So I am the Finance Manager at my company and back in October, we hired a second finance manager. We hit it off immediately and would start making opportunity to see each other outside of work. We text /call each other all the time and go out frequently and I thought things we going great. One day someone sent her chocolate to her at work and I saw on the card it was from Eric. I asked her who he was and she said it was just her neighbor who she was really good friends with.

So I ask around a little and find out it is her boyfriend of 6 months! I dont really know how to respond at first so I just play it cool and pretend he doesnt exist. We go out all the time but it seems like we only do when he isnt around, even have sex any chance we can.

I have recently asked her a little more about Eric and she says that she is trying to distance himself from him but he is madly in love with her. However.......it still seems like she only wants to spend time with me when he isnt around.

I know she has legitimate feelings for me, its very clear but she also is attached to this other guy. What is the best course of action here if I am looking for a serious committed relationship? Should I just keep what I am doing now or should I give her an ultimatum.

It seems like she is kind of playing both of us right now and I am looking for some expert advice here. It seems like the more time we spend together the more she falls for me, so I know if I do give the ultimatum then the timing is key.

Please give me some insight and if I do give her the ultimatum.....how do I do it? What do I say? Thanks!
Tony

Seems to me like she wants the best of both worlds -- a casual relationship and a serious one.

It's your call--are you cool with being the sideline guy? Seems like she's not cool with dating you seriously.

Also, keep in mind that her actions now can turn around and hurt you. If she decides to date you more serious, you have to watch out for the sideline guy too. Plus, keep in mind of repercussions that may occur if her real boyfriend would find out.

i'd shoot it in her eye,

and be done.

Thanks Shadow - I do feel like I am the sideline guy but my big question is .....how do I transition into something serious? Some people say to avoid ultimatiums because it just pressures her and to just keep ignoring the boyfriend and keep gaming her. I am kind of getting tired though of just being a choice of conveneince. What should I do? I dont want to just walk away becuase the more time me spend....the stronger our connection gets

She is definitely on the brink of eliminating the bf for good but I need the right words and perfect course of action for her to eliminate this boyfriend for good.

i've never seen a workplace romance end well. doesn't mean it doesn't happen. just means i've never seen it happen.

bitch her out

Kill it. Giving her an ultimatum here will create more problems (ie drama) in the work place and I doubt you want that, especially since you seem to want to keep your job. Plus she wants her cake and eat it too and its quite clear you don't want to be part of that.

Under no circumstances execute this idea... It is fucking stupid.

Never issue an ultimatium. They are maniuplative and controling. If it doesn't instantly backfire, the negitive feelings associated with it will foster into a miserable relasionship.

I agrre with the other posters. If you are looking for a serious relasionship, do you really want to date a girl who lies about having one. Soon, you will find yourself in Eric's shoes. Kill it.

And, from personal experience. Dating people from you day-to-day operations has always blown up in my face. Toilets are not in kitchens for a reason...

_________________
Remember, baseball players still make it to the Hall of Fame with a 0.300 batting average.

Guys you may have had shitty responses. I have compiled a response database for all you fools to ream girls back with.

Opener: (Hug), I’m marrying this one.
1. You’re good.
a. Actually I’m Mike! Nice to meet you.
2. I don’t know if you can handle me.
a. I once wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.
i. Really?
1. Yeah I was taking care of this baby girl and we were walking in a park and all of a sudden I looked over at her and saw this huge dark looming shadow slowly covering her so I looked up, and here was this 12 foot tall giraffe with his teeth bared. It had these huge yellow and black spots all over its body. So something took a hold of me and I jumped up to his head and wrestled it to the ground, tied it up and we were on our way.
3. How old are you?
a. How old do I look? (Stand back, hand on chin, pose)
4. I’m too old for you.
a. Ya right/ Bullshit! What are you? 19 with a fake ID? (Interrogation pose)
5. I’m too young for you.
a. Its ok, I use Cialis.
6. What are we going to do?
a. We’ll be fine. I’m in control of everything.
7. Are you going to buy me a drink?
a. You’re fucking stupid
i. (she looks offended) Look back like she’s crazy.
1. If you’re a good kisser I might get you a drink.
a. I don’t kiss guys I just meet at bars.
i. You suck at getting drinks
1. I can get drinks from any guy I want.
a. You need to find a chode to buy us two drinks (take her drink and down it).
i. She’s mad (Look back like she’s crazy)
ii. You must be a really shitty kisser
1. (IF kiss close, bite her lip and grab her ass), she acts like you’re out of line.
a. Buy 2 drinks.
i. I’m hungry.
b. Who am I your sugar daddy?
i. Yes
1. We’ll you’ve been bad.
8. When are you going to call me?
a. (Shake head) Who said I was going to call you? (smile) (Laugh) I’m just kidding, I’ll shoot you a text later tonight
9. I don’t think you’re my type.
a. You never know until you try. Maybe we can be soul-mates. (tilt head) Maybe not? (affirmative face) But maybe so.
10. I don’t know you well enough.
a. Does that line work on most guys?
b. I don’t know everything about women, but I still love them.
i. Oh yeah what do you love about women?
1. I like good genes...in more ways than one.
11. I have a boyfriend.
a. Who said anything about boyfriend? I just want to fuck you senseless and never talk to you again.
b. Cool, he can make us breakfast in bed.
c. Good, it’ll give you something to do while I’m busy.
d. Excellent, he can hang out with my girlfriend when we are together.
e. And I have a girlfriend, she isn’t here…come here (kiss her)
12. What can a guy like you offer me?
a. You never know until you find out. Maybe nothing, maybe everything.
13. Is that your pick up line?
a. Are you asking me if am trying to pick you up?
i. Yes
1. We’ll you look like you weigh about 105 pounds. You’re probably a really easy girl to pick up.
a. Is that so? / Oh really?
i. Take one slow step forward, flash smile, and quickly pick her up with one arm. Put her down, take a step back. “That was harder than I thought. Usually… (whisper in ear) I’m the hard one. So work a little harder.”
14. Are you trying to pick me up?
a. You look like you weigh about 105 pounds. You’re probably a really easy girl to pick up.
i. Is that so?
1. Take one slow step forward, flash smile, quickly pick her up with one arm. Take a step back. “That was harder than I thought. Usually…(whisper in ear) I’m the hard one. So work a little harder.”
b. Yes. (pick her up wedding style)
15. You probably used that line a million times.
a. And you’re a bad girl so you like it. (Positive response  spank)
i. I’m actually a good girl.
1. All that means is you have a secret chamber somewhere with whips and paddles.
a. No really I am.
i. And I’m the King of France.
1. You are?
a. If you’re a good girl, I could make you my mistress.
16. That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard.
a. It might be a line, it might not…you’ll never know.
i. It was definitely a line.
1. If it was would it deny the fact that what I said was truthful?
17. Where did you get that line?
a. I read if off your forehead. It also says…slippery when wet.
i. I think you’re cute when you’re mad.
18. Friend blows you out
a. Wow you’re so cute when you’re mad
b. Whoa, is she your bodyguard?
c. You should take her to one of these places with all big rugby guys and get her to harshly reject all of them
d. Wow that was so cool the way you blew me out. Do it again. Look I’m going to do my best chat-up line this time. I wasn’t bringing my A-game before!