Hey guys,

to start off with I’m an AFC in a twisted situation and need some serious advice on this. It’s about getting my ex girlfriend back. I’ll try to keep to the background as compact (but complete) as possible.

Background
In uni I started reading about seduction and PUA, developing skills and using it to hook up with girls. Then I ran into an old girlfriend (B7, but with personality HB9 and old crush), started dating, became a couple. After a year or so we travelled around the world for some months, were on top of the world, moved in together in the last year to finish our masters at uni.

Last couple of months, after a LTR of which the last year living together, I started fucking up; became insecure (about education, future, finances etc) and was always doing what I thought she wanted me to do (not considering my own interests). Textbook FU 101 in a relationship.

So one day she comes home and tells she has doubts about us. On top of that she explained that the reason she found out, was because she was developing feelings for someone else and vice versa (context: her boss for 2 days a week, older than me, successful job/organisation, financial security, own house, dog etc. her dream). After having a couple of talks (reasoning, crying together, talking into her, telling I could change) and not living together in the same house for some weeks we decided to give it another go but living separate. She told me she we had such a strong connection in the past, she still had so much love for me and really wanted it to work out ok. Only thing I couldn’t ask her to quit her job, because she loves her job too much and she told the guy to keep their relationship purely professional. Still doubts, insecurity but some weeks and a couple of talks later my confidence started to build. Then she ran into him on at an informal party. The next day she told me her feelings were to strong to ignore, so we broke up.


Current Situation
It’s been a couple of weeks now. Since our first talk I started to realise, even more than before, that she’s so freaking special to me that I can’t give up so easily. So since the breakup I started to read on seduction again and came across some material on exes; moving on, building confidence, not initiating contact, push-pull, being nice/indifferent/no emotional tampon etc. All the things I didn’t do in the first place.

So now I’m doing all of this, moving on and hoping to see results. First results I saw was when I ran into her at a friends party last night and showed I was cheerful, moving on and told her it was the right decision to break up. It totally threw her off balance, so it’s a start...

Concerns and question
Thing is, I still cant get the situation with the other guy out of my head. I just learned, from a mutual friend, she didn’t told him about the breakup yet, wishes to let it all cool off and thinking it over before deciding what to do next, mostly because she is still really upset about hurting me and my feelings. But she’ll still be seeing him more than me the next couple of weeks.

In a couple of days we meet up to sort out and split up our stuff.
After reading a lot of material I’ve learned that there is no quick fix for a situation like this one, but I’d like to get an edge and some more control over the situation.

So is there any out there, who finished reading this novel (sorry for the long story), and has some tips, advice and/or tricks?

Greetings, Willem

Do a search for all the "Get my ex back" threads. Let me know if you find any that have some positive results.

Really . . . I just don't understand the guys that sabotage your own shit then beg, plead, and strategize for a way back. Well, maybe not . . . that's what I often do with a fat piece of steak and a few martinis for a good Saturday night dinner, only to have to run a few extra miles on Monday. The point is . . . while I'm eating that steak, I pretty much know all that's ahead. And I'd say that even the most empty minded numb nut knows exactly what's ahead when he sabotages a relationship. There is definitely a part of you that wanted out of that relationship.

Sorry for your loss but your current emotions probably have more to do with your own feelings of inadequacy than your feelings for this particular girl. The new guy is everything you are not; he's ready for a relationship. You were OBVIOUSLY not . . . You're looking for an 'edge' but you've already lost this fight. IT'S OVER. So . . . here it goes, "Ha, ha ha . . .you loser! You lost your girl to a better looking guy who is more successful, has a house, and who treats her better and probably fucks her better too . . . ha ha ha ha . . She probably enjoys swallowing his load. Ha ha ha . .." - They'll probably announce their engagement within 6 months.

Look, we're men. . . this is what happens. You lose a game, you lose girl, you lose a job, etc . . .sometimes we end up on the undesirable end of the game and sure, a little humiliation is a part of the process. But if you focus your shit on this aspect of life, this is all you'll ever get. Only idiots live their lives in avoidance of humiliation.

You've already begun running in the WRONG direction. You're not an 8 year old girl who's dreaming of "Prince Charming". You're a man . . . so grow a fucking pair as you're embarrassing yourself and doing a great job of CONTINUING to sabotage yourself. With your current 'strategy', not only will you repel your ex further but you'll repel most girls around you as well.

Everything right now is exactly as it should be. Consider yourself lucky to be out of a situation where you are a complete ILL FIT. Be happy that you have plenty of time to meet lots of different people and shop further as you advance your life and prepare yourself to be 'ready' . . .

Wake up . . . you're missing out on life.

You probably know that the advice you'll get is not the advice you want. Most of us have been there, I'm sure.

The only tips that I can give are to pretend she doesn't exist. I've read around this a little; the advice is a generic 'make yourself better'. Do it for you, not for her. If she comes back then that's a bonus, if she doesn't you'll be in a better position down the road.

I really believe that after 2 weeks there is nothing you can say that'll change her mind. She's catching feelings for her boss and won't leave her job. If she comes back you will not gain any security or confidence.

As I know you'll do it anyway. At least avoid some kind of boring meet up activity like lunch. Do something exciting and don't tell her how you're going to be different.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

I've been there and I was way worse than you, you have no fucking idea. What happened was that I left her and avoided her for 6 weeks. I came back...ended up chasing her for FOUR months. Now if you don't believe that was the most traumatizing time of my life, better believe it. I'm buff, I'm the model type. And I am a guy who can draw picture-perfect portraits of people, sing AND play the guitar very well. I'm pretty much talented in many areas, I'd say there's only 1% other guys like me out there and she knows the same. Now with all that, I didn't manage to get her back. No matter how romantic I was, nothing worked. So I stopped for a week. She came back to me requesting a webcam but I told her later, couldn't do it at the moment. She left and the entire time she didn't say a word. Then a few days later I sent her a message to cut the act and leave me along bla bla. And I gave her a good reason why I left and said she's a good person and good luck to her. I told her I just didn't want to have anything to do with her no more. I turned the whole game 180 on her, making HER feel like the guilty one. She even listened to a love song about that later.

Since then, she's still trying to ignore me, being "gone" off my map so I did the whole thing. Both of us are ignoring each other/have disappeared from each other's lives. Now it just is what it is..going with the flow. I'm not expecting anything in the future.

Yeah, I was a fool for chasing her. Sometimes you can't go with logic, you just have to go with how you feel and nothing is wrong with that. When you truly care about someone, you'll chase them whether it's foolish or not. Now compared to not having chased her, she wouldn't have ever thought I cared. Chasing is both good and bad. The good is that the impact from it remains and is remembered which can help in the future. The bad, is well, you open yourself up to hurt and you push her away.

I had a rough 6 months after the break-up of my first relationship. After a while, you get used to it in a way. You realize a relationship or a girl isn't the center of the universe. If you realize this, break-ups go much smoother. Talking about ancient history.

I know this is not what you want to hear right now. But there are 3 billion women. Take your pick.

I don't understand why these types of questions are conistently allowed in this forum isn't this forum about "Pick-up" what relevance does this have to pick-up you already picked-up your girl there are no DHV's or routines or cocky-funny stuff you can use to pick her up again your not interested in learning pick-up you are gonna post here one time in this thread and never again you should E-mail ask Ann Landers or try to get on Dr. Phil not go to a pick-up website

Contrary to everyone's else answer on here, I think you should give it your all if you truly want her in your life.

Seems to me like a part of her still wants to be with you. She wants you to fight for her, and not let some random stranger who she has known for only a few months win her over.

After all, she has spent so much time with you already and you guys share a lot in common from the sounds of it.

Go for it dude. Follow your heart. It is the right thing to do. If you study psychology, you know that when you try to consciously weigh out the pro and cons (using logic) to figure out what to do, you end up distorting yourself.

The unconscious is where the whole decision making process is. And it seems to me like you want a solution here not people telling you to give it up.

Do what you feel is right for you.

Honestly I think one of the biggest problems with this community is there is a side of it which is almost like the left insula in the brain which says "Uh oh - This is a bad idea" etc. Only in very few circumstances is there a genuine need for this attitude. I'm talking about "Let's fuck the ex-girlfriends sister" threads I sometimes see and the like.

I don't think it's a bad thing, but if every time someone asked something we said "Don't do that" the community would not progress.

I think the PUA community is very close to almost total understanding in a lot of sub-topics of seduction but re-seduction, as I like to refer to it is not one of them. There are too many shysters trying to take people's money and I think we as a group of people have the potential to develop strategies of incredible power.

Who are we to choose the path you should go down? We can only give you advice.

FWIW read this if you haven't already.

http://roadsign.wordpress.com/mating/da ... -deangelo/

Then watch his seminars and Ross Jeffries stuff too. Give Carlos Xuma's book a read too.

Best of luck, OP.

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I've got 99 problems but...

And it seems to me that he's not asking for a solution but rather soliciting "Go for it!" applauds from the crowd. Hey kids, I get it. "Go with your heart!" "Do what FEELS right!" - these are all great thoughts because really . . . who can argue against, "I did what I felt was right."??

Here's the problem: What the OP FEELS is a bunch of wussiness + schmuckery and this is never a reason or the means to win over a girl's heart. He's here soliciting advice, tricks, and tips because he knows that he was an inconsiderate meat head and he's STILL not being honest with himself or with others. He "WANTS HER" . . . really? Let's take a look at his words of intent:
- This is the ONLY phrase in the entire post where he vaguely hints that he might have feelings for her. . . and he doesn't even express his feelings, merely telling us that she's special. God damn, My chicken cordon Bleus are "special". Secondly, why the sudden appearance of a 'passive' sentence?

Now let's take a look at the rest of his bullshit:
So he wants the guy to disappear and he'd like to have some more control over this? WTF? If I was a personal friend of the girl, I'd have convinced her to dump the OP long ago. She's an angel for having put up with you for so long. Be thankful for this, stop this immature crap. and pull yourself together. The 'solution' is to STOP BEING A WUSS, stop the calculating asshole act, and start caring about others more.

You are spot on.

But issue here is: Who's going to be better for her? What does the girl really want?

Does she really want to be with someone who she just met for like 2 months? Is she even telling the truth about the other guy? Or she is just getting pissed and tire of him? Is she waiting for him to step up and show her how much he really cares? She could be the one immature as well.

How do you know? You don't because she has not told her side of the story.
We do not know what is best for their relationship, hence we can not tell him to what to do. He has to see for himself and all we should be doing is give advice/solutions to him on how to achieve his goals.

He is not here for judging. (it might help him gain insights; which I think he did into himself, but he is here for solutions)

And whether he wants to treat the girl right, become less immature/realize his feelings, how to use the creative solutions he has come here and asked for, that is up to him to follow his heart.

Wow! True stuff. I was going through the same emotions with my recent break-up. V good advice.

Who are you? The girl's match maker? Who is better for her is irrelevant to you, the op, or me. The op doesn't give a fuck about her; that's all and that's the point.
She could be a circus freak show and it still wouldn't matter. It's not your business and it's not the OP's business. We don't own her. She didn't come here asking for advice. He did.
Other things I don't know and I don't care about: What she eats for breakfast, her dress size, or her uncle's favorite magic trick. This issue is about our wussy OP.
We do not know what's best for "THEIR" relationship but I do know what's good for him. He can either continue to be a wussy who doesn't care about others and navigates is life through how to best avoid humiliation or he can grow a pair of balls.
If he came here to figure out how to best cut his balls off with a butcher knife, I'd try to stop him one way or another. It seems you'd urge him on because "that's what he came here to do." (It also seems you do not even realize he is in fact cutting his balls off)
This is not a point but rather a reality. Of course he'll do what ever the fuck he wants to do but I'm not going to stand here and urge him towards idiotic acts. It seems you're happy to push him in that direction as long as he "Does what's in his heart" . . .

Not really sure why you're here giving advice in the first place. Hell, we're all good as everybody does what's in their heart right? Wouldn't your best advice be NO ADVICE?

I wouldn't defend her that much Kasabi...she knew what this guy was made of and let him take her on trips and move in with him. Im sure she happily let him pay her way...she's not an "angel". She's a hell of a player.

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A Tru nigga

He came here for advice, but you do not know her side of the story and seems to put the blame all on the OP and neglect giving him what he came here for "solutions". As such, you remarked

I think you need to change the way you give advice to others and be less judgemental. If people come here asking for solutions, if you can, you give that to them and let them decide on their part.

Let them decide the rest. YOU DO NOT KNOW the entire situation and yet you're already making a judgement call.

Maybe the OP's insecurity stems from the girl telling him that she was going to leave him?

You're forgetting the context of this message. Right now, this guy is emotional, desperate, and being told what to do by you. I'm telling him not to listen and decide himself. I do not want him to be misleaded. Simple as that.

Lmaooo @ K-Sab going HAM! Dude is on point, ball point pen status.

I give nothing but e-respect to K-Sab. Brotha, if any of these e-goonz do the unthinkable and give you a hard time, you holler my name. I'll be glad to flame them for you. I like your style. Honest, to the point, and it makes me laugh.

And to the OP. Who are you going to believe... these dudes with maybe 1 vote under their names, and a few hundred posts? Or Kasabi with a large amount of votes under his name, and a lot of posts. If you had to pick one person to go with, who would it be?