Prelude:

This Journal will be strictly for field usage only. I will still maintain my other journal in the inner game section, that journal will be for all things that extend beyond the realm of field learning.

Later I will set up a series of goals that I hope to accomplish in terms of pick-up in this section, and in terms of life in my inner game journal.

Renewed Hope from a deep Realization:

I am determined to finish what I started this time. I swear never to go back, and I have made up my mind as a man that no matter what it takes, I will whether through the storm in order to do this. I know it will be a tough road, I will accept this, and I will not chicken out or make excuses as I have in the past. Today is different, as with every day. I will no longer say tomorrow, or later, or use any other language that delays this inevitable process. I have finally grown strong enough to move forward with my life and do this. I know I can do this.

My problem:

Not escalating past the point of comfort. The only reason why I haven't achieved a lay is because of my fear of discomfort, of pushing pass the uncomfortable parts of life.

My Declaration:

I will no longer live my life not achieving the things I want. I live for a greater purpose, and a greater reason than failure. I draw the line and solemnly swear that from this point on I push all boundaries and go as far as I can life. Women surround me because I am better, and because I have gotten stronger. I will move forward in life.

My Solution:

To use my small environment to my advantage some how. Some how I will find a way to make this work, some how I will find a way to get better with what I have. I will not wait until tomorrow.

Prelude:

My actually first field day started on the 24th of March. The events from the following day gave me the courage to actually restart gaming. Pick-up will not be a primary activity for me, nor will it override my attempts to improve inner game. Inner game will remain my primary focus until that quest of mine is complete.

A Renaissance after a Long Dark Age:

For nearly 6 months I've tipped my hat off and retired from gaming. The stress of life got to me, made me fearful of moving forward, and even made me reluctant to pursue a better social life. During this time I conjured suicidal thoughts and wallowed in my own sorrow. I had lost my job, failed two classes in school, my father lost his job and couldn't pay for my schooling, and I was relatively isolated. But recently I have begun to reach out to people in life again, and extend my hand out back into the realm of reality.

This transformation has been months in the making, but it all concluded yesterday with my first JAP (Journal Analysis Process).

Thursday was a great day. My day began early off with breakfast. The SPAM was calm and cool. It was a good morning indeed. Later that day while driving to school I choose to ignore my mother's snarky comments. Which helped to maintain a good SPAM on the drive to school.

When I got to school all I could think about was Dame (name change for privacy reasons). It’s ashamed to admit, but this girl preoccupied my mind the night before and the morning of. She's a great looking girl, ambitious, and knows what she wants with her life. However, I must control m self and realize that she is a woman as any other.

As the time approached, I can't say I wasn't excited to see her or Kalendra (changed) again. I walked with intense anticipation. I opened all the wrong doors until finally I found the right one, thanks to the assistance of an annoyed secretary. I entered the room and searched for Dame. She was no where to be found. I can't say I wasn't disappointed. But I sat next to the other girl I liked, Kalendra .

There was brief small talk during the student leadership conference. A basic outline of the day's procedures. We all got up of course I introduced my self to kalendra. We had a small talk. She gave me a car, and I joked and gave the card to another person. I said, "Hi, I'm Kalendra Michaels." She then slapped my arm and pushed me.

And then, Dame came in. I can't say I wasn't happy. In fact I was ecstatic. She stole my seat, wasn't too happy about that . I rush quickly through my next conversations just to reach her and catch her off guard as I had been planning all along.

Once I arrived at her location I complimented her, "You look great!." She responded like-wise. I then went for her cheeks and gave her a kiss on both cheeks. I will shamefully admit that that was the first kiss I have ever given to a woman outside of my family or friends. It was a big thing for me; I had never done that, though it’s not really that big of a deal. That whole time I dominated the conversation, and she talked so fast through the whole conversation as if I weren't listening :/. I played around and then I moved on.

I then worked the room back to Kalendra and another girl. I didn't try as hard with Kalendra since Dame was there. We had a brief conversation and she asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I said I wanted to start a town like on sim city. She thought it was cute. It was a great conversation and then I moved on.

Ha-ha, I made a humongous mistake I know I can over come. I asked Dame her age before she left lol. Yes I was born an idiot, but I know it’s something I can overcome. I have never felt this confident about a seduction before. I know that this woman is in the palm of my hand. I then reworded the question and asked when she graduated from high school. She tells me 2005. All I could think is 0_0;... That's when I entered high school ha-ha.

There after I talked to some buddies of mine. We had an awesome conversation about Japanese Anime in particular Dragon Ball Z and high school/ prom. It helped me to become at ease, and helped me from my long period of isolation on spring break to get back to talking with people.

I worked out before class, and when class came I felt great. I was upset about one thing; there is this girl in my class that seems distant from me. I do think it’s been because I am relatively shy, and I think that she is messing around with another guy I know. But I will push the boundaries with out fear of social ridicule. Either she will say no, or yes, and I will move on to the other 5 women who I am currently interested in.

Things I know I did well on:

1.) My early stage Kino is awesome, incidental one Kino is working flawlessly for me. I've been a coward and I have never tried overt class 1. That will soon change.

2.) I ignored my mom's ignore comment she made about me going to hell jokingly and moved on.

3.) Was being my self when I talked to the other people. I certainly didn't feel forced.

Things I know I need to fix.

1.) I focused too much on girl's I like. I need to move on and clear my mind of them, stay busy, and think of other things.

2.) I didn't stay in the moment when I was talking to other people I didn't want to talk to. I got preoccupied with other thoughts and people.

3.) I was rushing through conversations. I need to slow it down a bit.

4.) I need to be braver and make more moves in terms of Kino. I know that resistance is natural and something that can be overcome with great resolve and determination.

5.) Wave to people well ahead of time or say hi. It’s alright not to be shy.

6.) Don’t ask women their age.

7.) Don't be afraid to make a move be bold and make a fool out of your self. People don't care that much for you . I will whether through the staining of my reputation to move forward in life.

8.) Stop holding back out of fear.

Concluding Thoughts:

To highlight the symbolic awakening of my inner self, I leave you with this historic but highly dramaticized video. It was a time when all boys believed that they could do anything and many of them shitted on their selves trying to do so. I will let this video become symbolic of the awakening beast in my heart, symbolic of my new determination to move forward. I hope you all enjoy.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTiWhTgDB-Q[/youtube][/youtube]

For the first time in a while I actually tried to talk to a girl lol. I was so uncalibrated, but it was fun to mess up. I have retired from game for nearly 6 months; I had an emotional collapse and simply burned out with women. It came primarily from wanting to talk to women, but having few women to talk to. I know I go to a college, but it’s not a great place to talk with women. Anyway, I came up with a plan in my other journal to get out of this trap. So I got inspired to talk to a girl again, and I was HYPER uncalibrated

I basically saw her twice in one day. I made one mistake. I made my self too available, tried too hard, and moved too fast. I basically rain outside in the rain to get her number. But that was because I was never going to see her ever again, at least for this year. She gave the typical response of having a boyfriend. I laughed at my self for trying so hard, but it was refreshing to mess up. I think I'll try this again with a few other girls next school day during finals if I catch them.

So all in all good day yesterday didn't really learn anything I didn't already know. I think I just need to start acting on the stuff I do know and stop over riding my logic.

I've been listening to some friends for a while instead of listening to my guy. They are all extremely indirect, I think most guys go indirect and wait for girls to come at them. I am not great looking nor am I ugly. I'm a solid 5 or 6, and I'm sure if I worked out I'd be a 7. I currently am losing weight for my self and no one else. However, the indirect thing hasn't worked for me at all. I've tried it for months while underground, and it has not yielded any results.

I'm not dissing guys who go indirect, but indirect only works for the good looking and socially charming. I am neither of those, just a plain Joe, a dude with out much talent. I have girls looking at me now, just have been lazy.

So the point of this post is to say this, despite the objections I will receive from my friends I’m going to develop a direct serious game and see how this works for me. I've tried the whole jokey funny thing to make women comfortable, doesn't work either. I will intentionally make women feel uncomfortable to see where it goes.

Told one of my friends this and he told me I could end up in jail doing this . Men in this society are so groomed to believe anything. They believe being direct with women won't work, or that if you just wanna fuck that makes you a villain. Or that you gotta follow up with a woman.

Fuck later, I'm going for now. I've suppressed the whole direct game thing, but I think I'm going to prepare a few of my own routines just to have a general idea of what to do, and I'm going from there. I won't use cheesy lines, nor will I smile. I will be blunt, to the point and cold. I'll tell you all how it goes.

Back Story:

Around December is when I stopped gaming hard or trying. I took a break because I didn’t have many outlets; I was broke with no car. I had a job, but it paid shit, not nearly enough to save up for even a game system, let alone a car. So as of late I had been lazy and I’ve been using the game one of my buddies Z uses.

He is a social giant, and uses indirect tactics of hanging out and getting cool with girls to get them to like him and come at him. It works wonders for him, but it has miserably failed me. It does little more than leave me wondering. I must admit I did not push the envelope and see how far it could go. But often times I would drag shit out for weeks that could’ve been solved in days or even minutes.

One thing that has NEVER been a problem of mine is getting numbers. That’s stupid easy, newbies don’t even understand. As long as you command a woman to give the number with reverse language, you will get it. I’ve gotten a number from nearly every woman I’ve asked from. That DOES NOT mean however that she likes you or wants to fuck. And that is a grave misconception of a lot of dudes.

So anyway, I had been trying this game and getting no where. Finally a couple days ago I got the courage to go direct after being indirect for so long. I saw that trying to befriend her wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I went drastic and simply went direct. Yeah she rejected, but it felt better to get the shit over with than to wait in mind forever.

I conclude with these thoughts, I have NEVER pushed my game passed asking for a number EVER. This is completely my fault and no one else’s. I’ve never went for a k-close, or for a day 2, NEVER. I’ve hugged girls, but never held their hands, I’ve never stared them in the eyes, and I’ve never even moved pass incidental 1. I’ve been playing the pussy card for quite sometime, and this is why I choose to begin using direct game.

I allowed people to get in my head and tell me that women would whisper in the school and spread rumors about me. I allowed the fear of instant rejection to grip me. I was so afraid that women would simply block me, that I would remain full of cowardice and fear.

But I allowed my fear of these things to die, because if I don’t, my game will never progress. A year from now I will be in the same place wondering why I have not progressed. I simply haven’t done as well as I could because I have not pushed boundaries and tried new things. I own up to this, and I use this as an oath. I’ll allow people to criticize me and judge me if I don’t follow my words in this post. I would like it if people would hound me for not doing shit.

The day of hitting on that one Mexican girl I told my buddy P that I simply want to fuck girls and move on. He told me that girls never go for that and that it wouldn’t work. I’m clearly facing a lot of opposition. But I fail to see the success that being indirect is giving me. I tried being indirect since I talked to the first girl C, and it hasn’t worked then, it won’t work now.

Edit:

The incident above served as a wake up call that this indirect stuff will never work.

Sincerely,

Gaius

Today was awesome!! I went in direct ever for the first time; it was so simple and painless and saved me the few days being indirect would've cost me. I talked to one girl in public, said she had a boyfriend, I'm cool with that I know I've seen her walking with a guy before. Then I went in super hard a few girls on the phone, and I basically used the texting/facebook routine in the pua lounge. It was seriously the most fun I've had in my life. They've yet to text me back but it’s far from over.

The most promising is a 25 year old model from China, but she goes back to China this week . So I have to wait until July 6th for her to come back. So as a result gotta go else where. The other two girls thought I was joking, so the only way I can get some traction is by going face to face. But at any rate I know it’s not a done deal with them either. I'll eventually post a script of what I said to all 4 girls today. Man today was an awesome day!

Sincerely,

Gaius

Holy shit guys, girl actually gave me some follow through, think I got this one hooked. Told her lemme rub your back down on the weekend and ease dat body. Man guys, I should've went direct so long ago, I feel like a fool for waiting so long.

I know this may not count as directly in the field, but this is the most game I've been doing in a minute. As a result, I'm reposting this in Field Reports as well for feed back and consultation.

I tried this on two girls, my dumb ass forgot the conversation and deleted the text log. But I kinda free styled on it. I'm going to go get my text logs and then post an edit on the forum.

Update: A girl told me she'd never talk to me again. I told her it was ok. I'm going to post up the 2 conversations these comprise of.

D (a week ago):

Me: D, I have something to tell you. I've had a crush on you for years.

Hb: Where did that come from? I haven't talked to you in forever?

Me: If there were a thousand celebrity stars in one room, you'd shine the brightest babe.

Hb: Are you just messing around?

Me: Lettuce be cereal and be in reality here.

Hb: Hahaa ohh jeez.

Me: Why do you think I'm messing around? I'm so serious.

Hb: Well because of the way your talking.

Me: When you gonna lemme come over, do the grown up and clap dem cheeks?

Hb: haha wow.

Me: Wanna chill?

Hb: No response

-----------------
D (Today):

Me: D do u just like 2 make men sad?

Hb: What?

Me: U have left my heart a barren wasteland and a chasmed pit. Empty... W/o u the nites get cold . A kisseth from thines lips is the only cure 2 this poison :l...

Hb: ?? Wheres all this coming from..its kinda weird

Me: (I pussied out): Actually from a shakesphere novel. I got so bored debby. I couldn't help but 2 experiement on u. PLz 4give me. *Makes puppy dog noise. C;mon cure this boredom.

Hb: Hahaa you say some of the weirdest things..you don't actually talk to girls like that do you?

Me: (Answering objectively and stupidly): Hmm from time 2 time I do. ONe girl just told me 2 never talk 2 her again lol. It was actually fun. We need 2 go 2 the mall 2 watch me.

Hb: Yeah I can see someone saying that lol.

Me: It wrks on some girls. I'm still learnin d lol. But I'z be bored. Need 2 chill with you.

Hb: I'm going golfing sorry.

Me: Boooo! That's cool though. U still go to our old school?

Hb: Nope not anymoree.. going to a 4 year now.

Me: Oh cool I have a friend down there. I have another year left.

Hb: No response

Something to keep in mind I've known her since we were about 16 I'm almost 21 now, so we've known each other for years. She knows how weird I can get lol.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E (Week ago):

Me: When are you going to stop swimming with that one fish and come over here and be treated like a princess te amo??

Hb: What are you talking about ???

Me: Muriam (pun on the guys name) can't treat you like I can. Lemme know when you wanna come to dry land. No puede como yo (she's mexican).

Hb: Omg lol u are crazy Dave.

Me: How am I crazy?

Hb: U are lol. U should be telling this to your girl and. Let me tell u Ariel is only my friend ok.

Me:Why do you think I'm kidding?

Hb: I just know u are Dave. Besides how can u be saying that u don't know me like that u have barely seeing me a few times.

Me: Here I am pouring my heart out to you and I get no love. Forever stallone .

Hb: Ups sorry, just don't know if u are joking or being honest with me. Cause I know how u like to tjoke around most of the time.

Me: forgot this line..... lol

Hb: I 'm about to go back to work, but I text u some other time ok. Good luck on your finals and take care byee.

So I don't say anything or do anything. She calls me. I call back later, and she then says its an accident. She called me at 1:45 in the morning, accident :/....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E (Next day):

Hb: Hey Dave!!! I just wanted to say sorry for calling u last night I drop my phone and didn't notice I was calling u, sorry once again bye.

Me: That wasn't an accideent. U knew what i was offerin and u wanted it. Don't worry this stays between us, n thats 4 real. Don't be ashamed be free.

Hb: Omg Clearly u are crazy and sorry to tell you but u are not my type of guy. I don't know whats wrong with u this days that u are saying all this things....

Hb (cont.): and I'm just over all this ok. So u can think whatever u want, but the trusth is something else so byeeeeeeeeeee.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E (Today):

Me: I just think ur afraid 2 experiment. Baby trust that this stays between us. I'm that invisible guy you an relax n have fun wit. Feel free to express all pleasures..

Hb: Omg I just odn't know what to say to u anymore ( u are crazy). I'm done talking to u so have a great life and don't bother texting me anymore cause I won't be answering byeeeeee.

Me: Hmmm had 2 try. Lifes short. U have a nice life too.

I then abruptly deleted her number without second thought and moved on. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm trying to focus on what I'm doing right now instead of worrying about my failures.

On the good note however, I replaced this one dead log with like 3 or 4 other numbers today. So I'm good. We'll see where this all goes.

Yeah, if you read the title it’s an awesome pun on six flags. Today was only one flag. Although I had a blast at the theme park my plans simply didn't go well. I'm depressed and happy at the same time.

To give background on the situation, my college and I were going to 6 flags to celebrate the hard work student government did this year. I RARELY get out of the house and for obvious and unfortunate circumstances. If you follow up with my inner game journal, you'd know I'm pretty much trapped at home all day. So I saw going to six flags as an opportune time to practice and brush up on my pick up skills. I THOUGHT there would be lots more college students at the park. Instead 300 buses of under-aged 8th graders got off screaming and hollering.

This simply pissed me off, and I'm trying to shake the depression. I was expecting for there to at least be a few other college students, none... Not even girls who were seniors or juniors in high school. I could've even made that stretch, but there was just an ocean of 8th graders with class of 2015 shirts . 2015? WTF I'll be outta LAW school by then, god damn.

While in the park I was rolling with my buddy Z and our lady friend D. Even though Z stole D, I wasn’t mad because every time I tried to pick her up she still was starring at him, he pretty much had her. And I was pretty much done with her. This would be the second time he’s done this to me. I remember the first time he did this was with another Latina girl. I will keep in mind never to bring a Latina girl around this man because he will steal her. I won’t even say who I’m interested in. But I forgave him for being a bit two-faced, I wasn’t mad at him, I moved on.

The thing that upset me was the fact they were all rubbing and playing. I wasn’t mad at him for being with her. He was getting it in, I was happy for him, like I said, I forgave him, but I felt it was a kick in the face that he had the only attractive legal aged woman in the park. I didn’t even get the chance to try approaches, none. There was not one remotely nice looking teacher. And I was tempted to go up to couples and ask if they swing just to say I did something. But I simply stopped caring; I was at this point done.

Don’t get me wrong, had fun at the park, just upset about the situation. If any of you read my inner game journal you would know that it’s hard for me to get out the house. So I viewed 6 flags as a SUPER field day, were I could talk to like 30 sets. I haven’t progressed for the 1 year I was in PUA. I attribute this solely to the fact that I am trapped in the house. But I’m going to channel this hatred and anger into the Microsoft Certification Program. I need a fuel efficient car so I can game more. I simply will not progress until I can get out of the house and do my own thing. I rely on my parents’ money. They give me less than 20$ a month, food is running short in the house, bills are getting tight, even the electricity is getting cut from time to time….

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Sincerely,

Gaius

Just a heads up I'll be developing a personal routine based on Chief's outter game guy. A basic list of things I'll try to do while establishing contact. This is just my own personal step in getting better. I think scripting out stuff personally, will help me to open, approach, and carry conversations better.