Actually what you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. I had a class about international management where I studied the difference between occidental and oriental culture. That's exactly what I was told.
That's exactly what I learned from Tolle's Power of Now. I need to be able to be an observer of my emotions. But usually, when I succeed in observing my emotions and thoughts, they usually fade away (toughts quicker than emotions). Meditation has allowed me to develop this small ability and I want to strenghten it. But indeed, it's not about killing my thoughts and emotion, but being able to observe them. Yet you're talking about accepting the emotions because the do what they're supposed to do in reaction of a given environment, that I can actually control. So basically, you're implying that changing the environment changes the emotions. Isn't that what Hobbit told when he agreed with me on unfriending my ex-girlfriend?
It is all about me. I know that. She has the right to leave me. She did. Period. All the frustration, sadness and all is natural... what it's not on the other hand is losing control. I've lost control twice. The first time was 2 months after the break-up, I panicked, came back to her and realize she was with someone else. The second time was with the engagement thing. I'm handling it now but I gave up quickly, I unfriended her.

Now if you speak of actually congratuling her, that makes no sense for now. I did not even got the news from her. I have simply no news from her. I will if she actually tells me, but she won't... I won't see her again Kasabi, she does not even live in Paris originally. But I understand what you say. I can feel that being able to truly congratulate her would actually make me proud of myself.
Okay. I did not see this from that angle. I still don't have the right mindset obviously. What is the "right" mindset? How to get it? I think part of the answer is getting rid of this negative pattern you're describing here, that is to say accepting things the way they are and reacting to it instead of reacting to what it should be. I might be trying to hard to change the environment around me instead of changing my behavior according to the environment...

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 51: getting information on the fitness place.
Today was a good day.

Context.
I took a look back at my goals and blocking issues on DAY 50 previous-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postor ... &start=398 and wanted to get some information about the fitness place at the university. I also had some administrative stuff to do today.

Concerned actions.
- WORKING OUT.
- GAINING WEIGHT.

Goals.
- Go to the fitness place and get some info about it.
- Get rid of the administrative stuff.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up at 10am today, I left home at 11am to do a official copy of my passport. One hour later, I was on the campus to get information about the fitness center.

The fitness center.
It's free and it is at 20 minutes by feet from where I live. That's a really good point. The place is small and the material seems old but at least I can exercice a little. The minimum weights is 10 kilos... meaning that I have to start at 20kg. I do not feel comfortable about using the material but I'll ask for some help. I don't want to hurt myself. There are also some changing rooms. That's good since I could go to the university in the morning and at the gym in the afternoon.

Good news is, just next to the place, there's some outdoor equipment allowing me to exercise with my own weight. I thought a picture would help me to make you understand what kind of equipment it is:



I went to the bank after to get rid of the administrative stuff I needed to do.

Results: I've got the information I wanted about the fitness place and I got rid of the administrative tasks I had to do.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Planning the sessions.
I'll try to go there twice per week and do at least a 1h30 session. I need to take a schedule and see when is the best to go there. I'll take a bottle of water, a towel, some energetic bars to eat and music.

What I've learned.
- Achieving your to-do list feels great.

Next steps.
- Get information on weight gainer products.
- Go to the fitness place

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Oye Daniel ,

I wanna have a competition with you.

You have to gain some weight.
I have to loose 15-17 KGs and become fit.


Lets See who reaches 1st.
I know youll win still.

Both our destination is the same , to be smart and fit.

Let the competion begin

The illusionist makes a good point Daniel.

The Gym is all about pushing yourself. You NEED to find someone with a similar goal in your uni or whatever to gym it up with. Someone to spot you, someone to call you weak, someone to compete with. The results will be twice as good if you have this sort of incentive.

ask your new friends, ask random people, go find someone with enough intellect and some decent personality, and VOILA, you'll have somone to game with as well.

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND, the more support you can find out there in any facet of life, the easier life will be.

Yes, if you make love to her in a romantic setting, you'll probably feel pretty good. If you strangle her to death in a dark alley, you'll probably feel guilty. You un-friended her already so you probably feel a like an immature dork. (Even if you're not willing to admit this to yourself. This is what immature dorks do)

And of course the following are your own words:
^Why not do something that actually MAKES YOU FEEL better?
^This is the domain of idiots. Life isn't a high speed sport. Sure, sometimes a truck rolls towards you at 100kph and you have to jump out of the way but most of time, we have time to think, contemplate, and make decisions. You simply decided to NOT to act in a positive direction towards your goals of being a CONFIDENT, SECURE, etc . . man.

Let's take this example to the extreme . . . Who in the World blames incorrect mindsets for personal failures? Hey, you know about those crazy guys that beat up their wives and kids. You think they ever admit that they did horrible things because they're horrible people? No, they always tell everybody, "I love my wife and kids . . . It's just I was stressed out and angry and 9 years ago, my mom, uncle, blah, blah, blah . . . "

^So fucking what? How about just NOT making that fist and punching your wife? . . . (This is what you'd tell the idiot right?)

And that is what I have to tell you: "So fucking what?" Your mindset is like this and that and you were angry and blew up 2 1/2 times 3 years ago and your ex is announcing stuff on facebook but not directed at you and the sunshine girl didn't go for ice cream at 2:30pm but wanted ice cream at 9:27pm and blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

Daniel, this is NOT complicated:

You want to gain weight:

Some guys will go on and on about "I feel tired. I'm not in the right mindset. I have exams. I have this and that and 3 years ago, I sprained my thumb, blah, blah, blah. . ." - IDIOTS.

1. You made a plan. 2. You follow through with the plan. 3. You gain weight. Simple.

You want to go out with a girl:

A girl invites you! . . . You don't have to instantly offer a yes/no answer. No, the answer for you is, "Cool, let me see if I can get out there. . . " - Then you can sit, hang out, have a cup of tea . . . then decide to 'do what you really want to do'.

Not to be picky but this isn't the best example of environment affecting emotions. If you had sex in an alley, you'd feel pretty champ. If you strangled a girl in a romantic setting you'd still feel guilty.

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

@The Illusionist & @Insert

Unfortunately, I don't have time to commit to such a competition. I just want to be in shape, and if I can gain some extra kilos from it, that would be great.

But for now, I can only focus on my self development journey. I'll go to the gym but I don't want to commit myself to a goal. I just want to feel in shape, that's all for now.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Glad you picked up on the sarcasm. Daniel/Hobbit's view of 'environment' previously was to clean up the 'dark alley' by getting rid of artifacts. This is a separation of the self from the environment. It's as if to say, "If I cannot see physical evidence of my bad habits, all is well." Well, what good is it to be stylin' at a Ritz Carlton if you're a drugged out, jobless bum who hasn't showered in 10 days?

What's more important is our deeds which directly and naturally influence our physical environment.

Kasabi, I might not have been clear about something. Yes I did realize unfriending her was stupid. Like Tweeby said, I gave up in front of my negative emotions. And lately, I've been taking really silly decisions: unfriending her, not going to the club with LMS... Immature, that's the word. I AM IMMATURE. In the light of what you said about changing the environment, I was just asking a sincere question about the mistake I did. Now I understand that unfriending her was not a positive change in my environment.

Yes Kasabi, it would make me proud to congratulate her, but not now. Now I would just feel creepy about it since I figure this out on his boyfriend profile (not on her's). Sincerely, it would me feel bad. I did a mistake and I already feel like an immature AFC right now. I suggest to move on.
Got it Kasabi. Thanks for slapping me in the face. I'm being stupid. Actually I realized it already with your last reply. I've taken some actions to see Little Miss Sunshine. Report is coming.

Concerning the weight gaining, it's not my main goal for now. So my plan will be simple.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 51: seeing Little Miss Sunshine.
Little Miss Sunshine shining as never.

Context.
Yesterday was not such a good day in the end. I realized that my small relapse in AFCness was maybe stronger than I thought. I got rid of the main tasks I needed to do but when I got home and finished writing the journal update, I could not help, I thought about my journey and my targets. I've been taking AFC decisions lately and I wanted to get myself together... So I decided to go out at night, at the university to approach a little.
But then I though about LMS and how I reacted to her last invitation to go to a party... I remembered that LMS go to university at night. Why not trying to see her?

Adressed issues.
- I'm bad at escalation, it is hard for me to get into the "circles" one by one until I get to the center.
- I've not been able to get a day2.
- I'm in an AFC phase right now.

Goals.
- See Little Miss Sunshine
- Escalate!

Strategy.
None! I did not have time to think about any strategy... Plus I did not even know what woud be the stage: in front of her class? in the hall? alone with her? in a group? How can I plan something? I just thought about texting her and joining her. That's all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking to her.
The night before yesterday, I spoke with Little Miss Sunshine on Facebook (and in Live Messenger later). Actually she came to me. I told her it was too bad for the party the day before yesterday... We had a nice interactions, I was funny and even went a bit sexual at some point. She was telling me that she has not time to have fun during the day, so she only had fun during the night. I replied: "fun at night... You mean like adult entertainment?". Anyway, I spent some time talking to her through Live Messenger. She told me that we are still going to take an ice-cream together.

Texting her.
She replied 7 minutes later:
Here we go.

Being anxious.
I arrived at the univerity right on time. I was a bit anxious and tired but I wanted to make it. I need to stop pussying around. So I walked into the corridor and saw her from far. I think she saw me but faked that she did not. Was she anxious? She was speaking to some friends: a guy and two girls. I started to wonder how to "open the set". But at 4 steps from her, I stumbled upon another exchange student. We started to talk about random stuff. He noticed I was tired... Bad body language! As I was speaking to him, I was seeing LMS starting to get touchy with the guy from the group. I did not like that at all. I felt like I was the one being played. My anxiety was growing but I had this "fuck it" mentality. I was tired of being a pussy.

Speaking to her.
At some point, she went back to the classroom. I said goodbye to the exchange student and walk in the direction of the classroom. She saw me and came to kiss/hug me hello. She was the cute HB8 I've seen the first time. We started to speak about random stuff, nothing really interesting unfortunately. But I was smiling a lot and hold eye-contact. She was really nice, her voice was soooooo sweet. Damn, I wanted her really much at that moment. I knew I had to escalate so I tried some KINO on her arm. On the last attempt, she stepped back. On the other hand, she was saying my name a lot... She introduced me to at least 6 friends. I spoke with some of them and was friendly. I think I made a good impression on them. She seems to be really liked/popular... With these DHV, I felt that I was the one being gamed.

Key elements:
- She asked me if I was taking Portuguese classes to practice the Brazilian accent, I said I prefered to learn with her.
- We spoke about the difference between Europe and Brazil, she told me that European are thinner... (no comment).
- She also said that they pay more attention to their clothes and hair style (in general Brazilians just wear simple jeans and a tee-shirt), since I was wearing a shirt I told her: "you mean like me?", she said "yes". She did not say that was a good thing though...
- She was saying my name a lot. [IOI]
- She introduced me to a lot of people. [IOI?]
- She told me she hated malls (maybe that's why she refused to go to the mall with me and offered another place).
- I told her about my Canaval in Ilhabela... [Passion card]
- She asked me about the friend I was supposed to meet, I had to make up a lie.
- She told one of her friends that we met in the streets, she said that like it was not common.
- We joke about her professor being boring.
- We kissed/hugged goodbye since the break was over. I reminded her about the ice-cream.

Results: I've seen LMS but was not that good on escalation
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the strategy.
I've seen her, finally. That's a really good point. I've not been that good with her unfortunately... but I think it was a good thing that she saw me interacting with some of her friends. I think having a French guy coming at the break to see her made her classmate ask some questions about me. That might be a good thing.

On the Game.
- I should be more playful: high-five, funny...
- I should not lie or find an excuse to see her. I should have just said: "I'm going to the university tonight, tell me if you'll be there"
- Escalation needs to become an habbit. I need to learn routines, KINO situations and apply them in field!
- I should take the initiative more often.

Next steps.
- I thought about organizing a new event in the same bar as the other day and get her to come.
- I have to make the ice-cream date real.

Questions to move on.
- Isn't the fact that I'm being available to her dropping my value? (busy guy = value)

Heading at the gym now.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

You know what Hobbit?! That's so cool.

THIS... IS... SPARTAAA!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 52: working out and approaching.
Back on my feet, meet HB Mac Beal.

Context.
After journaling my small meeting with Little Miss Sunshine, I went to the gym to work out a little. I'm immature and I really need to man up. That's why I started this journey. Yet, one thing is sure, I won't man up if I don't apply the solutions I came up with to tackle my blocking points. So I got back to work out to boost my self-confidence. Actually I felt so good after my session that I approached a girl on my way back home.

Adressed issues.
- I've not worked out with equipment since I'm in Brazil.
- I've not approached in a while.
- I've been lacking confidence lately (AFC phase).

Goals.
- Work out one hour.

Strategy.
Well, basically go to the university fitness center. I wanted to start slowly with some exercise using my body weight. I'll use weights later.
____________________________________________________________________

Work out session.
I went to the gym and worked out 45min. I focused on the top of the body. Well nothing more here except that I drank a lot of water and I really enjoyed myself. I was proud of my session. I only did 45 minutes though. I was tired. Guess I need to get used to it. Anyway, I'll do some push ups tonight to finish the work.

Meet HB Lawyer.
I was sweating, wearing sport clothes but I was feeling good. As I went back home I noticed an HB7,5 walking in my direction. I opened with the same toolbox as usual.
ME - Oi... Do you speak English?
HER - ... So so (embarassed but with a wonderful smile)
I asked for direction, she was a bit embarassed by her English, so I started to speak Portuguese to her "you can speak Portuguese". She gave me the information I needed in about 2 or 3 minutes. She was so nice, she really wanted me to get there. It gave me the time to find a transition for a small conversation. She seemed to be in a hurry. She started to leave. I stayed where I was and said.
ME - You know what, I'm amazed how Brazilian people are nice. I just came here and I'm asking for direction every two seconds and people are really helping me.
HER - You know I'm lost here too! I'm from São Francisco (coming back to me and smiling).
ME - São Fransisco, what's that?
HER - The law faculty (it's not on the campus but downtown)
ME - So you're gonna be lawyer, cool.
HER - Where do you come from?
ME - France. Je suis français. (yeah baby)
HER - Really, wow you have a good Portuguese!
I asked for her name and introduced myself, we shook hands.
HER - What are you doing in São Paulo?
ME - I'm studying at the *my university*
HER - *my university*? (there were stars in her eyes, she gotta be a gold digger, lol)
ME - You know *my university*?
HER - Of course! What are you studying? Accountability? Administration?
ME - Administration.
I started to think about the number close so I made a transition to "cool places to hang out"
ME - I'm just here for 6 months, I've just came here and don't know any places. I've been to Vila Madalena (place where the cool bars are in SP)...
HER - Ow I know all the places... Do you like baladas? (dancing bars)
ME - Yes of course... you know what, let's go together!
HER - Yes! Actually my friends speak a good English...
ME - You'll get a good English with me too!
HER - ... (smiling)
ME- I'll give you my number.
She took off a notepad from her bag and wrote it down. It was strange though since she had an iPhone on her hand... (maybe an iPod touch) but why not taking my number on a phone? Anyways, I asked her to put her number in my phone too. It was time for me to leave stage.
ME - You seem to be in a hurry, I'll text you my name so you can find me on Facebook (damn it... do I have stock-options in Facebook?)
HER - okay.
I kissed her goodbye, she gave me the hug style good bye. I'm starting to like it a lot.

New target: HB Mac Beal.

Results: I woked out 45 minutes and successfully approached HB Mac Beal.
____________________________________________________________________

On working out.
It was cool, I have to go there at least twice per week and do some extra pushups before sleeping.

On the approach.
I'm happy about it but it could be better. First of all, I should have said my name instead of asking her name. Then I should have be more precise about the "let's go out together", I should have said "let's go out this weekend". I've wasted too much opportunity with my first number closes. I don't want to waste this one. I want to see her again, may it be in a night club.

On the Game.
- Working out made me proud of myself.
- I have to introduce myself instead of asking for her name.
- Night game is not an option in Brazil. I have to get comfortable at it.

Next steps.
- I want to text her tonight. Why tonight? Because she remembers me! It took one week for Miss Sunset to add me on Facebook but it was too much time. That was a wasted opportunity. I don't want to waste this one. So I'm texting her my name and securising the # close.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Damn Number-close....

_________________

"We Go Truly Hard, Styles Like Julia"-Hoodie Allen

EDIT: composed this post prior to your MACBEAL post, but, the advice/input stands.

Daniel,

I've noticed a large shift in you're writing that leads me to believe that you are feeling like your AFCness is controlling you. Alot of "I can't"'s and "I need to do this". Realize that your AFCNESS cannot control you unless you let it, or that is to say, unless you change your thought patterns to be AFC.

In the beginning - mid point of your journey, your progress was much more intense and your attitude was much more positive. You were in control, you OWNED the buses you walked onto, YOU approached, ingnited interest and GOT NUMBERS.

Your expeirence of late seems to be directly tied to your inner state. Your friend noticing you looked tired is a good example, YOU ARE NOT FEELING IT. Do you understand? Feeling like shit = being shitty to be around.

You are so concerned with LMS (or any potential target) liking you that you are falling into her frame. You are in NO way projecting the idea that you are following your own agenda. Letting the negative feedback loops in your brain run rampant is not good. You need to move your frame of mind outside of these loops. It is hard, I know, I have struggled with this constantly. Inadequecy, shame, guilt, fear, and anger will all stain your frame and cause you to lose the ability to force people into your reality, cause in all honesty, your reality SUCKS if you are feeling this way. My advice comes form the inability to achieve this state of mind for myself at times, its fleeting. so, if anyone out there can offer some genuine advice stating "I NO LONGER DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE I DID THE FOLLOWING..." by all means, chime in.

Stop worring about day 2, stop TRYING to get a date in order to progress a relationship. Go get some more numbers, say 7. Tell these women shortly after you get their numbers that you are "going out for tea, wanna join me?" or "Im not busy tuesday evening, lets get to know each other", you know, casual. Schedule all of them in fairly quick sucession. Don't look at them like potential targets, look at them like test subjects. Go in there, try some stuff you wouldn't dream of with LMS cause you like her so much. Say things you think are rude, act too nice, do whatever you feel like MIGHT work, and mentally record your results. Practice your escalation, get BLOWN THE FUCK OUT in the middle of the tea shop, have hot scalding tea thrown at your face and learn to SMILE about it. You've got a lot of life left to make good, find your boundries, the points of your personality that work and admit to the ones that don't. BE AWARE

You are fixating my friend, at every oppourtunity. I've been there, I've obsessed, we all have. The fix/trick is finding the reason to rationalize the obsession, to LEAVE YOURSELF BEHIND and feed the machine, so to speak, leave your mammalian emoions behind and focus inward, on your instictual lizard. Your only needy cause you want to control the situation you are in, but lack the solid emotional grounding and self assuance to do so. This is what I gathered from the material WE ALL BOMBARD ourselves with (thanks D Dangelo and Dr Paul). I apologize if that is too obscure...I might be delving too much into MY self right now

EMBRACE YOUR FEAR AND YOUR PAIN, Meet the expectations you feel you NEED to meet in order to move upwards in your thinking patterns. The primal feeds the emotional, the emotional feeds the logical. If you can get what you NEED, what you want will follow suit.

Good luck Daniel.

KASABI:

Your advice seems to come from a very competent place, although it may seem like at times, you are bitter about Daniel's frustration. I am curious, do you have any shortcomings? When, if ever, do you fail in life? I think this would be helpful to Daniel and myself to know that your all knowing, hard hitting advice is a result of the type of thinking that Daniel is succumbing to and I know that I have expierenced, and will sometimes expierence even now? Or is what Daniel speaks of reserved for only some of us?

I am enjoying the forum Daniels journey is providing, and apologize for hijacking, but I feel like at times, I say the same things you do, in a much less aware/purposful manner, I would like insight into your state, you never seem to allow the mystery to unfold. YOU KNOW I AM NOT A CHICK RIGHT? I WONT TELL ANY CHICKS IF YOU HAVE EVER CONSIDERED UNFRIENDING YOUR EX EITHER On a side note, approximatly, how old are you?

My only real connection with PUA is having previously read The Game in my batchelor days but I stumbled upon this forum, and in particular this thread, by accident yesterday and have been completely hooked by your journey. Having read all 29 pages of this thread over the last 24 hours (and not achieved much else in the process) I am humbled by your dedication to not only meeting women and socialising but bettering yourself and achieving your goals, long-term or short-term, whatever they may be. I am absolutely astonished at the progress you seem to have made from your early days of suffering AA in the mall to confidently opening girls in bars, clubs and bus stops!

You are a true inspiration and I will certainly be following this thread with interest as you continue your journey in Brazil. (Damn I wish I was you )

Bon travail!

YesDale!