Hello all!

Been aware of this site for quite some time i do remember browsing through the forum. I've taken my time to post today I want to make it as short as possible, i'd appreciate it if you take your time to read whatever is going to be posted below

Main problem i'm facing right now, it's something I can't figure out myself, it's been a curse for ages.


Let me start off by saying i'm at the army at the moment, in the country I live in i am obligated to serve for 6 months, either way. I was in town again it seems as though my problems keep on getting tougher. I'm trying to approach it positively, i know you people here are not psychiatrists but i'm also quite confident you guys (or this forum generally will help me achieve my goals, or at least give me a point to start at).



So, i'm currently located somewhat away from home, i only get to get here every 4th day. Not long to go and i'll be (hopefully) living my normal life again.


My problem? I decided to meet up with a friend today in town and it all felt like I was struck by a thunderbolt.

For quite a few years I have been having the following problem:

For instance i would be walking outside or heading to a specific destination, lets say a bus passes by, i feel like i'm walking wierd, i feel like everyone is looking at me and my legs start to shiver, it feels like my knees can't hold my body any longer. Basically all that when i am around people. Just today, it really felt unbearable.

Let me give you some more examples, it doesn't even have to be a bus that's driving by loaded with people, even when i'm in town, same shit different situation. When girls come around this bullshit is doubled.

Another awkward bullshit? It's not just that it happens when i'm around girls or anything, it happens when i pass by regular everyday average looking people, heck even ugly ones.

At night i feel, if I had to say a percentage, i would say I feel 70% better about it.

I'm sick of this, i'm basically looking for a solution, i'm ambitious, i'm willing to put work and invest my time into this to try to hold my own ground. I want to just feel normal, you know what I mean?


Another wierd thing is, i'm not ugly, i'm not a virgin, i've had multiple girlfriends, the first one i had i was aged around 13 and she was like 16. I could have banged the crap out of her. Guess what? I didn't? She was even the hottest in school.

As time passed by, girls even used to approach me. I've had multiple "girlfriends" afterwards with whom i decided to break up after two weeks? Note: I didn't even want to bang them, i felt turned off. - note, i am not gay. I even watched gay porn, that's effin disgusting. No offence to any gay or bisexual ones

Sure, i wish i had banged all the girls i had encountered now, but that's not the point i'm trying to make here. I'm just trying to figure out what you guys thinks triggers all this?


I just wanted to create a new self, sooner or later I have to sort it out, guess what? I'm not going to wait no longer and I want to sort this out now, i'm a fucking man, damnit. At least I try to be. But it's like a brick wall. Even if it takes a year, i have, i MUST do something against it.


So here I am, desperately trying to improve. Seeking help from you people hoping I can learn more. Once i'm done typing this I will probably browse the forums.

I just want to know what you guys think is my main problem and where I should start? Is it self confidence i am lacking or is it some sort of syndrome that i'm cursed with my entire life?

I feel like I can over come whatever this shitty obstacle is in my path, i just want to seriously find out what it is. Do you guys think I have a confidence issue? Suggestions about books I should read are very welcome

I greatly appreciate any help,
thank you for your time guys


- just another guy trying to fix things before it goes out of control

Thanks

My advice bro is to not dwell on those past relationships. It is only going to make you feel bad about yourself. Just try and learn from your mistakes. As to being nervous, I got a couple questions...
Do you feel the same way with people you have a relationship? Friends, family etc.
Does it trigger a vicuous cycle?

Thanks for the fast reply

Can we continue the conversation on another thread, i figured out this would be the introduce yourself section and i wanted to keep it at that, hehe

Let me link you: h- t- tp://w- w- w.pick-up-artist-forum.c-o-m/here-vp462618.html#462618


remove the: "-" in the link, i'm not allowed to post links as a new user, either way, i don't think, or at least hope moderators won't have a problem with this since the link is a link from this forum

Let me reply here though, but if you do decide to reply , above link

Answer: Around brother, family, people i'm in touch with or close to, not even a single bit. However, as soon as there are people (strangers) around me i feel like i'm someone else. Let me mention that I haven't had a relation ship that has lasted longer 2 weeks, main reason being because i didn't really like the girls after i got to know them. Except for the last one, she dumped me after a few weeks. When I was at home alone with her, as soon as there was interaction, be it touching her body or kissing id turn into a total different person. Basically i'm confident. But if we would meet, the first few minutes are just totaly awkward, as if i distance myself.

Simply wierd