A few months ago me and my housemates (I'm at university) went out, had a few drinks, I turned on the charm haha and ended up sleeping with one of the girls I live with. I didn't really want anything serious, I told her that. She did want something serious, so we mutually cut it off to save any aggro. However, a while later she said that she would cut out her feelings for me and just wanted to sleep together. Fine with me!

Problem is, now my feelings for her have developed. I don't want to hear any one-itis bull, because that's what I'm in this for. I don't do it to sleep with a different girl every night. That doesn't satisfy me, I use it to help me get something more meaningful with girls I like. No problem with those of you who use it for something different, but that's what I use it for, so don't give me lectures on what I should be doing with it.

But she says she's cut out all her feelings for me and deliberately not let them develop. She says she's worried about getting into a relationship with a housemate mostly because it could make the whole house pretty horrible SPAM if something went wrong and she's worried that because it's started off as something casual it wouldn't work as a proper relationship. BUT she says she wants to spend more time with me, get to know me better (although we're housemates, we only really spend time together as a group, I don't get much time alone with her other than when we're sleeping together) and then see what happens.

My question to y'all - what would you do in this situation? Is it right to get in a relationship with your housemate? What would you do when the charm you usually use has already got her into bed but she's a bit unsure about getting into a relationship?

I'm guessing just get more time alone with her, kino massively (easy given that we're already sleeping together casually), and just be my normal PUA self with her? But you guys got any more tips on specifics about this sort of scenario?

Thanks in advance for your help guys.

charm doesn't usually involve much comfort, so, what you gotta do is invest in it so she can feel safe for something more serious

the fact you told her you didn't want anything more in the beggining made her see you as an unpredictable guy who may not know what he wants


my opinion is go for the relationship and have fun, easy as that

Yeah I think you're right man. She hasn't said this, but it does seem like she's unsure whether I actually like her or if I've just "fallen" for her cos I've got sex on the brain!

I like your opinion Sky, that's what I wanted to hear!

Anyone else got anything to say about it? Bring me down if you like, just want some opinions on it from guys who usually know what you're talking about when it comes to this stuff!

cheers

Like sky says, you need to build comfort with her if you want to aim for a relationship.

And as far as a relationship with your housemate: You already got feelings for her, so if she hits the kill switch and start dating other people you're pretty much down the oneitis road, so I don't see any problem with it evolving to a relationship. Just comfort her while maintaining attraction

Thanks as well Neme. I definitely need to focus more on the comfort, it's something I'd not really thought about much because I'd not really had any "feelings" for her in the first place, so I guess the casual side of things carried over when they started to develop.

I guess I probably knew that, but glad that you guys have opened my eyes and let me see it. Cheers both of you!

No problem mate

Just on a side note, something I think AFC Adam mentioned:

If you keep training your social and attraction skills and learning how attraction works, you will further down the road be able to meet whoever you want to. This way your chances of finding a perfect lifelong partner drastically increases compared to regular people (since the average man only dates 4-6 women during his lifetime. What if you dated 100 during your lifetime?).

Also having good social skills and understanding how you can get whoever to invest their time in you, will make your life SO much easier. What if you had a good connection with some guy owning a company? Maybe one day you would be able to help him with something and he would reward you with something, hell, maybe even a job!

EDIT: Added some text.

Personal experience of this would lean me towards telling you, fucking your housemates never ends well. First two years of uni were a nightmare for me in first year and my mate in 2nd year I was involved both times, different mechanics but love triangles and whatnot galore. It's fun and easy at the same time but there will be someone without the emotional maturity to handle casual sex.

If you see or want this to become serious, when it ends - and they invariably DO, one party will have over invested, and the whole thing becomes a complete mess, if you fall for this girl and she suddenly realises hey im young, at uni, there are loads of guys (and girls) around to mess about with I can see you being an emotional wreck, lying on your bed at night with a pillow on your head listening to the moans and banging sounds coming from 'there' room, counting down the days for your lease to end so you can get the fuck out.

Im sure you have heard stories of someone friend or something who met at uni as housemates and are happy every after bla bla bla: this is the exception not the rule, you will not be the exception...you are not a unique and special snow flake.

there's no problem if something with a woman doesn't work out, you can always go out and meet more, my view on it, as soon as you see a woman is really fucking with your mind it's time to drop it, it'll be hard for a week tops but then it's all good

cheers