Hey,

I approached a woman who's being giving me obvious eye contact and smiles for the passed few weeks.. I've chatted to her set but never been able to isolate. Anyway, she was at the bar on her own last week, so I approached and said....

ME - "So are you gonna give me your number then?"

HER - "What for?" (wry smile)

ME - "So I can phone you late at night when I'm drunk and lonely"

HER - "Oh, I couldn't do that...."

ME - "Are you married or something, are you shy?"

HER - "No, couldn't do that..."

ME - "OK, cya" (I walk off with a smile)

I guess I could have handled it better, but I'm pretty new at being direct and ran out of energy/ideas.

She was still trying to get eye contact later (with a quizical look on her face), but I just smiled as I left the joint with my mates.

Any ideas, comments, suggestions on what I should have done. I reckon this ones a bit of dead duck now, so I'll forget about it.

Cheers,

Zan

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Its not bad. But your opener was a bit AFC as it came off as if you more ask than demanding it. You would have been better off with saying; "So are you gonna give me your number or what?. You may also want to work on witty and/or cocky funny things to come back with as well.

Dude, the only way you're gonna learn what to say and what not to say is TO STAY IN SET!
You can't walk away until you get a real clear reason that the set is over, like you try isolate and she doesn't go with you. And even then, you can re-open later. You saw that she was still looking over at you and you didn't re-open. Not good.

Your bigger problem is the fact that leaving too early is probably your default response right now when you don't know what to do. You HAVE to change that or it will take you a long time to learn.

jurupa is right about the way you opened....you could have kept it going by just playing with her keeping it flirty...You could have used any of the millions of teases that I'm sure you read about online once she said "No I couldn't do that." you could have said "yeah your right, we totally shouldn't be together anyway. I mean you and I are clearly the most awesome people in this room. If we were together it would be like too much awesomeness and the room would collapse on itself. Everybody would be mad at us for destroying the bar. Yeah it wouldn't be good..." whatever, it doesn't even really matter, you can just the basic idea of teasing and blend ur own quirky humor into on the spot. That's what I do....
But the bugger problem your having is running out of things to say. When I was first learning, my coach made me write down things that I know I can say pretty much every time I talk to a girl..like writing down 2 or 3 tried and tested openers, 2 general topics of conversation to keep the convo going, 2 teases etc...once you get used to the list you wrote you can start to deviate from it and improvise on the spot author bit more.....But whatever you do, DON'T LEAVE SO EARLY!!! Ahhhh

*a little bit more

This is some great advice guys.

As I said, I am just beginning, but my AA is reasonably low. I usually go in for Daygame so this was a little out of my area of experience.

You're dead right with the staying in set longer though.. I guess I just took her answers as set in stone... although this is obviously not the case (they don't wanna look too easy do they!)

Do you think I should give up on this girl now? It's really awkward to chat when she's in set though. I don't mind making an arse of myself but I want it to be worth the risk!

Zan

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Yes, if you see her again, you should talk to her. I don't think this set is ruined necessarily...But the reason you should talk to her is NOT because there is a high chance of you getting the girl, the reason you should talk to her is because of this: At this stage in the game for you, the most important thing is talking to girls. ITS NOT ABOUT GETTING ANY ONE PARTICULAR GIRL AT THIS STAGE IN THE GAME FOR YOU. Let me repeat that. AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LEARNING PROCESS, ITS NOT ABOUT GETTING ANY ONE PARTICULAR GIRL. You just need the practice. Your nervous system needs to get used to talking to girls whether or not you think its "worth the risk."

And you're going to have to change the way you're looking at this whole pick-up thing. The fact that you said "if its worth the risk" is not good. You have to realize that there IS NO RISK. What risk are you taking by talking to a girl? If there is one thing you can learn from naturals and not from PUAs its this: Naturals have fun when they talk to girls whether or not the actually get the girl. Finding the whole process of talking to girls and interacting with people to be FUN will reeeaaaallly help you with your game because you will just go and talk to a girl if you think she's cute. You won't sit there and think about whether or not "its worth the risk." You're gonna lose out on a lot of girls because you didn't approach or you didn't keep the set going because you didn't think it was "worth the risk."

So, don't worry about "the risk." Next time you see her, get in that set. Have fun flirting and being playful with her (and her friends if theyr there). That seems like its a really important thing for you right now. All the PUA tactics will come later.

Make sense?

Cheers Steve,

I totally understand what you're saying and will take it on board. It's a hard concept to take about not wanting the girl, especially when you're a newbie and don't have many options so cling on to the current opportunity. But I do know that not having any expectations helps manage anxiety!

The risk I was talking about wasn't with regards to her thinking I'm an idiot or something, but more about getting negative social proof from everyone else.

As you've said, I just have to stick in set longer to learn stuff. I do suffer from not 'being the party' after a few minutes in set though... I'm not a great conversationalist and am better 'chipping in' funny comments when someone else is mainly talking... this has got to change!

Thanks for your help guys... if only I could have you as one-to-one tutors.. I'd be AFC free in no time

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

As long as you were being funny with the calling her up drunk line and delivered it well, this could have been fine.

I would say going for the number really quickly is a little off.

However, if you're going to be direct, then you HAVE to be able to handle token resistance better. If she says ANYTHING that isn't "fuck off" or walking away, then whatever she's saying probably means "try harder" or "gimme more reasons why."

I also wouldn't have waited WEEKS to finally approach her, but still, maybe something more along the lines of.

You: "Hey, I can't have you keep making eyes at me for this long and not have the courage to come chat me up, so I thought I'd help you out and come over here. Hi, I'm _____"

Her: "I'm ____"

You: "So do you always go around staring at guys you like without doing anything, or is my masculine physique and piercing, steely eyes so intimidating to you that you were just left stunned"

Her: "Lol, no I mean I wouldn't usually go up to the guy first.."

You: "Aw you're shy."

Her: "No actually I'm not really a shy person, I just...

You: "Sure."

Her: "No! Really I am quite outgoing, like for example..."

Blah blah. Basically showing interest in her, but making her immediately start qualifying herself to you, specifically trying to get her to prove how outgoing she is. Just a random example off the top of my head, but you get the idea.

When it comes to any form of close - from getting her number to kissing to fucking, you may have to plough through 2, 3, 4 "rejections" before she consents. Most of the time, she's doing it to not seem too easy, and to test to make sure you're not a reactive little bitch. "No" usually means "try harder." ***


*** A proper NO really means NO - that's when she's angry, trying to get away, etc. NOT if she's just giggling or pushing you away a bit, but still staying there.

_________________
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Don't worry about negative social proof from other people. That's just gonna hurt you. Don't worry about that until further down the line. That's more of an advanced thing to worry about. Worrying about that kind of stuff will hurt you WAAAAYY more than it will help at this point in ur learning process. For the most part, if your talking to somebody, (unless theyr like totally disinterested or telling you to fuck off) other people just assume you know those people you're talking to. There have been times when I've chased after girls in the mall and opened them and when I leave the set some1 will be like "Oh, how do you know that girl? She's hot." and I'm just like "I dont know her, I just thought she was cute so I went to talk to her."

You have to have your own values and beliefs that guide you. You're doing this for you and nobody else. What other people think doesn't matter. ANd, I know that you might want to think that being dissed by a girl will make other girls not be attracted to you, and while there might be a little truth to that, it REALLY is not the thing to be focusing on right now. You have bigger issues to handle first...

BTW, check your private messages. I sent you something.

Woah... Blown away by these excellent replies guys.. thanks for that!

I'm learning slowly and have a positive mindset so it's starting to come together - although I admit I'm probably only 5% of the way towards PUA status! I'm not too bothered about hurrying it though, as long as I'm seeing progress.

I'm definately committing this stuff to memory though!

Catcha laters,

Zan

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Ryan, your post is fantastic.

Thanks a ton to everybody in this thread!