| Hi, I'm Skyleko
As I sit here listening to some old songs that I listened to in early 2000's just for nostalgia's sake, I can't help but think about my past life.
This is gonna be long, I was completely awkward going up and for some reason just a complete jackass. The problem with me back then (age 5-18) was that I was completely shy and I was socially inept. Whenever I would try to make new friends or try to branch off into being more social, I would say the wrong things and get berated, which in turn hurt my self esteem.
Only until my late teens I stopped trying and did the "if you don't say anything, you won't say the wrong thing" method. It worked, I guess my demeanor and my common interests with some people gave me some friends a a social network. I guess I had a friendly face or something. But that still didn't prevent me from being awkward as hell.
When I turned 18 (senior year of HS) I hadn't had a kiss, or had a girlfriend, and rarely engaged in conversations with women. There was a cute girl I had a crush on throughout the year and after about 6 months of being annoyed I mustered up the courage to ask her out. She said yes, we couldn't be separated for the next 3+ years.
Throughout this time I was also in college and began to play poker to pay my way through it. While all of this was going on, I never improved socially, I had horrible eating and learning habits, I was ****ing lazy. On my senior year of college (22) something must have clicked, I had the itch to have freewill and do what I want. But the problem was that I was still my introverted self with no charisma/willpower/life. I also came to realize that my relationship was based off of fear of me being alone and not based off love.
To be honest, I was going to buy a ring and ask her to marry me. But that was when I did a lot of soul searching and I knew this was the wrong path for me to take, I hated my life and everything about myself and how I got to this point. I used this relationship as a way to make me feel better about not living in reality. I bit the bullet and told her I could no longer be with her (this was in late 07).
I took it really hard because this was the first time in my life I was going to be independent and I had no idea what to expect in the future. I spend 3 weeks in my bed, crying. I posted on other social forums hoping for some kind of support. I made 2-3 friends in college and I barely talked to them. I was miles away from my hometown and home friends, I was practically all alone. After these 3 weeks the people from the forums kept bickering at me to stop whining and get on with my life. As much as I hated that advice, I knew what I was doing now wasn't gonna help.
I spent the next 2-3 weeks after that reading various dating books (dating for dummies, youtube videos on how to pick up women, etc) and read a couple of health books. Eventually I began working out to fill the void in my life and began to pay attention to how people reacted, talked, and understand what normal people talked about.
After a few rejections in the following months, I began to notice it wasn't a big deal. On top of that I dropped 25lbs and after cutting my hair (was down to my stomach) to near shaven, a couple of the female friends I made during this time would see me and didn't recognize who I was because of the big change. I also began to feel more confident about myself and would start to try to engage people in conversations and began to build a decent network on my final semester of classes.
During this phase I began to party more (drank for the first time at age 22 lol), I guess became more charismatic, I actually began to gain some muscle mass after going from 185 to 145lb then near 160 when I pumped iron. I graduated college and even though I didn't have much game, I took it upon myself to get a customer service job to deal with people to help with my people skills. Within 1 month of working at the job I actually managed to get the number of a stripper and we went out (had a good time, but yeah...another time I'll tell my fail lol).
After that, I had a new-found confidence about myself and with all the customer service skills I had working at a retail store I eventually felt comfortable with myself. I became a hit a parties, I had a nice streak of making out/getting numbers/dates on a weekly basis.
I floated with a new job in 09 and for some reason I no longer took care of myself and I became unhappy with where I was in life. So in the October of 09, I told my friends and family I am moving to Nevada. I left 1 week later.
It's been a year and a half since then, I did play poker to support income but I quit about 6 months ago and during this time...without having a job my ADD tendencies came into play and I would get bored, lazy, gained most of my weight back, and pretty much had no ambition. It became really bad when I turned 25 several months ago, I went into a depression because I haven't done what I wanted to in life and I felt like I haven't made an impact in anyone's life.
I have always wanted attention, I was shy for so long. Now I want the world to hear my voice. I also want success. I know it isn't going to be based just on the amount of women I sleep with (or quality), but with a lot of other aspects in life (business/socially/spiritually/physically).
I've been hitting up the books and with the amount of awesome friends that I've made here, I now feel like I am within my own skin and now I can embrace myself for what is ahead. I know I have a lot to learn, I feel that this forum will be great to learn/adapt to many situations for both women and men. Essentially when it comes down to it, I want to be fearless.
I hope to not only learn, but to also help others when the time comes. I know for a fact that if my ambition is 100% all the time, I will make a name for myself.
I guess I didn't need to have a long background, but I guess I wanted to let you guys know where I am coming from. Well, time to continue to hit the books.
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CHAT
