Hey Guys (and Gals),

How many of you have given up on the idea of "The One"?

Was it a relief not having to deal with One-itis anymore?

Did you find it improved your overall game?

Do the women you date/bang clearly understand your expectations that you are not looking for a long-term relationship?

I'm curious for some feedback on this...for real.

My mental/emotional health is such that I really can't do the relationship thing anymore, at least not for a long time. It just doesn't work.

Any advice from people who have found themselves in a similar mindframe? What did you learn? Why did you change your mindset? Tell your story...

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Since this is the relationships forum, I'm not sure what context you're talking about with "One-itis". Are you referring to being in a committed relationship and believing she's "the one"?

I will be honest mack, Ive read a few posts an what you are saying here is reflected in your advice in most posts. Your hurting bad and I am too, I blame myself you blame the woman.

Ive given up on 'the one' and if I'm honest, it sucks. I got a few girls wanting my cock but if I'm honest I couldn't give a shit about them and I am banging the ones with most 'potential'. and worst thing is I don't want 'the one' either . I think I have just lost faith in women as a whole.

I've got a few chicks ringing me up but i just could not give a shit. Game in my opinion is to find an amazing girl to setlte down with, but I haven't found her yet using P.U.A.

I've EVEN HAD A GIRL ASKING ME TO FATHER HER CHILDREN SAYING I DON'T HAVE TO BE INVOLVED ,AND TO BE HONEST I CONSIDERED IT LOL. I can't be fucked at the moment. Oneitis is a bitch but that feeling is worth it if you can keep it under control

Yes.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I agree with most of what you just said, except the part about me blaming women. That implies that I don't take personal responsibility for my own choices and growth as a person, and that is just not true.

Which is why I said this in the first post:

My mental/emotional health is such that I really can't do the relationship thing anymore, at least not for a long time. It just doesn't work. - NOT BLAMING THE WOMEN

If you knew me a little better, you would know that I AM HUGE on working on myself as a way to make my life better. It's why I've put myself through college twice, have my own business, workout seven days a week, and have full custody of my beautiful daughter. I'm not some doofus pushover who blames other people for what goes wrong in my life. I understand why you could interpret that though from reading a "few" of my posts. What you don't see is the message behind the message which is: I am open to the idea, and tend to subscribe to it, that I AM THE FLAWED ONE. There was a line from a movie, I don't remember the name right now. But it had Tommy Lee Jones and Benezio Del Toro, Benezio was a former like special ops warrior type and he flipped and was killing innocent people. In describing him (while hunting him), Tommy Lee's character said "He can't tell the guppies from the sharks anymore." That's me. I wouldn't know a good woman if she landed on my couch next to me right now. I've had opportunities and I am completely incapable of trust. That's me. It's all me.

That being established, I'm wondering how other people who have given up (at least for a period of time) on finding "The ONE" have dealt with that? How it's affected their game? For good? For bad? Unintended consequences? Epiphanies?

Cuz it is a sort of desolate place to be in.

You are a smart dude and I don't want you to think I'm jumping in your shit, cuz I'm not. It's just that, I may "knock" the women cuz they piss me off when they try to get in my head and it helps to vent that shit, but I don't "blame" them...for everything. I know I'm somewhat culpable.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Soz man I didn't see that part I was pretty pissed off my face when I wrote that. Slightly sober now. I just went to a house party and I got kicked out by the insecure prick who was 'in charge' coz I got a cock and clearly got game.

The chick who invited me was crying in the bathroom and shit and didn't even come out to say 'sorry for inviting you when you were'nt invited'. No chance I'm fatehring her children now...What a cunt. :p

There's another word for "oneitis." People don't like to say the word.

It's "Love."

Stalk it down and kill it. The older I get the more it seems counterproductive, a weakness from an earlier evolutionary stage of humanity.

yeah, the oneitis term is horrible,
when you find a woman on your path that actually has qualities that deserve to be admired, do so. But when you find yourself really liking a woman who has no admirable qualities.. yeah.



On topic, you must be a good father mate.

I'm still young, and even if i'm a fan of women i know there'll be that special someone along the line... honestly, i think it'll be a group of women and not just one, but even then i guess i'll choose one of those to be that special one


the reason i talk like this is because i'm pretty young and have alredy found along the way some pretty incredible girls/women...whom i get along with very very well at multiple levels.


So yeah, i'm full of hope but not rushing, not hoping to find the perfect one either, just someone who'll be able to impress me and blow me away for some reason, someone who'll be able to teach me some things and remind me of others hahaha

I may not have the experience you guys have, I'm 30 years old and have only had two relationships in my life which lasted through most of my 20's. I've only been single one year in my 20's and now I've been single for 6 months. Through all of my life I've had serious one-itis until now. This is the first time in my life I don't feel there is this one special girl that is meant for me and blah blah.

I have to say for now, I'm relatively happy. I don't hurt, I don't suffer, no girl can seriously shake my frame. That being said, there is a lot less passion in me for the girls I've been seeing. I do miss that feeling of being completely smitten by a girl, the need to write her a song or a poem and all that stuff. I do notice I get crushes. Every once in a while a new girl will appear in my life and I will be infatuated with her. I won't give up on my other girls and I won't feel bad if things don't go my way with the new girl, that's the good thing about it. I also find it a lot easier to set the boundaries with all the girls.

I'm not that good with managing expectations though. I find it hard to say I'm seeing other people, so I usually say I've been in a relationship for a while and I'm not looking to jump in another relationship, or say I like spending time with her and we should take it easy. So they know it's not a real relationship, but I think one girl in particular sees me as a LTR material, but she knows I'm seeing other people. She said she's not seeing anyone else, but I should do what I feel is right for me. Maybe I should have taken that as a hint instead of a green light LOL

Another thing that's bad is my f-ing memory! I forget what I said to which girl LOL. So sometimes I tell the same story more than once. Good thing is I don't use some fake DHV stories, so it's really not a big deal.

About the relationship thing. I stopped believing that there is a single person whom I could be with forever. I realize there will be a point in my life where I won't be exactly young anymore and will probably settle down with somebody. But this is exactly my problem now. I don't want to "settle" for a particular girl. I also know that the single life might get tiresome after a while, it's only been six months, and I may fall deeply in love again with one girl and be just with her. I am a romantic deep down, but right now I don't see it happening.

Yes, I do think it has improved my overall game, I just don't give a shit about what girls think because there's always a back-up. And they fall for this attitude. And it is definitely a relief not to loose sleep over one girl. I don't know. We'll see how I'll feel in a while, but for now I'm happy. It just feels great to live my life for me

you rock, tx

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

"Relationship" behavior strikes me as very maladaptive for the male.

What do males get out of "relationships?" It seems like most women just want casual hookups these days anyway.

Those who want kids are likely to divorce the guy, take the house, take the kids, take the dog.

Screw that.

I think I will look strange to all the people in this forum but I actually have not given up on the idea of "the one". As a matter of fact I think I have met her. This is my sad story:

I am 24, never had a gf, but I have had a couple of "relationships" before.
I know a girl from several years now, she has all the attributes I am looking for (sporty, intelligent, etc).
About one year ago I grabbed my balls and took her out and we dated, we dated for about six months.
Long story short, I could never really get her, my game was not good enough and I was such a nice guy.

Six months ago I accepted a new job in a different city (Juarez, where I am right now), I knew it would kill the chance for a relationship with her but deeply inside I knew it was going nowhere.

By the time I was about to go she stopped meeting with me, we would still send texts and call but she would never agree to meet with me. The last day I spent back in my home city we had agreed for a date, she came to my party just to say goodbye and wanted to leave, I confronted her asking why was she avoiding me.
She told me she felt that I was pushing her, I said that I just wanted her to try with me when I go back, she said that she would only do that if she feels the "spark".

I was heartbroken for the following two months and decided to cut all contact (which I am proud of). That's when looking for an answer I found the community.

By now I think I have already walked 60% of my PUA road, I can see a big difference in me and I know that I will eventually have the power to create "the spark". I am going back to my home city in two months, I will look for her but not right away, eventually, I don't feel yet ready.

However I am open to meet new girls and I find any girl with more potential I am going to forget about "the one", actually I am meeting one tomorrow who may have potential and I will give her a chance.






Bottomline is: I think we all end up here because at some point we opened our heart and it break, it hurted.
Through PUA we learned of our mistakes and we became better men.
But ultimately it is the responsibility of each and everyone of us to personally define what we want from a woman and what will make us happy.If you feel you are happier meeting hundreds of different women, go for it, if you feel you are happy finding one that is the closest to your personal perfection, go for it.

But looking for multiple relationships and meaningless sex just because one "guru" says it will make you happy without considering yourself, it is the way of the weak.

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Every man dies but not every man truly lives

This is so funny because, when i look back at myself, i realize how pathetic i was. i had oneitus to the max.

thought about marrying every girl that showed interest....

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beat me up, and ill fight right back

I stopped believing in "the one" a long time ago. I think there are simply some people we are more compatible with and those we are less compatible with. There's a whole spectrum and we're likely to only meet a very tiny percentage of potential mates when it comes to women anyway. That said, I think it's best to put yourself first and don't chase women. But if you meet a woman who's cool enough to chill with, isn't gonna fuck a different dude every time your back is turned, and of course have lots of good sex with, then you might as well ride it out and see where it goes without letting too many expectations get in the way. Just enjoy it for what it is, and if it's meant to last then it will.

I think we've all been there. Hell, I'm still kind of there. Been dating a girl for 1.5 months now and I've had thoughts of marriage.