OK I have pretty much given up on this girl, but before I do, I have to make sure it's the right decision.

(I cut the fat and get right to the point)

I kino her all the time, has been 2 times were I walked up the stairs with her and she says "my heart is beating sooo fast, FEEL" and of course I obliged her.

but down to the nitty gritty.

HER: Yeah I just want a guy thats funny, lazy and likes to play video games.

HER: I don't ever wanna date again, I'm to lazy I wouldn't be able to get along with anybody really. (Para phrased)

ME: Do you think your not good enough for a BF because your lazy?

HER: Lmao something like that and i get jealous easily so i dont wanna have all kind of feelings going on and stress me out i like how i dont have to worry about anything right now.

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

K,

where would you rate her on the HB scale?

i've got a theory.

SHIEEEEE

HB 6-7 depending on the day.....

she not SUPER hott, I look better than her, her personality actually got me.

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

Sounds like to me she is trying to scare you away.

this confirms what i was thinking. she is not super hot.

she has control issues.

she knows if she puts herself out there for you, that she is giving up control because you could dump her, cheat on her, make her fall really hard, etc.

she also knows if she intentionally blows it with you by acting ridiculous (like she was) that she at least gets to maintain control, and walk away saying things to herself "he didn't care enough to try" or "it just wasn't mean to be" or "he wasn't my type".

at this point, this chick is trying to cater to her emotional state by desperately clinging to control.

the last possibility in her mind, is that she does and says these things, and you go all afc on her, so she can keep you and keep control. for her, that will be a net win-win situation. as she is an hb6 or so, she is likely used to afc guys and she is comfortable in that frame.

hb6's don't have a lot of things in life that hb9's and hb10's have. they don't have the looks, they don't have the social circle, they don't have all the potential mates, they don't have the money (that looks and connections bring), they don't usually have a whole happy history with no problems.

what DO they have? control. and they will desperately cling to it.

basically you are dealing with a woman who is likely more attached to maintaining this "control" than she is to building a "relationship" with you.

sucks, man.

the way to make things actually work with this girl is to: MANAGE EXPECTATIONS.

be very clear with her that you are an honest person and come right out and describe what you are looking for. she is scared of the unknown. you take away that fear, you take away her need to control.

MANAGE HER EXPECTATIONS. sell her on whatever vision you have for the two of you, be it friends, friends-with-bennies, casually dating but still seeing other people, exclusive but not serious, or married, lol.

this way you allow her to keep her "control" because she gets to "decide" whether or not she wants any part of it. it sounds to me, though, like just continuing to "game" her without managing her expectations is likely not going to end well.

AHHH man, what a great reply I must give props to that.

I was ready to COMPLETLEY scrap this, and flat out ask her if I even had a chance with her if she wasn't at this point in her life to were she doesn't wanna be with anybody......but Ima do what you suggested and I'll see how that goes.

I'll keep you posted!

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

2.0 said it all...

Ok, so I did what MACK 2.0 said
I sat her down.
And gave her ALLL the control.
I told her I'm an honest person, I don't like lying, and if I do I gotta go back and UNLIE.
She found that funny (I don't know why, I was being serious) but IDK I tend to make ppl laugh when I'm not trying at all.

ANYWAYS.
I told her wus up.
I said, Ima lay this out there either way I ain't trippin.

ME: Me and you we be hanging out and whatever, and I like you and whatever, not in like a romantic way, but we can be just friends, friends with benefits or causally date, BUT I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT.
(of course she wants to answer right away)

HER: I like how it is now, because I get SOOO jealous like you can see it my face! Like I would get so jealous and break up with them blah blah blah.

ME: What am I gonna do to make you jealous??

HER: IDK I'm paranoid blah blah blah.

ME: Well ok I'll talk to you about it later...

HER: Okay......

The whole time this went down, she was smiling IDK if thats important, but keep in mind she was smiling the whole time.

PS: Mack I also inboxed you this, so yeah.

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

I hope it works out good for ya, K.

I'll be following this thread.

Early on from your story, I sensed a girl trying to protect her feelings. Usually when a girl is focused on protecting her feelings, it means she ISN'T focused on fucking with yours. That's a good thing. So it sounds like she might be a really good girl.

Good luck with her.

Well ever since I laid it out there nothing has seemed to change.....its as if I never did it. WELL there have been a couple of deliberate sexual messages she has sent me....and a mushy cake line.

HER: koJFDLKsj
ME:?????
HER: I hugged the keyboard cause I can't hug you

ME: I bet your good at something in life.
HER: Yeah, Im good at riding..
HER:*BIKES
ME: AHHHHHH you did that on purpose!!!
HER:

Then like a day later she crashed her motorcycle ANNNDDD..

HER: I'm about to take a shower..
HER: Wanna help me?
ME: Uhmmm YEAH, but I can't tease. (I was trying to be funny, but i feel that was AFC)

Sooooo IDK wus gonna happen here just thought Id update this.

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

Hmm, did you get any sort of impression from her on what her it was that she wanted? I mean...you pretty much laid it on the line that you really liked her and you cared about her wants/desires in this whole thing...

It sounds like she hasn't really responded to that at all, but maybe you have an impression from the way she is acting.

At this point, I would say it's one of two things going on.

1. she is still very skeptical and waiting to see what you are going to do? basically if you are going to screw her over or something. hence, the continuing teasing with no sign of answering your question about "what is it you want here?" that you posed to her...

2. she is a very submissive person and is not comfortable in the position of power that you put her in by basically saying to her "i care what you want here. what DO you want here?"

At this point, you have made your "intentions" clear (that you like her) and you also made your "position" clear (that you are considerate of her feelings/thoughts on the relationship and care what she wants) and you also have stuck around through her doing whatever she is doing now. There isn't much else you can do.

I would do like a "soft freezeout" by stopping pursuing her, but continuing to respond to texts (like the 2/3 rule). You don't want to come off as a weenieboy, she knows your intentions (same as every man's intention on earth - penis in vagina). If she expects you to stay in some sort of limbo and not initiate anything with you or respond in any fondness/attraction you display. Sort of like that punish bad behavior and reward good behavior mindframe. This will thereby remind her and reinforce the fact that the ball is in her court and she has dropped it. If she still doesn't get the hint, I would give it maybe up to two weeks for her to respond in some favorable fashion, then I would just stop responding to texts. This is just my opinion...others may have some advice.

I just get the impression that this girl is insecure. So you did the right thing in communicating with her and clarifying expectations. The question is: is she just insecure? or is she insecure and also malfunctional? lol. You put the ball in her court, now she just has to function.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

IDK you mademe realize something. I think ima just call it a wash, she is waaaay to insecure, if we got together she'd prolly fllip out on me for talking to other girls. Might be dealing with a "slash your tires" kind of girl. I actually brought it up again, and she played dumb "what did you want me to think about?" I think right there told me everything I needed to know, Ill prolly stop responding to her now.

But then again.......I cant just stop talking 2 her...I think Im now part of her sanity...

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?

Yep, it is as I suspected in your very first post...

This girl is choosing CONTROL over YOU.

I would move on.

Don't disappear, just fall off.

Like I said in my last post, the ball is in her court...ACT LIKE IT.

If she wants to talk, she will call you.
If she wants to see you, she will make that happen.
If she wants to be sexual, she will make that happen.

As long as she is in a reactive state, where she initiates absolutely nothing and doesn't respond to any of your cues, she's got total control in the situation. She isn't ENGAGING with you - for lack of a better term.

That playing dumb thing is the obvious nail in the coffin that she is playing games.

Fall off.

1. Brief responses to texts, more and more time between responses, shorter and shorter responses.

2. Be less available, be more and more busy, oh man, so much overtime at work, all sorts of family business to take care off.

Etc...

At this point, the question is how to blow her off? You can either just say it or you can do it with a method like above.

You might even consider turning it around on her. You asked her to define her intentions with you, so I guess she shouldn't be offended if you define yours to her.

I would say "I don't want anything serious". FB'ify?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

*SIGGGHHHSS*

Well, I don't think I wanna fall off with her, I talked to her some more, and she sooooooo caring for other ppl. Like her friend went blind (bad eye drops) and she has been helping helping her every chance she gets.....god. I caught ACTUAL feelings. IDK I guess I gotta wait her out now.

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Dont Light The Dynamite, Then Get Mad At The EXPLOSION.....what did you expect?