Hey guys, I'm posting this in general in hopes of getting a bit more feedback.

Background:

I've been exclusively dating my current girlfriend for four months or so, we had sex for the first time relatively early after meeting one another but not for a few dates. Up until recently I've found our sex life to be very satisfying, while I would have preferred us to have sex more often I'm a big believer in keeping a relaxed, positive attitude. We were having sex most of the times we spent together. I'm in my mid twenties (she's a few years older), and my feelings for her have grown a lot over the short time we've known each other.

What the issue is:

Recently (on a trip away together as a matter of fact), she confided in me that she has serious concerns about our sex life together. She admitted that when she learned early on in our relationship that I'm a sexual person and generally expect sex to be a regular part of a committed relationship, she felt afraid to admit at that time that her faith and values run somewhat contrary to this idea, and she essentially hid this from me out of (the probably justified) worry that I would drop her.

We've talked about this in some detail since she finally broke the news to me, and while her position isn't that she expects me to wait until we were to be married to have sex, she doesn't know just how much she can provide me with physically going forward. She's really ambiguous about this, and the best I can come up with is that she envisions a return to normal so to speak, she doesn't know when this will be. Over the past two weeks since she informed me as to how she was feeling, we've had sex once and didn't discuss the implications.

My response has been:

I consider this a test of whether or not my affection for her runs deeper than putting my penis in her vagina, which it does, but her hiding this from me and the way she chose to bring how she feels to light (in the middle of a tropical vacation together) rubs me the wrong way. She's made it clear that she still appreciates being touched and kissed, but otherwise my very light advances haven't been reciprocated. She's still affectionate, we are still seeing each other regularly.

I've considered the possibility that she's passive aggressively ending the relationship, but I presently do not believe this to be the case. I'm also a pretty horny guy, and sleeping with her in my arms and feeling guilty about wanting to initiate is frustrating me. I'm doing my best to give her the respect and space she needs, without becoming withdrawn.

What I'm Looking For:

Any thoughts on my situation would be very appreciated, I'm happy to answer any follow up questions I just wanted to avoid writing a mega post with a bunch of irrelevant details. Ultimately if she expects me to marry her before we resume what I consider a normal sex life, I'm done with her. Even if this is not the case, I will eventually move on because I find this situation an indication that we have different levels of trust and expectation, and frankly I'm not going to stay committed to someone that won't invest in me as much as I invest in her.

There's some very knowledgeable individuals on this board and I would really value any opinions you guys have.

Bro, I am sorry for your circumstances. I was in a marriage for 4 years with a woman who was EXACTLY like this. Her's was not due to feeling like she "couldn't" for beliefs and what not, she just had a low "sex" drive...blah blah blah...

HEAR THIS, she is doing what other girls do...If you asked MOST women if they had to choose between sex and cuddling, what would they choose? Easy: cuddling. you ask most men? Easy: Sex. The fact is BOTH are equally needed. Too much sex without healthy cuddling, not good. Too much cuddling without sex, not healthy.

Funny how girls can so easily accept your touches and EMOTIONAL SEX, but deny you intercourse sex for such bullshit reasons.

This is danger zone, man. I would honestly say communicate this to her, IN A MATURE way, or ask how it is so easy to have emotional sex, yet not physical? Incongruity, I say! If she is unwilling to have physical sex, which remind her you understand her feelings, then it would probably be best for you to stop the emotional sex as well. It will be like a freeze out, of sorts...

I can't express enough that you SHOULD try to understand her side, but also have the balls to hold your line with what is healthy and right. If she is not willing to give up certain things, you should NOT be expected to just give up everything, no matter how long you have been dating!

I was the one in the marriage working, giving, and this lead to an unbalanced relationship as a whole and terrible marriage...I would say the same thing to a girl if it was the guy doing something unequally. When I accepted the fact I DESERVE to ask/require boundaries, she couldn't handle it. No different than any other abusive relationship. When you require proper boundaries for yourself, it will either show she doesn't give a shit about you, or help the relationship become more healthy...

Over and Out!

_________________
"I forgive you...."

This is a mismatch. She can go marry a eunuch and you can find a girl who matches up better with you. This freedom is the difference between the pua and the hopelessly trapped.

Suggest an open relationship?

lmao. ah, kasabi. very wise words always delivered with a subtle touch of hilarity!

She admitted that when she learned early on in our relationship that I'm a sexual person and generally expect sex to be a regular part of a committed relationship, she felt afraid to admit at that time that her faith and values run somewhat contrary to this idea,

This brings up a red flag for me. In my head, if her 'faith' and 'values' were that strong, she would have brought it up before things got physical, or shortly after. People that are religious will let you know from the beginning what their expectations are or how involved they are with their views....ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex. They don't just bring it up randomly during a vacation.

I wonder what the real problem might be.
Is she bored with the sex?
Does she feel like there is to much sex and not enough 'closeness'?
I would definitely start digging deeper.


She doesn't know just how much she can provide me with physically going forward.

This would pose a major problem for me. I am also a very sexual person. If the person I am with does not satisfy me physically, or is unwilling to try, then it's time to call it quits. She has her needs and wants, you have yours...if there is no middle ground, it's time to move on.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

Thanks guys, your responses have given me some things to think about.

Sounds like a backwards rationalisation to me.

If she cared that much, she wouldn't have slept with you that early to begin with.

I think:

1. You're pushing for sex too much instead of getting her horny and making her really want to fuck you

2. She's not cumming enough

3. You're not mixing it up enough

4. You're not engaging her mind enough through fantasy, role play and dirty talk.

_________________
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-Edit-

In an effort to be a bit more concise, thanks for weighing in. I think I've allowed things to become a bit boring, for my part at least, in our sex life. I think paralysis of analysis really is setting in for me, for the time being I'm going to relax about this.

Wagon,

All that you wrote is good and I do think you need to consider those things....

ALSO, remember this...ALL relationships will get boring and have down times, sexually, and just in general. It is in our nature to take people for granted and have the "new car smell" not be so new anymore....

The problem is we expect, in our romanticized culture, for things to be as easy as possible....

You can see this in business/wall street projections. EVERY year there is expected to be growth and if there isn't, even though they still make 6 million, just not the 6.8 million they projected to make, they think it is failure....

If nothing is more clear, it is that we need failure at times to grow...even nature has this habit....

It's nice to figure out what you are not doing, but also try and keep perspective that this is a part of all relationships!....

the key is the PROCESS of struggling/communicating through it....

_________________
"I forgive you...."

Thanks for your thoughts on this.

People do often expect things to go much more smoothly than reality dictates, I'm definitely just as guilty as the next man when it comes to this, maybe even more guilty. One thing I'm trying to work on in terms of avoiding the backlash of my expectations, in life in general, is to resist the urge freak out when things start to get difficult. At the same time I try to understand and assert my boundaries. It's a tight rope walk sometimes.