| I met her online.
Fast forward 1 week.
Met her in the train station. She was dressed like a rocker chick. Makeup, dressed properly. Red earrings, leather boots. It was clear that she was serious about putting up her best front.
We went to Starbucks. On our way there, she mentioned The Game. I said I had some friends who do that. I used that to cube her in Starbucks.
There were some quiet times, it was after all our first meeting and she must've had inhibitions (any normal person would). When starting my "gaming" journey I'd talk non-stop. If there was dead air, I'd rack my brain to fill it up.Not this time, even though I had the inkling to talk, I let the silent moments be silent momentarily and said whatever I felt like. I did not care what she wanted to hear.
I talked about what I was passionate about. As they say enthusiasm is infectious, she was infected.
I realised a couple of things.
1) Previously, in one of my field reports, I was advised that if the HB said that she doesn't like XYZ, don't talk about it. It's bad.I didn't really understand it back then but I think I do understand it better now. Talking about something someone else doesn't like brings negative emotions within them. Not good.
A socially calibrated person would not go on talking about what someone else doesn't like. This is a new realization. It was knowledge before, now it's a belief.
Regardless, I don't think I'll talk about what she likes, just to please her. If I like it too, I'll talk about it. If it's something she doesn't like, I'll simply avoid it. Just to keep the positive emotions.
2) As for taking risks. I did something I didn't do before, I HELD HER HAND. (Not that I haven't before....with my girlfriend..., never on a first date!)
Yes, I did. Cool
This may not be a huge step for many on this forum, but it was a big step for me. FINALLY.
Normally, I'd simply take her out, and talk talk talk. She's interested and there would be no "physical escalation". But since she wasn't within my social circle, I had no fear. I simply said "Give me your umbrella, now give me your hand (as I grabbed her hand without waiting for a reply)."
Prior to this, as we were walking down steep stairs, I told her to hold my arm. So there was some form of progression.
Anyhow, she made a very weird face when I held her hand. As though she was extremely weirded out. 1st date, hold my hand?! Ewww.
But she didn't let go, as a matter of fact she was kind of fidgeting around. I don't know if it was in fear. Anyway, she said she had a phone call and let go of my hand, she didn't check for her phone. Haha. Just an excuse to let go perhaps...
3. The other problem I noticed was that whenever I go on dates with HBs. They get tired fast. OF COURSE. I don't like sitting around, and make long treks and girls get tired fast.
NOTE TO SELF: If they tell you they aren't athletic and you take them for a long walk (in heels) attraction will decrease.
4. Leading
It is important, but sometimes its hard when the HB knows the place better than you do. How do you guys handle this?
Perhaps, knowing all the locations in advance would help.At one point, she told me "I will not go to starbucks, it's pro-Israel". I said "fine, where else do you recommend". I really did not know the place well, no point walking around getting her more tired and then saying I don't know where we're going.
5. I take a long time to progress (phase-shift) from A to C. Maybe that was why she was weirded out when I held her hands, didn't qualify. I did phase-shift eventually.
6. "Adopting her reality"
I saw that she was getting tired walking around so much so I said "Man, I'm so tired" and she agreed and seemed a little shocked that I finally realized it. Anyhow, I thought this better than simply ignoring the fact that she's tired and walking around and guessing whether she's tired. Or asking her what she wants.
That's all folks.
Comments always appreciated.
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CHAT