LMFAO

You have a point Hobbit.

However, I agree with Kasabi on a pragmatic level... Daniel is at a point in his life where he still isn't in control of his emotions... And that's just fine.

I know what you are getting at:

Removing all contact with his ex will help him 'MOVE ON'. Yes, when you have nothing you are forced to be proactive. Sometimes we cling onto the past and dwelling on it keeps us in a negative place.

But a true champion can master his emotions and train them so he doesn't need to consider such drastic actions. Daniel is at a pivotal moment in his life, so why not learn to control such strong, negative emotions now.

It's like, when you find yourself thinking negatively, instead of trying to stop it... Just become the observer and smile in your head as you observe what you are doing and REALISE the stupidity of it all.

I un-added all my ex targets... In the short term it did help me to move on so to speak. But if I were to ever see them again in the street, I know it would be awkward. And even when I did that, I still found myself checking THEIR blogs.

So I'm not sure it has helped.

Yes they are probably getting fucked my men who WERE ready in their lives to fuck them properly and provide a stable relationship. I simply was not ready at the time I met them. Oh my itty bitty heart. It bleedssssssss. LMAO.

I don't want anyone to play me the fiddle. I'm passed that now.

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*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Sad to say, but I do need to grow-up. I'm just a scared kid right now. This is the reason why my main goal is to become a man.

Yet, I think I've taken the right decision about unfriending her. I thought I would be able to handle having her on Facebook after the breakup. I discovered she was dating someone else a few week after. I was sad but thought I could handle her having a boyfriend... She started to put some pictures of her with him... I was sad again but thought I could handle it... Now she's engaged... I was sad and it makes me insecure again... I'm handling it though.

What's next? A photo of her ring? Romantic pictures? I would handle it but at what price? I wish her the best, but I want to move forward... All this is a burden to me right now. But I know this is all about me, it's a fight against myself in which she has little to do. Anyways, I don't think I'm hurting anybody here. So yes, I unfriended her. I'm not throwing anything or shaving myself.

As Hobbit already told me several time, I should not speak about her anymore. So I won't anymore. Time to grow now.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

In light of Daniel's decision, lets all look forward and unfriend said ex from our proverbial friend lists as well. The horse is dead, no need to flog it. Cheers to new beginings. If every heartbroken forum member shares their lost love story in this journal, I think I might puke

Daniel,
You got this!
Gear up, it's game time!

P.S. Kasabi's advice on congratulating her is in sync with my opinion, keeping in mind that you should only do so when you are congruent with that feeling. Congrats from a wuss are worthless and of ill intent. There will be a point, when youre internally satisfied, that you will actually want to congratulate her, so wait until the feeling is genuine before re establishing the connection. For the mean time, I don't want to talk about her either

I think the problem is not with the ex or with the new guy but with Daniel himself. Dude you need to move on, imagine you go sarging with another PUA, you both target the same HB but he ends up going home with her.,would you be reacting this way. I think your ex met this other guy while you guys were having problems and he presented a better deal to her. Remember she acted in a way that best served her interests ie by dumping you. Do yourself a favour a accept that at the time he was a better PUA and move on. So having her as a friend on fb doesnt mauer much, but its still ok if it helps you. Go f@ck 10 Brazilian and asian HBs dude lol

_________________
I'm a predator I dont make pets out of my prey!

Quick Update.

Okay guys, tomorrow, I'll publish the big post! The one about my sticking points, but for now, here's a quick update.

Socially better.
Since I went back from Ilhabela, I've been talking about it a lot. I really loved the Carnaval and I think that hearing me talking about it with so much passion triggered something interesting in the exchange student social circle. I really got closer to the Canadian and Italian guys. So today, a lot of people were asking us about the trip. I took advantage of this attention to organize something for tonight. Yes! I organized something at a bar tonight. It's an cool result for me. Four guys and four girls came to the place I've been with lately with the Canadian dude. No target though. But it was okay, I've been cocky&funny with a nice German girl. I played it Hobbit's style: "you're mean to me"... I also did the "can you keep a secret?" but did not go as well as expected. Made her laugh. I was comfortable tonight, it feels good.

Behind blue eyes.
But let's go back some hours earlier. I've met a new German girl today in classes. She's a 25yo kinda shy HB8,5. I already have a nickname for her: Behing Blue Eyes. You probably understood why. She was in my class this morning but I only spoke to her at lunch time. She was cool but I did not want to show to much interest but that was actually cool since I was the center of the attention with my trip to Ilhabela. I did not have to beg for her attention. I got her number easily.
I helped her to withdraw money and we went to class together. We were the only exchange students of the classroom and she was a huge DHV to me for all the future Brazilian targets. Anyways, we had to buy a book for the classes (The Prince, Nicolau Machiavel) so I offered her to go to the mall next to my house to buy it. She accepted. I've spent more than 5 hours alone with her in the end. [edit: I actually took her home since it was on the way. We drank a juice and went to the mall]
I was not really good. I did some light KINO (high five, claw) but failed in creating a real escalation. Again, it was a fight against me being boring. I tried several strategies. First of all, I tried saying what was on my mind but at some point I came up with stupid things like "wow, this building is amazing"... So I change strategy to some push/pull: "that's the last time I go to a mall with you"... She put her hand in my shoulder to thank me. First KINO from her in 5 hours. Damn, she's hard to Game and I was lost. She sent me a message though:
I've seen no real IOIs during the time I've been with her but I love the interrogation mark after the "See you soon" I'll get her to come with me to a random place and try to escalate with some routines.

Princess.
Remember the French princess that was shit testing me during Carnaval in São Paulo? 21-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=314 She was shit testing me while I was meeting Brazilian girls. Later, she triggered some stange feelings when I heard her talking about staying the night with a Brazilian. 23-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=331. Anyways, we discovered that we have some experience in common. And Princess is actually hot.
I sent a global message on Facebook to let people know about tonight. I told them about the bar where we can get beer for cheap. She asked if we can get other stuff than beer in that bar. I replied:

HER - Sounds goooood ... reassure me though, they do serve other beverages too right?!?
ME - Yes you'll have your orange juice (Cast Member smile) [inside joke]
HER - Oh attends, Orange juice? What's you cell no. ?!?!

I gave my phone number through the chat (so the others were not able to see that part)
ME - 1234 5678
ME - but no sexting please
ME - see you tonight
HER - LOL
HER - i can't promise [talking about sexting or coming tonight?]

Anyway, she did not come but I was happy about the interaction.

Little Miss Sunshine.
I'll see her tomorrow. I learned a lot from Slywalker 6th point (how to get a date without bein AFC 2-vt53087.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=27 ). I texted her:
Got an answer but logistics are still complicated. She offered to go to another place which was too far for me. I offered to go back in Oscar Freire (where I've number closed her) and got no answer. Later on Facebook, she told me we'll speak tomorrow to organize this. So yes, I'm supposed to see her on a date tomorrow. I have to prepare some material to be ready (routines, KINO, teasing...)

Shit happens.
I lost my credit card in the bar. That's not a good thing at all. I called the bank to void it and call them back tomorrow to get a new one. I'm handling it, like a man would.

What I've learned.
- I have to shut up! I was interrupting and asking questions to Behind Blue Eyes.
- I enjoy being cocky & funny but it was hard to be like that with Behind Blue Eyes, easier with Princess.
- I have to learn push/pull techniques.
- I have to find how to escalate effeciently.
- I can handle the stuff hapening to me.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hmm . . . let's identify a few acts and think about this:

Unfriending, throwing away old pictures, shaving heads, burning bridges, the "silent SPAM", a little stab back . . .(Even though the other person did absolutely NOTHING wrong) . . . These are acts of identifying another human being as CANCER followed by bumbling attempts at "human-ectomy". The problem is that it's not her physical presence or the presence of artifacts that create any of these emotions but the habitual cycle of WRONGFUL thinking. The willful act of destroying these things only fortifies and supports more negativity, and continues the cycle of wrongful thinking. Why is this important?

Do you guys think that your current relationship will be your last? Do you guys think that you'll never face negative situations in your future relationships? How do you intend to deal with those issues? Burn more pictures? Un-friend more people? Hey, I know you don't walk into new relationships announcing that you 'burned all of your last girlfriends' photos and un-friended them and never have anything to do with them ever again! Now kiss me!" - but people can sense these things through daily behavior. This is the type of behavior that repels others. And because it repels others, you get pissed off. You get pissed off so you burn some more pictures. Not a great habit.
Thinking and dwelling here is not the the problem but the solution. The problem is that there isn't enough thoughtfulness going on here. Most guys simply fall victim to going the path of doing what we think we're supposed to do like a bunch of 14 year old kids in front of a corner store trying to convince each other that smoking is cool. So our hero gave us a thought to ponder, "I will un-friend. . ." - this isn't an announcement; this is a request for positive reinforcement over an act that he knows is incorrect.

Many will hide behind the excuse that these emotions are not controllable. Hmm . . . I say it's a choice but fine, let's stick to what we can all agree on. Our actions are controllable. We can choose to force a smile. We can choose to write, "Congratulations, you guys look great." - This is a philosophical difference. This is accepting that negative emotions are simply the outcome negative habits and correcting them RIGHT NOW, one habit at a time.

And let's get back to pick up,

Daniel . . . you're a fucking busy man! It's not as if you're going to have to spend 2 hours a day chatting with your ex and sending e-mails and calls . . . .

No . . . this little 20 second act of love, goodwill, and generosity is a spreading of positive energy. . . TO YOUR SELF. This is the difference between getting invited to parties and weddings and meeting 100's of more people and adding them to your lives or getting one more person to tell 20 others that you're a moody weirdo. And don't mistake for one moment that this is an isolated issue between you and this one particular girl. This is all about you and your habits. Correct this if you can.

I understand your point Kasabi, and I do think you're right. Really. It's all about me, I can feel it. Yet, I'm not the person you're describing here. I'm not destroying anything, I've just unfriended her so I don't get fresh news from her. It's nothing I can't take back. I don't think I'm hurting anyone here.
Good point.


I'm handling it Kasabi. It's not because I unfriended her on Facebook that the fact that she's engaged has disappeared. It triggered some feelings in me but I'm handling it. Really. The logic behind the unfriending is that she has still too much power over me. And even if I manage to handle these "news" one at a time, I feel like I'm wasting a lot of energy on the past. I want to move forward.
I understand Kasabi. And you know what, I actually care about her but she's doing really good without me. She might even not notice that I'm not her friend on Facebook anymore. She's never connected. She just updates her page from time to time. I don't have any news from her. I got them in her boyfriend's facebook profile... that's how I discovered the "engaged" status. At that moment, I felt really stupid about checking his page to desperately get some news from someone that I could have considered as a best friend. Yeah, here's the ugly and naked truth. Maybe this unfriend thing is to bury a part of me that I don't like.

Anyway. It's done. If it's a mistake... I'll learn from it. I also confess that I don't like being reframed as the "not-loving" one here... that's not me.

Let's go back to pick-up and stop talking about that.
PM me if you really have something to add!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

This is a key, and I'm glad you recognize it and you're moving in the right direction!
You have to organize things! Parties! At your house, at the exchange student dorm, at the university. You have to be the soul of the community! And this is because, if you don't see cool things to do around, you should start doing them yourself!
Be the change you want to see in the world!
This will give you so much social proof you won't be able to handle it!

First of all, German girl are usually very cold (you may know it, you're from France after all!). They don't kino much, sometimes they don't kino at all, they don't speak a lot, they seem unfriendly.
The good news is: they're not!
They just need to be pushed out of their shells a little bit harder than the other girls!
But once you succeeded in getting them comfortable to kino and human contact they're surprisingly very sweet and nice girls!

So... WTF??? Kino man, KINO!
Where is the "imaginary hair" note? Where is the "nice shirt" note?
Just don't care about anything and KINO the hell out of her!
You got reframed into HER frame of "coldness" and you didn't want to get it uncomfortable so you kept the frame she put on you!

I can't believe that in 5 hours you didn't manage to kino enought!
Use cheating sheets if that's what it takes, to remeber or suggest what to do, but get those results!

Anyway, good sarge at the party you organized!

@TheFuckingItalian I wanted to organize something tonight too but the fact that I lost my wallet does not help...Logistics again...

I guess you're right, it might be cultural. Another German girl is exactly like that too. I'll get a way to see her again and escalate with KINO. I need to get even more used to KINO escalation... learn all these situations and systematically do it.

More generally, I'm not enough prepared to this situation... Time is missing.

@Hobbit Indeed

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Except that... she has a boyfriend... She's just added me on Facebook...

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 50: reflections on my journey.
Back to business, let's open a new chapter.

Following Kasabi's advice, I've opened a new chapter in my journal on DAY 32 22-vt81510.html?start=159. I took some time and started to think about my dreams (what I want), my blocking points (what's preventing me to achieve my dreams) and solutions (what actions I have to take). It's time to take a look back to measure my evolution.

My dreams.
My dreams are the same. Yet, since I've been approaching a lot lately, I confess that I might have been willing to go a bit too fast... and that's not a good thing. Attracting women is a result of my primary goal, becoming a man. I must not forget that. My relapse in AFCness is a good reminder.

- I want to be a real man: confident, dominant, secure, funny, social, attractive, trustworthy, successful, ...
- I want to attract women.

My blocking points.
Let's see what I managed to improve and what I still need to work on.

- LACK OF CONFIDENCE/INSECURITY
I am way more confident in general but I still don't believe in myself as I probably should and my recent relapse showed me how my confidence was fragile: it really made me feel insecure.
- NEEDYNESS
I feel less needy too, even though I spend a lot of time by myself here in Brazil. Seeing that I can meet any girls almost when I want really helps. Yet, sometimes I can't help, I just realize that I have no girlfriend (while others have) and I start to feel a bit needy.
- LACK OF CONSISTENCY
I have made huge improvements on that issue. I'm more relaxed, cooler. I try tostop the negative thinking when it comes up and usually manage to take a step back about what I'm feeling. But I still need to cultivate the "observer" in me.
- LACK OF EXPERIENCE/GAME SKILLS
I'm getting a lot of experience thank to the approaches I've been doing. My learning journal and the forum in general are giving me a lot of insights when it comes to Game skills. I read a lot but I should take more notes to actually learn and make it a habbit.
- FRUSTRATION/ANGER
I feel way better than before. Frustration does not come as often, and when it does, I try really hard to evacuate it.
- FEAR
The fear of approach is lower than ever but I'm still being a wuss for small stupid things like going out at night...

Yet, I'm not in a good phase currently. I need discipline so I can get back on the right tracks.

The actions.
Everything is a mess right now. With the beginning of classes, I'm having less and less time to manage the journal, meditation, work out, going out... I need a better organization and discipline to manage everything. I have to focus on the main actions.

> APPROACHING: Since it allows me to work on several blocking points, I've been doing it a lot. Truth is I like to do it now: it feels great to meet girls. More generally, I've even been having great interaction with cashiers and employees in several malls.
=> Keeping Up!
> JOURNALING: As you can tell, I keep my journal udpated as often as I can. It helps me to develop my Game skills and work on my consistency. Yet, I'll focus on what really matters now, only important stuff.
=> Keeping Up!
> WORKING OUT: This is more difficult in Brazil. I have no equipment to work out here. Even though, I can do push-ups and other exercises that do not require anything. If I want to take some weight, I'm going to need to work out regularly.
=> Get info about the fitness center of the university and go there at least once a week.
> MEDITATING: I've not been serious enough about it: it's really hard to focus since I'm in Brazil. I'm struggling with meditation. Thoughs are popping out and it overcomes me. I'm lucky since I'm more able to stop negative thinking and frustration, but without practice... I'll loose this ability.
=> Get back to the daily meditation even if it's hard to focus!
> STOPPING MASTURBATION: I just physically can't stop. It hurts too much. I'm being seirous about that though. It has still a negative effect on my inner game but "being full" creates a negative tension in me.
=> Once every 10 days maximum.
> TAKING NOTES: I've been using a notepad to write down openers, KINO situation and routines. I've only been using the same opener since the beginning but it's really helping me on making it a habbit. Same for KINO. I have to perform routines too.
=> Write more openers, KINO situation and routines and publish them in the journal.
> GIVING NEWS: it really feels good to speak to my family and friends. It helps tackling my needyness.
=> Give news at least once every 10 days.
> EXTENDING SOCIAL CIRCLE: I've been seeing a lot of people lately and even went to Ilhabela with two friends. I'm currently organizing an event at a bar tonight so we can meet.
=> Organize/participate to even more events.
> READING MATERIAL: I've not read anything new since the first chapter of 60yoc.
=> Think about what to read and take notes!.

Now here's some secondary actions.
> FINDING A HOBBY: nothing new here, I had to deal with a lot of logictics issues so I did not take the time to think about it.
=> Seek information about Photography classes.
> EATING MORE: I would like to get 5 extra kilos. It would boost my confidence.
=> Look for information on how to get weight.

That's a huge to-do list. DISCIPLINE will allow me to make it!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

It is funny you should mention this Daniel. As when I first began, I too tried to "Harness the power" of an undrained member. It seemed to me that the potency of my manhood was amplified by a push to find a "proper" means of sexual release.

The truth is, once you start having sex on a regular basis, outside of a LTR, with multiple partners, the sexual release actually fuels your ambitions towards finding more, and having more, sex. So, what then is the difference between "manual" extraction or aided extraction? Physiologically, I don't think there is any difference (other than staying up until 5 am having sex is much more exhausting than masturbating at 10 and getting a full nights sleep) The orgasm is achieved, the dopamine is relased and the impending relaxation occurs.

The psychological aspect of masturbation however is different, there is no sense of accomplishment (or very little) associated with a manually achieved orgasm. Luckily, our internal psychology is dynamic, and with enough effort, we can manipulate it. Lose the notion that it is a shameful, or detrimental act. Giving up masturbation, or abstaining until your balls are blue is not helpful. The idea that you are "holding it in" for a woman is something your subconcious shouldn't have to deal with, it clogs up (pun intended) pathways better suited for other aspects of subconcious thought. Lose the emotional aspects of anything to do with sex in general, and you will be much more in tune with your desires. There is no shame when it comes to sex.

Reframe your outlook on masturbation, it isn't a last resort, due to a lack of sexual partners. It is in fact a natural, necessary EXCERCISE in relaxation, an attempt at releasing yourself from somthing as trivial as a need for pleasure. I for one quite enjoy masturbation, how about you ? Hell, if I am planning on having sex all night, I will bust the "easy one" out prior, and turn myself into a FUCKING (double entendre) MACHINE for the sake of making a good impression.

In a nutshell (once again, pun intended), masturbation is a non issue, it is your internal beliefs that are holding you back on this one, trust me. You will just frustrate yourself by setting up a "once every ten days" ultimatum, and when you actually do bust a nut that one day, you're gonna feel guilty, shameful and defeated. Albeit, chronic masturbation is a good reason to question WHAT YOUR PRIORITIES ARE, but I don't think that is the issue. Besides, if you get your first f-close on day 9, your gonna be painting the walls before she can get your rubber on .

the more you excersise, the less you will masturbate, at least this is true in my case.

AND YES, you need to start lifting real weight and seeing some real results, it will boost you like no handjob ever could. There is something almost magical about the confidence boost you get from beating your personal best in any aspect of life, wheather it is the weight you benchpress or the level of attractiveness of the women you hang out with.
Enjoy yourself!

A simple tip you may already know for getting to a weight you want:

Eat the amount of calories each day that is needed for the weight you want

E.g. You want to be 80kg, so you find out how many calories are needed for an 80kg person per day and eat that amount, youre body will naturally go to that weight.

Sorry if im just stating the obvious!

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

I know it's my mind Insert... It triggers some really strange stuff in me: my inner game gets weak, I start to have negative thoughts... immediately after... I don't know if I'm ashamed of it or anything. But yes it's in my mind. I'm sure about it. But it does make me feel physically lazy though, and it kills the sexual tension I like to have in me. I just feel anesthetized. Yet you're right. With such a limit (once every 10 days maximum), I'm creating a new reason to feel guilty... I might reconsider it.
I was not stopping masturbation to save the little "AFC Daniels" in my balls for an eventual girl... I won't paint anything!
Thanks Insert, I'm missing working out. Seeing the first results was great. I need get back on it but logistics are not helping. There's a fitness place at the university. It's free. I'll take a look next week and go there in regular basis.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)