Hi guys.

I have been lurking around for a month or so after a friend told me to read ”The Game”. I found some material by Gambler and 60 ect. And gave it some of my time. The picture is clearer than ever before.

It turns out that I am doing a lot of things right instinctively, which is good, and that my problem seems to be in what you PUA-guys will call the escalating part of the game.

I have been improving my social skills ever since I got old enough to realize they were poor. My dad was not a good role model when it comes to social life, and my mom has been ill most of my life. I have really been listening to when my good friends told me I went over the line, when I hurt someone, and noticed what it takes to be happy with other people. This combined with a few long-term relationships has given me a pretty good idea of who I want to be as a person.

However, I never knew anyone who could tell me what to do when picking up girls. That is, plenty of friends could tell me to “just do it” so to speak. And it sounded so easy when they said it like that. It just isn’t, as all of you are plenty aware of.

Here’s a short version of what my problem is, and what I am wishing of you guys.

Years ago I somehow managed to date a girl that was a pure HB10 (in my view!) and I fell madly in love. After 6 months it was all over, and it took me two years before I would even think about touching another woman. I was 21 when that happened. Somehow I got into night-life photography, working for one of these websites that would take pictures at the clubs. I was there for about two years, and lost most of my approach anxiety. I ended up having fans of girls that would wait in line for me – both to talk, flirt and get their pictures taken. It felt great! But I was hurting, so I never did anything about it, apart from flirting. And to this day, that is all I know how to do. In the meantime I met a girl that just didn’t accept a flirt, and we ended up being together for a little more than 4 years. That was about 3 years longer than it should have lasted!! She was a rebound and I just didn’t have the heart to hurt her like I had been. I was the love of her life.

Now back to present time. I have no problems attracting 9’s and 10’s, and I do it all the time. We will often talk, flirt and dance, but never more than that.
Now I have two problems actually, but they overlap:

1. I don’t know how to escalate when the opportunity arise. I think they think I am uninterested at one point and that is where I lose them.
2. I have been flirting with this one girl for 6 months now. We’ve been together at occasions, but she has been stalling all the time because she had personal issues. I used the time to get behind her shields and to be with another girl practising... well let’s be honest, to have sex. Now the situation is, that I can tell from her body language and what she says, that she want to be with me. There have been many signs. She lives at my friend’s dorms, and I go there a lot because I pretty much know all of them, they have the best parties I know of, and it’s cheap. Most of the time it will be very awkward to make a move, because it will be in bright daylight, out of context and I will be unable to extract her.
The last chance I felt I had with her was a late night where everybody else had gone to bed, and we were the last ones standing. I was way too drunk to get a hit, and I didn’t see what she was doing until it was too late. I remember he taking my hands, holding them and cuddle them, she got the classic wet eyes and she just wanted to be kissed. I know that now.. but that’s like two months too late! So I ask you, should I wait for another moment like that, or can I somehow create it? Any suggestions?

The thing about escalating I will come back to later. First I need to figure out how to meet women outside my friend’s dorms. What I have in approach confidence I lack in skills to carry a conversation, so I often do not approach, as I lack motivation when I know I can’t get past basic small talk.

What will you recommend as my next step in the learning-process?

I am looking forward to learn with you guys.

You couldnt pay me a kajillion dollars to read all of that lol..

I think I get the picture tho.

My only advice is now to stop reading so much an get out there an try new things. We learn most from experience. So get off yor ass an talk to Chix. Push your limits; fight off your nerves. Be willing to make a complete fool of yourself just to learn. Go to malls/ clubs and talk to every women you find attractive. You'll get the hang of it

That was unhelpfull.
I know how to do that. It is the part after opening and after you have builded a little raport that really bugs me. If I just went out there with no theory in the bag, it would be exactly the same as if I had never heard of anything called PUA.

I found it nessesary with a descriptive post to paint the picture in order to get a real reply. Otherwise I would get only what everyone can find out from himself without knowing this forum.

i hear fuse on the long post thing, lol, but i did actually read it all, because i'm a RAFC and i can still really relate to what you are saying.

here is what i picked up from your story.

first, you seem like a genuinely nice person.

second, you are a serial monogamist. (meaning, you aren't a player at heart, you are looking for the "one", right? i sense that in your words)

third, you are doing everything right. you already have game, you are just choosing not to escalate. you don't need techniques, you are holding yourself back. women like "bold" and "confident". if you are a semi-good-looking dude, with social status, and lots of contact with women, if you are confident enough to talk to them, be BOLD enough to make a move.

you asked "when is the right time?" (i'm paraphrasing of course). there is no right time. day or night. just make a move. remember, chicks like sex too. lol.

Thanks for taking the time.
Man it must be me then. I'm used to reading hundreds of pages every week for school, and I never did mind a little extra on the side if I was interested.

I don't know if I am looking for "the one" - I have never really believed in the one. But I do believe in the right one for this part of my life. And as such it is good to have a game, as this part of my life will pass - eventually.

I may have to come back to you to specify even more then, because I don’t feel like I’ve gotten what I need to improve yet.

here is my advice to you.

i'll tell you a little bit about myself first. i am an RAFC (reformed "another frustrated chump").

i just got out of a one-year relationship that was (and i kid you not) totally based on my AFC'ness and how it please my psychopathic girlfriend. before that i was in a 12-year monogamous relationship with the mother of my child (yep, i'm old). so i am NOT a pua.

i came here not so much to learn how to pick up women, but to learn how to handle myself, y'know?

what i took from reading your story was that you need to focus LESS on the game and focus MORE on what it is you hope to achieve.

remember, a lot of this stuff is primal, natural, sexual, ways to PICK UP WOMEN. not necessarily to score "the one" or even "the one for this time in your life". now, from what i've gathered reading here on the forums, a lot of these lessons that deal with picking up women, also deal with inner game type stuff and building confidence, expressing boldness, and being a better you. those things may help lead you to a path where you actually can find "the one", but that is steps down the line. feel me?

from what you've told us, it is easy to see that you could be picking up these chicks and nailing them. the question is "why" aren't you? the answer lies in your goals. think about your goals and you will find some clarity.

good luck.

Seems like you need to just get out there and open a ton of sets, and maybe you do need to get rejected by some randoms, it will give you confidence if you learn from it, i think thats half your problem. You can already attract 9's and 10's so, next is your mid game. push and pull....neg your target. If your talking about recreating that with the same girl...worth a shot. but you should definitely go out and practice opening sets and take it from there, you'll learn a ton

_________________
"whenever anyone tells you anything that isn't fun or great, they must be a stupid liar"- Styles

Thanks for taking your time to read and answer. Much appreciated.

I agree, that more practice would be good - I mean who could not use more practice?

I guess you're right Mack 2.0. My mind is not set on finding The One at this moment, so I reject those that could and probably would end up in a relationship if I were with them.
And at the same time I don’t want to close the door, as I may want to be with them one day. That is probably why I am holding back.

I live in Copenhagen (Denmark), and in my experience there is not a single place in the clubs where you can actually have a conversation. The clubs sell less if people are talking.
Then there are the pubs, where I mostly go with my friends if we don’t stay at their dorms. I rarely see a good-looking girl there, and I would not be comfortable going there alone. I know no one who goes out regularly.

There are two solutions to that:
1. I find new friends who does go out more
2. I look for the kind of girls I want where I know they are.

The first one is really hard and takes a lot of time.
The second one seems more likely. I meet them at the gym, or at other sport-occasions.

Now what will be best to start out with? Learn some basic lines and subjects by heart? And possible where do I find such knowledge?