Hey Ryan,

Thanks for the great advice earlier, it completely opened my eyes to a new way of being open and direct with women.


Things with that girl continued to go well, till a friend of mine who really likes her walked in on us.. and then I was having a bad day and was a bit selfish around her/to her at one point which has apparently made her lose interest..

So I have a few questions for you.

What is your opinion of sharing with women (targets)? I understand being generous is good but I feel like if I'm overly generous women/people will use me etc.. I want to share with her (in this case weed, rolling a j or something) but don't want her coming over just to smoke my bud...

another is whether or not I should do much about it now that I've realized whats wrong.. a few of my friends have come up to me and told me she said I was rude to her and didn't want to share... etc.. should I apologize or try to make it up to her in any way? or just be more generous from now on?

Hey there Ryan,

Appreciate the time you put into this,helping people out and all.
So for my questions:

1.)How do you game girls with low self esteem?
2.)What about girls that are flirty/touchy?Do you neg them about this?

Thanks Ryan,I appreciate it.

This is a question that I've thought about a lot. I've always considered myself somewhat of a generous person, but over the years I've known people to take advantage of my generosity, which makes me feel used, underappreciated and disrespected.

I think it comes down to a few things - firstly, you have to give because you really want to give, not because you want people to like you or because you want something from them.

Secondly, you can encourage people to be reciprocal. For example, if someone asks to share your weed, next time, invite them over but ask them to bring beer or food, or something, so they are giving something back towards the experience. People will generally just take and take if things are freely offered, but they'd actually be more than happy to contribute if you just asked nicely to begin with. And the "to begin with" is important too. If you invite someone round to smoke, and then ask them to pony up £10 for it, they'll feel like you're being cheap, but if you get them to put that same £10 in when you initially buy the bag, they'll probably be fine with it.

You can also use your giving as an incentive. If your girlfriend were with you, you could say "hey, tell you what, help me clean up the living room, and then after we'll smoke." That way the giving is the "reward" for helping you out and doing what you say. People are animals, and can be trained just like animals.

Finally, it's ok (and a good thing) to have certain rules, as long as you stick to them and communicate them clearly. It's no good throwing a hissy fit and saying "I don't like it when people do X, Y Z" if you never told them to begin with, how should they know? It's totally fine to say "listen, I don't mind you doing this or that, but I just have this rule that you have to A and B." It's your house and your life, and it's fine as long as you're perfectly calm and nice about it. This prevents you having someone continue to do things you don't like, but not saying anything about it, and having resentment build up over time until you get angry at them for what seems like nothing. Clear, early, effective communication is key.

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1. Don't! They're more trouble than they're worth, trust me!

2. NO. Why would you neg a girl for giving you an IOI? That would be like insulting your friend for giving you a compliment! Flirt and touch them back for god's sake! Then escalate further.

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Hey Ryan...

I got a little problem at the moment.
Looks like some kind of AA but I don't really know what it is...

I kind of lost the energy to do approaches. Simply feel tired. No fear, may be some excitement during the approach, but nothing that would stop me from the actual approach. I kind of feel tired of approaching and every flake makes it worse. It's like I want the girl, but I kind of lost the motivation.

Its kind of laziness/unwillingness to do approaches idk...

Its true I am very busy at the moment with my classes but I always was...that's why I didn't go sarging and instead approached during my day, wherever I was.

Has this ever happened to you? How do you deal with it?

Good man Ryan, your posts are really insightful.

How would you handle a flirtatious co-worker, at a pretty professional job??

Thanks in advance.

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?uestion

This has sometimes happened to me.

There are a bunch of things you can try.

First, get a wing and push yourselves into sets, and try random stuff out. With one of my wings, we do a lot of crazy ridiculous pranks and get intentionally blown out for the fun of it. Once we're in that kind of state - we're talking to everyone, guys, girls, anything, just because we're having so much fun. Last weekend we started a giant massage circle of like 20 people in the middle of Oxford St, just for the hell of it!

With another one of my wings, we see how far we can push being incredibly sexual, to find those barriers and see how well we can stay in set whilst saying disgusting things to girls, and still get their numbers. Or, we'll go into sets and then try and anti-wing each other and try and blow each other out on purpose.

Alternatively, you can just get some new ideas about things to try and just practice them - then it's not about the set or the girl, but just about figuring out the technique. A lot of time that lack of outcome focus is liberating to guys and they give themselves more freedom to just enjoy the interaction rather than worrying about the girl or getting the number / close, etc.

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Return her flirtateous interest, but don't escalate. Then friendzone her, and hang out with her socially outside of work. Flirt and game her female friends.

If she ends up escalating on YOU, then she'll be far more discreet than if you do it.

In general I wouldn't game someone you work with for lots of reasons.

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Thanks Ryan, I have been doing just that, and it seems to be working, as she gets a little more flirtatious every day.

I have a great disinterested but smartass report going with her, and she invited me to hang out "socially" after work. I think if I get at her friends, I can wrap this thing up.

I understand your concerns about co-workers, but this is an internship, and we won't be working together much longer, so I don't have a ton to lose.

Would that change anything? Think I should isolate her when we hang out?

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?uestion

Hey blondguy! I hadn't seen that you had a personal thread yet. You're probably quite bussy with it .

Lately, I'm wondering how I can combine being sexualy and playing aloof or hard to get.

The last half year I acted more sexual after I learned 60yoc method, with body language and eye contact etc., being more direct. Being sexual is actualy non verbaly saying "I want to fuck you and I'm turning you on."
I moved to a new environment a half year ago, and my new friends, guys and girls, tell me things that makes me think. Guys often take a more aloof approach. Girls want guys who are hard to get.
F.e., once there was this chick at a home party at my dorm, and she was introduced by a female friend. I took a sexual approach, which includes strong eye contact, touching her sensitive spots like legs etc. I thought it was going fine, so I was a bit indignant when a male and female friend later came to me saying that I'm doing it too obviously or that I was being too direct.
A female friend told me she likes guys who are hard to get so that she can try to seduce him.
Often in bars and clubs, I see a guy approaching a girl, they're talking, they're both looking a bit aloof and it seems quite cold and it even looks a bit afc-ish, only to see them later making out as beasts.

I hope you get my problem and that you can help me out of this.

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You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

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Hey Ryan,

I recently noticed that I often lose girls because we simply fall out of touch, many of my past experiences with girls involve them being the ones who constantly initiate conversation, this has trained me to always expect it and never act (obviously your in a powerful position if girls are texting you all the time, i realize now that theres nothing wrong with initiating back but im a little unsure)

1.) What are ways that you would initiate conversations with girls who were once interested but you haven't talked to in a little while? (texting or otherwise)

2.) What are ways that i can come back to keep on initiating rather than it being random all the time

3.)what do YOU do in this situation to arrange a meet up

You're doing perfectly. Just keep hanging out, even actually friendzone HER, and have fun, be flirty, but don't escalate. Game her friends, talk about girls you're fucking in front of her, and keep things going. She'll probably find an opportunity to escalate on YOU, and things'll be a lot easier once that happens.

When the internship is over and you're no longer colleagues, and there's still attraction but nothing's happened, then feel free to isolate her and take things further, but I wouldn't do it for the sake of professionalism until then.

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I didn't see an actual question, but let me try and address the issues I see as important.

1. Fuck what other people, especially other guys, tell you about being "too direct." Men will just get jealous and say you're "creepy," but fuck them because you're the one getting the girl. Girls will get jealous that you're not hitting on them, and say things like "that would NEVER work on me," when actually it would if you did it to them!

2.You can still play push-pull and get her to qualify herself to you and work for your attention, whilst starting the interaction directly. The mindset is "hey, I noticed you and I'm initially attracted. Now I want to know more about you so I can decide whether you're worth my time." The power is still totally in your hands - you're giving her a very surface compliment about her appearance, and the majority of your interaction is getting to know her as person and deciding if her personality is right for YOU. The girl is still seducing you, because she has to prove herself intelligent, interesting and funny enough to hold your attention before you lead her towards an exciting sexual experience with you.

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1. Send them a random little joke or something that happened to you, something you saw that reminded you of them or something they said, and then ask them how's things going?

2. Once they get back to you, wait a bit and then invite them to something

3. Low pressure invite is something like "me and my friends are hitting this club saturday, you should come join us!" (this is more like a "friendly" invite, so she can bring a girlfriend and it'll be less pressure on her and less like a date. You'll have to do more work to isolate and comfort build as she'll be wandering around dancing and shit the whole time)

A slightly higher pressure invite is something like "let's grab a vino tinto and some tapas at this awesome place I know this week - is tuesday or wednesday better for you?" (this is clearly a "date," although you don't mention it by name. Better to do it during the week. Your flake rate may be slightly higher, if you haven't done enough groundwork beforehand building a bit of rapport and comfort, but if she agrees and shows up, it's pretty much ON from there, and you have zero distractions, cockblocks, loud music, etc. to deal with. This is my preference).

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Hey Ryan,

How do you feel about Direct daygame openers in a small college (university) environment with about 300 girls in each grade?

It feels kind of weird since i would see them around all the time and have classes with them etc.

Thanks