Confused about what happened



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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:06 pm 
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Warning: this is a slightly long post. Also, I'm not looking to "fix" this situation - I know it's too late for that. I just want some advice on what I did wrong, so I can learn from the experience, rather than being mystified as I am now.

OK, I met this girl via a dating site, we're both in our late 20s, she's Lithuanian but we both live in London, and we met up for drinks after work on Wednesday. I texted to say I'd be a little late - she showed up more than 30 mins late (and it was FREEZING). I wasn't sure if this was a shit test or what, so I told her I had been just about to leave - which was true. She said that she hadn't been sure if we were meeting up or not as I hadn't texted her that day until the text to say I was going to be a little late, so she'd assumed it was off, so she'd gone home after work. I laughed it off, but filed this behaviour away in my mind - I though OK, have one drink with her, then leave.

But actually, she was really charming, and we ended up chatting for more than 2 hours. I'd say she's 6.5 to 7 on looks, but she has a lot of other things going for her which bumped her up in my mind. I am not very good at reading people's behaviour, but I think she gave me some IOIs, and when I got home she texted me saying she'd had a good time and she hoped to see me soon, so I thought things were going well.

The next day I called her up and ask her out on Saturday, to a comedy night - naturally, she wants to come. I suggest we get a bite to eat beforehand, and tease her about her not being late again. She says she doesn't know the area, so asks for details - which I send her later that evening. The next day we text back and forth a little - initiated by her.

Saturday we meet up, wander a little looking for a nice restaurant (it's an area filled with them). I tell her (with a laugh) that she should choose the restaurant, as she is the one paying for dinner - as I bought the tickets for the comedy night. She laughs and says in that case she should choose somewhere cheap. When the bill comes she only pays half, saying that she didn't bring much cash with her. I pay the rest without demur. We go to the comedy club, she gives me plenty of IOs, and I give her plenty of kino. On the way back, we're holding hands, and she says "I had a great time tonight." I figure this is my time to k-close, but she rejects, saying this is only the second time she's met me, and saying I must know this. I just smile, and walk her back the rest of the way. It was almost midnight when we parted so I figure she won't text me that night.

The next day, she sends me a text message: "Yesterday was horrible! You made me come to your area to watch comedy without asking if i love comedy in the first place. Secondly you should have told me i was taking you out for a meal. You planned it all without asking me whether i like it and can afford it! Shocking"

I text back: "Are you serious?"

She replies: "Absolutely. I think you should know that. May help you with your future dates. All the best"

An hour later, I call and leave a message, not to apologise or try and persuade her otherwise (too late for that), but just to set out my position, for my own peace of mind. I pointed out that (1) I didn't make her do anything, I asked her if she wanted to come to a comedy show and she said she did, (2) she didn't take me out for a meal, we split the bill, and if she had a problem with that she should have said something and (3) I'm sorry if you had a horrible time, but last night you said you had a great time. I add that I'd had a great time as well, and if she wants to go out again I'd be delighted, but otherwise I guess this is goodbye.

So what happened?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:28 pm 
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could it be a cultural thing?

you said she is lithuanian. maybe in her culture, although she is trying to integrate and be "modern", a lot of what happened is taboo. and her old ways of thinking (childhood examples) came into play.

maybe she has deep-seeded beliefs that men should pay, women should be pampered, and all that old school chivalry stuff.

sounds like she liked you, but objected to your "modern" approach to dating.

so, just a thought. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:58 pm 
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Do you really think this? Seemed to me like it was more of an excuse.


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