Hi guys, once again, I need advice, or somebody to just tell me things I already know.
Couple of months ago I started seeing a girl, had sex etc. It was a long distance thing and we agreed not to be in a relationship. I was gaming other women, had sex with a couple of more women, and now with the last girl I developed a really good connection. I see her as a potential LTR, but we've not talked about being exclusive, we had been spending time together and acting as if we were in a relationship. Now, the first girl wants to see me again and I feel guilty. What's wrong with me?? I know I shouldn't feel guilty since I'm not in a relationship with this girl, but I feel insincere, although I don't have a reason to feel so. To top it, the latest girl also lives in a different city, so there is very little chance for awkward situations. I usually have the "I'm not looking for a relationship" talk as soon as possible, but I haven't done it with this girl and things have been developing really fast, but as I said, we haven't established any exclusivity. Can someone please mental slap me?

The guilt is from not making your intentions clear.

Manage those expectations. If you don't want an exclusive relationship and you haven't told this girl you have been dating, get it out of the way now and avoid the assumptions and hurt feelings that might come later. You haven't done anything wrong yet, so don't worry. Just follow through on what your guilt is telling you.

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- Lux et Veritas -

Yeah, you're right. I'll have to start that talk next time I see her. Thanks for the advice, Wal.

Dude, I personally believe that you develop your conscience to fit out society is. That's kind of confusing. Well, I'll use me as an example. I suck at explaining things. xD

Anyways, I used to feel bad because I grew up in an small town where guy had to be friends with women before even attempting to make a move. Then I started all of this stuff and I did get lays, but was criticized for it by my buds. Then I started to feel bad because I was conditioned to only make a move after I made nice with her.

See where I'm going with this?
Society generally looks down on guys have sex with multiple women even if he's not dating or exclusive with any of them. It all stems from tradition.

Unless you become desensitized to the old mindset or reprogram yourself, you're going to keep feeling guilty. I mean, you COULD talk to her, but you said that you and her have discussed the fact that you two don't want to be in an exclusive relationship, so you'll just be telling her what you told her last time you had the same conversation.

Also, on a side note. WHen you talk to her via phone or a social network, do you avoid talking about this other chick you are devoloping feelings for? If so, then you're hiding the fact that you dig this other chick, and that's why you feel guilty. Don't hide things from her because you don't need to; you aren't in an exclusive relationship.

Have fun!

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Thinhman
thinhman@hotmail.com

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome!. True Story." - One of the greatest PUAs ever!

Hello Thinman, that's exactly why I said I need to be slapped so I would get to my senses. But I don't feel guilty towards the 1st girl, because we've had the talk about not being exclusive, I feel guilty towards the 2nd girl because we haven't talked about our relationship at all. And I do agree with Wal about having to make myself clear with the 2nd girl.
On hiding details from girlfriends, well I learned the hard way that women lie when they say they wanna know. They really don't. I wouldn't wanna know about others in their lives either, I know it's happening, but I really don't need the details or discuss those relationships. So when the question arises, I just tease her for being curious and try to change the subject. If she insists, I say I don't feel like talking about it now and change the subject. I tried being completely honest with one girl and establish a nice MLTR situation. Well, that didn't go too well, LOL. She knew I had the girl number 1, and repeatedly asked about the details and said she was ok talking about it, then all of a sudden she's mad at me and she can't understand that I don't like her more than all of the others. I told her I don't function that way, but she thought she could win me over or whatever. So I generally keep away from sharing the details. Thanks for your response. We'll see how this one goes. I'm meeting the girl number 1 tomorrow, so I'll see how I feel when we meet.

Txacoli, you're exactly right. The details of your dating life when you are just casually dating somebody are none of her business, and vice versa, as long as both parties are aware that this is a casual relationship. Once you go monogamous with a girl, that prior dating life is irrelevant.

Then again, if one party believes it to be monogamous, whether through assumption or dishonesty, then you have a problem. Good luck.

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- Lux et Veritas -