Wow that first post sums up my ex completely.

The hell she put me through left me suicidal, definitely want to avoid that type again.

this just gets better and better. i shouldn't even be indulging it, but i am.

she sent me a text complaining that i never let her express her feelings. lol. wtf? (don't want to change my number, have changed it twice in a year, lol)

i texted her back and said "take your time. send me an email describing your feelings and i will read it."

guess what she did?

she sent me not one email, BUT FIVE EMAILS, all complaining that i don't let her express her feelings.

i was like "wait? what? wtf? i told you to send me an email about your feelings, instead you sent me five telling me i don't care about your feelings?"

is it just me or is that actually insane?

so, i ignored her, as we are clearly done. and then she texted me the next morning and said "good morning, sugar, i love you! have a great day! "

bwahahahaha

A wise man once said to me, if you're still talking it ain't over.

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- Lux et Veritas -

I've been with a girl that drank herself sick, then blamed me for doing it because I "upset her" and she would never have if I didn't. All BS. Beware.

Last few weeks I hooked up with a friend who was going through a divorce and wanted a bootie call. She hadn't actually divorced her husband yet so yeah. Now they are getting a divorce. I think he maybe found out about me.

She got real distant all of a sudden, I think because of Hubby. Then shit hit the fan. She was distant, I was chasing.

Then she started saying some manipulative stuff that was kind of insane, and stuff that sounded like it should have been directed to her husband.

I seesawed her a little bit, going back and forth between real nice-guy stuff and telling her I thought we should just be friends.

She said manipulative stuff again.

So I told her that she can come around when she's over her trouble and fixes her life up, that I'm not going to be around for fallout from a bad relationship. I could tell she was getting ready to yank out the rug so I pre-empted her and did it myself.

This girl is into dominant men. I was fairly nice but also called her on her bullshit. Now I'm not going to talk to her.

One trick I tried: I pushed the situation to sort of an emotional peak with back-and-forth, voicemails, etc, just before I sent the "Fix your Shit" letter. My theory is that the sudden absence of emotional drama will create a void.

I really don't care much one way or another what she does. If she doesn't contact me I may contact her in a few months or something like that but it matters about a 2 on a scale of one to ten.

I've been around NLP for years, starting with SS in 94. I have extreme natural game for a certain type of women (usually hotties who like dominating men, imagine that...) and so I cast a wide net and concentrate on the ones who are responsive.

I am very nice and kind to them but they must come to me on MY terms and I will tolerate about three instances of manipulative bullshit before I cut them off. Sometimes it takes me a while to see what's going on but as soon as I do it's my way or the highway.

And I don't really give two shits one way or another what they do, I've seen enough slimy cloacas in my lifetime to choke a herpetologist.

SS really helped. I was a shy AFC in 94. Now I am a jaded ex-pornographer and asshole. Much better now.

To be honest I would like this one-- maybe 3 out of 10 on the giving a shit scale-- but if she doesn't submit to dominance I won't have her around.

Mack 2.0 you are SO dead on.
I'm just getting out of a relationship with YOUR GIRL!!
Haha just kidding but that's her word for word. Technically a borderline not a histrionic but thats just nitpicking. Women(and men) like this can easily earn themselves, if they haven't already, either a borderline, narcissist, or histrionic diagnosis.

The most impressive thing about your account is your resolution. People spend countless hours trying to develop game plans against these women. Trying to understand their precise tactics, or their psychology, or their mental illness. THEY ARE LIKE QUICKSAND. If you try to understand them, then you're caring about them. If you're caring about them, you're screwed.

Mine was 9, maybe a 10 on a good day.

She was also a crappy lover, UNTIL i pulled the open relationship card on her.

She cried, flipped out, threatened to be done with me. But instead, she started becoming aware of her value(lack there of) besides her good looks, She realized that being a lazy lover was her most undesirable trait, and got a lot better with my help.


Its important to understand that these chicks may be accomplished game players. I, too, learned some BRILLIANT tricks from her. But unlike us, they have NO inner game.

They manipulate because its like a drug addiction for them. They don't want to face their own weaknesses.

To add to the list of early warning signs:
(They will turn their gaming off at first, and one day it will come on, once you're emotionally attached. Look out for the pre-gaming signs)
-Has few friends. Or, keeps friends seperate form each other so they don't compare notes.
-Who were her ex-boyfriends? If she doesn't talk about them, or what happened, RED ALERT
-Can't take criticism
-Test her by putting her in a vulnerable position. Like make her wait an extra hour to meet up. If she flips out, RED ALERT

spandrel, you got the right attitude for sure. The only attitude. If you want to game one of these chicks, you can attempt to 'fake' this attitude. Or better yet, actually have it.
You are dominant but they are control freaks. A dominant person will still be nice when they call the shots, and actually has earned their right to have power. A control freak is HELPLESSLY in need of having power, and they will always abuse it.

greenorgyking,

your insights were spot on!

it's good to know that i am not the only one that was in a relationship with MY GIRL, lmao!

dude, it has been insane. since writing this, i must admit (shamefully) that i have been in contact with the woman who inspired me to write this topic in the first place. although (fortunately) we are not in contact in the context of being in a relationship.

this woman knows no boundaries, she weaseled her way back into my life through attempts at understanding what went wrong, just wanting "at least be friendly and talk about it", and other ploys. i caved (under the guise that i may "objectively" learn a little more - at this point, this is like a fucking research project).

anyway, i caved. and she weaseled her way back in. she weaseled her way back in just far enough to start with the emotional manipulation. trying to pull my strings, trying to talk about "us", this is still currently going on.

i've got to be honest. i'm not a perfect person. i'm flawed just like everyone else. but this ... "relationship" ... has taught (and "is teaching" me) a lot about manipulation. i was in a long-term relationship for close to twelve years, pretty much age 19-31 and that didn't provide me with a varied experience of dealing with different types of women.

now, the woman from the LTR that i dumped was a true sociopath, but she wasn't an emotional manipulator like the histrionic or the borderline. she was literally a sociopath, as in cold, calculating, and utterly conscienceless (she did NOT however have that victim mentality of a histrionic woman, she instead knew exactly what she was doing and proceeded in a calculated fashion). so, i traded that in for a histrionic/borderline woman. jesus! what an upgrade! NOT!!!

this woman, again, (the one that inspired this story), is again trying to make my life a living hell. i believe that i have learned all i can from her, now it is time to sever, and move into the ultimate freezeout!

THE ETERNAL FREEZEOUT!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

As a parthian parting shot to any manipulative woman to leave her something in her mind to think about I have always like the old favourite " Sorry but you've just put too much weight on, the attractions gone...you're dumped" This is ideally to be said in front of her friends. Only for the really evil types though as it can start a cycle of yoyo dieting and end up with a girl having real weight issues.

Oh yeah? Well get this: I read your post yesterday, yesterday being about two weeks clean and strong away from her. But simply because you reminded me about the open relationship 'magic' resolution, I suddenly made a drastic decision.

Shame: one of the reasons these Emotionally Abusive and Codependent relationships are like quicksand is because of SHAME.

She treats me like shit, I feel ashamed that it happened. I feel weak, I feel small, I feel pathetic. Breaking up feels like it would be a challenge. She helps me block out how bad it is, there by temporarily relieving the shame(gaslighting). The cycle repeats, but now I feel even smaller.

Don't hate yourself for caving in. The trick is, gather your strength SECRETLY and hatch an escape plan.

Oh man I can so relate. This chick exploited any and all my weaknesses INCLUDING my curiosity! She made sure to never reveal her thoughts on important things. If I showed that there was something I really really wish I knew about her inner thoughts/beliefs: Bingo, she will never tell me, I spent hours a day researching everything that possibly could relate to the situation. Oh yes I learned a lot.
Did she by chance:
suddenly want to 'understand' so many things that she was just 'unaware' of' before?
act ultra seductive?
Seemingly surrender herself to you?
Allow you to just begin to enjoy the validation, and precisely right when you started to care for her, *poof* freeze out.
As though it were carefully calculated to be as hurtful as possible?
(best counter-measure trick I ever learned, only for serious game players: when you still don't care that much, PRETEND like you suddenly need her. "I love you!! I'm just really freaking out right now! Please can I come over, i'll do anything!" Play along, laughing to yourself in your head. Then just as you see the satisfied control freak smile forming *poof* freeze out! Bwahahah)

Yeah I've learned so much. I also learned that although its true, I would remind myself how much I've learned from her partly as a defense mechanism to block out my shame for still being with her.
What about the open relationship approach? Have you tried explicitly rubbing in her face about getting with other chicks?

first of all, greenorgyking, i like the way your mind works! i am fairly certain if we were in the same vicinity right now, that there would be an obscene amount of enthusiastic high-fives being exchanged! ok, that being said...

i tried the open relationship suggestion with my histrionic/BPD (the one that inspired this article) and she responded precisely as described earlier. that wasn't written before attempting it, it was written after attempting it, so it is a true life case study of how an emotionally manipulative woman will respond. (i never tried it with my first LTR - the sociopath - because i was a total afc back then)

why? why you ask? does she respond that way? BECAUSE the fact that you are open to the idea of an "open relationship" takes all of her power away! that's why! she feeds off of you needing her, only her, wanting her, only her, trying to please her, only her, apologizing to her, only her, running in circles pulling your hair out for her, only her!

she, the common denominator: ONLY HER? these women will accept nothing less than total and utter submission into an "ultra-exclusive" monogamous relationship. they do not like to share their toys! think about it, who does?

no, i'm about ten steps ahead of you on this one, not due to any higher level of intellect or wisdom (lol), only due to the fact that i'm further down the road with this chick than you are with yours. you will inevitably find yourself where i am now. and it's not a good place.

she is psychotic. she analyzes my weaknesses, and when finding none, she turns to OVERT attempts to hurt me (not physically, yet, thank god), but to make me look bad, or make me seem like an abuser, or to make me look like a fool to her social circle. make no mistake - these women DO NOT care, not one bit! it is all a game.

she never loved you. she still doesn't. consider THAT and ONLY THAT moving forward.

i'm on about day three of a freezeout from my psycho-stalker now. what she did during our last conversation was so pathetic and so downright disrespectful, that i should by rights never speak to her again. yet, i know that she will contact me and try to make ME justify why i haven't spoken to her!

sound absurd? it is!

the only problem is, i have changed my phone numbers and emails twice in a year, and i don't feel like explaining to my family why i have to do it again, lmao. i never want to see or speak to this woman again. i don't want a relationship. period. not for a very, very long time.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

oh yeah, and greenorgyking, to answer your other questions.

YES

she did all of those things

from the ultraseductive,

to the super lovey

to the really interested in understanding things and working through it

to the gaslighting

yep.

fucking, word for word

reading that was actually creepy

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Do you think that face-rubbing can be more effective than freezeout under the right circumstances?

_________________
When in Doubt, Freeze Her Out.

HAHA thanks buddy





Yes this is all very true. However, most people, male or female, are into monogamy.
My BPD ex however, demanded it from the very first kiss.

A shortened version of the talk went like this:
[her] I will be your first and only!
[me] oh cool, cya later then
[her] umm....wait...ok fine but I'm not happy about it
[me] don't tell me about your other affairs, and if there are none, don't tell me that either. just don't talk about it. break this rule once and good bye

this worked nicely for about a year....




it's not absurd it's
gaslighting




Yes! Great question.
First of all, face rubbing is a much better defense AGAINST a freeze out, than a simple counter-freeze out. Freeze-outs are like a preemptive strike. If she did it to me, then sure, I could also ignore her and see who endures it longer, like cat&mouse, but thats just pointless! Why are we even dating in the first place? In this case by freeze out I more so mean all out complete MIA silent SPAM.

example:
Basically when one weekend she pulled a Provoke my furious rage---->Turn off phone in the middle of the fight----->switch voicemail greeting to "As you may know, my phone will be turned off for the weekend. Leave a message I will return your call Monday"

I went off and had lots of sex with an ex.

Upon her return
[me] I spent the weekend with another
[her] AAAARTGRRRGRGRGRGGR
[me] You have got to be kidding me!? The last thing I expected was for you to care if i slept with someone else, you obviously hate me.

After a several of these rounds, she quit the silent SPAM BS.


In this particuler LTR (3 years) freezeouts were here weapon, since she was much much better than me at gaming, more patient, calculated, could hide her feelings much better, etc.
My weapon was jealousy, because I was much much less insecure and possessive than her. In fact she never event tried to counter my face-rubbing by getting with some guy, because she simply knew I would win at that game hands down.

Of course this is all in the context of a mutually abusive, psychotic, and vengeful LTR. What a rush!!! hahaha

jumpin-jesus-on-a-pogo-stick

greenorgyking!

three years???

and here i was telling you what a pain-in-the-ass (PITA for short, lol) my year had been.

ha! just got a text from the old bat now!

seems she is breaking up with me (THANK. GOD. HALELUJAH!)

although i doubt she will have the self-control to not contact (or provoke) me in some way.

i must steel my resolve now. i must never look back.

onward! upward! into the sunset! and awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

things are looking up!

now, i'm off to play with my brand new 38 special at the shooting range (i work in the hood, lol)

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!