Today I learnt a good lesson in setting up expectations. Here are the transcripts of two girls' completely opposite reactions to my mention of a girlfriend. It surprised me because it was the more liberal bi-sexual girl (who had already told me she often cheated on her boyfriends, had had a foursome and wanted to have sex with me) who reacted negatively to the mention of a girlfriend. I think I can explain what was going on there, but lets read the transcripts first.

The first conversation with the straight girl (HB8) as she was leaving the bar.

Me: wait..
Her: you'll be here next Monday right?
Me: no, my girlfriend arrives on Friday and we won't be coming back here.
Her: oh, okay. How about Wednesday at ?
Me: hmmm, maybe.

She completely understood and accepted the subcommunication. There was no pretense about what was going on.

Now, the liberal girl (HB7) and I had played the truth game the same night which was when she told me all that stuff about her sex life. I told her I didn't want her to cheat on her boyfriend because I was under oath. He's a decent guy. But for some reason I'm always really horny in the morning and I was thinking about her the next day. Here is the sms conversation that followed (translated from spanish):

Me: I was thinking...

Me: never mind, I'll explain it tonight when we meet up (future projection)
Her: but I thought you didn't want me to cheat on while I'm with him
Me: I don't think I will see him again. My girlfriend arrives on friday and we won't be going back to
Her: aaaaaah. You're the worst. You have your girlfriend and I have my latino. Sorry!

LOL. She totally called me out and slapped me even though I'm not actually a cheater (the "girlfriend" I mentioned knows I'm with other girls and is coming back to try to tame me).

In retrospect I figure I dropped the girlfriend in way too late in our interaction. We've known each other for a while and she must have assessed me as potential boyfriend material. Her dating tactic also appears to be cheat-and-switch, so in this case, while she might have cheated on her boyfriend it seems it would have only been in exchange for a new one.

On the other hand, the straight girl could easily accept the suggestion of unattached intimacy because I set that frame at the very start.

An important lesson for me.

hmm very interesting you would think the more liberal one would be okay with the idea especially since she has cheated on her boyfriend before. Do you feel you had just as much attraction going with the first girl than you did with the second?

studying the situation some girls pending on how much rapport you build are more open to the idea the more they get to know you.