Ok this is the situation. I'm a lesbian that works on a cruise ship as a DJ. I had a relationship with this stunning bisexual Bulgarian woman, but she made me keep it a secret because she said in Bulgaria it is not socially acceptable to be gay.

We were together for about 3 months and it was amazing. She told me she loved me, promised I could visit her in Bulgaria sometime, and promised she would try and get on my next ship. Her contract ended and she moved ships, I was heartbroken but comforted that she didn't want to break up and would try and get on my next ship.

However once she got off she became more and more distant, would take ages to reply to messages and when she did her messages sounded short and cold. I found out from someone else she was due to be on the ship that we had met on. I tested her by texting and saying I was due to stay there and asked where she was going.

I thought she would say 'omg that's amazing, I'm on there too.' But instead she lied to me and said she didn't know where she was going. I text back saying I missed her and how come she didn't know? And she didn't reply. She hasn't contacted me in about a month.

I need some serious advice about how to get her back. Also I have been given a choice by head office whether to go on the same ship as her over winter or go on a different one. If I get on and she wants me back it will be amazing but if she gives me the cold shoulder it will be heartbreaking. What do I do? How do I ensure she will get back with me if I request her ship?

this an odd situation to come at from a guy's perspective. Let me forewarn you I am no PUA. My suggestion give her space, maybe use the jealousy card. If she isn't around and won't be, I would suggest moving on. I understand it is hard with the whole lesbian deal to find new partners, but if she won't give you the time of day, it is time to find someone who wants to be with you.

sounds like a typical one-itis to me. Try to get her back, but don't get stressed out if you fail. That's what I'm about to do today...act anyway...no matter what the outcome is.

Sounds like she's met someone else, probably a guy, which is socially acceptable and easier for her. Out of sight, out of mind. Either that or she has issues with her identity. I'm a lesbian and my friends actually call me "Flipper" - meaning I had much success in "flipping" straight girls. There always comes an identity crisis when these girls freak out they might be lesbians. I know you said she's bisexual, but has she had same sex relationships before? It's easy to declare as a bisexual when it comes to sex only.
You two seem to have had a good connection. Chances are, if you end up on the same ship, you'll be able to evoke the feelings she had for you. If you don't succeed in that, it will be really shitty for you since you can't just walk away, you'll be forced to see her daily and that sucks. You have to ask yourself if this risk is worth it. What happens when she gets off? You might be really tempted to chose her ship, just think twice before doing it. Can you handle being around her and not being with her? Or even worse, can you handle seeing somebody else with her? Think about these things before deciding. If you decide to take her ship, there are many things you can do to try and spark her interest again, but the real question is should you even try. Where can this lead?
I'm sure a lot of guys will tell you to just move on, which is my advice also, but only you can decide that. How much time do you have to make a decision?

"What do I do? How do I ensure she will get back with me if I request her ship?"
Nothing you could say or do would ensure anything in this game.
I'm no expert in the dynamics of girl-with-girl relationships. But from a guy-to-girl POV I'd do this to a girl I want to drop out of my life, whether it'd be because she was too clingy, or thought of our initial encounter as a once off thing.

In her eyes, I think, she saw your first encounter as an escape from reality and a chance to expirement and explore what is taboo. And when she left the ship, she is back into reality.

You could potentially increase your chances by playing the jealousy card as suggested or just be seen as having heaps of fun by yourself w/o her, but from what you said the situation looks dire TBH and you might just want to let her go. But continuing this barrage of texts and requests to be with her will only drive her away further. Prolly just send a last parting msg saying it was fun while it lasted and you hope for the best in her future travels.

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My philosophy:
Hit and quit till you find one that you see fit!

I wouldn't try to get her back. It's not like you two just dated a couple of times and she blew you off. It sounds more like you almost had a relationship going and she just ditched you. In my opinion there is a difference. I would move on. In fact, I would try NOT to be on the ship with her. It's pretty cold what she did. I'm not a PUA either, so if you want advice on picking her up, I really can't help. But if you want advice on what might be the most emotionally healthy thing to do, I'll offer that, and that is to forget her.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

You don't know good it feel to have some people to talk to about this who can give me some advice. It's just so frustrating because when I first met her she was so into me. She used to chase me and give me lots of compliments. Then as the relationship went on it was me chasing her more. I know I messed up by being too clingy. I didn't know about the game then.

I really want to fight for her.. I think she's what they call a 9 or 10. Really beautiful and classy, she looks like Audry Hepburn. Can you tell me how to play the jealousy card? It's difficult as she hasn't contacted me, I don't know how to make her jealous? Any ideas? It's been hard but I haven't contacted her.

Txacoli - I'm just assuming she's bi. She isn't 'allowed' to be gay in her country. She had never been with a woman before and said I am special because I am her first.

I'm so torn about whether to get on her ship. It's a unique opportunity that my position happens to be available on her ship. She doesn't have to know I requested it, I can say head office just put me there.

I'm running out of time to make a decision because they could fill the gap on that ship at any time so it's causing me a lot of anxiety...

I wish I had some way of finding out from her if she would want to be with me if we got on the same ship. I can't ask her because it will sound needy. Any ideas? Please help

If you want to know whether you have a future together, just ask her.

I think this was from Sixty "Girls like people who like them" notice thats different from "Girls like people who need them".

Dont fall into the dispair of not knowing her feelings, look for resolution for what you really care about, we can tell you to find other bi or lesbian girls but only you know your reasons for wanting this "9-10".

We're all (mostly) adults, if she's into you she'll appreciate this and come back with you, if she's not interested you can immediately close this circle and move on with the rest of your life.

Best Luck!

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* A grain of salt™

"Nah man, I love women, they are beautiful and delicate...
but I still warm up to "99 Problems" before approaching" lol

I'm getting conflicting answers, don't know which one to go with lol. Ok if I ask her, how can I do it in a way that won't push her away more? Should I sound breezy? Serious? Flirty? Sexual? Should I use a neg? And how do I use the jealousy tactic? I want her back so bad.

Lol Your reaction is pretty funny because if you were a guy we'd be bombing you with "pussy" comments but in this case I guess you prove to be more passionate about your onitis than us guys.

I say just give her a call and let it come to you, if its meant to be it will happen if not you must let go, there is no easy way about it.
We cant make that decision for you, all those things except a 'neg' would potentially work, just remember whats important isn't how you do it but her reaction, pay attention.

Best Luck!

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* A grain of salt™

"Nah man, I love women, they are beautiful and delicate...
but I still warm up to "99 Problems" before approaching" lol

Go with your gut instinct, what you feel is right for you to do. If I was in your situation I would have a final parting word telling how it was awesome what we had going but all good things must come to an end etc etc and gl to her in her future endeavours. Sometimes people don't appreciate what they lose till its lost.
Whatever you say or do, just be prepared for the worst.

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My philosophy:
Hit and quit till you find one that you see fit!

I think I will have to text her rather than call her because I have no idea what the time difference is or where she is in the world and the chances are when I contact her she'll either be asleep or working.

I'm torn between being serious and saying something like 'why so distant? I miss talking to you. You're hurting my feelings'

or just being casual and trying to entice her into replying with one of the text routines. Like maybe 'I just met a girl who looks exactly like you.. you must have a twin! How's your contract going?'

What do you think? Also, do you know how I could make her jealous and create an image of higher social value without making it too obvious what I'm doing?

what if I text her and turn it round to make it look like I haven't been talking to HER, like if I said 'sorry haven't text in a while, been so busy. Hope you're behaving.' What do you think? Would it make it seem then like actually it's me that's been to busy for her? Also it sounds a bit flirty and not needy as I haven't asked any questions. Only thing is maybe not apologise? What do you think? I really need help.

It could also sound 'delusional'.

You need to emotionally disconnect from this person who clearly does not feel as connected to you, as you do to her.

Think about that. Do you want to be there? In that spot? Emotionally attached to someone who does not feel the same as you. Plus she has blown you off, no?

Don't confuse "gaming" with "being madly in love". They are two different things. I see that confusion on theses forums ALL THE TIME.

It quickly goes from:

- how do I hook up with her?

to

- how do I make her love me and come back to me?

It's insidious. This is pick up. Not marriage counseling. You need to know exactly what you are seeking in life, and then determine if this girl could even fit into it or not. Just having some vague notion that you 'must' be with this person or you will die of misery is not the healthy basis for any sort of relationship. Could she even be with you long term? Are you two from the same area? Could you ever be together long term? If not, do you want to fall even more madly in love with someone you can't be with?

You need to get your HEART out of the game and get your HEAD into the game. You are coming off as way to emotional and clingy. It's oozing through in the text as I read it.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

but she played me. She told me she loved me, told me about her childhood, told me I could visit her in Bulgaria and she would definitely see me again, and then froze me out for no apparent reason. If let it go she will walk away feeling smug that she won.. that she used me and threw me away. I want to get the control back. To turn it around so that she wants me. If I got her back, now that I'm learning the game I could play it so differently if I had another chance. I just don't know how to get that chance.