okay so i finally want to introduce my self here on this forum

i'm just a 19 year old dude. wich don't give a damn about what people think about me! i wear,talk and think just the way i want!
at the moment i like to game(to much so this has to change)
i like hanging out with people(even tough at the moment this is seriously hard because of my busy school life)
i'm following a musical coarse at the moment because my biggest hobby is music
and not the instrumental part but the production part(i create eletronic music)
next to that i learn to dj at my school.

you see im probably one of the biggest recovering afcs on the planet
the day i was an AFC those where just BAD! really bad!
most of the pua's are naturals a getting girl
well im certainly a natural at the moment!
but at beeing rejected!
but i used to feel really fucked up about that
but i accually don't give a damn about that anymore that much
infact i can accually laugh about these days.

anyways
i will sum up a list of things that happend to me.

- got faked multiple times via internet but also in real life (i mean chicks that fake feelings but then say all kinds of fucked up things wich make you feel really really awefull.)

- tryed to date a girl wich didnt even excisted!(also part of the fakers but this one is expetionel) you see i was so desperate and in love with this figure at the time that i didnt want to believe that se wasn't real until i got the proof i needed

- dated a girl wich on first date(alltough i was uberAFC) kissed closed and was totally in love with. but she thought that we lived to far appart (well in holland its only like 80 km wich is accually not that far at all..) and she kept this going on for 3 months completely obliterating my feelings.

- when i get to know girls they want to be my friend.. because im really friendly
wich absolutely sucks! i mean c'mon man! i just want to have some pussy! i'm young!

- i'm accually a 'semi-virgin' but this is really weird..
you see i had 2 times with 2 diffrent girls that we are both naked and i was about to penetrate them but it didnt worked.. it just didnt worked out.. and it sucked so hard! and the first time was so painfull! even my dick felt bruised!
but the first time was odd.. i didnt penetrate her at the way it has to be i think
but that time is so vague at the moment that i accually hope that i'm a virgin

- i cryed infront of girls BECAUSE OF THEM! but this old shit
after that i had the miracle to find the information about PUA and Don Juans and all that stuff so i manned up!

- (This one is after i got some moderate knowledge about pua)
i was at this party and was just chilling and don't give a shittering.
untill this beautfull girl was dropping next to me.
and it clicked on a amazing level! unfortunately i was to tipsy to react on it in a good way but i still managed to get some of her details like mail etc.
i totally made her fall in love with me.. and made her totally horney!
first time i felt real sexual tension.. but this turned in to the in love feeling way to fast! wich made me in a afc again and i totally destroyed it.

from this experience my additude changed big time
i'm way more Aholish as before
and i don't respect anyone anymore.. people should earn that respect now.


here are some samples of what i had in life so far.

at the moment im still in recovering (i quess?)
because i still have AA
but when i had some boose all seems fairly easy.
kissing girls aint that hard anymore
and number closing isn't that hard aswell
the game after is the point
as they instantly lose interest and stuff.
but i don't want boose to depend how make game goes
i want to be able to be good with girls anytime!

unfortunately my home situation isn't good either.
SPAM i don't have a job
my parents are going to devorce this week(alltough my dad left with another woman 5 months ago)
we aren't have the same money as we used to have
(my dad had an highly paid job. so high that my mom didnt had to work
but now my mom is forced to work. and the money she gets is barely enough to pay the food we have.)
and all these things are working on my nerves!
its really frustrating!

on the social front:
i'm not populair at all
some people know me wich i hang out with
but im allways the guy who has to call them and not the other way arround
and on the school front most of the people arent taking me seriously
wich is pretty frustrating aswell..
its not that i want to be the center of attention.. heck..
im just glad if i have a good amount of people to hang out with
and people wich i don't have to call all the time
just 50/50% should be enough!
but i don't have any ideas how to make new friends in a city with people who all know eachother..

on the girl front:
well im not active at the moment
i just want to have some fun with the girls!
maybe some one night stands!
maybe just someone cool to hang out with romanticly.

but i need to learn alot with that i quess!
you see last week a friend of my had a really slutty B5/6
and i dropped by with another friend of my.
we all were pretty screwed by the boose so things weren't as normal as they used to be

i accually didnt knew that my friend was with that girl and i went to the toilet and she came with me.
after i did my thing she was waiting for me.. but i was horney as fuck!
and so i tryed some things on her and she participated with it!
and iwas like oh shit! but i didnt noticed how not attractive she accually was..
after that i was back pooling with my mates again untill i suddenly heared one of my friends was hitting on her for quite a while now so i was feeling pretty fucked because things happend.. she tryed to kiss me and stuff. and i tryed to fingerd her while she still had ther pants on. (how do you call this in english?) anyways she participated with it all.
now one week later my mate tells me that she thinks i'm weird and stuff and that i miss behaved! and i was like wtf! whats wrong with her! why didnt she pushed me away or something? this is pretty confusing so she didn't liked it at all??


so this is my story
i hope you enjoyed it and can give me some starters advice
and im sorry for my english. i hope its understandable

MaxMotard

Welcome to the site, dude! We've all been through shit: that's what brings us here. It's good that you've acknowledged your problem areas, and are willing to make changes. And don't worry, your English isn't too bad.

jup!
and that was pretty hard as i am pretty cocky(not the cocky/funny type) sometimes
but hey i don't want to be socially awkward anymore as i want to feel relaxed in most situations

thats my main objective
i see it as a puzzle
and all the pieces are pieces of experience i will gain when following this path in life
i see girls as a piece to because more experience means more confidence means more attraction right?

the only thing is that i just started taking the puzzle serious and there are alot of pieces to be found!