Hello, I'm a girl. and i have a question about men so i figured i'd ask men. Obviously i asked my female friends about this, but i don't trust a female perspective as much as I do a male one, just because they're not dudes and they don't really know what they're talking about.
here's my question...


i went out with this guy last weekend. he really wanted to hookup and was a little pushy about it. i didnt want to have sex. but i did compromise and used my hand. i hadn't planned on even going that far, but i have no problem with having gone that far. He asked if i wanted to use my mouth and i told him no. i'm comfortable with how far it went. but then afterwards he went to the bathroom and came back and said he thinks we went too far. (even though i didnt even give him a blow job like he asked). i didnt even know how to react to that. why would he say that?
i was left feeling a little confused by that comment. but then he insisted on a kiss goodnight after that. I have to see him all the time in class (med school) and he has been coming to say hello to me all the time this week. He already told me he's not looking for a relationship, so what the hell is he doing? was it really necessary to tell me it went too far?

the reason i ask is because a few years ago, another guy said the SAME thing, in fact he was more overdramatic about it. we were actually sleeping together, and he would insist he didnt want to do that, and exclaimed "THAT can't happen again!" and later on he said something like "once i realized what we had done...bla blabla" i was thinking, what do you mean, "once you realized"? he wanted to do it! it made me feel like crap. i thought he WANTED to have sex. he could've fooled me.


If you think it's because they worry I want a relationship. i dont know because i dont know how clingy i am. i mean, i've been told i actually come off pretty cold and aloof and uninterested...so i am not sure if i'm a stage five clinger.

Honestly, when I was younger I had situations like this. Even with my latest Ex, when we started I thought being physical was not honoring to God and I felt tremendous guilt after doing something I "knew" I shouldn't be doing...

Maybe this guy has Catholic guilt or something. That would be the first thing I would explore...My ex didn't understand what I was saying either...it is a tough thing to deal with guilt about that area of life, ESPECIALLY when a man at that age (20-30), is so sexually charged...hard not to give in to your desires, yet don't want to do the "wrong" thing....

If that is not the issue, then I have another theory...

Cpt

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"I forgive you...."

what's your other theory?
the guy before that, the one from a couple years ago, i thought was a manipulative little jerk. so i dont want to deal with someone like that again.
this current guy seems nice but he's outgoing. this date happened after he and i got drunk last week and he drunkenly asked me to go home with him. i told him no. (i didnt want to drunkenly hook up with him) and he pulled me aside the next day to tell me he was drunk, blacked out and apologized for how he acted saying he just ended a long term relationship and he's not looking for a relationship rght now

so i totally got the message he isn't looking for a relationship. so i just dont get it.

what's the other theory? just curious. out with it!

Maybe your coming off as cold and aloof made the guys think that you weren't interested, that the sex was bad, or that you were giving them whatever it was (handjob etc) begrudingly, rather than actually wanting to do it because you liked them. The ego-protection response to your disinterest is them reacting by saying that they didn't want to in the first place -> "we shouldn't have done this."

If you've set what your limits are for that night, then you shouldn't feel forced into going further than you're comfortable with. HOWEVER, it seems you're not really sure what you want and are giving off mixed signals

IF you just want casual sex, then why are you making him wait in the first place? You can be pretty clear to a guy that you don't wanna be his girlfriend and won't be seeking any kind of commitment, and a lot of guys will be looking for that too.

IF you want a relationship, then by all means make him wait a bit to show you're not too easy, and to get a better idea of what he's like, for sure.

Finally though, why do you care? So something similar happened twice - who cares? As long as you know what you're looking for and what you want, just act accordingly with that. If a guy can't handle it or acts all dramatic about shit, then nobody's forcing you to see him again!

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well the reason i do, is that this more recent guy. i did like him. until he told me he doesnt want a relationship.it was a pre-emptive rejection. then he was flirting with me and i was utterly confused. the only reason i was being "cold" was because i don't chase after guys who tell me they're not looking for a relationship. i thought either a) he changed his mind or b) we're going to be just friends. then we went out, and we had a nice time at dinner. then he just suddenly wanted me to bring him to my apartment. we went out for drinks and i said i'll make out with him and that's as far as i'll go. he made me feel pressured to let him come upstairs and i felt bad. he kept being very pushy. although i wanted to stop at making out, i didnt think giving a guy a hand job, at the age of 25 was a huge deal. I thought he'd be satisified with that. I honestly don't think that was me being "easy" since he asked me for a bj and i turned him down and he kept trying over and over to takeoff my clothes. he just wouldn't let up.
I do know what i want but i think this guy is "unavailable" which sucks because i do like him but his behavior is absolutely confusing to me.

And also - my coldness and aloofness isn't intentional - that's just my personality/demeanor

EDIT: also, i sort of stopped doing it to, and i finished because he told me i can't get him all worked up and stop, so i should finish.

Also, i dont know how bad i am because it was only a handjob with this guy and with the other guy, he always said, 'you're amazing'

Sounds he was just looking for some fun then.

Can't say why he would say ''we shouldn't do this''
Because i would never ever say such a thing.

i can learn you how to do handjobs on webcam if you want .. LOL .. just kidding...

look missy .... lets be honest ..... you are lying to yourself, do you have any feelings for this guy - in any way you give too much mixed signals ?
hookup or just wants sex ?
and after that he extracts himself .. lol he just wants sex, he just knows you are not up to it - he wants you to escalate that's why he asks because he doesn't want to be responsible. If he really wants you he would took responsibility , do you really think he would tell you he doesn't want a relationship before having sex ?
because you didn't reject him after saying you have gone too far .....there is one thing for sure .. if a guy really wants you he never say '''it gone too far '' after a handjob.
my question is how do you feel ?
then find a guy that wants a relationship as well

almost all guys give you compliments if you agree to perform sexual moves on them
you already neglected this rule thus you failed from the start , guys who want relationships don't like girls who jerk off/sex or do BJ that fast , it only make them wonder how much dick you've had and how you are not girlfriend material but rather sluttish.

unless you are dating someone who knows how to pickup woman like most people on this forum , most guys won't get in relationships with girls that will sleep or perform other sexual moves that fast. The number one fear guys have in relationships is their girlfriend cheating - if you are so easy to get why would they have relationships with you ? if you really like the guy i understand that you want to have sex with him ASAP , i understand however 95 % of the other guys don't.

what guys want to know is

1. if you are trustworthy
2. if you are good in bed

If a guy is dramatic about it you should dump him ... your not dating some drama queen he should handle and act like a man ( whatever that is lol! ). You should not have accepted his rejection, you should have walked away - by accepting his scenario you gave away your power of descision.

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well he already told me he does not want a relationship. so like i said, i was confused as to why he kept coming up to me, kept flirting with me all the time. i thought he was just being friendly or something. then we went out, and he started putting his hands all over me in the bar like a creeper and putting his face way too close. then he was VERY pushy. when i say that, i mean, the pushiest guy i have EVER encountered. i told him to slow down. he just kept repeating how he didnt want a relationship. I sort of wanted him to just leave already, but he wouldn't leave. I felt OBLIGATED to do something for him just to get him to knock it off. He exerted a lot of pressure. Do you really think he thinks i am a slut though? i think i am prudish. handjobs are what 15-year-olds do. And i know this guy and i have to see him all the time.
So basically i am saying that he decided he didnt want a relationship BEFORE i performed a sexual act on him. so his mind was made up.
I am going to argue he went out with me for the PURPOSE of getting laid, and he almost seems like the type who expects something if he pays for dinner. i guess he thought him telling me he doesnt want a relationship meant "i want to sleep with you" but i didnt realize that at first.

If he really thinks i am a big whore - why is the the one coming to talk to me all week? and i'm the one giving him the cold shoulder?

yeah, that's the part i'm mainly asking about. it's a weird thing to say, coming from the person who not only asked me to go home together last week (well actually he said "i dare you to bring me home" he wanted ME to ask HIM) and again asked me if i was bringing him to my place after we had dinner. and then smothered me in the bar, and then asked me for a blow job could say we went too far.

See you guys, the reason i am asking is also because i have to see this guy almost EVERY DAY and i have to interact with him too. so that part of it concerns me. it's not like some guy i dont see all the time. I'd totally write him off by now, if that was the case, but i feel like i am in a pretty awkward position here, and i just want to get an idea of what he's thinking so i know how to deal with this.

okay.. i'll just say it.. guy just wants to have sex with you, and when it does happen, you won't see him again.. well unless he's thinking of friends with benefits..

MY OPINION! I used to that to some girls i've met before.. I was in it for the chase, especially when they gave me something when i asked, even if they didn't gave me exactly what i asked for.. at least i got something out of it, and i'm wondering how far i can go with it... pretty much the chase, and once i get it then the challenge is over.. just another girl in a conversation with the boys...

now i'm not saying it's right, that's why with this PUA stuff, i've changed ways. you always gotta leave them better when you found them.. I was immature back then..

so my advice is, why give it up when he's really not wanting a relationship.. i mean, yeah there is casual sex.. but it's up to you if you wanna do that.. or when you want to... he just wants a fuck buddy and if you're down with that, then go right ahead.. but if you're really not comfortable with it, then dont.. you got the vag! LOL!

i forgot to mention but pretty much saying we've gone to far is almost a reverse psychology.. just saying..

well i think we already established that he wants to sleep with me. like i said, i already knew that. but i am not going to sleep with him. i have no intentions to. in fact im thinking about telling him that, as if he couldnt figure that out already. but the question was about why did he say what he said? and also, now what do i do that i have to see him all the time?

ok...

in what universe, or parallel dimension, is it okay to stop mid-handjob?

lol.

while you are stroking a guy's cock in your hand and he is in the throes of pleasure, is not the time to have second thoughts.

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[quote="Mack 2.0"]ok...

in what universe, or parallel dimension, is it okay to stop mid-handjob?

lol.

while you are stroking a guy's cock in your hand and he is in the throes of pleasure, is not the time to have second thoughts.[/quote

According to the rape doctrine of criminal law, it's acceptable, and if a girl says she wants to change her mind, the guy better listen. seriously. that's not me talking. that's the law in most states, as long as they follow the model penal code...

duh. notice i didn't say "legal", i a said "okay"

of course, it is legal to say no at any point.

but it certainly ain't ok.

i'd eject your ass out my apartment so fast your head would be spinning.

then i'd jack off out the window on your car.

ps - you seem mentally balanced considering you go from giving handjobs to screaming rape in one paragraph. omg, glad i've never bumped into you. jesus. i'm better off celibate.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

lol ok granted....whatever
so i mean are you suggesting me being reluctant to do that has something to do with the topic of this discussion? i did finish, didn't i?

EDIT: this wasn't at his apartment. if it was, i would have left already. i would've finished anyway, i just didnt want to go FURTHER than a hand job.
I already was borderline feeling bad i went that far. i dont know why he had to say it was too far. that pisses me off. if he really thought that, then stopping mid-way through would have made sense.