Sorry didn't know where to post this but literally just got this call a minute ago and needed some advice. Kind of long intro but please weigh in.

Ok so in college I hooked up with this girl on and off for a couple years. Basically we would hook up consistently, do dating activities, etc for two weeks at a time, then we'd break it off before it got serious. Then, two months later, we'd talk again and do the hooking up thing again for two weeks, then break it off again. This took place about 6 different times; after a while I figured best way to act was in between 2nd and 3rd date; always being gentlemanly and polite but never making her 100% top priority. She had trust issues, super innocent, only had sex with one guy who she dated for a while, etc.

So I finished school in May and figured that was the end of that so stopped talking to her. She was in NYC for a day over the summer and asked me to hang out so we went to lunch then I had to go to hockey practice. She visited once more and I took her and her friends to a club, then got her into a very exclusive afterparty where she proceeded to blow me in the bathroom. Then, few weeks later called her (we had been speaking 1-2 times a month) and she told me she had a boyfriend. Shrugged it off, told her it wasn't an issue and talked for a while. After that, didn't talk to her for a month or so until she told me she was in NYC for New Years Eve. Unfortunately her new boyfriend lived here too so she obv spent it with him but she did text me before which was interesting.

Ok, so she calls me 10 minutes ago and tells me she's visiting NYC tomorrow night and wants to see me. Did a quick check on Facebook and she's still with her boyfriend. What sort of frame would you recommend for the interaction and what other actions should be taken to ensure best probability of success? Saddest thing is I kind of did find myself missing her recently but figured that was that. I was thinking friendly dinner at a nice place with strong cocky frame (as if we're still hooking up), then get her into a club late night. When's best time to go in for the hook-up? Slash should I assume she'll probably be sleeping over (otherwise it's couch city at her friend's place)?

Thanks for reading, let me know what you guys think.

I can't get a feel for where she might be at, from what you've said. I know you left some key interactions out because suddenly she's blowing you in the bathroom and I never heard about any making out before hand or flirting talk.

But seeing as she did that with you but then got another boyfriend, I'd say she never viewed you as boyfriend material. Probably you are fun and good at the initial stages, but she didn't feel she could date you. You didn't make her feel special or looked after.

Well my advice for the frame is it's just you two - act like he doesn't exist. And if things go far and she talks about her boyfriend, ask her how happy she is with him, how long they're gonna be dating.

I don't know why, but as soon as you ask a girl things like "Are you gonna get married" etc. anything to do with long term, if there are ANY uncertainties about the relationship, and she likes you in any way, they come out! She says something like "ah I doubt that..." rolling her eyes etc. and will talk about difficulties maybe.

But yeah if she feels comfortable with you, chances are she could go all the way with you. She might see you as a fling and go back to her boyfriend, or if she feels like she can trust you, she might take that opportunity to switch to you. She's obviously into you and it's possible she only went with the other guy because she couldn't see you as a boyfriend. So I'd say it's up to deciding what you really want.

You said that the dating thing didnt work, so I dont think I would go for that again.
I think I would try to recreate the enviroment that ended in her blowing you, becouse that worked. And becouse of the previous relationships, I dont think she sees you as boyfriend material, as conker said.

Girls who have been "innocent" for a long time often gets tired of it, and wants to experiment a bit. I think she wants to have fun with you, and then go back to her boyfriend. I had a girl who slept with me 1 month before she was getting married. She wasnt checking if I was boyfriend material. She just wanted to have fun.

Have she ever mentioned the blow later on? Told you that she regret it or something?

And I agree with conker. Dont talk about the boyfriend. That gets you in the friend zone. You dont want to be her shoulder to crie on. You have to be all about the fun.

Thanks for the responses. When she visited, I just acted same way I did when we were hooking up, but a little more standoffish which frustrated her. At some point she got upset and started saying she left all her friends (they had since gone to another bar) to see me, I wasn't paying attention to her, etc. At that point I played the nice guy and was much more attentive and nice; half hour later, bathroom time.

Don't think she regrets it because thats basically how our relationship had always gone; periods of inactivity followed by very random bursts of hooking up for a short while. Though maybe this one pushed her to finally get a boyfriend as she realized I wasn't going to date her while she was finishing her last year in DC and I'm living in NYC.

Also, as far as the fling thing; I do agree to an extent. She didn't see me as boyfriend material for a while, then the last time we were hooking up she was the one who wanted to date me but by that point I didn't see her as girlfriend material and tried to keep it casual which caused her to get upset and leave. So as far as the relationship angle I still hold the upper hand. She actually just texted me this morning and told me she overslept her morning bus and to call her if I want to meet up. Debating a) the odds I'll hook up with her as if I don't I honestly don't have much interest in seeing her, and b) if I do call her whether to do it around 7ish for a friendly dinner or around 11ish to go out hard.

With the relationship upper hand thing, it's possible for a girl to lose attraction for you once she realises she can't date you. Or it can have the opposite effect and she will keep wanting to hang around you. Kind of a grey area.