David Shade - Sex on 1st Date



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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:04 pm 
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So, just to clarify, this is not my position. It's David Shade's and I don't actually agree with it.

I've personally found NO difference between the likelihood of continuing an LTR if I sleep with her on the first date or the second, or the third.

I don't think it's possible to know whether a girl is "GF material" by the 2nd or 3rd date anyway, it's something you feel out over a few weeks / months. I prefer to have sex as soon as possible so then we're hanging out and getting to know each other because we actually like each other, not because I'm having to push past some wall she's putting up to try to get me to invest more.

As long as you create the right frame (non judgemental, discreet) she shouldn't think of herself as any more of a slut than if she slept with you after 2 or 3 dates, and where you guys met is up to you two to come up with whatever story you want for your friends that doesn't "look bad."

As for women categorising men, I think again this is too black and white, if true at all. I certainly don't look at a woman and know "GF material" the first time we meet, why would she know "fuckbuddy" versus "boyfriend material" in that length of time either? And couldn't those categories shift? I've had a number of fuckbuddies that wanted to then be in an LTR with me, and plenty of LTRs that became fuckbuddies. So, how does that work?

Finally, there's just no harm in going for sex on the first date. I've NEVER had a situation where I went on a date, tried, she didn't want to, and then she didn't want to see me again. In fact, it was probably because she wanted me to invest more and she really liked me, that she may have held back, because she was more than willing to go then next time, or maybe the time after. Escalating on a girl is a COMPLIMENT that you're attracted to her and she makes you desire her. As long as you don't react negatively if she doesn't want to, you lose nothing.

However, if you DON'T go for it on the first date, then you actually MAY lose her because she might be up for it, and see your not escalating as a sign that you're not attracted to her, or too much of a pussy to do anything.

So, I think going for it the first time around is win-win.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:42 pm 
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Listen it sounds like you pushed, she wanted to slow down, and you agreed. Try it the other way.

Basic principle: Actions before intentions. The only thing people can reject is your intentions. So don't show them you intend something they are not comfortable with. If you want to escalate, first do the actions without any intention that you'll admit to. If you notice resistance, then keep it on the same level and don't "go there". That establishes trust that you are giving her space to decide. When you see she wants to move forward, you have the power to say listen, next time. And then she will see you again -- but YOU have to be the one to stop her.
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I didn't close the first night....Girl wanted to get to know me better first and I decided it was a good idea (what a fool), so after fucking around, i got out of the bed and left with her naked on the bed. She had all the power at that point, hard to get in front of her, i knew if i saw her again it's a closed deal. Couldn't meet her again.

Fuck first, get the emotional leverage, then start doing fun stuff together if you wanna be girlfriend (pick her up for dinner, go to the park all day the next day, go hiking). if you wanna fuck, just do stuff related to fucking and nothing more. Just call and go over there lol.

For the emo leverage, fuck, spend the night, spend all next day with her if possible and do fun stuff, then fuck again second night or drop her off. To just fuck, fuck then leave in the middle of the night if you don't wanna see her again. to see her again, fuck then spend all night, then leave in morning, throw in some texts and ignore until next weekend.

I learned the lessons the hard way. Why the hell didn't anyone tell me?????


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 9:17 pm 
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I've tried mystery's you stop first, its so counter intuitive, and i feel like i've actually killed the sex a few times. And whats gayer is one time i did that, then i got horny and went for the sex and she had it with me, but she lost basically all trust because i lied.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 6:50 am 
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However, if you DON'T go for it on the first date, then you actually MAY lose her because she might be up for it, and see your not escalating as a sign that you're not attracted to her, or too much of a pussy to do anything.
Does it not depend on the girl/level of attraction?

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 6:56 am 
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However, if you DON'T go for it on the first date, then you actually MAY lose her because she might be up for it, and see your not escalating as a sign that you're not attracted to her, or too much of a pussy to do anything.
Does it not depend on the girl/level of attraction?
It does. A lot. An average american/western European girl might go for SNL or lay on the first date. However, girls from another countries might make you wait for some time. Some can make you wait for a few months. And its gonna be the fastest you'll ever get. and its normal. That's why knowing where you are is important, and complience tests help with that.

I wish somebody told me this before.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:12 am 
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You're totally correct on that, every culture has their standards for courting. However, when i sense the girl is not on the same mission as I am I just ditch them, with 10 numbers a weekend you expect some throwaways.


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