Something is amiss here. Several nights ago I # closed a cute waitress at a bar. A few days later we met up at a pool hall, had a few drinks over some pleasant conversation, and then we ended up having sex in her car in the parking lot. Afterward, she invited me to her parents house because they were out of town. I stayed there the night. We had sex there as well, once before we went to sleep and once again in the morning. Although we did it several times, I wasn't really into it. I didn't even manage to get off once. When I left, I actually felt depressed for some reason.

This girl is definitely girlfriend material, but for some reason, I can't find it in me to try to escalate things with her. I just don't have that connection with her, despite all of her great qualities. I would definitely like to keep her in my life, however, because she is a wonderful person and I enjoy her company. I don't know how to pull that off at this point though, because I know she expects more than that from me and I don't want to hurt her.

One thing I have noticed is a decrease in the importance of sex in my life and a increase in the desire for intimacy, to bond with a girl on a deeper, emotional level.

Anyone else experience anything similar?

The Leading Man

"One thing I have noticed is a decrease in the importance of sex in my life and a increase in the desire for intimacy, to bond with a girl on a deeper, emotional level. "

I know what you are talking about. However, I think your interpretation is a little off and that is causing the confusion.

You met a waitress and had sex with her on the first date. You concluded that she is relationship material based on that alone ? Do you even know her middle name or her birthday ? You don't know anything about her except she wanted to have sex with you.

You notice a decrease in the importance of sex, and you didn't get off with that woman. I would say you are either masturbating too much, or you are getting laid enough. Your physical sex needs are getting taken care of somehow. Once sex is out of the way, your mind could be wandering to other things.

You say you want more intimacy and to bond. Well that's ok on the surface, but you must figure out the real reasons for that. The fact that you are so desperate you would try to bond with a one night stand waitress shows that you need to work on yourself first. You cannot be ready for a real relationship.

Nothing wrong with therapy

I'm new here,but what brianFL2 said man,you need to organize and sort out your understandings and beliefs,there's no intimacy,just sex with no real feelings behind it,i think you need to dig deeper into her feelings and come to a common ground.it seems like just sex and small talk.

in what universe does picking up a strange piece of ass and fucking her equate to the beginnings of a deep relationship?

the question is way more basic than WHY.

the question, my friend, is WHAT.

and i'll explain.

you were doing "pick up" when you clearly want "love",

are you really surprised you are depressed feeling about it and couldn't get off?

think about it. you want a deeper connection with women and not meaningless sex, there is nothing wrong with that, it's up to each individual person. a piece of ass is just that: a piece of ass. she isn't a goddess, she isn't a wife, she isn't even a girlfriend.

the natural progression of love is to find a girl interesting, spend some time with her, let the feelings grow, eventually get intimate, and grow even closer (sounds like THIS is what you want), let me say that picking up a waitress and fucking her in her car is nowhere in that plan, amigo.

good luck.

but quit worrying about WHY you feel this way and start wondering about WHAT you really want.

notice these aren't called "Love Up Artists"

BrianFL2,

I believe you misunderstood me. Basically, what I meant to say was that I got the impression she would be a good girlfriend. Of course, I have no way of knowing for sure if she would be, especially since I just met her. But, based on what I've learned about her from our conversations, I think she would be. That is, if everything she told me about herself is true.

Also, when I said I wanted intimacy, I meant in general. Truthfully, I wasn't looking to bond this girl. I just wanted to see how far I could go with her for the sake of improving my game.

Thanks for your input!

The Leading Man

Mack 2.0,

I agree with much of what you said. There is a lot of conflict between what I think and how I feel. I would like to have a bunch of beautiful women in my life who I could be intimate with, despite not being committed to them. However, it seems like my heart may be rejecting this idea.

The Leading Man

tell me about it, bro. i'm a serial monogamist myself. i've never wanted anything but "the one". i'm the rare breed that is completely loyal. because of that, i get fucked over. last one did a number on my head (12 year relationship), i'm over her, but i don't trust women.

as i said in some of my early posts here, i'm really not here to learn how to pick up women, i've always done just fine in that regards. i'm here to figure out what the fuck makes women tick. so maybe i can apply that knowledge and see if it is the hidden secret to a possibly functional relationship.

a lot of this stuff isn't so much "pick up arts" as it is "understanding women", and i'm taking it all in, and learning all i can. even if i never apply it, i will have a better understanding of all the women around me in all settings - friendships, work, acquaintances, etc.

i know i could go out to the bar, or fucking wally-mart lol, and pick up pussy. it just seems like so much work to have to play the game. what gets me is that most of the guys on this forum (most, not all) start out talking about "gaming" a chick, then immediately it is "relationship" problems in the next thread. i'm like WTF? when did this become a relationship? lol. thought this was pickup arts, not soulmate seeking arts. SSA.

idk, i'm too cynical.

i just saw a little bit of myself in your post and thought maybe i could offer you some perspective. it's clear you are of a Love mindframe. so anything outside of that environment probably is going to seem very alien to you.

also, the not getting off thing, i can totally relate. my ex and i had a separation of about six months many years back, and i dated a uber-hot chick who was TOTALLY into me (i have no idea how i scored her), SHE WAS HB11. body like nobody's business, face like an angel, skin like silk, 36DDs, long blond hair, the whole package. uber hot.

we banged at least fifty times during the brief period that we dated, and she into me, like "i'll do whatever you want!" and she meant it. a guy's dream come true.

i never came. not once.

i fucked her silly for hours and she never went unsatisfied and called me a sex god, but i never came. it was all mental. problem wasn't physical.

probably too much information, lol. but i've shared this story before.

Mack 2.0,

Me and you are in the same boat. I think we all get on here thinking that if we learn to pick up women, it will somehow compensate for the fact that we are missing love in our lives. After we become efficient in picking up women, we realize that it doesn't satisfy us and ultimately we need a meaningful relationship with a woman, a partner in life. I know that's the case for me. I remember when I was running around all sex-starved. I was having all the sex I could want, yet the more I did it, the more I felt this void inside me grow. Not to mention, my concious has been killing me. The other day, I met a girl for the first time and we had sex in her car that night. I assured her that I would keep in touch with her, but I haven't and I feel terrible about it. Last night I slept with another girl and am in the process of doing the same thing to her. She told me before I left, "I wasn't planning on sleeping with you, so understand, if I never hear from you again, it will devastate me." I have pretty much decided to stop sleeping with women unless I have a genuine interest in dating them. This is too much wear and tear on my soul.

The Leading Man

The idea of game was never actually just to have sex, it was to be 'the selector' the guy that chooses. Now you're in that position, you don't like her, you can walk into the club find some other girl that you do like and 'try' her now.

MUCH better than being that loveable loser that approaches 100's of girls with the GIRLS being the selector.