i've been talking to this girl for a while now, and well i was doing really good up until yesterday when she said to me on facebook that im kind of clingy and she doesn't like that. I've talked to her on the phone about everything imaginable and we even got a lot into sexual convos. She said she likes me a lot and shes already starting to fall in love with me. When she said that, I began to tell her I love you on the phone and she would say it too. Now she doesn't personally know me, we never met. I just added her on fb one day and started talking to her, eventually got her number and everything. What happened is that I started becoming really interested in her, and I guess i was showing it a bit too much. I would comment on pretty much every single pic she would put up and like all of them. I'd be calling her a lot too like over 10 times a day out of which we would talk about 3-4 times. Anyhow I backed off with the 'clingyness' instantly, and I stopped calling her that often. Today I only called 4 times and talked to her once. I asked her what time I should go see her tomorrow and she said she doesn't know, and she will tell me tomorrow. As I was talking to her on the phone, I didn't say anything rude or anything that would make me look clingy, we were just having a normal convo, and all of a sudden she put me on hold out of nowhere without saying anything and then I think she hung up. I called back twice and she didn't answer. I don't know what to think now anymore... Did I ruin the whole thing by being 'kind of clingy' ?

I'd appreciate any advice/feedback as to what to do.

Oh boy......................................

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

its fubar eh.. ?

How old are you?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

does it matter ?

Actually, yes, I was going to tailor my advice to your specific age group. But nevermind... good luck.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Judging by the '89', 21-22..
Yeah that's ahhhh, an interesting situation. Give it a rest - don't call back at all or text or email or whatever, just give her a rest; when she's ready to start talking again, she'll contact you - and next time, don't go so full on!

19 actually. didn't think it mattered that much... my bad.

she already did... on fb. said she fell asleep early. (haha thats a new one) then she started commenting on my profile pic...

Yes, it does matter.

At age 19, your behavior is understandable.

At 40, it would be frightening and I would doubt you could be helped.

There is still hope for you, but it is clear that you don't have a clue.

- Telling a girl who you've never met "I love you"
- Calling her 10 times per day
- Commenting on every picture on her facebook
- Asking her "What time are we going to talk tomorrow?" (like scheduling appts)

These are very clingy, yet understandable behaviors, for a guy your age.

You are probably well-intentioned, but you need to realize that the man (you) sets the tone in the relationship, and you've got to pace yourself.

My best advice to you after reading your initial post is that you pick up a book on pick-up art. It will be a huge eye opener for you and you will instantly realize (and laugh at) a lot of the things you are doing completely wrong. It doesn't make you pathetic or clingy, you just obviously haven't been exposed to proper pick-up technique yet.

There are some really great threads on this site with book recommendations. I guess when all else fails, go get "The Game" and read it cover to cover. This should be your absolute first priority right now.

Good luck (genuinely)

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

okai thanks for all the advice i appreciate it. do you guys think its safe to contact her tomorrow and ask her if she still wants me to see her. basically we agreed on a date which is tomm and she wanted me to go to her house. this was before she called me clingy. today when i talked to her before she hung up i asked her if she wants me to come over and said yes. after she hung up i msgd her on fb chat and told her that i would call tomm at 4. she didn't answer for like 5 hours, then she finally answered me with i fell asleep early and went offline. so should i still call or should i expect her to call me tomm ?

thanks for the advice. really appreciate it

No. Do not call her, text her, email her, or facebook her...UNTIL

Your marching orders are this:

Go immediately in the morning to the nearest book store where you can buy a book on pua and read it BEFORE you communicate with her again.

You may think I'm kidding. Trust me, I'm not. You are about to blow it with this girl unless you get some perspective. Don't blow it. You are at critical mass right now.

You have a chance to save this thing. You need guidance. The very fact that you just asked "should I call her tomorrow?" shows that you need this perspective. The problem is this: You could call her tomorrow, BUT you would say all of the wrong things. Trust me.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

so would you be able to give me some guidance as to what to say to her? cause i have to order this book online or something. i doubt my library has it.

EDIT: Like by the time i get this book and finish reading it (its probably a novel). she will already have lost interest in me completely.

EDIT2: I think the best thing to do is just call her tomorrow and tell her straight up I'm coming over, im not even going to ask if i can come over or what time or if she wants to see me. Ill tell her im coming over at 7 which was the time we initially agreed on before.

There is an absolute plethora of material FOR FREE on the internet for dudes just like you. You keep asking what advice I have for you so you can call her or go to her house. There is a reason I am not answering that. The LEVEL and AMOUNT of advice you need can not be given in one response (or even a dozen responses) on an internet forum. I would be doing you a disservice if I pretended that I could say "Yeah, dude, do X, Y, and say Z, and she will fall madly in love with you!" THAT would be total bullshit.

You have exhibited massively unattractive behavior to her, which shows that your natural tendencies are incredibly clingy, emotionally suffocating, and overly emotional. THAT can't be helped with one internet response, my friend.

I'm sure you are well-intentioned, but you are clueless, you need to read. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but it's true.

I had my first serious gf at age 14 and that is when I lose my virginity, even back then, I knew better (instinctively) than to call my gf ten times per day. If you don't INSTINCTIVELY just KNOW that this isn't a good idea, then you need to read up on exactly HOW TO ACT with women.

Actually, at this point, I think you should freeze her out anyway, which means stop all contact. Maybe send her a message and say "Holy crap, family tragedy, gotta go on a sabbatical, will be out of touch for a week, I'll give you all the details when I get back".

Then dedicate a week to getting your hands on one or two books. Or to reading some genuinely good online material which will answer all your questions. If after that week, you aren't a different person with fundamentally different behaviors than what you've displayed thus far...there is no helping you.

Good luck!

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!