REFLECTION ON MY JOURNEY

My dream and blocks: time to open a new chapter.

Ten days of Game. In the last ten days I've been improving somehow. I am in the right direction to become what I once was in Greece: a Social Dynamic Dominator. I think it's time for me to open a new chapter in my life.

Organizing the rest of my journey.

I need organization. Right now, I'm unable to foresee the next steps in my journey. The best way to learn something though is to learn step by step. The smaller the steps, the better I'll learn. Here, learning should be a process in order to be efficient. Getting organized will prevent me to waste my energy and motivation. Let's organize all this.

My dreams: what I want.

I've started this journey for two main reasons:
- I want to be a real man: confident, dominant, secure, funny, social, attractive, trustworthy, successful, etc
- I want to attract women.
Of course, one can argue that my second goal is actually a result of achieving the first one. Indeed, being a real man attracts women.

My blocking points: what I'm missing.

What am I lacking to be a real man and attract women? Let's do it the other way around. What's actually preventing me from being a real man and attract women? (I've already been working on most of these points but I wanted to write them anyway).

- LACK OF CONFIDENCE/INSECURITY
I don't really know where my insecurity comes from but I do lack of confidence. I don't believe in myself as much as I should. Sometimes in a social environment, I want to speak, I really WANT to add something to the topic, but for some unknown reason, I dont. Is it shyness? It might be. Some other times I just dont speak because the people might not understand me, or might be astonished to hear what I think. Other times I dont speak because the topic would be so long and articulated I just give up. All this have to stop. I have to overcome those insecurity issues, and just open my stupid mouth.
- NEEDYNESS
When I feel lonely, I feel that I need attention/affection from someone. That usually leads me to seek approval from others. And usually lead into disaster social action, that makes me look like a loser.
- LACK OF CONSISTENCY
I have no consistency. This is something also related to work. I cant concentrate on work and studies a lot. After few time I find myself wondering about other stuff, distracted. I really need to improve this skill. I want to be a better employee and some day, open my own firm and be a good employer.
- LACK OF EXPERIENCE/GAME SKILLS
It has been 6 years since the last time I was confident and approaching women on the streets in Greece. I feel a lot of approach anxiety when I see a girl I want to talk to. It is hard to go there and actually speak.
- FRUSTRATION
I get frustrated quite easily. Sometimes I end up blaming others for what happens to me. When I was in University I got beaten up by a friend of mine, he ended up cracking my skull hitting me with his knee repeatedly. After the sequent surgical operation, I wasn’t able to concentrate as good as before during classes. I always blamed him for my bad grades in university. But I actually managed to finish engineering, so maybe I could have done something about it. Maybe the bad grades were my fault, not his after all.
Also during university I had a very bad one-itis. I was always thinking about her and I got distracted from my studies once again. I always blamed her for this, but I have to realize that it was actually my fault.
- BEAUTY
I'm not ugly, nor short, and I'm in a good shape. Of course there is always room to improvement. I can be much more beautiful with few steps at the time.


The solutions: how to fix these issues.

As I said, I've already been thinking about these issues. I've been working on them. Truth is, most of these problems come from false beliefs.

- LACK OF CONFIDENCE/INSECURITY
I should believe more in myself: I'm good looking, well-educated, funny and have an attractive lifestyle. I'm actually attractive to women but I'm generally too weak to take action.
> Approach: the best way to get confidence is to put myself in the front and to get competences in approaching women. The first successes will be crucial.
> Work out: working out provides confidence and boost self-esteem.
> Film myself: recording myself allows me to work on my voice, face expression and smile. Maybe I should buy the best CANON camera and make a hobby out of it!
> Stop masturbation: masturbation gives me a false sense of relief, and also drains energy from me for several hours. I need to stop that.
> Find a hobby: getting good at something gives a boost to self-esteem.
> Build an attractive lifestyle: building an attractive lifestyle will enhance self-esteem and confidence.

- NEEDYNESS
The point here is that I need to understand that there are plenty of women out there waiting for me to meet them.
> Approach: approaching is the best way to make me understand that I can meet any women when I want to.
> Extend social circle: meeting new people through friends is a great way to make me understand that there are lots of opportunity to meet women.
> Try to gain one new phone number every day, it doesnt matter if it's a girl, a dude, or whatever. Of course, prefer girls.
> Get more in touch with my parent. Call my sister. Call Damiano. Don't call Christina, it will only makes me feel needy

- LACK OF CONSISTENCY
I still have ups and downs. I should be more constant in my work.
> Meditation: meditation will allow me to keep control when emotions come up.
> Stop masturbation: masturbation makes me tired.
> Journaling: journaling helps me to take a step back and think about what went wrong.
> Sleeping: being tired is the best way to become moody.
> Set goals: when I work, I should set the goal for my projects

- LACK OF EXPERIENCE/GAME SKILLS
I should have more experience and skills when it comes to the game.
> Approach: getting experience is all about putting myself out there.
> Read material: reading material allows me to get the knowledge I need to succeed.
> Journaling: journaling helps me to learn lessons from my experiences and allow me to get the help of the community.
> Film myself: recording myself allows me to work on skills as voice, face expression and smile.

- FRUSTRATION/ANGER
I should be more cool and relaxed about everything and stop blaming other people for what happens to me.
> Meditation: meditation allows me get rid of frustration. All that has happened to me is directly related to myself and not to the other people in my life

- BEAUTY
Get something done!
> Workout: Go to the gym at least 3 times per week and get a serious working out program.
> Teeth: I have a fake teeth in the front, and it is easily recognizable. Go to the dentist and get something done about it.
> Clothes: go on ebay and buy used luxury clothes at 1/10 the price. Find a tailor in the city to get your clothes fixed into you fit. Walking in a 2500$ Armani suit that i paid 300$ for... it would feel like I own the world. And buy some nice hats!
> Mole: get something done with your moles. They are very small but some of them are uncomfortable. Go to see a dermatology and get rid of them.
> Hair: my hair has grown. I love them but maybe is time to define where they're supposed to grow and not just let them grow as they please.
> House: get your house in order and clean! Nobody likes the mess!

Okay. So that's what I came up with. Now I need to fix all these points by applying the solutions I've just written. Of course, I can't do everything on that list.

My first actions.

FOR NOW:
- Approaching: go to the Chinese New Year Party at the University and start approach every girl you see with a good opener. Stay comfortable and build comfort in the set opened. Rejection is part of the game. Dont get bogged down. Make the girls enjoy the company. Be funny and confident. Make them laugh.
- Meditation: take a warm bath in the weekend and think.
- Work out: keeping up working out at least 3 sessions per week.
- Stop masturbation
- Journaling: focusing on goals and lessons learned from the field.
- Work: get my work done for the London project, even if I have to work on Saturday
- find a tailor in the city this weekend and write down my measurement

BEING sarged at the mall?

So, the Chinese New Year Party was a bogus. My date/pivot is flakey and people are actually sitting around WITHOUT even music? Shoot me now!

I went to the mall saturday, mostly for inspecting if it was a nice place to sarge. I wasn't planning to sarge at all, in fact I wasn't shaved, I had an awful three days beard, and I was in worse clothes ever (working jacket with reflective stripes, shitty pants and boots).

The mall was a nice surprise. A LOT of people. It will be MY place to sarge in the weekends. I saw at least 10 openable sets in 30 minutes.

So, on my way out, I entered this store, and they have this nice narrow ties I decide to buy some, I also bought a colorful pair of underwear.
A lovely HB8.5 cashier OPENED me with "Are you buying this tie for a special occasion?". Wow! IOI on the opener? Are you serious?
I hooked saying that I often go out in a suit, so I need a tie, and I liked the narrow ones witch I couldnt find anywhere.
So I said I just came here few month ago, from Italy bla bla bla.
She asked "What do you do?" and I dropped the bomb "I ... (three seconds pause) am a prostitute". BOOM. She cracked up. She literaly couldnt speak for 30 seconds, and even after that she was like on the verge of exploding in a laugh for the next couple of minutes, when I explained what my actual job was. She was giving me a bunchload of IOIs. At one point the phone ringed and she handled the phone to an other store guy to aswer.

Then it became troublesome. Inside the shop was super-hot and I had my jacket on, and I started sweating. I knew I had to #-close, but I wanted to build more comfort, but I was start feeling sweat drops on my forehead. I had to eject, so I did a mistake. I gave her my number, without taking hers. This is ALWAYS a mistake. The girl will NEVER call you.

We exchaged facebook names as well.

LESSON LEARNED
- I dont need to be in my best looking appearance to sarge... chicks loves me! I am interesting! Inner game boost!
- The mall is the place to be

MISTAKES
- I did some DLV. I'm an idiot. She asked "do you have family here? are you alone here?" and I answered "yes", and she said "it must be tough" and I said "yes". What an idiot. Hopefully this is going to change soon, so I will answer "no, I have friends and plenty of stuff going on"
- I sould have isolated. That was an huge mistake, because I actually thought about it when I decided to eject. I should have asked the other store guys something like "Is it ok if I borrow her for 5 minutes? Just to take a coffee at the end of the mall". But I was already sweating., and I didnt feel comfortable enought to do that.
- I "#-closed" at the end of the interaction. This is never a good idea. I should #-close in the middel and then keep going. I could have even avoided the #-close, and then come again the next weekend.
- I didnt kino, but she was on the other side of the desk. That would have been somehow very difficult.
- I should prepare cocky funny answer for the usual question I recieve.
Apart from "what do you do?" (lol), usually i get also "why do you came here from italy?", "how old are you?", "whitch part of Italy are you born?". If I can get her laugh it's already on.
- I think I was speaking somewhat too fast. I have to slow down and add pauses to the speech.
- more DHV, and give her more opportunity to qualify.
- Change my facebook picture! This is the second time someone ask me for my facebook contact, and my present picture is hideous...

Compliments works!

Today I complimented two waitresses I know from my favourite restaurant.
NEVER compliments on their look. "you're pretty" it's an awful things to say.
Complimented them on their smooth earings. I can see in their eyes I made their day. Nicely done. Both of them started talking how did they get the earings. I usually dont get those waitresses speaking about their personal life that easily.
That was an inner game boost as well. One of them even went kino on me! BOOM!

Update of the journal
- I need an other pair of glasses. Those ones are old and dirty, and they look kinda of weird.
- I really really need to put more effort into taking care of my house. It has to become a comfortable warm and somewhat girl-friendly environment.
- buy a pocket book for ideas during sarging

Nice post, and welcome to the community, I'm glad you are taking your first steps towards self improvement.

Now I just wanna give you some advice before you get started, yeah go out and sarge, go, meet women, talk to women, but most importantly have fun. Don't take the game so seriously and don't fall into the trap of being overanalytical, no only can girls pick up on this and it makes them uncomfortable, but it also destroys your game. You spend too much time thinking of the best apporach, or what to do next. It is the biggest flaw of PUA, it can turn you, as Style put it, into a "social robot"

This leads me into the most important advice I can possibly give you. Inner game. You need Inner Game, it is the MOST powerful thing you could possibly have in your life. Self-Assuredness, confidence, etc... Don't turn to PUA thinking it will make you more confident. It wont. The feeling of confidence you get from PUA is superficial and fleeting. You gotta forge yourself a personality. Create yourself. Go and learn who you really are. Find something worth fighting for, and find it for yourself, then with all of your might, fight for it. THAT is very attractive to not just women, but everyone. People will admire your tenacity, your uniqueness, your spirit. And that my friend, is what separates the alphas from the herd, those who are willing to go the extra mile, the ones who are willing to think different, AND to think for themselves. Do not forget this during your journey, perhaps now you wont see the depth of what I am telling you... But I'm sure someday you will.

Remember, Great Minds... Think for themselves.


So to sum it up. Right now, learn, go out anf have fun, but dont get caught up in the game too much. Learn from all the gurus and pick and pull what works best for you. Create your own style. One that suits you the best. And, work on yourself, your personality, your physique, IMPROVE yourself, all of your flaws, overcome them... obliterate them. Tyler Durden (the character from Fight Club) said self improvement is masturbation, well, HELL, its damn worth it. Speaking of masturbation... Learn to harness your sex drive. Don't masturbate anymore is bad advice, no matter who it comes from. It will kill your sex drive. Yeah, not masturbating will pump your sex drive... and increase your testosterone, but after a week, it will drop, like... a lot. Learn to control it, make it work for YOU. Don't seal it away, use its potential.



Anyways man, Good Luck.... Nah, not luck, luck is what losers call their failures. Do your best! I'm sure you will get where you want. Welcome to the Community.

_________________
"Be the change you wanna see in the world" -Gandhi

Not a very productive night

So, I went sarging at this place, on Thursday night.
It was a loud music club, so is not my strong suit game, but anyway I had to try...

So I groom with my suit and my fedora, I look awesome.

In the first hour of clubbing the situation is insanely perfect: there are like 30 girls dancing and NO DUDES!
As soon as I enter the club there are three girls on the dance floor and all the other girls are just sitting near the bar or something.

So I think "preselection social proof" and I start dancing with the three girls. They love me.
one of them introduces herself after 2 minutes! I keep dancing for a couple of songs and then I eject.

Girls start coming dancing and the dance floor is now packed with girls. This is basicly insane! What I didnt realize is that it wouldnt last, so I took to much time to open sets, as I thought I had all the night.

After midnight the dudes start showing up, and the girls actually go away! I have to make a mental note about this... At 12:30 the ratio dude:girl is insanely high! There are some pretty natural AMOG I cant compete on.

I #close the girl I was dancing with at the beginning, but I should have isolated her and k-closed her, it just didnt pop up into my mind when I was speaking to her at midnight... I am RUSTY... I NEED PRACTICE in order to get in shape again (and I didnt even drink last night). The bartenders, even the ones that usually are somewhat cold to me, are extremely social with me (they love the "new me", social animal groomed funny guy)!

At the end of the night I was opened by a pretty HB with "what's your story?". We exchange facebook contacts.

So after all the night wasn't a disaster, I got a number and a facebook contact.

Lessons Learned
- Get to this club always early, and build HUGE socal proof at the beginning of the night. the bonanza will last from 10:30pm to 11:59pm. The it will be over. I can even call it a night at midnight (I have to work the next day, anyway). This would be a good choise for Thursday nights!
- Isolate man! That would have been an easy k-close!
- those university chicks, at different grades, have some God Complex. They think they own the world, they'll change the world, LOL. Usually this stops when they start working and they understand they dont own shit, and they won't change shit, at the contrary they're actually in debt and they will be part of the system... So they have a big shield when someone comes and open them... They're bitchy by default, so I need to neg them more and build more social proof in those situations...

Mistakes
- I didnt stay on the dance floor a lot in the first place. I should have stayed there all the time
-I should go to the smoking area. I dont smoke, but it's the best place to start a conversation and to approach, since there is not loud music!
- dont get bogged down with rejection. Rejection is part of the game. I am awesome! BOOM!

Update of the journal
- Try to sleep not more than 7 to 8 hours per night, that will suffice.
- Try to go out sarging more, at least 3 times a week.

The mall and my inner game wreck

I went to the mall saturday afternoon.
My inner game was completely bogged down, I think partly because of some rejection of thursday, partly because the two #-close I had on thurday were very weak and lead to nothing (both didnt respond to my funny texting).

So, I basicly didnt sarge at the mall. I was nervous and actually angry.
One thing I've noticed, in this city there are NOT very beautiful women. I stayed at the mall for an hour or so, and I dindt see a single "Perfect 10" girl.
Of course I could have opened anyway, that was not an excuse, just to say.

I was so wrecked that I entered the shop I was sarging the cashier last week, and I didt even speak to the cashier. What a waste of time.

What I actually need is a wingman, that can cheer me up a little bit and push me to open. When you're alone and you're wrecked, there's very little you can do...

saturday night la la la la la la la la

I went to this huge club I've never been before, after a poker night with my waitresses firends. I was of course, alone. But that is not a problem in a club.

I arrived right before midnight. The place was packed. Mental note: come earlier!

I was very well groomed with my fedora and my shirt, and I sudden realized I was the best male-dancer in the club! All the other guys moved like monkeys or something. Man! I own this place!

My inner game was still a little bit wrecked, so I just decided to have fun and forget about sarging. It turns out, I cant forget about sarging!

I was dancing in front of this two gril, a HBBrunette and HBBlonde. Brunette was easily HB7, but kinda of too short. Blode definetly hotter than brunette, but brunette was giving me a bunchload of IOI. Dancing in front of me, eye contacts, waving her hands at me, her torso and her foot pointing at em. She basicly wanted to be opened. So I came by and I said "Hi, I'm TheFuckingItalian, what's your name?" She: "I'm HBBrunette".
Suddenly, her friend HBBlond came and literaly pushed me away and said something like "She has a boyfriend!". What a fucking cockblock bitch!
I cant let her get away with that! HBBrunette was clearly interested in me, so I said to HBBrunette: "What is wrong with your friend? I didnt even touch you and she pushes me away? I think we should teach her a lessons! Here write you phone number on this sheet of paper, or, if you dont trust me, just write a fake phone number I dont care. It will drive her crazy!" And, once said so, I went to HBBlonde, stared into her eyes very close and said "YES, she's giving me her phone number! YES, that's happening!". She was flabbergasted, she couldnt even move. After that I ejected because it was clear that HBBlonde was being uncomfortable.

After half an hour or so, I got approached by a HBSuperDrunk short fat chick. I danced with her anyway. she introduced me to her friend, that was an asian also shortish and fattish. Anyway, who cares? At some point HBAsian grab me with all her body rubbing at me and basicly start stroking her pussy on my leg for a good couple of minutes. So I thought, what the hell, she deserves a treat. I went directly for the k-close. BOOM. No resistance. After a minute of making out, I went with my hand on my leg and start tickling her pussy. She was going crazy. After a couple of minutes of fingering, I decided that was as good as she can gets for me and I ejected.

After half an hour, since there were some cages the people was dancing in, I went into the cage. At first I was alone, then some girls were staring at me from the down floor and screaming and whoooing me. One of them came to dance with me. She was an HB6. Her face was pretty, but her body wasn't really fit. Anyway, we dance for 10 minutes in a sexy way, then she stole my hat and she ejected. I stayed dancing alone for ten more minutes, then she comes again and start dancing sexy again.
Her friends really went crazy with screaming, and she was giving me pretty hard IOIs, so I went for a quick kiss close, and I released quickly. No big deal. A little fun for the ladies!
Then I joined the company, there were like 5 girls and I was the only guy. It was nice, but tehy were kind of too young and they didnt speak english, they were from the french side of Canada.
The HB6 wanted to steal my hat. No freaking way. They went away. At that point the night was almost over, and I came home.

Lessons Learned
- I dont necessarly have to open sets, I can be opened by them. A LOT. But of course the sets that open me are the drunk below average chicks.
- come to the club EARLIER!
- find a wingman! Alone is harder than ever!

Mistakes
- I didnt open two CLEARLY openable sets. They were giving subtle IOIs but I wasn't very receptive. I am still rusty in the game. But I am improving! Next time I'll definetly open them!

Update of the journal
- the house is still a mess, TIDE UP, lazyass!
- I almost crippled my knee in cage, because I skipped gym this week almost entirely (I went only saturday). Jesus, go to the gym! Also, with a well fitted body I can dance MUCH better and hotter! Girls will throw themselves at me!

Nice, well done reports. It's great that you're working on yourself.
Don't have that much to add except about the AMOG thing.
You will have to compete with them if you ever hope to be a good PUA.
Besides, if it's confidence you want, nothing boosts you more than out-alphaing an AMOG.
And of course a lady gets to enjoy your company when you do.

Sorry, the actual phrase I wanted to write was:

Thursday nights sucks

I went to this party that is going to become some "fixed appointment" for my Thursdays... The party is in one of my favorite a restaurant, so I know all the waitresses and the staff.

I am really good friend with one of the desk girl, with which I am trying to build comfort and exercise my cocky-funny attitude, greatly succeeding. She said I'm the funniest person she has ever met in her life.

I'm not sarging her, I didn't bring any seduction side in our interaction. I am totally in the friend zone, and she has a boyfriend, and she's not my type, so who cares. Good exercise for DHV, cocky-funny, routines, body language, deliver tone, negging, disqualifying, etc

She told me that her brother's girlfriend attends some Italian class lessons at the University. I immediately told her to put me in contact with her. I need to sarge those beautiful emotionally-open girls that are striving to learn Italian. I need to help them, for the sake of the Italian culture!

The party start and I spot one girl that I know, an HB7.5 daughter of the waitress I play poker with. She is friendly and introduces me to her friends. I am in a 5-set now, and after few time I realize I am still very rusty in the game for entertaining a 5-set successfully. Also there is something wrong with them, that I couldn’t spot at the beginning...

I try to be funny, they don't laugh. WTF? Every time I tell a joke, the HB7.5 KILLS THE MOOD within a fraction of a second. Like:
HB7.5 : "He plays poker with my aunt"
Me: "Yeah, I'm a professional poker player" (smiling and with funny attitude)
HB7.5 : "He's not a professional poker player" (with a super serious tone)
WTF???

One of them is speaking to me in a super-loud tone, slowing her sentences and speaking super simple. At one point I say "Are you speaking like that because you think I don’t understand English?" and she doesn't answer the question, but she continues to speak to me like I'm a retard. At some point she was really annoying, and I say "Don't yell, please". But she continues speaking to me like I'm a retard.
Not even the HB7.5 can stop her from this stupid behavior... WTF?

I eject, knowing that (hopefully) they'll at least dance with me later on.
Unbelievably, I was wrong! After half an hour they start to dance in circle and they don't want to be disturbed not even from me. All of them, even HB7.5 are giving me the shoulder and they do not allow me to dance with them. I could have forced me in, of course. But what was the point?

Later I speak with the HB7.5 and she gave me some stupid bullshit like "We don’t dance with you, because in this city, you have much more chances to pick up a girl if no girls are dancing with you". OMG inverse-preselection. Yeah, sure, you're right bitch. Just tell me you want to spend the night with your girlfriends, instead of giving me this bullshit. I'm not a retard!

The only thing I can think about this whole behavior is that they're very young and they don’t know how to have fun with strangers in a club, and they don't know how to deal with a guy that is not in their circle...

Later on, while I am dancing alone, a girl approaches me.
She's a HB5.5 so is not that bad.
But she goes for a super-hard approaching from the start.
She's all over me, keeping super-hard eye contact, invading my own space, rubbing at me, her breath smells like shit, and she's handling a drink and dancing like crazy, and I'm scared she's going to spill her drink all over me at any moment.

I really felt in that moment how bad it is, from a woman point of view, when a guy starts hitting on a girl in the wrong way.

And also, I mean, this HB5.5 came across so hard that she basically lost all her value in a couple of minutes. Guys don't even like simple games. I want to work to get the girl. I could have easily k-closed her, maybe even take her home.
But she came across so HARD I was basically crept out.

I see another girl that I know and I make the mistake of waiting too much before approaching. And, above all, she's an HB9. So she had a titanium armored bitch shield.
I've seen her because she works at the gym where I work out.
So I go to her and I said:"You work at the gym, right?"
HB9: "What?"
Me: "You work at the gym?"
HB9: "I have a boyfriend"
Me: "I only asked if you work at the gym, because I've seen you there! How on earth this come across as me hitting on you?"
HB9: "I can't hear you"
OMG I want to punish this bitch so bad, but of course I can't. The best punishment for her is that she'll continue to live her life and she'll never enjoy the company of a guy like me. Good luck, bitch.

There was some other few interactions tonight, but you get the point.
After a night like this my inner game is completely wrecked. And it is clear from the way I'm writing that I'm upset.

Lessons Learned
- There are three kind of girl in this city. The bitches that come along super-hard. The bitches that doesn't even want to be looked at. The normal ones, kinda of "prude" that gives you very subtle IOI. Of course my goals are the latter ones. But I still have to get better in the game to catch those IOIs.
- Young girls (around 20yo) have a very weird sense of humor, in the sense that they seems NOT to have ANY sense of humor. It may be the way I deliver it, and for sure I have to work for it, but they look super serious every time a deliver a joke.
- High energy environment are really hard to work for me. If we were in a restaurant with the 5-set I would have made them laugh their ass off. In the club I couldn't deliver a single joke successfully.

Mistakes
- I still can't show my value properly, during the interaction. The 5-set was a difficult one, even if I had a way in. I have to work on that. And this will be accomplished only by experience.
- There was a easy openable 2-set of normal girl at the beginning of the party, of "normal" girls that gave me a couple of subtle IOIs. I missed the window of opportunity.
- I could have isolated one of the 5-set girls, that was kinda of shy and not-talkative. She was an HB7.5 so I should have definitely isolated her when I had a chance. Why all the good ideas come in my mind when the window of opportunity is already closed? ARGH

Update of the journal
- Tonight I'll go to salsa lessons. I've never been there, so I want to see how it is. Usually there are more girls than guys, and usually is an environment in which I can speak and deliver my value and my cocky-funny attitude with comfort. We'll see.
- Get a way in the Italian lessons class. That environment is the best way to get a f-close. I can deliver a huge value there.
- My inner game is totally wrecked. Every time I face a rejection I get influenced in a very bad way by it. As I am writing this I feel sad and useless and without value. And I'm also upset at the people that judge you without even giving you a chance. Of course I don’t want to be around those people, so who cares if they refuse me. But still, my inner game wreck remains. I need to deal with it. Any suggestion on how to heal a damaged soul?

Judging by the contents of your posts and your writing style, you speak too quickly, at a higher volume, in short little bursts. This probably means that you think too quickly, judge too quickly, and react too quickly.

EVERYTHING is related.

Think about the sports that require moment to moment adjustments and reactions . . . basketball, boxing, etc . . . Typically, the players not only react faster but also speak faster, flare up emotions faster, breathe faster, etc . . .

Think of the sports that require more mental adjustments: Archery, golf, shooting, etc . . . These guys breathe slower, walk slower, even their facial movements seem to shift much slower . . .

You can't simply tell yourself to "Don't react!!!". But you can consciously put efforts into walking slower. You can reduce the volume of your speech. You can speak slower. You can lengthen the time that you look at things. Don't just glance at a flower, girl, cup of coffee and say to yourself, "Good, bad, ugly." Take a GOOD LONG LOOK at everything. Then allow that experience to soak up your mind . . . enjoy it.

Try this while doing something as mundane as ordering a cup of coffee. Just give yourself the time to enjoy the whole experience. Walk slower, open the door slower. Smile. Look at everybody inside. Appreciate the scents, the layout of the shop, the people. Look at the coffee girl. Smile. Speak slowly and clearly, "Hi . . . Let's see what I feel like having . . . hmmm . . . " And slow EVERYTHING down. Try this once and you will realize exactly what I'm getting at.

One thing that I would like to add to Kasabi's arguments. You curse or use a lot of vulgar words - it displays a lack of respect of some kind and above that, a whole lot of frustration. Why are you so frustrated? What keeps you going on like this?

You are too depandant on reactions and care too much about those reactions imo as I can tell, therefore you are reacting in a too emotional way. Learn to distance from it, it will help you out a lot.

≠ LD

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Thaks so much for the feedbacks, kasabi and LD.

My major sticking point right now is that I am really dependent from other people reaction and judgment.

I know I am a very good guy and I have a LOT to offer, so when someone rejects me, I feel that my self esteem drops down like a stone.

Regarding the curses, I can tell you I am extremely polite in real life. I don't curse at all, and when I rarely do it I say something like "What the fudge?".
On the other side, when I write things down and I'm upset, I tend to vent all the frustration accumulated and I end up cursing too much.

I'm sorry for that. Even my nick is a curse, lol!

I guess I'm using this forum to vent away my frustration. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but right now this is all I have.

I promise that in my future reports I will not curse at all!

You'll find this answer that I'm going to give you a lot on a lot of forums in a variety of topics. Why? You might wonder, well, it's the hard and only truth about 'rejection.' There is no such thing as rejection. It's just a word. You hear it - you copy it. It has a too negative touch or vibe to it and that's what makes you down.

If a girl does actually 'reject you', she isn't 'rejecting' you. She is 'rejecting' how you handled the situation. She doesn't know you, she doesn't know what makes you breath, what you live for, why would she 'reject' you? Realise this. There is no personal 'rejection' - just 'rejection' of the action that you did or how you did this.
Don't apologise my friend for venting your frustrations, it's a normal thing to do. I've done it several times aswell and writing is an excellent place to pin it all down. But you should not let it take over your emotions. Like Yoda said "Anger & frustration lead to the dark side" - there's a harsh truth in this. Don't focuss on what that person makes you feel - focuss on what you did that made her response like that. Analyse & report. Analyse & adjust. More important Analyse & Educate yourself.
Good - that's a good first step. You need to find another way to vent out then. Find something - martial arts, poetry, writing.. it doesn't matter. As long as you keep it under control - it's cool. Remember it - you cannot let your emotions take control of you, it will results in bad state of mind & behavior.

≠ LD[/b]

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Saturday Night again

This week I have been following my road to self-improvement more closely.

I went to the gym as planned, I tidy up my house a little bit (still work to be done there!), I ate outside a little too much (I need to start cooking myself more often).
The only negative is that I didn't go to the salsa lesson as planned. No problem, I will go next week!

So I went to the usual big club of last Saturday. I was awesome in my suit and my fedora, I looked like a gangster in those Godfather movies.

First interaction of the night happens immediately. I got opened by an HB8 super sweet brunette with awesome breasts.
She came to me start touching me on my chest and dancing with me and she basically wanted to have my number immediately.

I told her I'm not that easy and I don't give my number to strangers like this. She has to work for it, and we have the whole night to get to know us better.

I start talking to her friends HB4 and HB4.5 and she was craving for my attentions. So I isolated her. We started talking and it comes out she has an husband and three kids. I literally can't believe that her awesome body gave birth to three creatures and is still in that wonderful shape.

Anyway, I run the hug test on her and the cube, just to practice.
I tell her it must be hard with three kids, to find the time to herself and to have fun. Topics were moving more personal. I kept my frame and we continued to have wonderful conversations. She was almost wiping. I can tell from her eyes that I gave her maybe her best night in months.

Always leave the girl better that you found her.

She gets my number. I was totally going for the kiss close, but of course there was the "Husband and three kids" thing. I had to keep myself from doing it. I wanted to kiss her so bad. She was the sweetest little mom I've ever seen in my life. Most probably she would have complied with the kiss, I could see it in her eyes.
I hope her husband treat her as good as she deserves.

Few other things happened, not really significant.

The good thing is that I am getting better at understanding situations and behaviors.

I was in the cage, dancing by myself, and a girl come, without introducing herself, without making eye contact to me, and start bending herself and putting her ass literally on my dick, going up and down. After a couple of minutes she fades way.
And I think "Am I just being used as a jealousy plot?". Of course I was. She wasn't interested in me at all, otherwise she would have introduced herself, or at least danced with me before going "sexual"...

One thing I am not proud of happened at the beginning of the night.
There was a couple of girl, an HB7.5 and an HB0. Yes, an HB0.
I know it seems super mean to say that, but she was.
I know, girls here in Canada have more meat around them and I actually don’t mind. But this girl was dressed in a way that was like nails on a chalkboard.
Fishnets, makeup applied with a gunshot, tight top, miniskirt, everything so tight on her body it was awful. A fatty girl can easily dress herself to appear nice and neat. A fatty girl can't absolutely dress like a whore.

So I was like "open the obstacle, open the obstacle, open the obstacle" since the HB7.5 was giving me some subtle IOIs. But I couldn't open that obstacle.
That was a mistake by my side. I have to push my level of comfort forward.

Later on I still encounter some "bitch shield" issues that are very hard to overcome.

In general, I'm very happy with myself. That cute little mom stole my heart.

It was a good night. I opened in total 6 sets, and conversation was smooth and fun. I'm getting the hang of it.

Lessons Learned
- I have to go out with GOALS. Otherwise the night is "wasted" because I don’t have a night plan. Next time I will go out with the precise goal of "opening as much as I can and try to speak with as much people as I can". It is a 1500 people environment, son clearly I can't speak to everyone. But I will try. Next time!
- The set is not lost until it's lost. If a girl doesn't walk away from me, at some level, she's still interested in continuing the conversation even if her words are not really nice to me, and her body language is closed to me. The second goal of the next night is "don't eject too soon". I have to push to the limit. If I eject too soon, I will never discover where the limit is. Maybe the limit is very far from where I think it is.

Mistakes
- Maybe I should have gone for the kiss with the mom. She melted my heart. She deserved a night with a little sexual spinning in it, and not just comfort building. On some level, what was a mom like her doing in her wonderful dress on a crowded night club? She wanted it. I should have gone for it.
- I still didn’t open the HB0 set. It was still too uncomfortable for me.

Update of the journal
- Go to salsa lessons.
- Get an haircut, or something like that

Haha! I come from France and I feel the exact same way in Brazil man! Guess I have to get used to it.

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Shall I tell you something? You envy me for my social circle right? I have always envied people with a social circle myself as I never had one when I was younger. I am very happy when I realized what I have achieved to indeed get to that social circle. As I said before, I might move soon to another country to start from the bottom, but I know that I will have another social circle soon enough. I will totally go for that as friends are even more important to me than fuck buddies.

However, while reading your journal I envy the fact that you can just go out there by yourself, without having to worry about your friends watching every single step that you take, with or without a girl. Last Tuesday I was talking to this one girl a lot. When I tried to isolate her, a lot of people were encouraging me behind her back, but she could have easily seen it and started to think about it. Then when I isolated her, I didn't really isolate her, as there were friends throughout the whole club. I'm always being watched on and sometimes I wish I could go out just by myself. This hardly seems possible as every day several people call me to ask me to go somewhere and then I can't say no to them. If I do manage to get myself to say no and I do go out by myself I always run into people that I know. It's crazy...

It's wonderful to have it, but strange enough I also miss the days when I was able to go out by myself. In the days that I did that I was a social retard and totally not able to talk to anyone. With the skills that I have now I could easily practice myself more and more. I always tend to stick with my friends, I hardly talk to complete strangers in clubs or pubs. Sometimes I do, but most people I meet are introduced to me by others. I hate to leave this city probably soon... but I love the fact that in case I do, I can start from the bottom again, knowing pretty much no one there. The crazy thing is, that I actually already know about 5 people to the city I might move towards to.

@AFC Daniel: Are you serious? I mean: Here, where I am now there are A LOT, I repeat A LOT of Brazilians and I am right in the middle of their social network. A love these girls! They're so hot and I don't think that in general they have more meat than Europeans have. Even though I do know some fat Brazilians too