complaints. By this time it's after 4AM though. I get home and pass out around 5.

Oy...that was a long report. So I made two cute female friends, who I'm sure will come in handy. Finally talked to a girl I'd had my eye on at parties before, which I plan on continuing next time I see her. Also, almost the entire night, I was pretty much on my own, just talking to people I don't know. I feel great. Now I just need to find a job, so I can afford to keep going out.

Seems to be time for another update.

This Memorial Day weekend seemed to be a big breakthrough for me. Spent a lot of time with close friends but also really branched out into talking to new people. Went to a going away party for a friend Tuesday night, and knew most of the people there. I broke away from my previous pattern of sticking around the same few close friends though, and talked to a lot of acquaintances for extended periods. Got really drunk (there was a keg), ended up smoking a blunt in a bedroom and was being really funny, making everyone laugh. One girl in there (an acquaintance I've known for almost four years but hardly ever talked to directly) made some comment about me not talking that much but when I "do it's awesome"...so that really helped up my confidence. She's a hottie (HB8) but taken, plus dated a good friend of mine. She's also moving into my house at the end of the month so she and her (male) friend came back at the end of the night, gave me a ride and they stayed over. Got along really well with both of them.

Was talking to another female acquaintance (HB6.5) who again, I've known for years but never talked to extensively. She kind of seemed to be showing some interest though. Ended up talking about the restaurant she works at, asked if we were facebook friends, told me to message her and give me her number, so she could hook me up with food. I guess I could've just exchanged it there...we were around a lot of people we both know though, seemed like it might be awkward. Although honestly I just didn't think it through that much.

Going to the same party next weekend (where I got the 2 numbers)...I'm sure the same girls will be there again (it's usually the same general social circle). Already planning on making use of their social proof to meet other girls. I can feel the shift in my social life starting...it's so exciting. I'm starting to realize how codependent I was before, just by sticking to close friends at parties. Now I just go off on my own, start conversations with whoever...it's a great feeling! I'm sure this buzz will carry over to tomorrow and get me into a really positive state.

I'll update again Saturday.

So, last night was a disappointment.

Went to the same party. Listened to some good state-elevating music and exercised during the day to try and get into state. Just stayed in all day until I left for the party though, which I'm thinking was a mistake. I got there about 40 minutes after the start time that was listed on Facebook, but was one of the first ones there. My good friend from high school (who helps run the place) was there, so I just drank and talked with him for a while. Met some of the dudes he was with and talked with them. An hour or so later, the place started filling up. I was already pretty drunk at this point. I'm thinking this was another mistake.

Saw the two girls I #-closed last weekend, but they weren't being especially friendly. Kinda weird. The HB8.5 said she was blackout and barely remembered me. They were talking a lot with people they obviously already knew really well, and I didn't feel like hovering around them. Ended up talking to them more at the end of the night though and the HB8.5 warmed up, but the HB7.5 seemed kinda distant. I don't think it was anything personal though, she just wanted to leave. Went and got pizza with them and another kid who went to my high school. He paid for the pizza, we all ate and then they left. He asked to crash on their floor and they declined...seems like they kinda used him. Kinda fucked up. He was also fixating on the one girl's room mate, even though she kept telling him to drop it. I tried to help, basically tried talking to the dude about one-itis but he wasn't hearing it. No surprises there.

Saw the HB7 from last weekend early in the night, made eye contact, she smiled, I waved, she waved back. She was sitting on a full couch though so I just went off and talked with other people to wait for a better opportunity. Spent some time out back talking to friends, including an HB7.5 who was really flirty/bubbly. Someone said my name and she said "Your name's ____? I love that name", talked to her about my name and whether I should shorten it, since it's still the version I've used since I was a kid (ending in a "y"). We all started making sexual jokes, just talking about funny moves ("bucking bronco", etc.). It was me, her, and two dudes from my hometown and university who I party with a lot. The one dude claimed to have already f-closed her. This is one part of the night I think would've gone smoother if I'd been a bit less drunk. She's definitely the flirty/bubbly type who's kind of hard to read, as far as interest is concerned. I run into this a lot, it seems. Any advice on dealing with this type of girl?

Saw the HB7 again after the party had died down, tried dancing with her a little bit but man I suck at that, need to work on it. Commented on her hat. Ah...the interaction was pretty awkward though. Didn't really have much of a conversation, she was just trying to dance with the other girls there. I ended up going up to her just before we left and saying "You seem kind of cool, we should hang out sometime." She pulled me off to the side and said, "I feel like I should tell you, I'm kinda seeing someone." I didn't react good to this at all. I didn't get upset but I didn't blow it off either, was kind of just like "oh that's cool, well see ya." Oh well. Later confirmed she is seeing a kid who's in my friend's band, so she wasn't bullshitting.

Felt kinda down when I woke up today. Reminded me of how I'd feel after parties where I was really introverted. I've made great strides since those days but still...kind of a crummy feeling. I think it's just because my expectations for last night were really high. There were definitely some missed opportunities though. Should have pushed the interaction with the HB7.5 further than I did. I also remember seeing another HB7 chilling by herself when the bands were playing and wanted to talk to her, but didn't. I have a serious issue with being in places with really loud music. I just hate having to yell over it. Think this might be an issue of being self-conscious...not sure, though. I'm thinking I should just work on doing some daygame. I need to reconsider my use of alcohol. There's always that perfect medium, where you have a good buzz but it's not to the point of holding you back. I think I went past that point last night.

No one has responded to my last few posts, what gives? Give me advice, guys! I feel really lost right now. Bleh. I could write more but this is long already so I'll cut it here.